Passionate and Intense Love

 

Have you ever felt an intense and passionate love for someone that seemed to be a gift from God?

There is nothing like it in the whole world.  Although it feels like a gift, the object of your desire may have no idea how you feel because it is nothing that someone can intentionally give you.  It is what it is and purely natural.  And the person feeling the "love" can't make themselves feel it . . . it just is.  

It may not be love at all, but this feeling for another person is more like magic.  This magic can actually make your heart skip a beat, feel like you are floating in the clouds and you truly believe you are in love.  You could possibly be falling in love and perhaps "the falling" is actually more magical than being in love itself.

All these thoughts came rushing to me as I thought of the first days of meeting The Captain online.  I was so taken by him with his charismatic and charming personality that I did not want to see a photo of him.  We spoke on the phone and his voice was music to my ears.  I felt so strange to feel so strongly about someone I had never seen or touched.  But my senses felt his magic.  

I prayed that this was not an ugly man that had captured my heart so intensely since my heart had previously been taken only by men I was strongly attracted to physically.  Shallow and too picky, I know.  But I was being taught a different way of falling in love and it was blind faith.

It was one of the best times of my life.

When you meet someone online, you really have no idea who they are or what they really look like.  If they have a photo, it could possibly not be the person you are interacting with, but someone else the person wants you to think they are.  

Unfortunately that deception happens often online.  The person resides in your computer or phone, an image in your mind that your heart interprets what it wants, but really is not real until you are eye to eye with the person.

In my case with The Captain, he made my heart skip a beat with his charming personality, but when I finally saw a photo of him and ultimately met him in person, my prayers had been answered and I had been falling in love with a man whose appearance I was strongly attracted to . . . to the point that I didn't know if I was coming or going.  What a feeling!

He gave me a gift I will never forget and he lives in my heart forever.  RIP captblackeagle, I will love you forever.  Miss you so much, my heart is still broken and always will be.

Love your loved ones like there is no tomorrow . . . there may not be.

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Allowing ourselves to be authentic

According to Wikipedia "authenticity is the degree to which an individual's actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures."

There are times being true to ourselves can be like a juggling act in the balance of life.  Life doesn't always hand us the situations that coincide with our desires.  Solutions sometimes mean external pressures that throw the balance out of wack.

Dealing with the imbalance requires leading with your heart.  It often means making someone else happy, but it could be that another's happiness is part of the dream.

Compromise can be a tool to remaining authentic to ourselves.  I believe that we reap what we sow.

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Head Over Heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

I never find out till I'm head over heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

Ah don't take my heart

Don't break my heart

Don't throw it away

lyrics from the song

Head Over Heels|Tears for Fears

As I was enjoying a relaxing morning sitting outdoors in what I consider to be perfect Florida weather, enjoying nature and feeling so thankful for everything I have been blessed with, thoughts of fairy tale love and fantasies came to my mind.  

The thoughts came out of nowhere!  Then this song started playing in my head and I remembered that I had written a blog post many years ago about the fairy tale love most women dream of.  So I decided to include this beautiful post about this aspect of love . . . fairy tales, fantasies and the dream of a future love yet to happen. 

Or maybe I'm just a romantic fool . . .

This post was originally published 

on November 1, 2007

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without.
If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with?
Fall head over heels.
I say find someone you can love like crazy and
who'll love you the same way back.
And how do you find him?
Forget your head and listen to your heart.
I'm not hearing any heart.
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back.
Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this.
To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -
well, you haven't lived a life at all.
You have to try.
Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived".

[William Parrish] from the movie,
Meet Joe Black (1998)



This kind of love is worth the risk of getting hurt. It is pure and innocent, something uncontrollable to even the most composed and sophisticated person. The way you deal with it may be different than another person, but one thing we have in common as humans is not being able to control love. You can't, no matter how much you try. It just is . . .

My faith in meeting someone online is still strong since I continue to find men who attract me . . . that doesn't happen often in real life. Maybe it is because the internet includes the whole world instead of just a city, no matter how large.  Another variable is the emphases on personality.  After all, it is our first encounter with someone online.   The written word expresses ourselves more than the spoken word since we usually have time to think about what we are saying. 
I can't say finding someone attractive online happens every day or very often . . . in three years I would narrow it down to a few men . . . not many when you consider that I have spent considerable time in chat rooms and must have run into thousands of men online. So I'm not as fickle as you are thinking.

Something that still amazes me is the phenomena of "butterflies in the stomach" . . . have you ever been in love that much? There have been times when I felt physically sick with love . . . can't eat, no appetite. Losing weight is a sign that I'm in love, because the butterflies in my stomach make food very unappealing.

Then there is the heart "skipping a beat" thing . . . it does for me. Does that always mean love? Not for me, I don't think . . . although one person in particular makes me feel like a school girl teenager again . . . when I see that he is online or read something he's written, my heart skips a beat. If he has left a comment on my page . . . at first glance my heart wildly skips a beat. What it means is that I really need to meet this guy because I have some special chemistry for him . . . big time. He so inspires my writing about love and romance . . . guess who my fantasy man looks like. It is he who makes my heart skip a beat. 
He is the sign that everything is going to be ok . . .  I can feel this way about someone again . . . I'm alive again.

This is the feeling that begins the type of love described in the quote.
The happily ever after fairy tale love . . . Prince Charming & the Princess.
It has gone on since I got my first invitation to be his friend a while back. I feel like God throws me these weird little happenings, like a pleasant little joy to get me through the day. Kinda like a chocolate indulgence that you enjoy for the moment. 
I can't say I "love" this guy . . . I don't know him and never will, he lives in another world far away . . . let's call it a strange fascination that has gone on for quite some time that I have tried to ignore and just walk away with a smile on my face. He scares me . . . it is that "strange magic" thing with him.

He could have been put in my path to make the rocky road easier to walk. How could a total stranger so turn my head, capture my thoughts and feed my fantasies?  Diversions . . . God's little treats when life is otherwise not going well and needs us to keep the spirit.

Head over heels in love is what I live for . . . a true romantic who is in love with love feels that way about a love so beautiful that it is uncontrollable, wild and wonderful . . . especially when the feeling is reciprocated for real . . . and living happily ever after.

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Bottomless pit of wants and desires

If you look at what you have in life,
you'll always have more.
If you look at what you don't have in life,
you'll never have enough.

Oprah Winfrey

The lifestyle theory of Simple Abundance teaches being happy and grateful for the little things in life, no matter how much or how little we actually have. It is a balance of wants and needs . . . wanting what we need and being happy with those things.

Feeling absolute contentment is a beautiful and joyous way to live. Sometimes we are taken through one of life's rocky roads so we can finally be content with merely being able to survive and appreciating everything good that comes our way . . . as opposed to a bottomless pit of wants that will never fill limitless desires.

There have been times in the past couple of years when I'd turn my attention to those unfortunate people whose life situation and circumstances were far more severe than mine . . . in those times of being down, depressed and just wanting for my life to be over, I was brought back to reality when my thoughts turned to their strife.

No matter what your situation in life, someone else is having a life struggle far greater . . . misery doesn't really love company, it is just good to know that we are not alone in our life struggles . . . everyone has them. The key to a fulfilling and happy life is knowing how to handle those times and quickly get back on track.

Don't be a bottomless pit of wants that will never fill limitless desires.

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Know What You Want?

So many days within this race I need the truth I need some grace I need the path To find my place lyrics from the song Breathe Your Name - Sixpence None The Richer The following post reflects my thoughts on "what I want" from two different phases of my life.  Here I am at a third phase! I think that our personal history determines our current wants and needs.  Speaking for myself, it can change daily, although my basic wants and needs will always stay the same. Now that I'm married and currently retired, I just want to be free from money concerns and live our lives in peace, love and happiness.  The drive for security from money no longer fits into my wants and needs at this stage of my life.  This may change tomorrow, although I really feel as though I have reached my destination. Originally posted on January 26, 2008 What a difference several months make when you have major decisions to make in your life. Since I have been moving older posts from my personal blogs to their permanent home on Blogger, I can see the progress in my thought processes and decision making as time got closer and closer to the deadline I had set for myself. The major question that needed to be answered was "What do I want?" . . . back in September, "it" was what I had before with JR. After much more realistic thinking about life in general in the times we live in, the emphasis was switched to taking care of myself financially. The more I thought about what I wanted to do to make a living and what would make me happy, for the longest time my thought processes leaned towards having the freedom of my own business as I have done for a very long time. As the decision making process progressed, I came to the realization that online sales are not what they were at one time . . . and the biggest thing that I kept putting on the back burner, my social life. With no single friends, how do I progress to the next level of my life, the social aspect, without other people to do things with? A real job was starting to look more and more attractive . . . then I started to think that instead of surviving and just being comfortable in the way I live, why not have MORE THAN ENOUGH and the security it brings . . . along with employee benefits like paid vacations, health insurance and tuition reimbursement. My thoughts started going back to a time in my life before I met JR, when my career came first since that is what brought me happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction and the way to take care of myself financially without having to depend on a man for anything. A broken heart from my long time first love did that to me . . . a disappointment that stung me so bad that I didn't want to get bit again, so I focused on my career and I was extremely happy for the first time in my life. The disappointments in love have history repeating itself in my life . . . could a happy and satisfying career be the thing to give me the fulfilling feeling that I have been missing in my life since JR died? It is the answer . . . and I'm going for it . . . yeah, I've come a long way since September . . . now I know what I want and I finally have the peace I have been looking for. Originally posted on September 24, 2007 This song is really speaking to me at this moment in time. It is about leaning on God for direction. If only he would provide us with a map to our destiny, huh? On the other hand, I've been thinking about this since a friend commented on my personal blog that the fun is getting there . . . the excitement of the journey itself. That thought makes perfect sense to me. What fun would life be if everything was clearly written and decided and the outcome known? Challenges and anticipation are an awesome part of life, so is making choices. We just have to know what we want and work toward achieving or looking for what we want. A great deal of time went toward chatting with friends this weekend, catching up with old friends and getting to know some new friends. As a result of discussions with various friends, my thoughts have drifted to love relationships and what I really want. Some of us really don't know what we want or are looking for. My generic statement is that I'm looking for what I had before. hmmmm have I ever defined "it"? It occurs to me that I spend a great deal of time entertaining aimlessly drifting thoughts, which can be a good thing . . . to let your mind go where it wants to go, letting your subconscious take over and take you where it feels your thinking needs to be for the moment. However, it is like going on a trip without a map if you really don't even know what you want to think about. Those times of feeling fragmented and scattered thoughts and losing control have a definition in my vocabulary . . . I define it as "spinning your wheels" . . . and "going in circles" . . . where nothing is accomplished. Those are the times I sit outside in my jungle paradise and listen to the birds sing and watch the squirrels freely run through the trees. "Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader." Source: Psychology Today Long before I was ready to move on to another relationship after becoming a widow, a friend asked me a question that got my "perfect man" wish list started . . . "who is your perfect man if you were to start looking for him tomorrow?" Several years later, I'm still compiling and refining that list as I'm aware of what my heart really desires. At least I have one aspect of it worked out, his general characteristics. It takes me five minutes of talking to a man to determine if we have a chance of ever getting together. I've been asked if I have a script . . . actually, I do have a mental script. It may sound arrogant, but this is honest reality . . . why waste your time with someone beating around the bush on the issues that are absolutely important to you . . . unless you are just looking for a friend to pass time with. If you get past "the scripted stuff" you are working toward an awesome friendship that could possibly lead to that someone who will rock your world and ultimately become your life partner. Now I need to define "what I had before" . . .

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Who is in control?

"If you're always in a hurry, always trying to get ahead of the other guy, or someone else's performance is what motivates you, then that person is in control of you."

Wayne Dyer

Most of us have role models or those people we admire . . . some of us have even had the awesome experience of having a mentor.  However, there is a fine line between admiration and competition.

True happiness comes from being your authentic self . . . being true to yourself . . . just my opinion.  If you are too busy trying to achieve all that the guy next door has and you can't afford it or attain that level of success, you aren't truly living your life.  It is a set up for failure.  I'm not talking about just settling for whatever comes around . . . go after YOUR dreams, not someone else's dream or reality.

Why can't we just be happy with what we have been blessed with and do the best we can do . . . not worrying about what the other guy has or doesn't have?

Ambition for the right reasons keeps our true dreams and desires alive that will ultimately bring happiness resulting from achievement . . . however, misguided ambitions driven by mere competition can leave us feeling disappointed and empty if it is not a true desire.

One of life's lessons since becoming a widow that absolutely changed the philosophy of my life is to realize that what I do in my life should be done because it is a real desire of my heart, along with the opinion of other people not driving my decisions.  It is my life . . .

We will ultimately be judged by society and our peers no matter what we do . . . don't give them control over your heart's desires.

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What you want . . . what you need

After many years of prayer, I am finally at peace . . . I am finally happy because I found love again . . . these things have been my wish list. This year I am giving thanks that I have everything that I have wanted to enhance my life.

Since posting my traditional holiday post "Sentimental Lady," I've received comments and emails from well-wishers asking if I have finally reached that moment of true joy in this holiday season and many prayers have been sent out.

First of all, I am touched that my post moved so many people into thinking differently about those they love . . . they must be cherished . . . life is short. It also touched those dreading the holidays . . . a message of hope that even though things look grim at one of our life's phases, it shall pass.

Anyway, the answer is a definite YES!!! I have EVERYTHING I needed to enhance my life . . . of course I have many wants . . . most of us do. I am happy beyond words . . .

There is one thing I really really WANT . . . it is just "stuff" . . . a frivolous thing that I can't afford at this time and haven't for a very long time . . . a laptop computer. I am a very serious computer geek! When we go off for more than a day, like to stay with my mom for more than just a visit, we both go through computer withdrawals. It would be so nice to have the luxury of taking that little package of joy with us.

What determines what you want

. . . and what you need? 

There seems to be a fine line!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Thanksgiving holiday!

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Satisfying your desires

Your mind is always searching, like a squirrel always searching for acorns. The squirrel sits, surrounded by the acorns it has gathered.

Is it seated 'blissed out' in the midst of acorn consciousness?

No! The squirrel is wondering where it can find its next bunch of acorns. With all due respect, this is also what your ego-based mind has in store for you. Its basic rule is to never completely satisfy you, to keep you looking for the next treasure, constantly searching for the fulfillment of your next desire.

It is important that you understand the force of your desires. They are addictions, and being addicted to anything simply means that you feel there is something you need to make you Whole that you do not have.


Source: (Bartholomew through Mary-Margaret Moore,
from the book, Reflections of an Elder Brother)

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Desire is the cause of suffering?

The cause of suffering is desire. So taught the Buddha 2500 years ago. This was his second Noble Truth called samudaya, meaning arising. It is desire and associated feelings that arise within us as a response or reaction to our affliction, challenges or suffering. As long as we are alive we will always respond to what we experience. The initial responses are automatic reactions. These reactions need to be acknowledged, accepted and understood before any conscious decisions can be made regarding action.

Everyone has needs and feelings. An enlightened person too has needs and feelings. So don’t think that if you eliminate needs and feelings you will be enlightened. You, in fact, would be deluded.

Desire is necessary to help us grasp life in order to experience it more fully. The purpose of desire is to take us to the need, but usually our desire is a longing for things to be other than what they are. When desire is not used as an indicator to reveal and fulfill need, it will cause suffering, because we are using it for something other than what its purpose is.

Desires are of two types: cravings and aversions, both of which lead to suffering. It is through these opposite attachments that we lose ourselves and lose the reality we are experiencing. We thus end up with inauthentic and superficial living. The suffering that results is to get us to live more deeply and to become more authentic.

Living authentically means, in this application, to attend to what arises within us in a welcoming way, seeing that what arises is the need we have. To attend to the need is not the means to enlightenment. Attending to the need is enlightenment. Denial, shame, escapism, manipulation in relation to what arises is anti-enlightenment.

The path to enlightenment involves the complete acceptance that suffering (dukkha) in the form of being born, working, handling relationships, growing old, and so on is an essential part of what makes us human. Desiring to escape from this reality, rather than embracing it as part of our journey inhibits our learning and blocks our expansion of consciousness.

There is a solution to the suffering we experience, which is to let go of desire and to practice detachment so that compassion may flow and the Divine Presence be contacted.

All Soul Perspectives are authored by Andrew Schneider.
(C)Reproductions on Soul Perspectives Permitted: http://www.thesouljourney.com
QUESTIONS/COMMENTS: support@thesouljourney.com




Although much of the above article makes sense to me, it is my opinion that letting go of desire and practicing detachment is not being true to yourself. How does letting go of desire allow compassion to flow? If our desires are realistic, how can they end up hurting us? Can't anything in life have the potential to hurt us?

Be true to yourself . . . be realistic . . . never let go of desire. Desire is part of what makes us alive!

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The Big Picture

“The most pathetic person in the world is

 the person who has sight, but no vision.”  

Helen Keller

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest

 aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up

 and see their beauty, believe in them, and follow

 where they lead.”

Louisa May Alcott

As long as I can remember, I have been accused of being a “dreamer”. At this point in time, I consider that sentiment a high compliment. Doers must first be dreamers. I love the above quotes so much . . . they perfectly capture the essence of  "the big picture" as I see it.

Goals, aspirations and dreams are the big picture of your life . . . they are necessary to challenge the mind which moves you in the direction. I have few regrets since my motto has always been "go for it" for those things my heart desires and I’m even grateful for my failures since I can’t ask the question "what if".

The big picture is what this blog is about . . . 

living in peace, love and happiness. 

You only live once . . . whatever your heart desires, go for it!

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