My life has been blessed and cursed with various friendships and acquaintances through the years.
Some can't even be categorized as a relationship . . . they were acquaintances that were evil and vicious, harsh lessons in life that are unfortunately necessary. One in particular was a family member.
Many of you will wonder why I feel those relationships were necessary. For one thing, I think these relationships make us stronger and help us recognize what is good vs evil in our relationships, even at an early age.
Those who were evil and vicious to me confused me in my younger days, wondering what I did to make them act toward me in that manner. There were times I blamed myself for doing "something" I didn't understand. As a result, it is my belief I became a better person for it . . . a kinder person who didn't want to make someone else feel that awful feeling I experienced.
My nature was way too trusting, even as I grew into early adulthood, when I was handed the most vicious acts of evil from those I grew to trust the most. I was crushed. The result was trust issues in future relationships.
That is how we form the way we react to people in general, by life experience. Unfortunately for me, it left me with a strong distrust for my fellow human beings, no matter what my intuition told me. For various reasons, to this day, I still don't trust my intuition completely.
My close and trusted friendships are few, but strong and very special. I'm sorry to say that most of my truest and trusted friends have passed away recently.
I've learned to leave new friendships at arm's length and slowly work my way into strengthening the relationship. I quickly recognize the ones that will be a draining experience, negative or downright incompatible. As harsh as it may sound, they are discarded from my life like the morning trash.
I no longer work in my former profession that I loved and cherished so much because of office politics . . . I just can't handle it, although some of my best friends were once co-workers.
The ones that grow into close and trusted friendships are cherished like the jewels they are. They are my front row seat relationships, of which I include many family members, but not all.
Those who have been discarded don't even sit in the balcony . . . my theater does not have a balcony. There is only room in my theater for MY drama.
Life experience has taught me who is worthy and who is not.