Sunday, December 22, 2019

Capture moments

Although it gets easier from one year to the next, Christmas holidays after experiencing a terrible loss in your life is not easy.

For me, the memories that once caused me a great deal of grief have turned into wonderful memories of a part of my life that I am so grateful for.  I do admit it will never be the same, but not as bad as the year before.

The older we become, the more grief we experience with those close to us passing away one by one.  It adds to complicated emotions, especially around the holidays.

The holidays are "the dreaded season" for me with so many emotions that tug on my heart for so many reasons.

I know I am not alone though.  There are others whose experiences have kept them from moving on with their lives.  At least I have moved on . . .

One of my Facebook friends posted the following thoughts that really hit home.  I shared it on Facebook and it prompted me to write a blog post about it.

Feel free to share it on one of your social media pages . . . it could let someone else going through a rough holiday season know they are not alone.  They may also realize that capturing those moments will be a treasure one day.

A blessed and wonderful holiday season to all . . .

"Sadly, I know too many people to whom this applies. My family included. Many will attempt to decorate . . . to cook . . . buy (or make) and wrap gifts . . . to be festive. 

But the holidays bring sadness, loneliness and heartache. Many will cry for hours with memories of what this time used to be and how it was filled with such love and anticipation - and now it brings back memories of the reality of emptiness and sadness.

So I would like to remind you that there are people for whatever reason are not looking forward to Christmas. Some people are not surrounded by large wonderful families.

Some of us have problems during the holidays and are overcome with great sadness when we remember the loved ones who are not with us any longer.

For many it is their first Christmas without a particular loved one and many others lost loved ones at Christmas. And, many people have no one to spend these times with and are besieged by loneliness. We all need caring, loving thoughts right now." 

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Thursday, September 12, 2019


"Anger is that powerful internal force that blows out the light of reason."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

How does anger typically surface in your life?

We usually get angry at someone, don't we? We judge that someone has done something wrong and we want them to be punished.

In truth, the actions of others are never to blame. It's our thinking - our blaming and judgment - that causes the anger. And we blame and judge because we have a need that has not been met.

In his book 'Nonviolent Communication,' Marshall B. Rosenberg advises that rather than blame others, we are better served by directing our energy towards meeting our own needs.

He offers a simple tool for change. Instead of saying, 'I am angry because they ...' we can say, 'I am angry because I am needing ....'

"At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled."
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg

"How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it."
-- Marcus Aurelius


Dealing with anger rather than sweeping it under the rug and hoping it will go away is an important stepping stone in moving on with your life positively.  At first it does not feel like a positive move, but it is if you can finally get rid of that anger.

Accept the anger for what it is and move toward getting rid of those awful feelings.

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Friday, July 5, 2019

Day to Day Grief

It never goes away, it just changes and evolves when you least expect it.

After experiencing the death of my first husband, family members and friends, Hurricane Irma and the tree that landed on our house and changed it forever, it has occurred to me that loss is loss.  The loss of my house as I knew it has surprisingly compounded my grief and manifests itself in different ways.

The best way I cope with it is to roll with the changing feelings and take it one day at a time, realizing that it will come back to bite me at any time.  I try to be ready for it, but not always successful.  Depression hits me in various degrees, but like the grief, it never completely goes away.  It all haunts me.

Today I read an article from someone who experiences grief that pops up in different ways.  It is a comfort to know you are not alone and gives great insight to discover how others cope on a daily basis.  I can't wait to check out the website she suggested for further insight.  Click here for the article.

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Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Time in a Bottle

"Our emotions color our lives with varying palettes. Sometimes we feel a strong emotion in reaction to something that has happened, but emotions also visit us seemingly out of the blue, flooding us unexpectedly with joy or grief or melancholy. Like the weather, they come and go, influencing our mental state with their particular vibration. Sometimes a difficult emotion hangs around longer than we would like, and we begin to wonder when it will release its hold on us. This is often true of grief stemming from loss, for example, or lingering anger over a past event." 

Excerpt from How Long? by Madisyn Taylor of

Grief has never released its hold on me and I don't think it ever will.  

The emotions started when my Nana died, who was more like a mother to me.  It has been decades and I am still haunted by the grief like it was yesterday.  JR's death devastated me.  I've since lost several best friends and close family members.  Each death deepens the emotional hold of grief on me.

It feels like my heart is holding time in a bottle.

The Christmas holidays somehow releases steams of emotion that I can't control.  On the other hand, the memories are so very treasured.  I fully allow myself to feel the emotion.

The emotional healing has yet to reach me.  

The featured article "How Long" discusses these feelings and emotional healing.  Check it out if you can relate.

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Saturday, November 10, 2018

Today's failures, tomorrow's success

"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles."

(Helen Keller)

It is so easy for us to get caught up in obstacles that get in the way.  At least it is for me.  Forward motion turns into procrastination.  

One of the most difficult things for me is turning it back around, which sometimes turns into variations of depression.

The secret to overcoming obstacles . . . learn perseverance.  That is what I take from the awesome quote.

The thought process must be "just do it!"

Easier said than done . . .

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Monday, October 29, 2018

Allowing ourselves to be authentic

According to Wikipedia "authenticity is the degree to which an individual's actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures."

There are times being true to ourselves can be like a juggling act in the balance of life.  Life doesn't always hand us the situations that coincide with our desires.  Solutions sometimes mean external pressures that throw the balance out of wack.

Dealing with the imbalance requires leading with your heart.  It often means making someone else happy, but it could be that another's happiness is part of the dream.

Compromise can be a tool to remaining authentic to ourselves.  I believe that we reap what we sow.

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Sunday, October 21, 2018

Let me fall

"Let me fall if I must. 
The one I will become will catch me."

Baal Shem Tov

Falling Down (Sebastian Leger Vocal Mix) | Duran Duran

I love that quote!

Falling down has been a recurring theme on my blog since I have been through it so many times since JR passed away.  In my case, the one I will become is the part of me that picks myself back up after I have fallen down.  It is a rare occasion that I can catch myself before falling down.

I've reached the place where I embrace falling down since there is always a lesson in the experience. 

The experience itself is part of becoming the one I will become because of the lesson.

If I don't allow myself to fall down when life becomes difficult, the opportunity to analyze the situation and reassess my direction would not happen.  Healing would probably never happen.

Let me fall, but learn to analyze and pick myself back up quickly.

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