Burning the candle at both ends!

Have I bit off more than I can chew? 

That is a question I have been asking myself lately!  

The Captain and I have finally opened our Etsy shop, Crows Nest Jewels.

I've briefly written about my work obsession and my typical workaholic tendencies.

In my professional life in the corporate world, I burned myself out and could not go back and enjoy the work.  However, in the world of entrepreneurship, it is a totally different animal.

Honestly, I don't know when to stop and my days and nights are flying by and running into each other.  I rarely go into my personal Facebook accounts anymore and I'm really losing touch with the real world except for my obsession with keeping up with the news.  The Captain and I have truly ventured into the bohemian lifestyle of sleeping like cats . . . no set time, no real routine or sleep schedule.

Even with everything said, I am realizing that it has given me a lovely light indeed.  My last phase of feeling lost after retirement came to mind when I felt the need to write.  Obviously, that feeling is gone and I could not be happier about it.  That lost feeling is not good.

What I need to build into my work routine is "life balance" that includes doing real life things that don't include work.  While it is an awesome thing to enjoy your work like it is play, balance is also very important.

Writing this post is my first step back into my real world.  Tomorrow, my mom and I are going shopping, something we have not done in ages.  Next week, we will celebrate with family as my cousin's son gets married.  In the next two weeks, we have three appointments that will take us to MacDill Air Force Base.  The Captain has kept his balance, making time to go fishing, work in the yard and work on the hobbies that make him happy.  Hopefully, this first step will lead to a "normal" routine of life balance for me.

For now, I've been working on setting up the shop, selling my vintage jewelry collection and promoting/networking through social media.  I can't wait to start being creative with making my jewelry designs, something else I need to work into my routine.  Another obsession . . . 

"Burning the candle at both ends" has been one of my favorite sayings since I was a young adult entering the professional world.  Work for me has always been a measure of success, so I always tend to live the quote.

In the meantime, I will strive for life balance.

The origin of the saying goes back centuries!

from Figs and Thistles: First Fig By Edna St. Vincent Millay:

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light!

from Phrases.org.uk:

The saying was "first coined in the 1700s. The 'both ends' then weren't the ends of the day but were a literal reference to the two ends of a candle. Candles were useful and valuable and the notion of waste suggested by lighting both ends at once implied reckless waste. This thought may well have been accentuated by the fact that candles may only be lit at both ends when held horizontally, which would cause them to drip and burn out quickly."

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Positive Self-Affirmation

"When we develop a confident mind-set and release our worries about what others think of us, we build our self-esteem and bring more balance to our relationships. 

Most often our fears about what others think of us are simply projections of how we view ourselves. When we begin to change our own beliefs to more positive, empowering ones, our fears melt away. We become stronger, happier people and begin to see ourselves in a more positive light. This causes others to do the same. 

Our relationships become better because we are connecting from a more authentic, loving place. By devoting attention to enhancing your attitude and confidence level today, you can improve the quality of your interactions with others."

Source:  Daily Om 

I could not have said it better!  

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No promises

I try to remind myself that we are never promised anything, and that what control we can exert is not over the events that befall us but how we address ourselves to them.

Jeanne DuPrau

The Earth House

Being grateful for what we have been blessed with is not easy when life circumstances presents you with challenges.  

Part of it is the optimist/pessimist thing for each of us that is just human nature and who we are as individuals.

It seems like the key is simply keeping our state of mind in control of the circumstances while being realistic and responsible.  Acting like the situation does not exist could compound bad circumstances by not being responsible.

It is a delicate balance . . . such is life!

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Teetering on the edge

Relationships can become out of balance  and one-sided if we don’t occasionally  check in with each other.

"One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. 

Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more."

Source:  Daily Om 

It has been a trying time!  We are still without running water . . . the end of Week #7 . . . no immediate end in site.  Having a well system rather than the convenience of municipality provided water really does suck. Our municipality wants at least $15,000 to get hooked up since this area is not set up for this service . . . you would think is routine in a "modern" big city.  It doesn't matter that we pay local taxes!

The strange thing is that this whole time of unforeseen hardship, The Captain and I have become closer than we were before.

There have been times I felt as though I absolutely could not deal with this problem any longer.  Those times of teetering on the edge of sanity and insanity, that loss of balance, proved to be opportunities of soul searching and comfort.  The discouraging times for The Captain found me experiencing optimism which has helped him going.

As problems arise, we find solutions . . . it is not the end of the world.  We have so much to be grateful for.

We are living the above quote . . . hardships can become blessings . . . believe it or not!

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Patience

"What does patience feel like? It's a subtle unfolding with time as your ally. You feel relaxed and trust that it will all work out, even if in this very moment, there's no clear path to the end. It feels like the subtle uneasiness of allowing all you're uncomfortable with to be exactly as it is."

- Mastin Kipp, founder of TDL


TDL Links:

Twitter - 
www.Twitter.com/TheDailyLove 

Beta Site -
www.TheDailyLove.com

This latest journey into unfortunate life challenges has taken me from times of extreme patience and faith straight to being out of control in the depths of hell, walking through that fire of hopeless pessimism with more than subtle uneasiness with all I'm uncomfortable with.  Living without running water is not the easiest endeavor I've ever encountered.

Time has not been my ally.  As time goes by, patience escapes me more intensely although it comes back in fleeting moments of faith.  Of course I know the problem will eventually be solved, but my patience . . . or lack of . . . is making time seem to stand still.

The Captain is feeling better after being hit with a nasty flu, the parts have been purchased and he will start working on the problem again.  I know I haven't made life easy for him . . . shame on me, it is not his fault.

What is patience anyway?  

Wikipedia defines it as "the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way."  

Human nature and difficult circumstances takes certain personality types to the brink of teetering on the edge, losing control and the grip of perspective.  

Years ago I would have retreated to the comfort of my mom's house without even trying to endure the difficulty.  It has been an option I have considered during the moments of extreme frustration, however,  I've developed a stubborn streak of determination to endure what is difficult.  Progress?

Perhaps this is the lesson to be learned through this latest challenge . . . patience . . . and holding on to it with lots of faith.  

It is one of those delicate balances in life . . . teetering on the edge of frustration, impatience, patience and faith in the midst of difficult times, drifting from one to the other, even though I have trusted that everything will eventually work out.

Although there is still no clear path to the end of this dilemma, at least tonight I am feeling more relaxed and in control of my emotions.

Simple?  I think not!

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Living in the shadow

Living in the shadow of another person is a mistake many of us make in the course of our lives. As a widow, it has taken me much longer to heal since I was more of a part of a couple than an individual person.


No matter how happy you are in your life, don’t rely on someone else to make up your total happiness. For one thing, another human is bound to disappoint you because they are human.


There is one thing I have learned . . . balance and moderation in life are two very important factors to finding peace and happiness. Anything in moderation is acceptable, as in a lifestyle of eating sensibly rather than a diet.


One of my best friends loves to talk to me when she is down. When she told me that I asked her “Why . . . because my life sucks more than yours?” . . . “It is your inner light,” she said.


We all have that inner light that shines from within and it is in our power to unleash it. I’ve always had it and didn’t realize it until my friend made that statement.


I had spent so much time missing the person I depended on to make me happy that I forgot that true happiness comes from within. I am naturally a positive, upbeat person . . . and I’m on my way back . . . hopefully I can reach other widows who are misunderstood, tired of hearing “get over it” and know that you are not alone . . . time does heal and life can be wonderful again . . . in your time.

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The allure of material things

Sometime in the human experience we are all seduced by the allure of material things. Back in the day the love of money and the stuff I could buy had such a grip on me that I forgot how to live in pursuit of making more money. Even spending the money as fast as I could in order to gather even more objects could not fill the emptiness of not enjoying the gift of life.


There is nothing wrong with owning prized possessions that are a reflection of our emotions and memories. What is wrong is the intention of that desire to possess that stuff when it becomes a compulsion, creating an imbalance of trying to fill empty emotional spaces with those things.


On my path to peace, love and happiness, I have learned to find joy in the little things in life that truly bring a smile to my face and are filling those empty emotional spaces. All that stuff that cost money now clutter my house and little by little I’m clearing those spaces. In my case, the imbalance of my compulsion was filling the wrong spaces.

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Positive energy vs negative realities

We have all subconsciously been programmed throughout a lifetime by our parents, friends, siblings, ourselves, and lasting emotions from past experience, whether we know it or not. Our belief system is within the inner self, guiding and controlling our thoughts and actions. Actions create the reality whether it is positive or negative.


Understanding what we have been programmed to believe is the key to striking the balance between positive energy and negative realities. A person can have all the positive energy necessary to create a positive reality, however, when the little voice within has been programmed to expect a negative reality, the little voice will usually win. Positive programming results in positive realities.


Our belief system is an important factor of success, therefore, the person with the negative belief system must learn how to rewrite the program . . . get rid of the negative, self-limiting beliefs in order to guide future actions positively.


Unless we change what needs to be changed within ourselves, we can indulge in rationalizations and illusions that do nothing but feed a vicious cycle of negativity . . . “what if . . .”.


Those afflicted with a negative belief system tend to use negative affirmations without realizing it. The phrase “I can’t” spoken out loud or thought about is the best example of a negative affirmation. Say it enough times and the negative affirmation becomes a negative reality.


Striking the balance between positive and negative is in the thought process. Dwelling on negative realities keeps the negative programming alive. Consciously rejecting negative thoughts is the beginning of rewriting the program.


Of course a certain amount of worry in a given situation is healthy. Living life looking through rose colored glasses, throwing caution to the wind is irresponsible.


Realize that you are always a work in progress, be patient with yourself, knowing that you were born to do great things in your life. Give yourself the gift of the highest of expectations expecting more progress on some days than others.


Allow every positive or negative experience to be a learning experience . . . focus on the positive lesson learned. Embrace the philosophy that everything happens for a reason . . . accept whatever it is and move on.

“The biggest enemies we have to overcome on the road to success are not a lack of ability and a lack of opportunity, but fears of failure and rejection and the doubts that they trigger.”

(Brian Tracy, from the book, Eat That Frog!)

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Irreplaceable hours

Often we allow ourselves to be upset by
small things we should despise and forget.

We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding
 over grievances that, in a year's time, will
be  forgotten by us and by everybody.

No, let us devote our life to worthwhile
 actions and feelings, to great thoughts,
 real affections and enduring undertakings.

(Andre Maurois)

Yes, I have racked up my share of irreplaceable hours worrying about stupid stuff that is completely out of my hands even though I often ask for God's assistance . . .

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr--

For those of us who are spiritual and believe in God . . .
shouldn't we trust God and put our worries and fears in his capable hands? Human nature takes us to that wasteland of unnecessary emotions that never produces positive results . . . at least that is the way it works for me.

Why should I really care about the lady at work who does not like me for whatever reason? Isn't it her problem, not mine? Of course it is her problem! When I stop worrying about why she doesn't like me and focus on being happy despite her nastiness, I end up having an awesome day at the office. At the same time, I pray to God to give this miserable woman peace in her soul.

One of my biggest pet peeves is careless drivers and the fear of traffic . . . way out of my hands . . . but almost torturous at times. I'm often asked why I don't trust God and just enjoy the ride. Little by little, one day at a time . . . the way I think about the experience is changing and becoming more of a pleasant experience rather than a necessary evil.

All those "little stupid things" . . . I could go on and on, but that just wastes irreplaceable time. Instead of dwelling on those things, I am striving to "devote my life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings."

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Fear of moving on

Either you decide to stay in the shallow end

of the pool or you go out in the ocean.

Christopher Reeve

If you listen to your fears, you will die
never knowing what a great person
you might have been

Robert H. Schuller

It is close to a year since I originally wrote this post,

although it seems like a lifetime ago.

My life has come full circle and I am finally where I truly want to be.

The moral of my life experience is to NEVER give up on your dreams, aspirations and desires . . . when you least expect it, destiny will call you and everything that was foggy will be as clear as a bright sunny day.

ORIGINALLY POSTED APRIL 2009

What would you do if you weren't at all afraid?

For someone who has way too many fears, I often ask myself that question. Most of my life I've been fearless in pursuit of what strikes my fancy, however, in past years my fearless nature has been tamed to the extreme.


There seems to be an inordinate need to be "safe" . . . staying in my comfort zone prevents me from living a truly satisfying life as I once experienced with such a zest for life.


Perhaps this is all a result of the grief process . . . the extreme life changes . . . and hopefully my "normal" zest for life will return. Fear of failure has gripped my heart and soul where I once followed every dream after making the plan, I now analyze everything to death before making any significant move . . . fearful of the outcome rather than approaching the situation in my usual carefree but cautious manner.


Moments of attaining my ying/yang life balance are coming back with regularity, but leave me with that "fear of failing mentality" with as much regularity. Time heals all wounds and I see this as one of the most important areas of my life to gain control over.


The fear is like a security blanket that I have found difficult to let go of . . . why? It doesn't really keep me safe and keeps me from moving on with my life. Did I just hit on the answer? Is it a fear of moving on and letting go of life as it was? Still feeling the guilt of moving on?


Fate and destiny brings people into our lives at different times for various reasons. Someone from my past has come back into my life who I have always loved, respected, have an extreme comfort with, passion for and would trust with my life. TRUST AND LOVE . . . isn't that what my major relationship problems have been in recent past?

Why am I still not ready?

My thoughts of moving on are becoming more realistic. There is no doubt in my mind why he is back in my life . . . to cross that huge bridge in my path with me . . . it scares me.


There are times when people drift out of my life and at the time I wonder why, yet always find the answer with the passage of time. The reasons are always for my benefit whether I consciously agree or not. One door closes and another opens . . . the biggest obstacle is walking through that door. Perhaps there is a reason why . . .

Is there anything you would change about your life?

Has fear kept you from doing something you want to do?

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Face It

Facing it, always facing it, 

that's the way to get through. 

Face it. 

(Joseph Conrad)

Never be bullied into silence.

Never allow yourself to be made a victim.

Accept no one's definition of your life, 

but define yourself. 

(Harvey Fierstein)

So much to say, but there is

 a lack of words to say it.  

I guess the quotes say it all.

The road to peace, love

and happiness can be

confusing and frustrating,

 yet happy and joyous . . .

all at the same time.

Is it all a huge waste of time?

Or is this what I've been dreaming of?

Not exactly how I planned it all.

It is such a confusing time in my life!

Prince Charming is a bit froggy!

And yes . . . I am both hurt and happy

for so many reasons that I can't express.

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Finding your pace

My pace changes with my life circumstances, although I prefer a slower pace that is peaceful and harmonious. On the other hand, I loved the fast pace of the corporate world as an executive assistant. At this time of my life, I would call my pace “go with the flow” as I go back and forth through various changes.

There have been times in my life where a slower pace is what I needed, but my restless nature would become bored and crave going against a swift current to shake things up a bit.

In my working days, the swift pace I had to maintain was tempered by one long weekend every month. JR and I both had the luxury of earning more than a month’s worth of vacation . . . the reward for being loyal long time employees. What worked for us was to work hard and then take off and unwind for that one long weekend a month . . . usually camping at Disney World. Of course we took advantage of those really long holiday weekends.

We enjoyed the versatility of camping at Disney since we had the best of all worlds there, depending on what pace we wanted to follow. It seemed as though he and I were always totally synchronized as far as the pace we individually needed. We also had our times of indulgence when we would stay at one of the expensive Disney hotels and spoil ourselves in luxury.

On those slower paced weekends, we would ride our bikes through the woods, stopping along the way for a packed lunch or just hanging out on the man-made beach enjoying nature and relaxing. Our favorite thing to do was to get up before the sun came up in the morning, get our coffee ready to go and hop on the bikes to the beach area to experience night turning into day, enjoy the birds and squirrels coming out to greet the morning and experience the marina coming alive. I’ve just described my favorite pace of all . . . my favorite place too.

Then we had those fast paced weekends where friends would join us and we would pack in as much Disney magic as we could handle, running from one theme park to the other like we had never seen any of this stuff before, acting like big kid tourists. In those times, going back to work was like relaxing.

What is your pace?

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Burned out or slightly charred?

My brother was rushed to the hospital with chest pains last night . . . my mom ran off with my sister-in-law to Tallahassee where he lives and works during the week.  My mom recently had a heart attack . . . of course, I worry about her.

Although I’m a Christian with a positive attitude and a lot of faith, that faith has been tested over and over and over again in recent years . . . sometimes with no relief between life circumstances to get a firm grip before the next thing is thrown on me. I’m tired . . . burned out . . . or just slightly charred?

I’ve had the same revelation several times when too much was on my plate and I start to lose faith and hope . . . I’m burned out. As I read from my book, “Simple Abundance”, I came across the section called “Recognizing Burnout Before You’re Charred.”

You know, I think that I’m a little more than slightly charred . . . but on the other hand, I am always able to get up from what I call “falling down.” Seems like since the new millennium  began, it has been long streak of bad luck and unfortunate situations that don’t want to stop. Every time I pray for gratitude, peace and contentment in my soul and go from one moment to the next telling myself, “this too shall pass.”

My “burnout” is seen as my ying/yang thing of peace, love and happiness being out of balance . . . “running on fumes rather than fuel.” It is burnout when nothing satisfies you because you haven’t a clue what’s wrong or how to fix it. Because everything is wrong. Nothing feels right and you don’t know why. Totally out of balance and everything is out of whack. It is not depression although it feels similar. I’m feeling so helpless.

In search of this balance, I spent the day easing up on myself, stopped beating myself up long enough to be grateful for what I have been blessed with and spent a great deal of time in prayer and contemplation, silence, waiting for that still small voice to speak to me, giving me direction. My burnout is feeling like years of nothingness and living with no purpose . . . like a restless wave that has suddenly swept over me.

I know it is current life circumstances . . . my perspective is blurred, making everything seem inside out, upside down . . . frantic to find that place of peace where I can hide and feel safe.

Life history has shown me that “this too shall pass” . . . but when one is in the midst of the storm, you feel as though the tide is gonna pull you out to sea . . . it is that helpless feeling.

Can you relate to the feeling of

burned out or slightly charred?

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