Change a situation or change ourselves?

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, 

we are challenged to change ourselves."

Viktor Frankl

Don't you sometimes wish you had a magic wand to change the situation you find yourself in?  If only . . . it would be a great selling item on eBay for sure!

We moved back home after being away due to Hurricane Irma dropping a tree on our house and drastically changing our lives.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I first walked in to find mud that has been drying for a year everywhere.  Part of the ceiling is missing in the kitchen.  No matter how much trash we pick up, the piles don't seem to get smaller.

The situation is not going to change.  We are going to change the situation by taking one step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.  No matter how long it takes, we must carry on and persist in making our house a home again.  First we had to accept what happened and come up with a plan.

Yes, it is so depressing!  But when I feel myself starting to fall down and want to give up, I pray for strength and perseverance . . . and if I really need it, I rest in stillness to get myself together again.  Then I can pick myself up and carry on.

Things happen in life, but we can't allow those things to destroy us.

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Loss of a Pet

A house is certainly not a home without a dog.  I know this from a very painful experience.

After my sweet Betsy passed away, it took me over 10 years to adopt another dog.  It was the biggest mistake I ever made, but I only realized it when we adopted Kiki after the Captain and I got married.   

He recognized my love for dogs and convinced me to just visit the Humane Society in our area and at least get the feel for another dog.  It was love at first sight when I spotted Kiki in her cage being all sassy and spunky.  We adopted her immediately and it was one of the best things I have done for myself ever.

Although I will never forget my sweet Betsy and hold her in my heart forever, I feel so blessed to have found this sweet little bundle of joy I now have in my life.  Losing Betsy makes me cherish every minute I have with Kiki even more than I would have before.

I found this awesome poem and it brought on all these thoughts about losing a pet and it touched me so much.  Maybe it will be a comfort to anyone else who has lost a precious pet and feels that big hole in their heart.

Loss of a Pet

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd  not want me to suffer so,
The time has come - please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end,
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you did for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,
from pain and suffering I've been saved,
Please do not grieve - it must be you,
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

-- Anonymous--

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Emotionally unsettled

My horoscope today from Daily Om . . . as usual, on target . . .


"You may feel emotionally unsettled today, which could cause you to struggle with feelings of frustration and instability. You may find it helpful to spend some time alone, working through your feelings and adopting a more balanced state of mind. Simply find a quiet place to be alone and get into a relaxed state. Release all worries and doubts, and focus on the calm serenity of your spiritual center. Once you feel calmer, you can begin to explore your emotions and determine what caused you to feel unbalanced today. You can then choose to embrace positive thoughts and keep the feelings of peace strong in your heart, which will result in more balance and stability with your emotions. 

We can lend a greater sense of balance and harmony to our lives by choosing to keep our thoughts positive and our emotions calm. Our emotions have the ability to affect our state of mind, which has an effect on every aspect of our lives. By choosing to consciously embrace more positive thoughts, we will feel empowered about working through any emotional upsets that may plague us. This helps us create a more balanced mind-set and an optimistic outlook, which will lend positive energy to our emotional state and create more harmony in every situation. We can then face any obstacles or upsets with a serene, stable focus and reduce the likelihood of becoming unbalanced again. By working through your emotions and embracing a harmonious state of mind today, you will automatically create more peace and stability in your life."

As I sat outside this morning, trying to find that quiet place and relaxed state of mind, it occurred to me that I have simply lost my patience.  

It has been almost a year since we were displaced from our home by Hurricane Irma and sometimes it is difficult to find even a glimmer of optimistic feelings.  One obstacle after another can wear the most positive person down.

I'm seriously homesick, just want to go home and put this awful phase of my life behind me.

The idea of patience being wisdom in waiting has totally escaped me and I need it back.  The advise of this morning's horoscope is awesome, but it really feels like a harmonious state of mind is an impossible dream at the moment.

My goal for today is to make an honest attempt to follow the advise and come up with the plan to do it.  I just had to put my feelings in writing today.

This too shall pass . . . I know it will.

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Here With Me

It has been a while, but I recall writing about my frying pan moments.

When we experience loss in our lives, what is left are memories.  Sometimes an object with no monetary value holds a precious memory of a moment in time.

"I don't want to move a thing . . . it might change my memory . . . " lyrics from the song Here With Me by Dido has been haunting me the past few weeks.

Since Hurricane Irma dropped a tree on our house back in September of last year, I have not been back home.  The house is being repaired and the amount of time it is taking has been quite annoying, but the house will be ready sometime soon.  It was such a happy house with so many wonderful memories.  

I'm so scared that my memories have changed . . . I really don't know.  I wonder how it will affect me if I can't feel those happy memories anymore in the newly repaired house.

There have been times since JR passed away that are perfectly depicted with those lyrics.  There were things that I didn't move for a really long time.  Some things were never moved.  They are just things many will say until that time presents itself in their lives and then they will understand the importance of changing memories.

Moments in time are so precious and some stay with us our whole life.  Those things associated with that time are so very special.  You can pick it up, touch it, feel the memory . . . relive it and for a moment, you were there again.

JR and I loved going to the flea market on the weekends.  Those silly little trinkets that we picked up, such as kitchen items like a glass dip bowl that take me back to that moment in time when it was purchased. I could pick up that bowl and it would give me the exact moment when I first picked it up and it takes me back.  I could even recall the smell that musty little shop where it was purchased.  

You may think what I am describing is a bit dramatic, but when that little bowl was dropped, I was devastated.  The magic and memories of that moment in time will never be the same.  It is difficult to explain!

Today I am talking about a whole house.  That tree which caused so much destruction had so much to do with why we fell in love with that house to begin with.  The huge oak tree is now gone, large pieces of it taken off the house and what was left of it was cut down to the ground and taken away like trash.  It will never be here with me again, just like JR never will be here with me.  And that is just one thing . . .

Grief can really twist us inside out with the emotions it takes us through!

The time is near for me to return to clean up the inside mess and once again make it a home and I am scared to death . . . 

Where do I direct these frying pan moments?  I haven't figured that one out yet and it takes me to some strange places in my mind.  This too shall pass . . .

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Trouble creates a capacity to handle it…meet it as a friend, for you’ll see a lot of it and had better be on speaking terms with it.

OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

Trouble is no friend of mine!  That gator has been the closest to a friend that I've seen.  He's hungry and snapping at me constantly.  There are no speaking terms between us . . . he doesn't listen when I tell him to just go away.

The quote implies that the more trouble you encounter, you become somewhat immune to it, like a normal occurrence.

The more trouble, the more you can put up with it?

Noooooooooooooooo!  Trouble will never be my friend.  At this moment in time, my tolerance level is saturated and can't take any more trouble and/or bad news.

Today I'm thinking positive.  The last bit of work needed to pass the home inspection for insurance is being dealt with today.  The first guy who came out was outrageously expensive and a total scam artist.  But I'm still being positive that one of the three plumbers left to give us a quote is honest.  We don't mind paying a reasonable price for a job that needs to be done.

So, with that thought in mind, I am headed for the outdoors to unwind and enjoy nature.  Nature is my friend!

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Waves of Depression

Since Hurricane Irma dropped a tree on our house back in September, the waves of depression I have been riding seem to have gotten the best of me.  I haven't been home since September the fact that it is still uninhabitable is breaking my heart . . . I want to go home!
We are still jumping through all the hoops in order to obtain the SBA Disaster Loan we have been approved for.  The problem is qualifying for insurance in the midst of rebuilding.  Hopefully, we are in the last stages and we can finally qualify so we can get the money to finish.
Everything happens for a reason, I know it, but sometimes it is way too much to handle emotionally.  So . . . that is where I have been and can't really write about it.  I hope to return to blogging soon . . . it is my hope to help others, not bring everyone down!
Prayers are appreciated!

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Bitterness and Anger

"When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it."

An excerpt from an article on The Daily Om entitled "Bitterness" . . . the article follows this post.  Visit their website for awesome life insight!

The article on bitterness really hit home for me.  The Captain and I are still living at my mom's house since Hurricane Irma dropped a tree on our now uninhabitable home.

Our patience with government assistance, bureaucracy and endless red tape has worn extremely thin.  Although we were finally approved for SBA disaster assistance, they made a mistake and just when we thought the money would be in the bank within days, the phone call came informing us of a mistake they made which would prolong the process another two months.   

So we continue to wait . . . at least we were able to get the tree off the house with FEMA assistance.  However, cracked rafters make it unsafe to be under that roof that could collapse at any time.  I have not been back home since the hurricane.

Before I go further into this post, I want to mention how grateful I am for my mom, who is putting up with our little quirks and a major disruption in her life.

I'm so grateful for the assistance we have received from FEMA and the SBA.  What would we have done without them?  

Aside from being so thankful and grateful for our many blessings, I have crept into the clutches of bitterness and anger.  I just want to go home!  Every time we think it is almost over, we run into another obstacle.  It has been unbelievable!

The disasters of last summer with the unusual hurricane devastation way beyond normal left the government with more than they could handle.  There are many other families still forced out of their homes after almost six months of experiencing the reality of becoming homeless.  Puerto Rico is still enduring the devastating situation as if it happened yesterday with no end in sight.  No matter how temporary the situation is, maintaining long term patience and a good attitude is almost impossible.  Bitterness is inevitable for even the most normal person.

There are times that bitterness and anger are necessary to keep going.  Human nature is to wonder "why me" and it is emotionally healthy to let yourself experience the horrible feelings in order to deal with it.  It doesn't help to sweep anything unpleasant under the rug like it doesn't exist.

The Captain and I are just taking one day at a time with as much optimism we can collect to carry to another day.  We know that this too shall pass . . .

Bitterness

BY MADISYN TAYLOR Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims, in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing. It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected. We consciously or unconsciously anticipated one experience, and we grieve for the loss of it when the universe puts something else in our path. Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass. Occasionally, our anger and resentment do not fade and are instead transformed into bitterness. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain. Yet as unwholesome as bitterness can be, it is also a natural element of our emotional palette. When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it. The nature of bitterness is rooted in the fact that the pain we feel provides us with a rationale. We may feel that we deserve to embrace our bitterness to its full extent. And to be bitter is, in essence, to cut ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt. But just as bitter feelings can be self-defeating, so too can the release of bitterness be life-affirming in a way that few other emotional experiences are. When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter, we are reborn into a world filled with delight and fulfillment unlike any we knew while in the clutches of bitterness. The veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls. Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too. Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state. In time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve. Source:  The Daily Om . . . one of my favorite websites!

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