"What does patience feel like? It's a subtle unfolding with time as your ally. You feel relaxed and trust that it will all work out, even if in this very moment, there's no clear path to the end. It feels like the subtle uneasiness of allowing all you're uncomfortable with to be exactly as it is."
- Mastin Kipp, founder of TDL
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This latest journey into unfortunate life challenges has taken me from times of extreme patience and faith straight to being out of control in the depths of hell, walking through that fire of hopeless pessimism with more than subtle uneasiness with all I'm uncomfortable with. Living without running water is not the easiest endeavor I've ever encountered.
Time has not been my ally. As time goes by, patience escapes me more intensely although it comes back in fleeting moments of faith. Of course I know the problem will eventually be solved, but my patience . . . or lack of . . . is making time seem to stand still.
The Captain is feeling better after being hit with a nasty flu, the parts have been purchased and he will start working on the problem again. I know I haven't made life easy for him . . . shame on me, it is not his fault.
What is patience anyway?
Wikipedia defines it as "the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way."
Human nature and difficult circumstances takes certain personality types to the brink of teetering on the edge, losing control and the grip of perspective.
Years ago I would have retreated to the comfort of my mom's house without even trying to endure the difficulty. It has been an option I have considered during the moments of extreme frustration, however, I've developed a stubborn streak of determination to endure what is difficult. Progress?
Perhaps this is the lesson to be learned through this latest challenge . . . patience . . . and holding on to it with lots of faith.
It is one of those delicate balances in life . . . teetering on the edge of frustration, impatience, patience and faith in the midst of difficult times, drifting from one to the other, even though I have trusted that everything will eventually work out.
Although there is still no clear path to the end of this dilemma, at least tonight I am feeling more relaxed and in control of my emotions.
Simple? I think not!
