A string of trigger days have beat me up.
Sometimes I think I will never get over losing The Captain and Kiki and it is killing me.
Showing posts with label trigger days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trigger days. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 2, 2025
Tuesday, May 28, 2024
Faith, Love and Time
The Memorial Day weekend was bittersweet and difficult.
Military holidays were so special for The Captain, they were a part of who he was. I had never experienced a person who was so patriotic and so proud of his military service. I often thought that when he retired from the military, a part of him died. It is who he was, but no longer had an active part in it. It is a sad fact of retirement, you kind of lose your identity.
Although I dislike war movies, I almost wanted the bombardment of his holiday ritual, marathon war movies. They meant he was alive and well and still with me.
It was one of those times that I just needed to be alone and cry my eyes out. Somehow it makes me feel better and allows me to be strong. That doesn't make sense, but grief does not make sense. Just when I think I can handle life again, it hits me like a ton of bricks.
Looking back at the memories that flooded me over the weekend, although I hate what grief does to me, it means that I loved deeply. And for that I will always be grateful.
Friday, March 29, 2024
Lacking Peace
My latest grief stage has brought me far away from perfect peace. It is getting better, but faith and trust have been difficult to attain. The birthdays of two husbands who have passed away have been awful trigger days with Easter around the corner.
This definition of peace is what I have been lacking . . . "freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions".
As I prepared our traditional Easter ham and potato salad, the overwhelming empty feeling of not sharing the cooking and enjoying the meal and the holiday itself with both of them consumed me.
These are typical trigger days that have doubled for me. The Captain helped me through those days in the past. Now I try to relive the memories of days past to get through the present trigger days.
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