What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger?

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens

WOW, that quote speaks volumes to me and reminds me of another quote . . . "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Yes, I am stronger than before I had to deal with the death of my spouse . . . I'm still standing after taking one fall after another.  One learns how to get back up, however, I'm not sure if I have been bent and broken into a better shape.  

Sometimes I wonder about being "stronger" since I am haunted with worry that it will happen all over again while fiercely trying to fight those feelings and adopt the philosophy of living for today and don't worry about the future. 

When I fell in love with The Captain, I thought my heart would be what it used to be, but it had experienced the devastating pain of losing a spouse.  He's gone through several surgeries since we have been together and the feelings come flooding back with a vengeance.  I've wondered if other widows go through the same feelings after finding love again and this is just a "normal" phase of the grief process.  

The fear of another loss . . . I've perfected the act of suffering and live with the hope that I will learn the lesson that life goes on no matter what or how much we worry about whatever the worry is about.

Sometimes I wonder if what doesn't kill you makes you weaker?

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Divine Discontent

What a great story on taking a
 positive view of a bad situation!

Some lessons are more expensive
 than others . . . even if they
 don't cost a penny

A fellow came to my teacher Hilda Charlton and complained that he had been ripped off by an auto mechanic. "The guy charged me $500 for poor work and then refused to remedy it," he explained. "I had a bad feeling about this mechanic before he started the work. Now I wish I had listened to it."

Hilda responded, "If I were offering you a week-long course on following your intuition, and I guaranteed you that after this course you would be better able to hear your inner guidance and more willing to follow it, would you take the class?"

"Why, sure!" answered the fellow without hesitation.

"And if the tuition for the course was $500, would you pay it?"

"That would be a bargain."

"Then consider yourself lucky," Hilda told him. "You got the entire course from your mechanic in one day."

Now before you go out and seek pain to learn, hear this: Pain happens, but suffering is optional. When pain comes, make use of the experience, but do not wallow in it. When you accidentally place your finger in a flame, it is supposed to hurt just long enough for you to pull it out. If you think there is value in keeping it there, you will be a crispy critter. Pain is a minor element of life, unless you are indulging it. Then it becomes suffering. Get the message and then get on with your life, which is far more about joy than sorrow.

All experiences in life can be sorted into two categories: (1) Experiences to be enjoyed; and (2) Experiences to be learned from. There is no slot in between. Nothing random. Figure out which experiences fall into which category, and you are well on your way home.

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Desire is the cause of suffering?

The cause of suffering is desire. So taught the Buddha 2500 years ago. This was his second Noble Truth called samudaya, meaning arising. It is desire and associated feelings that arise within us as a response or reaction to our affliction, challenges or suffering. As long as we are alive we will always respond to what we experience. The initial responses are automatic reactions. These reactions need to be acknowledged, accepted and understood before any conscious decisions can be made regarding action.

Everyone has needs and feelings. An enlightened person too has needs and feelings. So don’t think that if you eliminate needs and feelings you will be enlightened. You, in fact, would be deluded.

Desire is necessary to help us grasp life in order to experience it more fully. The purpose of desire is to take us to the need, but usually our desire is a longing for things to be other than what they are. When desire is not used as an indicator to reveal and fulfill need, it will cause suffering, because we are using it for something other than what its purpose is.

Desires are of two types: cravings and aversions, both of which lead to suffering. It is through these opposite attachments that we lose ourselves and lose the reality we are experiencing. We thus end up with inauthentic and superficial living. The suffering that results is to get us to live more deeply and to become more authentic.

Living authentically means, in this application, to attend to what arises within us in a welcoming way, seeing that what arises is the need we have. To attend to the need is not the means to enlightenment. Attending to the need is enlightenment. Denial, shame, escapism, manipulation in relation to what arises is anti-enlightenment.

The path to enlightenment involves the complete acceptance that suffering (dukkha) in the form of being born, working, handling relationships, growing old, and so on is an essential part of what makes us human. Desiring to escape from this reality, rather than embracing it as part of our journey inhibits our learning and blocks our expansion of consciousness.

There is a solution to the suffering we experience, which is to let go of desire and to practice detachment so that compassion may flow and the Divine Presence be contacted.

All Soul Perspectives are authored by Andrew Schneider.
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Although much of the above article makes sense to me, it is my opinion that letting go of desire and practicing detachment is not being true to yourself. How does letting go of desire allow compassion to flow? If our desires are realistic, how can they end up hurting us? Can't anything in life have the potential to hurt us?

Be true to yourself . . . be realistic . . . never let go of desire. Desire is part of what makes us alive!

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Days with tears

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become."

Carl Jung, was a Swiss psychiatrist and founder of Jungian psychology

"Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you'll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You'll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival."

Osho, was Indian mystic, guru and philosopher

How many times did I almost give up on life
and just settle for waiting to die?

When I came across the above quotes, all I could think of was the wasted time I spent being upset with my life circumstances. No matter how many times I picked myself up after falling into another one of those traps that life throws out, I stayed down way too long. Maybe I needed to be there and think about that a lot. I've come to the conclusion that we sometimes have to "go there" . . . hit rock bottom to realize how serious the situation is and pull out all the strength inside to get out of it before it becomes all consuming to the point of no return.

This is one of the greatest lessons I have learned . . .

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