Let me fall

"Let me fall if I must. 

The one I will become will catch me."

Baal Shem Tov

I love that quote!
Falling down has been a recurring theme on my blog since I have been through it so many times since JR passed away.  In my case, the one I will become is the part of me that picks myself back up after I have fallen down.  It is a rare occasion that I can catch myself before falling down.
I've reached the place where I embrace falling down since there is always a lesson in the experience. 
The experience itself is part of becoming the one I will become because of the lesson.
If I don't allow myself to fall down when life becomes difficult, the opportunity to analyze the situation and reassess my direction would not happen.  Healing would probably never happen.
Let me fall, but learn to analyze and pick myself back up quickly.

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Perfect Peace

In God we have . . .

A love that can never be fathomed,
A life that can never die,
A righteousness that can never be tarnished,
A peace that can never be understood,
A rest that can never be disturbed,
A joy that can never be diminished,
A hope that can never be disappointed,
A glory that can never be clouded,
A light that can never be darkened,
A purity that can never be defiled,
A beauty that can never be marred,
A wisdom that can never be baffled,
Resources that can never be exhausted.
God is our all in all!


Perfect peace is a beautiful thought that can certainly become a reality.
I'm so happy and grateful to say that I'm so close!
This summer has been spent relaxing and chilling out, making the attempt to find out where my place is in this world.  It has been a phase of looking at my life as it was, pondering the thought of where my past experiences have led me and what are the lessons learned.
The lessons learned are the easiest part to identify and so profound as it relates to the past as well as the rest of my life.  The most important lesson is that life is short and we must make the best of our time here on earth in perfect peace and happiness.  Equally important is to the cherish every moment with those we love since we never know if that moment is the last with that precious person.
God granted my greatest wish . . . the gift of love from and to the most perfect person in the world for me.  The doors easily open for those things that are God's will, which is why so many doors were closed to me in the past.  That was another lesson learned.  Yes, it seemed to take forever to find that love and happiness, but it taught me to trust faith in God and have the patience it takes for those doors to open as they were destined.  Good things come to those who wait . . . just know they will arrive at the right time!
Our relationship has grown from an online romance that went through many phases of happiness and frustration that goes along with any new relationship and getting to know each other . . . a long distance relationship takes us through many unique twists. Through the six years that I have known The Captain, we went from those silly beginnings of online love to a strong relationship that has weathered many storms which actually made us stronger as a couple.
What lacks in my life is direction.  Honestly, I have always thought that retirement was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  In many ways it is.  The freedom is awesome.  The anticipation of a future that can become anything I want it to be is so exciting.  However, the "anything I want" part is the problem, although I have decided to go back to internet retailing and being creative.
I've been deep in the midst of total overwhelm about so many things.  I know I must take one thing at a time, but it is so much easier said than done. 
What I do know is that I think too much!
After much consideration, I have decided to continue enjoying my retirement, but take things slowly, enjoy every step of the journey instead of taking the "what if" approach of way too much thinking that has brought me down instead of being happy as I should be since I am so close to perfect peace.
Today I am feeling so lucky for this second chance in life and so grateful to have the most wonderful partner ever to love, adore and share a beautiful life with.
It has been a long seven years since I wrote the following post and I am eternally grateful that God took me by the hand and took me on a journey that led me down the path to a happy future.
Let my life experience be a lesson for your life!

This post was originally published on  March 8, 2008

Some advice from a good friend
with a multitude of wisdom . . .
"you need a journey"

My friend is so right, I've needed a journey for a long time, even before I started working. The last time I took time away from home and away from thinking . . . FUN TIME . . . was last July when I went to the beach with family and came back feeling like a new person.

All the emotions I have been experiencing lately is simply restlessness. I'm in between jobs, taking time to put lots of things in order before making another commitment and hopefully not disappointing myself again . . . back to being in limbo. Most of my problem is not making moves for fear of another disappointment.

Sometimes I forget the lesson I learned from JR's death . . . life is short and we must ENJOY every moment. My positive attitude has allowed me to enjoy moments, but I want more than moments. I spend more time planning life than living life. At least my attitude is no longer negative . . . so I must give myself credit for that progress.

I'm also realizing I have not trusted my faith in God. My tendency is to question God about everything bad in my life . . . JR's death, failed relationships, my indecision about the future and general "bad luck".

I have my moments when I realize that everything happens for a reason and that as humans, God grants us free will. Sometimes I get caught up in the middle of that theory, life circumstances twist my thoughts around . . . I end up not knowing what I believe and not getting past my core belief in God.

I'm referring to that peace that surpasses understanding . . . I do have that spiritual peace as far as feeling that no matter what, everything is going to be ok. What I seek is that peace that brings joy and I wonder if what I am experiencing is a perpetual grieving for JR that leaves me in this state and afraid that I am destined to live the rest of my days with this feeling.

Maybe it is like my friend says . . . needing a journey . . . needing fun in my life. It could be and I have been working toward wrapping things up around here so I can take off for at least a couple of days. No definite plans have been made on purpose so I can experience the awesome feeling of being a spontaneous free spirit like JR and I lived our lives. If only I can capture the magic of those days and I'm going to try.

One thing for sure, the journey will bring me closer to God and the journey to perfect peace. It is something that has been a part of my life before, so I know how it feels, I just need to remember how to get there.

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Facing problems

Facing Problems

Running Away Versus Moving Forward

Source: The Daily OM

There are times when change—moving to a new city or a new home, or changing careers—is the right thing at the right time. But there are also times when the urge for change is really just a desire to run away from problems that need to be faced rather than avoided. These are the kinds of problems that recur in our lives. For example, issues with coworkers that seem to arise at every job we take, or repeatedly getting into unhealthy relationships. A move might temporarily distract us, and even cure the problem for a time, simply by taking us out of the situation in which the problem fully manifested itself. 

However, the problem will eventually appear again in our new situation.


One way to make sure you aren’t running away from your problems is to notice whether you are moving towards something that is exciting in its own right, as opposed to something that is appealing only because it is not where you are now. For example, if you are leaving a city because you feel you can’t afford it, you could be reinforcing poverty consciousness, and you might find that you are unable to make ends meet in your new city as well. It would ultimately be less of an effort to stay where you are and look more deeply into your beliefs about money. You may discover that as you address these issues, you are able to make more money simply by changing your mindset. You may still decide to move, but it will be an act with a positive intention behind it and not an escape, which could make all the difference.

Any pain involved in facing our issues is well worth the effort in the end. When we face our problems instead of avoiding them, we free our energy and transform ourselves from people who run away into people who move enthusiastically forward.

It is all about fear.

Fear keeps our present situation alive, no matter how awful or how much we desire to make the change.  It is easier to sweep it under the rug and just run away from whatever it is.  Been there, done that!

Doesn't fear produce negative thinking?

Just a change in our mindset to one of a positive nature can make the changes possible.  Most of the time, it takes small steps, depending on the fear.

If you are stuck in an emotional rut, perhaps it is time to assess your situation, define your goals and break down the necessary steps to make it happen.

Write them down!  Start a journal to track your progress.  The motivation to keep going is greater when I periodically go back and see how far I have come with my fears.

One of the most important questions to ask yourself . . .

Why am I scared?

Be honest with yourself!

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Bad experiences . . . grateful?

There was a time I had found love and had finally trusted another person enough to let him into my life in a meaningful way.  Probably like many other long distance relationships, it was a rocky road and it was a very confusing time, yet happy at the same time.  Talk about a roller coaster ride!

The Captain and I had already met in person.  He had visited several times and all I knew is that I was madly in love with him.  But there were other considerations to ponder.  They were life changing times!

At the same time, I had decided it was time to get a real job, so I was knee deep in the search for employment and all the frustrations associated with that.


It was a time that my faith carried me to everything I wanted.  The Captain eventually moved to Florida and I found that fulfilling job I was searching for.

This post was originally published
on October 31, 2009

Nothing is a waste of time
if you use your experience wisely.

Auguste Rodin, 1840-1917

Even bad experiences are life lessons that prepare you

to cope with whatever fate has in store for you.

I'm grateful for all the bad experiences in my

past . . . they have made me the person I am today

and the stronger person I will be tomorrow.

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Moving through the darkness

"We can take our inspiration from any fairy tale that finds its central character lost in a dark wood, frightened and alone. We know that the journey through the wood provides its own kind of beauty and richness. On the other side, we will emerge transformed, lighter and brighter, braver and more confident for having moved through that darkness.

This is just life’s way of taking us to a place we need to go for reasons that go deeper than our own ability to reason. These hard knocks and trials are designed to shed light on our unconscious workings and deepen our experience of reality."

Source:  Daily Om 

We are apparently living in lala land and these "hard knocks" are designed to deepen our experience of reality?  That was my thought after reading today's quotes from the Daily Om.

Actually, it all feels like the movie "Groundhog Day."  Seriously.

The theme of our year has been "readdressing old issues over and over again" . . . and it seems as if we are moving through the darkness, going in circles which lead to nowhere.

Very frustrating!

In the past week, we have had to deal with health problems, car problems, home repair problems persist and nothing has changed.  Oh please, I will spare you the details of these things that don't want to go away!

I'm having faith that all of these irritating life situations are building my character into a stronger, better person and I'll ultimately become fearless and worry-free . . . a contradiction of my own life.  It could be the lesson that the good Lord is blessing me with.  

We all run into all types of contradictions through the course of life's lessons.

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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger?

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens

WOW, that quote speaks volumes to me and reminds me of another quote . . . "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Yes, I am stronger than before I had to deal with the death of my spouse . . . I'm still standing after taking one fall after another.  One learns how to get back up, however, I'm not sure if I have been bent and broken into a better shape.  

Sometimes I wonder about being "stronger" since I am haunted with worry that it will happen all over again while fiercely trying to fight those feelings and adopt the philosophy of living for today and don't worry about the future. 

When I fell in love with The Captain, I thought my heart would be what it used to be, but it had experienced the devastating pain of losing a spouse.  He's gone through several surgeries since we have been together and the feelings come flooding back with a vengeance.  I've wondered if other widows go through the same feelings after finding love again and this is just a "normal" phase of the grief process.  

The fear of another loss . . . I've perfected the act of suffering and live with the hope that I will learn the lesson that life goes on no matter what or how much we worry about whatever the worry is about.

Sometimes I wonder if what doesn't kill you makes you weaker?

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Divine Discontent

What a great story on taking a
 positive view of a bad situation!

Some lessons are more expensive
 than others . . . even if they
 don't cost a penny

A fellow came to my teacher Hilda Charlton and complained that he had been ripped off by an auto mechanic. "The guy charged me $500 for poor work and then refused to remedy it," he explained. "I had a bad feeling about this mechanic before he started the work. Now I wish I had listened to it."

Hilda responded, "If I were offering you a week-long course on following your intuition, and I guaranteed you that after this course you would be better able to hear your inner guidance and more willing to follow it, would you take the class?"

"Why, sure!" answered the fellow without hesitation.

"And if the tuition for the course was $500, would you pay it?"

"That would be a bargain."

"Then consider yourself lucky," Hilda told him. "You got the entire course from your mechanic in one day."

Now before you go out and seek pain to learn, hear this: Pain happens, but suffering is optional. When pain comes, make use of the experience, but do not wallow in it. When you accidentally place your finger in a flame, it is supposed to hurt just long enough for you to pull it out. If you think there is value in keeping it there, you will be a crispy critter. Pain is a minor element of life, unless you are indulging it. Then it becomes suffering. Get the message and then get on with your life, which is far more about joy than sorrow.

All experiences in life can be sorted into two categories: (1) Experiences to be enjoyed; and (2) Experiences to be learned from. There is no slot in between. Nothing random. Figure out which experiences fall into which category, and you are well on your way home.

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Does money rule?

Yes it does!

This time my survival mode has to do with money.  However, The Captain and I are not alone in this struggle . . . there is so much going on in the United States, and it is not good.

"If money be not thy servant, it will be thy master."

-- Francis Bacon

In what ways does money rule your life?

Money has entered so deeply into our lives that it can become our primary reference point. We make so many of our decisions based on how they affect the bottom line. Do you compromise things you really value for money? Has the power of money hurt your relationships, your health, your work or your self-respect?

"If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life."

-- Billy Graham

How do you think of money?

"Money is a highly charged subject. And most of the emotions people feel around it are negative: fear, shame, embarrassment, anger."

-- Jerrold Mundis

How do you feel about money?

Many of us are afraid of money. With this fear, we avoid dealing honestly and completely with our financial situation. We only have a vague idea of how much money we earn and spend, and even how much we owe. By refusing to accept financial responsibility, we sacrifice our chances for a better life.

"Choosing wealth as a goal requires facing everything about your money bravely, honestly, with courage -- which is a very, very hard thing for most of us to do. But it can be done."

-- Suze Orman

Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want. 

-- Geoffrey F. Abert

Since becoming a widow, I have contemplated the role of money in my life and the difference between wants and needs.  Somehow I have always made it financially without changing my quality of life in a drastic way.

Like so many others living in the United States, our changing society and governmental rules have us concerned about our future and basic survival.

Although the country is experiencing a tremendous transformation, I still believe that prosperity is within reach for anyone who is innovative and willing to make sacrifices to get there.  That is where The Captain and I have been . . . making sacrifices now for a prosperous future.

This week finds us somewhat backed up against the wall and having to make major decisions and more sacrifices . . . not resulting from a "want," but a very important "need" that I don't think anyone can live without.  I consider this a major crisis like I have never encountered in my life and it has really made me think about the role of money in our lives, even if we live the "simple abundance life."  

Yes, I am having an extremely difficult time having any semblance of peace and serenity at the moment, but so far, I have kept it together rather well.  I pray that the current plan will work for us and be over with quickly . . . should we be that lucky.   However, luck has escaped us lately.

Current events in government have collided with our dilemma this week and the news of so much devastating news regarding basic health care has really bothered me.  Life changing decisions are being made in thousands or millions of households as we face our challenge.  Their nightmare is not going to go away soon.  Thank God Obamacare does not affect our lives . . . at least not at the moment.

Money has not ruled my life for a very long time . . . however, this latest event that most homeowners face has rudely made money a major part in the quality of our lives.  Two major events for us within a month or so has been a definite wake up call.

Whether we want to admit it or not . . . money does rule.  It is a necessary evil in my opinion.

"This too shall pass" for us . . . 

but I worry about the thousands or millions

of my fellow citizens affected by decisions our

government is making.  

How will it affect the quality of their lives?  

Where will they turn?

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Push Back

No, it is not Monday, but it sure has been manic!
It seems like my life is a vicious cycle of stuff happening like a revolving door of "time flies while you are having fun" that doesn't seem to go away.  The fun part is my sarcastic humor.
As I was searching through my journals for positive and inspirational posts from the past when life was really horrible for me, I came across the following post.  At least it reminds me that this too shall pass.
I could have written the following post today, except that I'm not feeling none too positive these days.  The line "everyone experiences obstacles at inopportune times" especially rings true today.  There is never a good time for negative stuff that happens in life, but the stuff usually piles on to something else for us.
I've spent today trying to be positive, reading inspirational writings and making a conscious effort to laugh and find the humor in life's happenings rather than get myself upset over things that can't be controlled.  But I have to be honest . . . I'm not feeling grateful for more life lessons . . . guess it is the "bad stuff burnout."
This has got to be one of those serious, get your attention life tests because something else that is pretty important broke as we are trying to deal with a huge tree that fell on our back storage shed with a chainsaw that is now useless.  As each day goes by, the weight of the tree is smashing the aluminum shed further toward the ground.  That one side is starting to look like an accordion . . . as seen from far away.  I'm not ready to observe it closely. 
More stuff to spend too much money on.
Lots of memories and treasures are in that shed.
I'm starting to feel like this house has become a money pit!
So ready for the "greatness potential"  in the following quote to start kicking in.

The following post was originally published on June 5, 2008

When life pushes you down, push back! That's what you're here for. You're capable, you're creative, you're full of life and energy. You have what it takes to move yourself forward around any obstacle. Don't let anything stop you.

Take strength from meeting the challenges, and move ahead.The struggles you face are just what you need to fulfill your potential for greatness.

Think back over the past year. Consider the ways in which you've grown, the things you've learned, your accomplishments. Most of these probably came from overcoming some challenge or adversity which initially stood in your way.

A year from now, when you look back at today, you'll see that the problem you're so concerned with right now, was another valuable lesson waiting to be learned.

~ Ralph Marston ~

This past year has been a definite time of changes and accomplishments in my life, my thinking and the outlook for my future . . . no matter how I'm feeling today as I am picking myself back up again from the last fall.

Failure is not making the attempt to get up again.

The good news is that as I read the quote today, my positive thinking kicked in very instinctively and all of the progress I've made this past year flooded my mind. It resulted in the reassurance within my spirit that all has not been lost and everyone experiences obstacles at inopportune times.

Besides, is there EVER an opportune time for an obstacle? When it rains and pours at the same time, you have more to deal with, however, it is like killing two birds with one stone.

Today I am feeling so grateful
 for so many things . . .

1. Having the time and money to contemplate
 life before moving on to the next phase.

2. The internet and having information at my 
fingertips like the featured quote . . . those 
things that bring clarity in my 
life's ponderings.

3. Being able to forgive someone who hurt
 me and not burning that bridge.

4. A good night's sleep!!

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Learn from your mistakes

The following article comes from an awesome website "Unleash Your Success" . . . an excellent resource for self-help improvement (link follows article).  

It is my philosophy that mistakes are not failures, they are life lessons to learn from . . . unless the lesson is not learned time after time.

After not learning my lesson time and time again, I asked myself the question "how can I learn from my mistakes"?  When I could not come up with the answer, I did a search on my question and found the website and this awesome article . . .


Do you sometimes get annoyed with yourself when you find that you do the same mistakes (small or big ones) over and over again?

These can be simple and easy things such as helping out an acquaintance who seems always taking advantage of you? Or it can be something like giving money to a not so reliable friend.

And afterwards, you find yourself saying: “Why did I make the mistake again? I KNOW he/she would do this! He/she is doing this every time!” And you start getting mad on yourself.

Ever happened to you?

Well, you are not alone! Many people experience that in specific occasions the heart beats the mind.

So the important question here is: How can you learn from your mistakes?

Here are some quick and easy tips:

Firstly ask yourself WHY it happened again. Almost always emerges a certain pattern like: “It is difficult for me to say ‘no’ to friends.”

Secondly: once you found out the reason, do not stay there but try to find out why it is difficult for you to say no to friends. Don’t stay with the symptoms but dig a little deeper to shed a little light on the true cause.

One might be that you don’t want to lose your friend. Another could be attached to a certain believe system: “I’m not a good person when I’m not helping out others.”

Thirdly: analyse those true causes and the needs that hide behind them. Put them to the test: Do those needs prevent you from making the right decisions? Do they lead you straight to the same mistakes, over and over again?

Finally, make a decision with a strong statement: No money for this friend anymore! Or something like that. Write the statement on a piece of paper and put it where you can see it every time you pass by (mirror, fridge, you name it). This will remind you every time of your decision.

And then – the most important thing EVER: put it into action!




ACTION STEPS:

1) Ask yourself: Why did I make the same mistake?

2) Once you found the reason, dig out the true cause that hides behind it.

3) Analyse the true cause: Does this lead you to the same mistake?

4) Make a decision with a strong statement NOT to do it again.

5) Write the statement down and put it where you see it.

6) TAKE ACTION.

Source:  Unleash Your Success

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Bad Days

We all have them . . . did you think you are alone? It seems like it when you are in the midst of one and you just know that the whole world is against you.


Everything in life is what we perceive them to be, even bad days can be used for good if you look for lessons to be learned from them. For one thing, patience and perseverance is learned through bad days and even hard times (aka extended bad days . . . they truly build a strong character if we can only hang in there).


One of the greatest blessings in my life came to me as a result of hard times . . . more than extended bad days, those days seemed to never end, but they did. The result was a new found appreciation and gratefulness for good days and all that was good in my life. I stumbled on to the “Simple Abundance” lifestyle and it changed my life. That philosophy prepared me for the even darker days of my life.


Even the most positive people have bad days and it is ok to indulge in a bit of a pity party, have some chocolate or whatever else lifts your spirits . . . but don’t let the party last too long, you know, moderation and all that. 


Brush yourself off and start over again with a renewed spirit. Rise above it and realize that tomorrow is another day . . . be positive no matter how bleek it appears to be because it can all change in an instant.

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