I am who I am!

I am who I am, and that is all I need to be.

I've actually liked myself in certain times of my life.  

The rest of my life I have hated myself.  In my realization of self-hate after JR died, I had to first admit to myself that the self-hate existed and then forgive myself, which I did.  

However, it has been quite a journey back to liking myself.  But you know, that is not good enough!  It must be love myself.

I've written about why I have hated myself at times.  It goes back to my childhood and one of the learned experiences from my father of not being good enough.  I was never good enough in his eyes and I hated myself for it.  I longed for the acceptance I never received.

The phases of loving myself were during the successful times of my life.  I knew I was good enough.  You know I'm my biggest critic . . . it is what I learned as a child!  I've had many successes in my life and very proud of those times, which makes the not so successful times of my life more pronounced.

Fast forward to present times.  Life experience has taught me that I am who I am and that is all I need to be.  Self-acceptance is what it is and not so easy for me.  The opinions of others are just their opinions and I am caring less each day what anyone thinks about me.

Self-acceptance is especially difficult when I'm not accomplishing anything and simply living my life.  My parents pounded "accomplishment" into my head like that is all that life was about.  That thinking is so wrong.  Accomplishment is important, but not all that should consume one's life.

I always ask myself the question "What is normal anyway" . . . and I still don't have the answer.  Never will I apologize for who I am with all my flaws and whatever "normal" is, I am not.

There are times when I backslide and start to hate myself again, but I am recognizing those times and learning how to turn it around.

I am who I am . . . a complicated contradiction of myself.

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Relationship with self

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with ourselves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives—from birth onward—this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. 

Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship—the one with our true selves.

Source: The Daily Om

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Honor the awesomeness

"I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat."

-- Joan Mills

"People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success."

-- Norman Vincent Peale

"We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves."

-- Orison Swett Marden

Imagine that you are awesome just as you are . . . believe it . . . you are!  Free yourself from those chains that bind you . . . enjoy the freedom to become an even more awesome person.

Many of us have been or are guilty of beating ourselves up for not being good enough, not doing enough . . . blah blah blah.  Rather than focusing on what you are not doing right, switch the emphasis to all that you do that is a blessing to others . . . what you are doing right.

Norman Vincent Peale said it best in one of the featured quotes . . . believing in yourself is the first secret of success.  Have enough faith in yourself to know that you can do anything that you want to do!

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Authenticity

When I cruise the internet, I get lost and spend hours looking for new and interesting websites and blogs.  On occasion, I run into one that I consider outstanding . . . BlogHer is one of them.  You can reach the website by going to the sidebar of my blog . . . I have included the "Own Your Beauty" link.  Every month they target a different topic . . . this month is "Authenticity."  Check them out!


The following article comes directly from their website . . . No, I'm not "stealing" their content . . . I don't want to lose the content by just placing a link here and losing the content when they change their website pages.  (It has happened way too often, making my blog posts useless . . . just wanted to explain why I do it!)


In the years that I have adopted the lifestyle of "Simple Abundance," other than being grateful for simple little things every day, being authentic is up there on the list of importance as far as quality of life.

The awesome ladies at BlogHer
 have given us 12 tips to authenticity:

1.   Where is the list of fine performing arts that includes “art of listening,” I ask you?

2.   I’m suspicious of anyone who tells me they are an expert. Students teach me more.

3.   Confidence is the heartbeat of beauty. The trick? To get there we have to fail and change. The courage to  fail is irresistible to me.

4.   Are you hurting? Tell people. You will feel so GORGEOUS when you stop isolating yourself and open your heart.

5.   Take three hours a week for self-exploration: Make a regular date with yourself relax and things that will let your mind wander. Don’t expect major breakthroughs each time; it’s total time spent that helps you subconsciously approach the world differently.

6.   Don't compare: There’s a big difference between being inspired by others and emulating them. Your accomplishments may be similar to others’, but your path is unique and equally valid. Your job is not to be better than anyone, but to best meet your own purpose.

7.   Try not talking: Just observe others for a day. You’ll be amazed at how much connection you’ve missed, and how much more comfortable people are around someone who can let conversations unfold.

8.   What are you always telling yourself you'll do “someday?" Consider doing it now. Note I didn’t say do it, but consider doing it. Asking yourself to consider it takes the pressure off acting right away -- but the seeds are subconsciously planted.

9.   Don't be afraid to ask questions. Nothing exudes more confidence than freely admitting you don't know everything. People figure you must be really smart if you're willing to admit when you're dumb.

10. Everything you choose to share should be the truth. But you don't have to share everything. You can be authentic and still have boundaries. In fact you probably should!

11. You have the opportunity to live your values with every dollar you spend. Vote via the ballot box and your wallet.

12. The corollary to living your values is: Do the best that you can, until you can do better. None of us is perfect. But we should never do nothing because we can't do everything. I was a vegetarian for seventeen years before I finally successfully went vegan.

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Contradictions in life

I must learn to love the fool in me,

the one who feels too much,

talks too much,

takes too many chances,

wins sometimes and loses often,

lacks self-control,

loves and hates,

hurts and gets hurt,

promises and breaks promises,

laughs and cries.

(Theodore Isaac Rubin)

Aren't we all a contradiction of ourselves
at different times of our lives?

Self-acceptance of who we are, no matter what . . .
because it is who we are, no matter what.

There will always be a time here and there when
we are "not ourselves" . . . for one reason or
another. It is human nature.

None of us are perfect!

The above quote says it all . . . we must love
ourselves even when we do or say stupid stuff.

Does it make it all go away by inflicting
self-hatred on ourselves?

Of course not!

It is ok to be true to yourself . . .

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Be yourself

"Always be yourself, express yourself, have
faith in yourself, do not go out and look for
a successful personality and duplicate it."

Bruce Lee



What a beautiful quote!

How many of us follow the trends and look just like any other person in the way we dress and express ourselves?  

The key word in the sentence is "follow" . . . are you a leader or a follower?

Why not set your own trend instead of duplicating another one?

Be yourself, be unique and different!

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Love Yourself

"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."

Sydney J. Harris


"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are."

Don Miguel Ruiz


"There is no freedom like seeing myself as I am and not losing heart."

Elizabeth J. Canham


"If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away."

John Steinbeck

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Relationships and being a "complete person"

Everything you need you already have.
You are complete right now,
you are a whole, total person,
not an apprentice person
on the way to someplace else.

Wayne Dyer

Close your eyes and imagine that everything you have and everything you are is enough. You don’t need to be better or different -- you’re great just as you are. Can you experience the peace and contentment that owning that perspective brings?

Moving into such total acceptance does not mean that we stop growing. When we can accept who we are now, we open the doors to our own inspiration to do and be even more!

Source: Higher Awareness

We all have different perceptions of being a complete person. For some, it is achieving the independence of being self-sufficient, while others do not feel "complete" without a life partner.

In my opinion, self-acceptance (what I call being "true to yourself") is the only path to achieving true contentment. Relying on another person for that contentment with yourself defeats the purpose. How can you be truly happy and content with that special person in your life without being happy with yourself first?

My journey toward finding my life partner has taken me down the rocky road where demands for changing who I am as a person became totally unacceptable, making me more determined to be who I am. Just like relying on another person to achieving "completeness" is going down the wrong path, so I changing your "authentic" self.

My philosophy has become "my authentic self will make the right person crazy good" . . . it just takes time to find the right person with the right chemistry and what was meant to be.

Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole never works . . .
making the futile attempt just ends in constant frustration for everyone involved.

Life should be about peace, love and happiness!

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Hello mirror . . . I love you

~ Why Should I Care | Toni Braxton ~

Do you want to meet the love of your life?
Look in the mirror!

(Byron Katie)

Originally written September 21, 2008

I may sometimes let myself down, but I have control over it. Me, myself and I  will always be here, it is the most important relationship I can have and nurture. Embracing your solitude to the next level . . . truly being happy alone and loving yourself.

If there is one thing I have learned in life, you really can't depend on another person to fulfill you and one should never let it happen. You set yourself up for disappointment every time if you allow that other person to be anything more than an enhancement in your life. No one can be your "everything" . . . that is the role of an individual. We all need to embrace our solitude even if we have someone to share life with.

Even if you have that person to share your life with that loves you more than life, like JR loved me . . . he never would have left me, he made me feel secure in his love . . . God had other plans and took him and his life from me. Heaven needed another angel, so even though JR didn't disappoint me or let me down, the outcome is the same . . . I am alone and disappointed with my life as it is. Still, after six years of becoming a widow. Had I embraced my solitude while being part of a couple, I could have handled this part of my life much better.

Loving and depending on yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you are the love of your life. Then be grateful for all of your positive attributes and know the beautiful person that you are.

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Self-acceptance and perfection

“We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.” 

Don Miguel Ruiz

 

“The maxim ‘Nothing but perfection’ may be spelled ‘Paralysis.’”

Winston Churchill

“After enough mirror gazing, we all develop our ‘cosmic sense of humor.’ We no longer try to be perfect, or try to get all our work done in time. We become content with whatever life brings. Just to deal with what comes up without crucifying ourselves or others is enough of a challenge.”

Paul Ferrini

Attaining self-acceptance has brought me to the place in life where I no longer beat myself up because I am not perfect. It has taken me a lifetime to realize that no matter how hard anyone tries, they will never be perfect. Having said that, it doesn't mean giving up on striving for perfection . . . it is about accepting that which is imperfect after attempting to be the best person you can be, doing the best job you can do, loving yourself and being proud of what you did accomplish. 

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses no matter who we are. Maximizing our strengths and strengthening our weaknesses through setting realistic goals and doing everything possible to attain them helps to get to the place of self-acceptance. 

What good does almost hitting a goal make if the bar is raised before we are able to get there? All that does is create the illusion of failure when we should be proud of getting close to hitting that goal.

My parents gave me an awesome foundation as a child, teaching me to always do my best . . . but they expected perfection. When it seemed like I was ready to hit a goal they had set for me, that bar would be raised and I always felt not quite "good enough" leading to a life of frustration with myself and making perfection in everything I do as the goal. Little did I know that I would never hit that goal . . . no one can.

Perfection is an awesome thing to strive for, however, when it becomes a life obsession, that is not a good thing. It only leads to self-hatred . . . something I dealt with all of my life. I have wasted so much of my life beating myself up.

Setting realistic goals is the healthy balance.

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The fine line between love and hate

“We loathe ourselves for living and lying every day
in little ways that devalue and dishonor us”

Sarah Ban Breathnach, Something More

All I can say is that I’m very glad to be getting past the phase of hating myself. What a relief it was to give myself permission to stop trying to be perfect or even come close to it and loving myself for who I am.

It originates from being raised by a very strict, domineering father who could never be pleased. Just when I thought I may be getting close to making him happy, he raised the bar a little higher, making it impossible to ever feel “good enough.”

He died over a decade ago and we never made peace with each other. I never heard the words that he was proud of me or that he loved me . . . I only felt resentment from him.

After all this time I finally realize that he hated himself, his life circumstances . . . I was an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born, but paid the price anyway.

As a result, I grew up thinking that I really was that stupid little girl who could never do anything good enough and it has taken most of my life to love myself. I’m getting there . . . and I’ve made so much progress since I wrote this journal entry a little more than a year ago.

Originally published
August 12, 2007

It is not what you have or have not . . . but what you do with it. Not only “things” or possessions . . . but feelings within ourselves.

The thought never occurred to me that I had a self-loathing or hatred of myself. In my reading today, I realized that when we beat ourselves up over little things that we did or can’t do or thoughts . . . whatever it is . . . it is a form of hating ourselves.

When I think of all the times I have beaten myself up over things that I just COULD NOT do at a certain phase of my coming back to life . . . simply being social, walking outside to get fresh air but afraid I may have to talk to someone who sees me outside.

Hating our shortcomings, our human frailties and flaws . . . it is not the thoughts of self-hatred that are bad, it is what we do with it. The realization is a good thing and part of the healing. The healing comes in what we do about the things that bother us about ourselves.

Hate is a strong word, but it is a fine line between love and hate within ourselves.

Tonight I have given myself permission to hate myself for those things that keep me from being who I am, the best person that I can be. See it for what it is, feel it . . . I have to come to terms with those things before I can move past them . . . and love myself for who I am.

What I’ve learned today is that the feelings of hate and punishing myself go hand in hand and needs to stop. How can I move on if I don’t think I am worthy?

More progress, although I know I will have to address this issue over and over again before I come to terms with it . . . whatever it takes to be “normal” again.


Have you ever hated yourself?

Do you realize how wrong that is?

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Unconditional acceptance

It is the mindset that set me free and started the healing process . . . unconditional acceptance of my life circumstances. What else can you do when life abruptly changes and you have no control over it?

You can’t make yourself crazy over things you have no control over. It is a matter of picking yourself up, accessing the situation and making the best of what life has thrown at you with the hope that tomorrow will bring the solution.

Whatever the life change, from that point on, attitude and mindset is in control. You can either go back to bed and pull the covers over your head or work toward positive change that you do have control over.

It is easier said than done, however, when one stops fighting what has happened with life circumstances and the incremental changes of a positive attitude takes over, the outlook can be a much happier one. I’m living proof . . .

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