Thursday, April 2, 2009

Runaway


There are only two places that I see,
One is strong, and the other one feels so weak,
And this plan feels so strange to me,
It’s all I see, baby

Lyrics from the song
Runaway ~ Nelly Furtado




Life is a series of phases, changes and transitions . . . what makes the difference is our attitude towards life in general and how we approach these changes, whether they be pleasant or unpleasant ones. As I am reorganizing my blog posts around and going through old posts, I can see the different changes in my attitude, my reactions to what is going on in my life and how it affects how I am feeling.

At the time I wrote the following post, August 2007, I realized I was running away from my problems, just waiting to die . . . and since then I started to face them head on, tackling them one at a time.

I have the plan, working on it one day at a time
. . . no more running away!

Just one little change makes such a difference. I have proved it to myself many times, only to return to negative and warped thinking. How many times do we have to slip and fall, make the same mistakes over and over again before we learn?

Hopefully I have and this is a permanent change!

Runaway is one of my favorite songs of all time by one of my favorite singers, Nelly Furtado. This song has had different meaning at various stages in recent past. A powerful song can do that for me . . .


This post was originally written
 and published on August 2007


Running away . . . isn’t that what I’ve been doing? Sure, it’s true that I’ve not gone anywhere . . . in fact, I’ve locked myself in my self-imposed prison and have not left my house since last week. It is what I’ve wanted.

But haven’t I been running away from progress?

“And I know you wanna,
Let it go,
And I know you wanna,
Go with the flow,
But you can’t”

Many forces have been at work
 in the midst of my inner struggle.

Disappointments and disagreements with people in my life . . . my birthday came and went and I never admitted that being one year older has scared the hell out of me . . . future uncertainty with a sketchy plan . . . no real purpose in my life . . . and I’ve recently made a realization that scared me more than anything has scared me in a very long time . . . 

I’m just sitting around waiting to die.


Have I fallen down so many times that even though I go through the motions, in actuality, I’ve given up on life? Like the songs says . . . “and I know you wanna” . . . sure, I wanna this and I wanna that, but I don’t do it. I can’t.

Powerful words . . . “I can’t” . . . tell yourself this enough times and you never will. More than anything, I wanna go with the flow, my mind goes with the flow. It is like I described in another blog and I keep thinking about this analogy . . . it is not a merry-go-round that I can’t get off of that never stops . . .no, I am in the middle of it, the part that doesn’t move, yet the merry-go-round spins around the middle . . . and I can’t get on.

An awesome friend told me tonight that I’m not giving myself permission to move on . . . whatever force it is that is keeping me from doing so . . . guilt . . . fear . . . I’ve been thinking about it since he brought it to my attention. So I run away . . . no wonder this is one of my favorite songs. I can so relate to it . . . I live it daily. But who or what am I running away from? hmmmmm myself? And why? I can almost feel the wings beneath my feet.

The way I write, think and become inspired is very strange. Since I listen to music 24/7, I relate to song lyrics, I can get lost in them . . . but it is also my musical background as a songwriter that takes me to that point of inspiration. Song lyrics are about life, love . . . a tear in someone’s beer.

Tonight I was listening to my Nelly Furtado playlist and this song, Runaway, came on and I thought of the many times that I’ve gotten different meanings from this song. At this moment I’m not facing the things that I need to be doing and running away.

More progress
just from listening to a song
in my bizarre, analytical way 



Runaway | Nelly Furtado
Lyrics:

There are only two places I could go
One is dark, and it feels so hollow
And it lets me in only to swallow
Too much water until i drown, baby
And the other place is calm and sweet
I can almost feel wings beneath my feet
And i don’t care if it feels too deep
I like it, I like it
And I know you wanna
Take a chance
And I know you wanna
Understand me and
Let me in
But you, runaway from what you know
And you, runaway from what you don’t
I don’t wanna wait for you
To change your mind
Don’t take the time
Show me your love tonight

There are only two places that I see
One is strong, and the other one feels so weak
And this plan feels so strange to me
It’s all I see, baby
And i know you wanna
Let it go
And i know you wanna
Flow this love
But you can’t
So you, runaway from what you know
And you, runaway from what you don’t
I don’t wanna wait for you
To change your mind
Don’t take the time
Show me your love tonight, oh yeah, tonight.
All the angels know what i know
You’re an angel that sings to me
It’s the greatest secret of all
I am free from thinking
But you, runaway from what you know
And you, runaway from what you don’t
I don’t wanna wait for you
To change your mind
Don’t take the time
Let’s make love
Don’t runaway from what you know
Don’t runaway, just let it go
I don’t wanna wait for you
To tell me what’s right
Don’t fight it
Let’s make love tonight

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