Thursday, July 12, 2018

Here With Me

Here With Me | Dido

It has been a while, but I recall writing about my frying pan moments.

When we experience loss in our lives, what is left are memories.  Sometimes an object with no monetary value holds a precious memory of a moment in time.

"I don't want to move a thing . . . it might change my memory . . . " lyrics from the song Here With Me by Dido has been haunting me the past few weeks.

Since Hurricane Irma dropped a tree on our house back in September of last year, I have not been back home.  The house is being repaired and the amount of time it is taking has been quite annoying, but the house will be ready sometime soon.  It was such a happy house with so many wonderful memories.  

I'm so scared that my memories have changed . . . I really don't know.  I wonder how it will affect me if I can't feel those happy memories anymore in the newly repaired house.

There have been times since JR passed away that are perfectly depicted with those lyrics.  There were things that I didn't move for a really long time.  Some things were never moved.  They are just things many will say until that time presents itself in their lives and then they will understand the importance of changing memories.

Moments in time are so precious and some stay with us our whole life.  Those things associated with that time are so very special.  You can pick it up, touch it, feel the memory . . . relive it and for a moment, you were there again.

JR and I loved going to the flea market on the weekends.  Those silly little trinkets that we picked up, such as kitchen items like a glass dip bowl that take me back to that moment in time when it was purchased. I could pick up that bowl and it would give me the exact moment when I first picked it up and it takes me back.  I could even recall the smell that musty little shop where it was purchased.  

You may think what I am describing is a bit dramatic, but when that little bowl was dropped, I was devastated.  The magic and memories of that moment in time will never be the same.  It is difficult to explain!

Today I am talking about a whole house.  That tree which caused so much destruction had so much to do with why we fell in love with that house to begin with.  The huge oak tree is now gone, large pieces of it taken off the house and what was left of it was cut down to the ground and taken away like trash.  It will never be here with me again, just like JR never will be here with me.  And that is just one thing . . .

Grief can really twist us inside out with the emotions it takes us through!

The time is near for me to return to clean up the inside mess and once again make it a home and I am scared to death . . . 

Where do I direct these frying pan moments?  I haven't figured that one out yet and it takes me to some strange places in my mind.  This too shall pass . . .


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