The Blame Game

All blame is a waste of time.

No matter how much fault you find with another,

and regardless of how much you blame him,

it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off

you when you are looking for external reasons to

explain your unhappiness or frustration.

You may succeed in making another feel guilty

about something by blaming him, but you won't

succeed in changing whatever it is about you

that is making you unhappy.

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer -

Life circumstances are frustrating at times and it is very easy to blame anything or anyone else. Having said that, external forces could initially be the root cause, however, as individuals, we can make changes to perpetuate the outcome that will ultimately make us happy.

Wayne Dyer's philosophies of life are awesome!

Expecting another person to make us happy when we are already unhappy is totally unfair to that other person. In the case of a new relationship, it is set up for failure before it begins.

In all the years I was single after becoming a widow, when I thought I was ready for companionship and a new relationship, the best advice I got was to love and accept myself first. Before delving into the concept, I took the advice negatively as the person not thinking I was worthy of love again.

Quite the contrary! Everyone is worthy of love. However, if we are not happy with who we are to begin with, entering into a new relationship can end up in a very frustrating experience.

It took me many years to get to know myself again, to know what I wanted out of the rest of my life and more importantly, what I wanted out of a new love relationship. Emotions can play tricks on the mind . . . however, depending on that other person to perpetuate your happiness and not finding it from within is not fair to your partner.

Love should be an enhancement
of each other's quality of life!

read more

A New Approach

Taking a Break from What You Are Doing

Sometimes we need to step back from what occupies our
minds and take a break much like touching the reset button.

We can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much. There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us. It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal.

At first it may seem that by taking a break we may not be as productive as we would initially like. In reality, a healthy period of rest is something that gives us a real sense of the unlimited nature of our true potential. Spending a couple of minutes walking outside, doing a few yoga poses, meditating, or simply becoming attuned to the rising and falling of our breath enables us to let go of our worries. This act brings our focus back to the things that are truly essential for us, such as our sense of oneness with the universe and our inner peace and well-being. As we begin to get in touch with this part of ourselves, we will find that our usual everyday troubles and worries become less critical and that we not only have much more room in our lives to really reflect on the issues that mean the most to us, but we are also able bring to all the situations we encounter a much more positive and healthy outlook.

Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.

Source: Daily Om

One of the most difficult things for me is getting rid of emotional baggage. Sometimes I think my mind has played tricks on me and convinced me that this baggage is some kind of award to hold on to with great pride.

This article took me back to an episode of Seinfeld, which finds George disgusted at his life choices and he decides to take a different approach and do the opposite of what his intuition tells him to do.

Clearing the mind of worries and anxieties works for me at times since meditating on them just compounds the stress, making it impossible to think rationally from all the thoughts and "what if" scenarios. Ponderous thinking has to be shut down before it becomes a big ugly monster.

Music and nature hold healing properties for me in the context of chasing away the monster, but there is nothing like serious prayer and trusting God to get me back on track.

read more

My eyes have seen . . . contentment

Wikipedia defines it . . .

"Contentment is the experience of satisfaction
and being at ease in one's situation."

Since I started my grateful journal writing back in 1993 (when I was so very very grateful for being able to retire from a "real job" at a very young age), I have been through so many emotional ups and downs.

Even now, back in the "real job" world and not always loving it, I am content and comfortable in my new life. In the past I would have already run away. The difference is seeing the world & everything in it with "different eyes", and a new attitude of dealing with life circumstances head on.

It is all about living in the moment, finding joy and contentment in little things and when confronted with problems, look around . . . there are people out there whose life circumstances are extremely troubled.

The following post is from another blog that is now closed . . . I love to go back and see progress as it was happening.

Life as I see it now is a work in progress with incremental improvements, making sure to find peace, love, happiness, joy and contentment all along the way.

Simple pleasures are awesome!

To be blind is bad, but worse
is to have eyes and not see

Helen Keller

This post was originally
written March 23, 2009

Winter is definitely gone and the weather has been gorgeous. There is something about having the windows open that puts me in an awesome mood. After a rainy morning, the air is crisp and clean smelling . . . even being out in the rain was pleasant.

Diamond Lil and I spent the morning out running errands, stopping for coffee and lunch, and just enjoying spending time together. As we sat in the restaurant having lunch, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that my mom and I can also be such good friends. We are both at a good place in life . . . maybe not financially, but in other ways that matter more than money and things.

On our way to the restaurant, we passed a laundromat . . . it was raining and there was a lady struggling with several baskets of clothes to wash, trying to hurry and get into the laundromat. Seeing her struggle took me back to the days when I lived in an apartment and had to tote baskets of clothes up and down the stairs and walk down the street to the laundromat . . . or load the car up and head out to the bigger laundromat on the main street . . . and spend all that time just waiting for the clothes to finish. Seeing that lady with the baskets of clothes made me so grateful for my washer and dryer that have their own place in my very own laundry room . . . something I take for granted since it has been so long since I dealt with the laundromat.

I'm grateful that everything is back to normal in my life and the feeling of contentment is with me again. I was just thinking that I don't take these good feelings for granted anymore . . . they are fully enjoyed and appreciated.

Today I had one of my favorite treats :) guava turnover with cheese . . . me bad, but it was worth it.

All days should be filled with so much contentment and simple pleasures.

read more

Who sets the standards you live by?

“If I get to pick what I want to do, then it's play...

if someone else tells me that I have to do it, then it's work.”

-- Patricia Nourot

Are you continually struggling to accomplish what is expected of you?

If so, stop to think for a moment: who holds those expectations?

Perhaps you’re trying to meet the expectations of a parent or a teacher or other authority figures who may be long gone from your life. But many of us toil under the critical eyes of a vague ‘somebody’ who always judges that we’ve never done enough or done things well enough.

Who is this phantom judge?

And do we need to care about what they think any longer?

We find both our own power and happiness

when we begin to set our own standards around

what has heart and meaning for us.

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see.

Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere.

But if you listen to the sound of your own voice,

you can rise above doubt and judgment.

And you can see forever.”

-- Nancy Lopez

As a child, that judge was my dad who ruled with an iron fist . . . strict and emotionally abusive. He set all the standards which constantly changed, making it impossible to attain the "ideal standard" . . . after constantly feeling the failure of attempting to conform to those standards, I became resentful and increasingly rebellious as I approached the age of becoming a young adult.

In the workplace, I set the standards . . . and often exceeded those standards. I set standards that were high, yet attainable . . . of course I would raise the bar as goals were met, but at least I let myself reach those goals before expecting more from myself. My dad taught me that lesson without realizing it.

My rebellious, resentful nature bought me the ticket of freedom . . . my dad kicked me out . . . his standards were still not being met and I didn't care since I was meeting my personal goals and had become successful enough in the workplace to live on my own.
I've always tried to be true to myself since then . . . and set my own standards, whether they are right or wrong . . . they are my mistakes to make.

read more

Peace . . . and revenge

Wanting to seek revenge against somebody hurts us as our energy is lowered to a lower form with these thoughts.

There can be times when we get so angry with someone that we find ourselves imagining ways to seek revenge for the hurt they’ve caused us. Remember, however, that the thoughts you’ve just had are energetic creations. In order to keep yourself from having to take part in the rebalancing of energy, it is important to release the person and the thoughts into the care of the universe with forgiveness.

Before we allow ourselves to invest our energy into negative thought or action, we can remind ourselves that everything has a purpose. We can then consider that perhaps the actions of the other person or people may have had nothing to do with us. If we don’t take their actions personally, it may be easier to release them.

Remembering that every interaction is an opportunity to make a better choice, we can take a deep breath before responding, allowing us just enough time to connect to center and make the choice to respond from our higher self. We can never know all the circumstances that may have led anyone to do anything.

By not passing judgment on anyone, and instead sending hope for their healing, we may create something positive out of a difficult situation. We can then release it, since dwelling on it can cause an energetic drain in our system, causing us to really only hurt ourselves. When we can release our hold on negative events and interactions, we leave it in the hands of a wise universe to work out the best solution for all involved.

In every moment we have a chance to make a choice to bring light into the world. When we bless others with the gift of our positive energy, instead of letting circumstances affect us negatively, we bring a little peace to the world every day.

Source: Daily Om

read more

Irreplaceable hours

Often we allow ourselves to be upset by
small things we should despise and forget.

We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding
 over grievances that, in a year's time, will
be  forgotten by us and by everybody.

No, let us devote our life to worthwhile
 actions and feelings, to great thoughts,
 real affections and enduring undertakings.

(Andre Maurois)

Yes, I have racked up my share of irreplaceable hours worrying about stupid stuff that is completely out of my hands even though I often ask for God's assistance . . .

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr--

For those of us who are spiritual and believe in God . . .
shouldn't we trust God and put our worries and fears in his capable hands? Human nature takes us to that wasteland of unnecessary emotions that never produces positive results . . . at least that is the way it works for me.

Why should I really care about the lady at work who does not like me for whatever reason? Isn't it her problem, not mine? Of course it is her problem! When I stop worrying about why she doesn't like me and focus on being happy despite her nastiness, I end up having an awesome day at the office. At the same time, I pray to God to give this miserable woman peace in her soul.

One of my biggest pet peeves is careless drivers and the fear of traffic . . . way out of my hands . . . but almost torturous at times. I'm often asked why I don't trust God and just enjoy the ride. Little by little, one day at a time . . . the way I think about the experience is changing and becoming more of a pleasant experience rather than a necessary evil.

All those "little stupid things" . . . I could go on and on, but that just wastes irreplaceable time. Instead of dwelling on those things, I am striving to "devote my life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings."

read more

A time for every purpose

To everything there is a season,

a time for every purpose under the sun,

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to lose and a time to seek,

a time to rend and a time to sew,

a time to keep silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

(Author Unknown)

read more