I will . . .

 Sometimes it seems like I have waited a lonely lifetime to find my love.  I was prompted to write this post as I listened to the song "I Will" by Paul McCartney the other day.  It has been one of my favorite songs forever and has held so much meaning in my life.  I didn't realize how much until I listened to the song the last time . . . and it all came rushing to me.  The song was almost like a promise that through the worst time of my life, love would find me again.

Finding the person that was born to be your life partner is one of the most important things we do in our lifetime.  Looking back in time, it seems as though it happened so easily, yet on the other hand it feels as though the impatience inside of me was waiting to explode like a volcano.

Some people live a lifetime and never find true love.  I feel so fortunate that I have been blessed with finding "the one" twice in my life.  

I've written similar posts, but my message is so important and deserves repeating to give hope to those ready to give up on life in general.  

I have to be honest and say that I felt so cheated when I became a widow at a young age.  My life drastically changed from one day to the next.  A bitterness and anger regarding life in general came over me.  My fight for sanity continued day after day, leaving me to wonder at times whether life itself was worth it.  Deep down I knew it did . . . so I fought the demons of bad thoughts and feelings one moment at a time, clinging to my faith in God to save me from the hell that had become my life.  It went on way too many years . . . it felt normal.

Through it all, as I struggled to embrace my solitude, I knew there was someone out there who was meant for me.  The lyrics of the song "I Will" kept playing in my head, knowing that one day love would find me again.  I could feel him . . . I know it sounds crazy, but I did. I remember writing about it numerous times.

We eventually found each other . . . when neither of us was paying attention . . . so naturally.  There were so many signs that I could not possibly ignore.

And I was reminded of the song lyrics . . .

"And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know I will

I will"

Today I am so grateful for my faith in God to fight those demons and find reasons to continue living when I didn't want to . . . and for putting a song of love in my heart to keep me going.  Most of all, I am grateful for the wonderful man who crossed my path singing a familiar song very loudly.

I Will . . . Lyrics

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to, I will

For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know I will
I will

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The Hard Edges

The hard edges of overwhelm have consumed me lately.  My apologies for the lack of posts on this blog, but I really detest writing for the sake of writing.

I'm learning the lesson of listening to my body and knowing when to rest in the midst of life swirling around me.  Relaxing is another issue altogether . . . something I have a real problem with.  The immediate goal is to find the harmony of rest with relaxation.

As I was cleaning out my email accounts, I ran across the following article from The Daily Om, which is an extremely important source of inspiration for me.  Sounds like good advice!

Have a wonderful day . . .

When our minds are cluttered with too many thoughts and information, our bodies respond by trying to take action.

Our minds and bodies are interconnected, and the condition of one affects the condition of the other. This is why meditation is such a powerful tool for healing the body, as powerful as physical therapies. When our minds are cluttered with thoughts, information, and plans, our bodies respond by trying to take action. When the body has a clear directive from the mind, it knows what to do, but a cluttered, unfocused mind creates a confused, tense body. Our muscles tighten up, our breath shortens, and we find ourselves feeling constricted without necessarily knowing why.

When we sit down to meditate, we let our bodies know that it is okay to be still and rest. This is a clear directive from the mind, and the body knows exactly how to respond. Thus, at the very beginning, we have created a sense of clarity for the body and the mind. As we move deeper into meditation, the state of our mind reveals itself, and we have the opportunity to consciously decide to settle it. A meditation teacher pointed out that if you put a cow in a small pen, she acts up and pushes against the boundaries, whereas if you provide her with a large, open space, she will peacefully graze in one spot. In the same way, our thoughts settle down peacefully if we provide them with enough space, and our bodies follow suit.

When we settle down to examine and experience our consciousness, we discover that there are no hard, definable edges. It is a vast, open space in which our thoughts can come and go without making waves, as long as we let them by neither attaching to them nor repressing them. As we see our thoughts come and go, we begin to breathe deeper and more easily, finding that our body is more open to the breath as it relaxes along with the mind. In this way, the space we recognize through meditation creates space in our bodies, allowing for a feeling of lightness and rightness with the world.

Source: The Daily Om

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The blahs are back

I've been on a roll of blah days and I don't know why.  It just happens . . . everything is fine and you wake up one morning and it hits you in the face . . . the blahs.  Well, maybe I do know what got it going this time, but it has continued for way too many days.  


I'm struggling with an arm that was used like a pin cushion by the nurse at my doctor's office.  The result is black and blue knots on my arm that freak me out.  My hand still gets those stinging sensations from them trying to take blood out from my hand . . . unsuccessfully after several attempts.  It took two nurses to finally get one vial of blood out of me.  Torture is what it is.  


My guess is that the blahs crept in the night before my doctor's appointment with the anticipation of the struggle that always ensues when they need to take my blood.  It is a yearly ritual that I dread more than anything.  When I feel the blah feeling starting to take over, I really do try to be grateful that I am healthy and think of those people who are not as fortunate.


My schedule has changed and so far I've been unsuccessful at controlling my sleep routine . . . I am exhausted from not getting good sleep.  You don't realize how important getting good sleep is until you don't get it.


Watching the news doesn't help . . . and I'm a news junkie who can't stay away from watching too much of the cable news channels with nothing but depressing news.  I'm so sick of hearing about Casey Anthony . . . enough already!  I did manage to watch some old I Love Lucy episodes when I couldn't sleep that lifted my spirits a bit.


Today I received an email from my aunt who always seems to know when I need a specific message . . . it contained the following prayer.  I'll leave you with this . . . it is a keeper for those blah days!

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Wise words

The good of the whole must begin

 with the good of the individual.

You help the world when you help yourself.

Remember, we are all one, 

all waves in the same ocean, 

and one man's consciousness of abundance

 and well-being with its outer manifestation

 releases more light into the race 

consciousness for the benefit of all.

So start with yourself. 

(Jason Andrews)

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Honor the awesomeness

"I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat."

-- Joan Mills

"People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success."

-- Norman Vincent Peale

"We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves."

-- Orison Swett Marden

Imagine that you are awesome just as you are . . . believe it . . . you are!  Free yourself from those chains that bind you . . . enjoy the freedom to become an even more awesome person.

Many of us have been or are guilty of beating ourselves up for not being good enough, not doing enough . . . blah blah blah.  Rather than focusing on what you are not doing right, switch the emphasis to all that you do that is a blessing to others . . . what you are doing right.

Norman Vincent Peale said it best in one of the featured quotes . . . believing in yourself is the first secret of success.  Have enough faith in yourself to know that you can do anything that you want to do!

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Happiness is . . .

"Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: "A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

What a beautiful quote!

Of course there are many other aspects to happiness, but I agree they are the most important . . . except I would change the ability to love others to the ability to love and be loved.  It is #1 for me.

My #2 . . . Honesty with myself and others . . . in my opinion equates to total freedom.  Not being honest with yourself is not being true to yourself.  The harmony of knowing what it takes to make you happy by being honest with yourself is so important.

As far as NOT being honest with others . . . that is straight up being a fake person trying to be someone they are not.  In my opinion, it is way too much trouble to keep up with untruths.  A lie is a lie . . . 

My #3 . . . do the best you can do in all your endeavors and you will feel awesome about yourself.  Your best should be enough for you and those you love.  

If your best is not good enough for yourself, you need to evaluate your reality perspective.  In the case of relationships . . . who made them judge and jury of your best as not good enough?  Don't allow someone else to rob your happiness with unrealistic expectations!

What are your most important

 requirements for happiness?

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Simple Contentment

Since taking my mental health days a week or so ago and making the decision to stop procrastinating and get those things done that need to be done, I've been making small changes that are starting to make a difference.

One of the things I've done really good with is doing small tasks at a time and then doing something that I really enjoy . . . constantly alternating.  The result is I'm getting things done and also taking it easy in small increments so I feel the same affects of mental health days in small doses.  It works for me . . . the secret is SMALL INCREMENTS . . . maybe 15 minutes at a time.  Next on the agenda is to buy a kitchen timer so I don't get carried away.

It is still difficult for me to see what I've accomplished versus what hasn't been done, but I am making a conscious effort.  The positive mindset is difficult for me in this area!

The mindset that has really worked for me is that of being grateful for simple things which has provided me with a very content life.  It has to do with finding simple joy in sitting outdoors listening to the wonderful sounds of nature and having Willie the Wonder Cat pass by, brushing against my leg as he goes by, wanting attention and love.  Nothing spectacular, I know, but these are the little things and moments in time that put a smile on my face.  Finding pleasure and awareness of the simple moments in time has been one of the most important revelations of my life.

The need to slow down mindset has also worked for me.  There are times when I try to do more projects than I can possibly do at one time.  I set myself up for failure!  Setting priorities is a much better way to handle those times.  I can be aware of those projects, but also know their priority in the scheme of everything else.  This mindset has also brought me to the point of reality . . . the result was to weed out those low priority things that wasted too much of my time.

Another mindset that changed my life a long time ago is simply embracing where I am in life.  What I mean by that is this . . . I don't care about what anyone else has that I don't have . . . I am happy with what I have been blessed with.  There is such a stigma in today's society to want what someone else has . . . the bigger house, the newer car, blah blah blah.  That mindset is such a waste of emotions!

In my life I have had times of depression, happiness, contentment, successful career, failures, near poverty and an abundance of money and stuff . . . so many life experiences.  All in all, my happiest times have been when I am content with who I am and what I have in life.  Ironically, they came during poor financial times.  

After spending way too much time chasing and achieving wealth and success, I realized those things are superficial and don't bring happiness.  I'd rather be poor with enough to contently survive and achieving happiness . . . with peace of mind and an awesome quality of life.

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