How to Stop Worrying

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.”

Swedish Proverb

Isn't that the truth?

As much as I hate the robbing of my peace of mind that worrying brings, I can't stop.  Sometimes it feels like an addiction, other times I feel cursed.

There are times the serenity prayer works, you know, don't worry about those things you can't control.  Somehow, the mind can trick you into believing that you DO have control about the thing, so off you go on your worry journey.

In my case, I truly believe it is a learned thing since both my grandmother and mother have had the affliction since I can remember.  My experience with them has shown me how ridiculous and to what lengths the worry emotion will take you, but I convince myself I am not as extreme.

One of my favorite blogs, The Positivity Blog, posted an article "How to Stop Worrying: 9 Simple Habits" that really hit home and made a lot of sense to me.  What follows is an excerpt of that article.  The source link follows the post.

1. Most of things you worry about have never happened.

I love this quote by Winston Churchill:

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”

I have found it to be very true in my own life.

So when you feel worries starting to pop up ask yourself this:

How many of the things I feared would happen in my life did actually happen?

If you are anything like me then the answer will be: very few. And the very few ones that actually happened were mostly not as painful or terrible as I had expected.

Worries are most often just monsters you build in your own mind.

I find that asking myself this question regularly and reminding myself of how little of the worries that actually came to life makes easier and easier to stay calm and to stop a worried thought before it becomes a big snowball of negativity.

2. Avoid getting lost in vague fears.

When fears feel vague in your mind, when you lack clarity then it is very easy to get lost in exaggerated worries and disaster scenarios.

So find clarity in a worry-inducing situation by asking yourself:

Honestly and realistically, what is the worst that could happen?

When I have answered that question then I follow it up with spending a bit of time on figuring out what I can do about it if that pretty unlikely thing happens.

In my experience, the worst that could realistically happens is usually not as scary as what my mind could make up when it is running wild with vague fears.

Spending a few minutes on finding clarity in this way can save you whole lot of time, energy and suffering.

3. Don’t try to guess what is on someone’s mind.

Trying to read someone’s mind usually doesn’t work too well at all. Instead, it can very easily lead to creating an exaggerated and even disastrous scenario in your mind.

So choose a way that is less likely to lead to worries and misunderstandings.

Communicate and ask what you want to ask.

By doing so you’ll promote openness in your relationship and it will likely be happier as you avoid many unnecessary conflicts and negativity.

4. Say stop in a situation where you know you cannot think straight.

From time to time when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep I can become mentally vulnerable. And so worries can more easily start buzzing around in my head.

In the past this often lead to many minutes of time that where no fun.

These days I have become better at catching such thoughts quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I then follow that up with saying this to myself:

I will think this situation or issue through at a time when I know that my mind will work much better.

Like when I have eaten. Or in the morning when I have gotten my sleep.

It takes some practice to apply this one consistently and effectively but it also makes a big difference in my life.

5. Remember, people don’t think about you and what you do as much as you may think.

They have their hands full with thinking about what other people think of them. And with thinking about what is closest to their hearts like their children, pets, a partner or the job or school.

So don’t get lost in worries about what people may think or say if you do something. Don’t let such thoughts hold you back in life.

6. Work out.

Few things work so well and consistently as working out to release inner tensions and to move out of a headspace that is extra vulnerable to worries.

I also find that working out – especially with free weights – makes me feel more decisive and focused.

So even though working out helps me to build a stronger body my main motivation to keep doing it is for the wonderful and predictable mental benefits.

7. Let your worry out into the light.

This is one of my favorites. Because it tends to work so well.

By letting your “big” worry out into the light and talking about it with someone close to you it becomes a whole lot easier to see the situation or issue for what it really is.

Just venting for a few minutes can make a big difference and after a while you may start to wonder what you were so worried about in the first place.

Sometimes the other person may only have to listen as you work through the situation yourself out loud.

At other times it can be very helpful to let the other person ground you and help you find a more practical and useful perspective on the situation at hand.

If you do not have anyone to talk to at the moment about the worry bouncing around in your mind then let it out by writing about it. Just getting it out of your head and reasoning about with yourself either on paper or in a journal on your computer can help you to calm down and find clarity.

8. Spend more time in the present moment.

When you spend too much time reliving the past in your mind then it easy to start feeding your worries about the future. When you spend too much time in the future then is also easy to get swept away by disaster scenarios.

So focus on spending more of your time and attention in the present moment.

Two of my favorite ways to reconnect with what is happening right now:

• Slow down. Do whatever you are doing right now but do it slower. Move, talk, eat or ride your bicycle slower. By doing so you’ll become more aware of what is happening all around you right now.
• Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are starting to worry then disrupt that thought by shouting this to yourself in your mind: STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just one or two minutes to focus to 100% on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, see it, smell it, hear it and sense it on your skin.

9. Refocus on the small step you can take to move forward.

To move out the worried headspace I find it really, really helpful to just start moving and taking action to start solving or improving whatever I am concerned about.

So I ask myself:

What is one small step I can take right now to start improving this situation I am in?

Then I focus on just taking that small step forward. After that I find another small step and I take that one too.

Source

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Sometimes we get scared

No matter how brave, strong,  or levelheaded we are,  sometimes we all get scared.

"Life can take us on a roller coaster ride full of highs and lows and twists and turns. Even for those of us who enjoy unexpected thrills, it’s frightening to suddenly find ourselves heading for a deep plunge. Yet, it happens to all of us. At these moments, it is important to remember that you are not alone in your experiences. No matter how brave, strong, or levelheaded we are, sometimes, we all get scared.

Our fears may revolve around our physical safety, particularly if we are not feeling well, living under difficult circumstances, or doing work that exposes us to hazardous conditions. Or, we may be experiencing financial woes that are causing us to be fearful about making ends meet. We may also fear the loss of a loved one who is sick, or we may be scared of never finding someone special to spend our life with. We may be scared to start at a new school, begin a different job, move to a new town, or meet new people. Whatever our fears are, they are valid, and we do not need to feel ashamed or embarrassed that we are, at times, afraid.

It may be comforting to know that everyone gets scared, and it is perfectly OK. Sometimes just acknowledging our fears is enough to make us feel better. And while it sometimes takes a lot more to ease our mind, we can console ourselves with the knowledge that life can be scary at times. Giving ourselves permission to be scared lets us move through our fears so we can let it go. It also makes it alright to share our fears with others. Sharing our apprehensions with other people can make our fears less overwhelming because we are not letting them grow inside of us as pent up emotions. Sharing our fears also can lighten our burden because we are not carrying our worries all by ourselves. Remember that you are not alone."

Source:  Daily Om 

Sometimes someone else's

 words say it all for me . . .

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Growing Day by Day

Suffering is the sandpaper of our life.

 It does its work of shaping us.

 Suffering is part of our training
 program for becoming wise.

Ram Dass

We understand that we want to be better but have no clear definition of what better means and that is part of the process.

At some point in our lives, many of us find ourselves overcome with the desire to become better people. While we are all uniquely capable of navigating this world, we may nonetheless feel driven to grow, expand, and change. This innate need for personal expansion can lead us down many paths as we develop within the context of our individual lives. Yet the initial steps that can put us on the road to evolution are not always clear. We understand that we want to be better but have no clear definition of “better.” To ease this often frustrating uncertainty, we can take small steps, keeping our own concept of growth in mind rather than allowing others to direct the course of our journey. And we should accept that change won’t happen overnight—we may not recognize the transformations taking place within us at first.

Becoming a better person in your own eyes is a whole-life project, and thus you should focus your step-by-step efforts on multiple areas of your existence. Since you likely know innately which qualities you consider good, growing as an individual is simply a matter of making an effort to do good whenever possible. Respect should be a key element of your efforts. When you acknowledge that all people are deserving of compassion, consideration, and dignity, you are naturally more apt to treat them in the manner you yourself wish to be treated. You will intuitively become a more active listener, universally helpful, and truthful. Going the extra mile in all you do can also facilitate evolution. Approaching your everyday duties with an upbeat attitude and positive expectations can help you make the world a brighter, more cheerful place. Finally, coming to terms with your values and then abiding by them will enable you to introduce a new degree of integrity and dignity into your life.

As you endeavor to develop yourself further, you can take pride not only in your successes, but also in the fact that you are cultivating consciousness within yourself through your choices, actions, and behaviors. While you may never feel you have reached the pinnacles of awareness you hope to achieve, you can make the most of this creative process of transformation. Becoming a better person is your choice and is a natural progression in your journey of self-awareness.

Source: Daily Om

Attitude plays a huge part in the quest of becoming a "better person."

My perspective goes out of whack when I'm down, worrying about everything, in a foul mood and all positive vibes have flown out the window.  I'm learning not to even attempt to make anything better since that will just set me up to fail . . . adding insult to injury.  

I know to take a "time out to chill out" . . . that is usually when I write about whatever is bothering me . . . discuss it with The Captain to benefit from his carefree attitude (and hopefully learn to be more like him) . . . or do nothing productive at all and do something fun.  I'm grateful to have the freedom to be able to do that.

One of my areas in need of adjustment is attitude in my path to becoming a better person.  It is learning which battles are worth fighting, the things that are worthy of worrying about and knowing when to let go of those worries that we have no control over.  There has to be a good balance!

I'm finally realizing this attitude has been something I learned as a little girl growing up in a family who worries and frets about everything.  It won't take overnight for me to let go of that attitude that tends to warp my perspective.  While it is healthy to have a responsible concern about certain things, taking it over the top is counterproductive.

Cultivating consciousness has become of utmost importance in my life and I am more aware of it with every day that passes.  My greatest feelings of achievement come when I can immediately recognize that I am starting to fret a bit too much about something and move on to something else without a change in attitude.  

Definite progress that is leading to a better perspective toward life!

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Anxiety and Tranquility

You may be plagued by anxious feelings today. If you feel overly pressured to succeed in your personal and professional spheres, you could begin retaining tension in your body. The nervous stress affecting your mind could quickly cause your muscles to grow painfully tight and inflexible. You could ease the strain in your mind and body by examining the root cause for your worries. Your expectations may be too high, or you may feel that you must live up to the expectations set forth by a boss or loved one. You may find that a simple breathing meditation, where you focus wholeheartedly on drawing in and expelling air, calms your mind and, as a result, relieves your physical tension. Your muscles will likely feel looser and more flexible today once you have dealt with the anxiety in your mind. 

Often, the simplest way to ease tension that has built up in the body is by letting go of our worries. Because our physical and mental selves are so intimately connected, what affects one often impacts the other. You can encourage well-being in your body by paying close attention to your feelings and reactions in life. When distressing thoughts rear up in your mind, engaging in activities that promote peace will prevent them from interfering with your physical health. Stress won’t have an opportunity to establish itself in your body when you use calming exercises to alleviate your mind. When you ease up on putting pressure on yourself today, your body will relax accordingly.

 Source: Daily Om

Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress, which helps one cope with a tense situation. However, anxiety can become excessive, producing irrational dread of everyday situations, making it a disabling disorder that is often misunderstood in our society.

Loved ones can be very important allies in the successful recovery of a person with an anxiety disorder. In order to ensure a successful recovery, the loved ones should be supportive, but not help perpetuate their loved one’s symptoms, be educated about the condition and not trivialize the disorder or demand improvement without understanding.

Make time for yourself, pamper yourself . . . and find ways to relax.

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Quality of Life and the Adventurous Attitude

What is adventure?  

Adventure could be defined as an activity that involves the possibility of risk, danger or exciting experiences. For one person, it could mean jumping off a bridge attached to a bungee cord, feeling the rush of rising and falling as the bungee cord does its thing.  Yet another could perceive adventure as a serene day at the beach.


Adventure could simply be seen as an attitude . . . a journey towards finding our unique potential . . . sometimes hidden by fear and worry.  It is how we approach the day-to-day obstacles of life, how we perceive and act on them that determines the level of adventure and quality of life.


Attitude adjustments that involve backing away from fear of the unknown and embracing the new challenges as an exciting adventure allows us to seize those new opportunities that present themselves with a positive mindset.  


Embracing adventure is acknowledging faith . . . a testing that faces the unknown without fear.  Stretching past the comfort zone allows us to find that unique potential within ourselves.


The adventurous attitude perceives everything in a positive light . . . life is awesome until it isn't . . . then you confront, face and solve the problem.  Until then, it isn't a problem . . . so why worry about the thing unless it has happened.


Speaking from experience, fear and worry is an obstacle from living life to its full potential . . . isn't life without adventure merely waiting to die?  


Readers of my blogs will understand what I am saying . . . since becoming a widow, my life was one of waiting to die, locking myself away from the world . . . get it over with, I didn't even want to try to be adventurous since I may get hurt in one way or another.  Warped thinking plays into the scenario . . .


Of course depression plays a huge role in attitude . . . but you can deal with it, fight it . . . turn it around no matter how many times you have to get back up when you fall down . . . find adventure in life again.  I did . . . although I still have to deal with the fears, some days better than others.


Love this quote . . .

"Most of the important things in the world 

have been accomplished by people who have 

kept on trying when there seemed to be 

no hope at all."  

Herbert Myer

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A New Approach

Taking a Break from What You Are Doing

Sometimes we need to step back from what occupies our
minds and take a break much like touching the reset button.

We can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much. There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us. It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal.

At first it may seem that by taking a break we may not be as productive as we would initially like. In reality, a healthy period of rest is something that gives us a real sense of the unlimited nature of our true potential. Spending a couple of minutes walking outside, doing a few yoga poses, meditating, or simply becoming attuned to the rising and falling of our breath enables us to let go of our worries. This act brings our focus back to the things that are truly essential for us, such as our sense of oneness with the universe and our inner peace and well-being. As we begin to get in touch with this part of ourselves, we will find that our usual everyday troubles and worries become less critical and that we not only have much more room in our lives to really reflect on the issues that mean the most to us, but we are also able bring to all the situations we encounter a much more positive and healthy outlook.

Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.

Source: Daily Om

One of the most difficult things for me is getting rid of emotional baggage. Sometimes I think my mind has played tricks on me and convinced me that this baggage is some kind of award to hold on to with great pride.

This article took me back to an episode of Seinfeld, which finds George disgusted at his life choices and he decides to take a different approach and do the opposite of what his intuition tells him to do.

Clearing the mind of worries and anxieties works for me at times since meditating on them just compounds the stress, making it impossible to think rationally from all the thoughts and "what if" scenarios. Ponderous thinking has to be shut down before it becomes a big ugly monster.

Music and nature hold healing properties for me in the context of chasing away the monster, but there is nothing like serious prayer and trusting God to get me back on track.

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Worry, paranoia and intuition

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever. (Isak Dinesen)

Worry is one of those emotions I could do without. It has been brought to my attention that worry is nothing but waiting for something bad to happen in the midst of good times.

Ironically, sometimes the self-fulfilling prophecy leads to not being happy unless the thing I worry about happens. Otherwise what I perceive as "intuition" is wrong. In my world, there is a fine line between worry and intuition. It is a lose/lose concept of thinking.

I'm starting to realize the concept of the above quote . . . life is way too short to worry about something that may not even be an issue to worry about . . . so why worry about it?

There is also a fine line between worry and paranoia . . .

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An abundance of enthusiasm

What do you do with your worries, problems, fears . . . and an abundance of enthusiasm?

For the past two nights I have not been able to sleep because of worries, problems and fears crammed into my thoughts that don’t want to shut down, holding on to every little detail of every concern and project that I have going on that I am way too excited about. My poor brain is on overload!

Sleep problems run in cycles for me and I know the major problem is the lack of a routine and way too much enthusiasm . . . have I mentioned that I’ve always been a workaholic?

As time goes on I am learning to let things go that are out of my control, pray about it and release it, like putting it in a little box that sits high up on a shelf in my closet that I can’t see. However, if I have control over the thing . . . I will make myself crazy over it.

The other day I wrote an article on the race of life and how we need to slow down and enjoy life. However, it occurs to me that a person with workaholic tendencies can’t slow down because they are enjoying what they do a little too much . . . at least I do.

Still . . . I’m grateful for way too much enthusiasm . . . the alternative is giving up in a time that I can’t find a real job.

How do you find balance in your life? What works for you?

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The balance of control

We can dream, wish, pray as much as we want, work on a project to exhaustion giving it the best we can give, but in the end we relinquish those things out of our control to faith and hope. What can you do other than your best? The answer is nothing . . .

However, much of what happens to us in our lives is within our control. The secret is to learn the delicate balance of control, maintaining and emotionally coping with those things out of our control while attending to those things we have control over to the best of our ability.

Sometimes I catch myself expending unnecessary energy worrying about something that I can’t do a thing about when I could be using that time and energy towards a meaningful project that will make a difference.

Out of control balance leads to emotional spiraling out of control . . . where nothing is accomplished, attitude becomes one in dire need of adjustment and depression starts to creep its way in.

The balance of control helps to maintain peace and harmony in the quality of life.

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The road to happiness

Happiness is a state of mind. When I wake up every morning I have a choice to either think positively or negatively. Life circumstances don’t matter if I have decided to think positively about my situation.

Long ago I realized that we are very spoiled as a society. I was tired of wanting more and more like a bottomless pit when my life philosophy started to change. It has been my experience that when you live simply, give more and expect less, the result is a happier and more fulfilling life.

When you free your mind, heart and soul from worry and hatred, there is more room for happiness and love. It isn’t easy, it is something to be aware of and figure out how to change the behaviors. 

Ultimately, we are the ones in control of the way we think and feel about anything and everything that affects our life.

The lyrics of the featured song, Simple Things by Amy Grant reflects my road to happiness . . . the lyrics follow . . . it is the simple things in life that matter.

Lyrics

Simple Things | Amy Grant

Wake up baby look around 

Birds sing, ooooh that sound 

Reminds me of a line 

From Unchained Melody 

Feel like I'm a little girl 

Best thing in the whole wide world 

Is I can see the makings of a memory 

I remember how it used to be 

Well I'm still dreaming...

Cuz I dream of simple things 

I can believe in 

Like the feeling this day brings 

True love and the miracle of forgiving 

I believe in simple things 

Ain't nothing like a sunny day 

Chit-chat at a street cafe 

Just paint the picture, baby 

Where you wanna be

Take a walk, take a ride 

So far, you and I 

Don't need a plan 

But we can share 

This revelry 

I remember how I used to want it all 

Funny now the big things seem so small 

I dream of simple things 

I can believe in 

Like the feeling this day brings 

True love and the miracle of forgiving 

I believe in simple things 

Through all the days 

The blues, the greys 

A ray of light keeps shining...

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