What is wrong with people?

 

I'm waiting for sunrise to get in my car and go on a new adventure.  

After two months of being off my medication for depression, I'm finally leveling off and feeling so much better.  I hope I never have to go through another nightmare to get the medication I desperately need, especially at this time in my life.  Yes, I explained over and over again that I am experiencing a high degree of grief, but the order kept getting cancelled.  

I'm so tired of fighting people who really don't care to do a good job.  I have encountered this type of thing with all the stuff I have had to deal with regarding the Captain's death.  The saddest is to appeal the denial for his burial rights.  This stuff already stresses me out and what makes it worse is to have to address it over and over again.

The good news is that I am feeling better and ready to start fighting for what is coming to me again.

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Peace and Valuing Moments

 

If we are to have true peace in the world, we must first find it within ourselves.

"Most people agree that a more peaceful world would be an ideal situation for all living creatures. However, we often seem stumped as to how to bring this ideal situation into being. If we are to have true peace in this world, each one of us must find it in ourselves first. If we don't like ourselves, for example, we probably won't like those around us. If we are in a constant state of inner conflict, then we will probably manifest conflict in the world. If we have fighting within our families, there can be no peace in the world. We must shine the light of inquiry on our internal struggles, because this is the only place we can really create change."

You can read the rest of the article here.

The process of dealing with inner conflict through so many levels of change, both good and not so good, has been quite a personal journey.

The article addresses shining the light on those internal struggles.  I would add those situations that bring the struggles.  

Do any of us have the magic power of being able to control those situations?  Maybe some, but it is delusional to think that we can change all of them.  

For me, realizing that struggling with those things we can't change will only make a person very depressed and angry . . . hopelessness is the killer that makes it almost impossible to get back up after falling.

Although there are many things that concern me, I have started to finally let go of those things I can't change.  Changing the thought process has resulted in very different reactions than before as I strive to get better every day.  As a result, I am finding peace in valuing moments and being more grateful for my blessings.  As a Christian, I believe everything is in God's hands.  Things happen for a reason.

Why drive yourself crazy over things that may happen in the future?  Not one of us is given a magic wand or promised tomorrow.  So why not value the present moment?

Happy New Year!

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There is nothing love cannot face

There is nothing love cannot face; 

there is no limit to its faith, 

its hope, and its endurance.

St. Paul

I Corinthians 13:7

Those are some of the most beautiful words ever written
 from my favorite part of the bible. I don't read it often enough!

Have you ever lived these words?

Think about it . . . you know you have!

Have you ever loved another person so much that your love's endurance outlived the problems that persisted with lots of faith and hope to keep you going?

I often wonder why people stay in relationships that did not make them happy.  Perhaps living without that person they loved so much would be impossible.  Many move on to get past the little irritations that make them unhappy and end up with the greatest relationship they could ever dream of.

How about the single mom with the impossible child as she struggles with survival in this crazy world, all by herself?  That would take lots of hope and faith!

There are so many instances I could go on and on about that this quote from the greatest book ever written can be applied to.  Such simple words with so much meaning!

It all starts and ends with love.

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Embrace the struggle and love it

Many thanks to my Google+ friend Chad, who introduced me to the awesome wisdom of Mark Nepo.

"Fighting The Instrument" is one of his poems I discovered while checking out his website.  It is a reminder that we are strengthened by our struggles, while we fight "the lesson" all the way and curse the storm as it happens.

What is it about our human nature that finds it difficult to "embrace the change," even when we have been awakened to the fact that it usually leads to something better?  Why do we not love the struggle and open ourselves to the unknown changes to come?  

The conclusion I have reached in my journey through a lifetime of struggles is that change is scary since it is unknown.  We hold on to "what is" because we know what "it" is and have become comfortable with it, no matter how bad it is. 

The unknown is scarier than the storm itself until we can finally realize that the "calm" always comes after the storm.  The realization itself can be scary, or so it seems to me.  

It is a lesson I have yet to learn through all the storms I've experienced . . .

Fighting The Instrument

 by Mark Nepo

Often the instruments of change
are not kind or just
and the hardest openness
of all might be
to embrace the change
while not wasting your heart
fighting the instrument.

The storm is not as important
as the path it opens.
The mistreatment in one life
never as crucial as the clearing
it makes in your heart.

This is very difficult to accept.
The hammer or cruel one
is always short-lived
compared to the jewel
in the center of the stone.

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The light at the end of the tunnel

There is nothing in your life that cannot be overcome;

whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution.

The Daily Om


Every day we receive news of natural disasters and tragedies.

Cities and towns in the United States are facing their darkest hours in the aftermath of tornadoes and floods that devastated their neighborhoods, leaving grateful survivors homeless with their personal possessions scattered for miles, mingled with the possessions of their neighbors . . . just piles of debris.  Some are left with the feeling of being lost as they search for missing loved ones, others left to deal with the grim news of the death of a loved one and the resulting grief.  Others may have witnessed a loved one lose their struggle for life in the midst of the tragedy.

The tragedies and resulting devastation unfold before our eyes on the 24/7 news channels.  They parade victims in front of the cameras to describe their dilemma.  While the news of the tragedy is important for the news channels to cover, so is the solution.  I don't remember seeing any reports of those victims overcoming the obstacles, rebuilding their lives.  The only reports I have ever seen of this kind have been about the victims of Hurricane Katrina and the rebuilding of the New Orleans area.  Stories of life-changing tragedies that have been overcome show us that there is always a solution . . . these people do rebuild their lives.  I'd love to hear the stories.

Human beings in general have a survival instinct to overcome obstacles and tragedies with time, persistence, faith . . . and with a little help from friends and family.  In these times, the belief that nothing is impossible is the most important thing to remember.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

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Opportunity in the middle of difficulty

In the course of life, we are often taken through difficult life circumstances.  Sometimes it seems to be a roller coaster that never stops.

‎"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

 Albert Einstein

The other day, I posted this quote on my Facebook page.  Some commented that finding opportunity in the midst of difficulty is hard.  My response was "I've seen so much difficulty in my life that I learned valuable lessons from . . . as a result I look for opportunity when confronted with difficulty."

There is another saying that I think about often . . . "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."  Opportunity exists everywhere, you just have to keep an open mind and seek out the good from the difficulty.

When it comes to health issues . . . a serious issue can be a wake up call to change the way you conduct you life.  It could be the prelude to something even more serious.

There are warning signs everywhere . . . pay attention to them, they can be future life difficulties.  Use those signs as an opportunity to make the necessary changes in your life.

Have a beautiful day filled with peace, love and happiness :)

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Appreciation of the bumpy road

 Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. 

 (Groucho Marx)

Life is precious . . . it is short . . . 

every second counts and ticks down the ones that are left.  

When you realize how important every moment truly is, the quote from Groucho Marx makes so much sense.

Sometimes it takes a bumpy road to get to that place of understanding.  

I'm grateful for all the bumpy roads I have faced in my life, although many of those roads left me feeling scared like things would never be right in my life again.  But they were . . . it is what was meant to be.

Embrace the hardships of life, they can make us appreciate

everything good that follows.

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It's Always Something

It's always something

Roseanne Roseannadanna

(Gilda Radner's SNL character)

The following post is from one of my
older blogs that I'm still transferring to this one.

As I was going through some old posts to transfer over, it occurred to me that my life has come full circle . . . and it is a fabulous feeling of accomplishment.

At the time of originally writing this blog post, I was just starting to find myself again after locking myself in the house, never wanting to come out . . . just waiting to die. Little by little the desire to really live again started coming back.

I'm so grateful for the years of journaling and blogging that give me so much insight into myself, understanding where I've been and guide me to the path of my future.

By the way . . . "it's always something" never changes no matter where you are in your life. There is always some little irritation of life to make us grateful for that which is awesome . . . at least that is how I try to perceive "those little somethings" now. 

Originally posted October 8, 2007

Just another day in paradise . . . at least I'm feeling better than I did last night, but not well enough for a job interview . . . I should have known better than to even think about doing that today. My bills are covered and I just need to try to keep myself from drowning and feeling like a part of the human race. So that is my quest for today . . . to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

For some reason this morning I was thinking about Gilda Radner's saying as the character on Saturday Night Live, Roseanne Roseannadanna, "It's Always Something."   Isn't it the truth? It is just how we handle that "something" that makes the difference. 

I've seen the changes in me from one year to the next in how I have handled this day . . . to me this is the biggest grief trigger day . . . the "death anniversary". Many of you who are walking in my shoes have mentioned the trigger days . . . and there are many. This is the big one for me.

In some ways I am still in a state of shock over the death of my husband, although I have addressed and readdressed the phase of "acceptance" . . . it is not just losing the most important person in your life . . . it is also the loss of a lifestyle . . . the loss of status quo . . . from that moment on, everything in my life was different . . . everything. 

Through time, little things would come up, almost on a daily basis for a while and it seemed like the constant thing on my mind was "it's always something . . . when will the nightmare end?"

Phases . . . I've been through more than a few. Although the nightmare has not ended for me, I can handle things so much better now. I've walked through that fire and have lived to tell the tale. It is not a manic tale anymore . . . it is life and crap we have to go through that we don't like. We all have our crosses to bear at one time or another. Not one of us will go through this life without a hardship or heartbreak of one kind or another. When I start to feeling bad about my life, I look around and see struggles around me that are much more intense than mine . . . and I'm grateful for what I have been blessed with.

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An abundance of enthusiasm

What do you do with your worries, problems, fears . . . and an abundance of enthusiasm?

For the past two nights I have not been able to sleep because of worries, problems and fears crammed into my thoughts that don’t want to shut down, holding on to every little detail of every concern and project that I have going on that I am way too excited about. My poor brain is on overload!

Sleep problems run in cycles for me and I know the major problem is the lack of a routine and way too much enthusiasm . . . have I mentioned that I’ve always been a workaholic?

As time goes on I am learning to let things go that are out of my control, pray about it and release it, like putting it in a little box that sits high up on a shelf in my closet that I can’t see. However, if I have control over the thing . . . I will make myself crazy over it.

The other day I wrote an article on the race of life and how we need to slow down and enjoy life. However, it occurs to me that a person with workaholic tendencies can’t slow down because they are enjoying what they do a little too much . . . at least I do.

Still . . . I’m grateful for way too much enthusiasm . . . the alternative is giving up in a time that I can’t find a real job.

How do you find balance in your life? What works for you?

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