Dark Silence

 

As a person who has gone to sleep watching television forever  because I hate silence and am especially fearful of darkness, I was not in the best frame of mind with Hurricane Milton taking out my electricity before the storm even started and didn't come back on for three or four days later.  I have honestly lost track of time or even what day it is.

It had only been a few days since I had to put my precious fur baby Kiki to sleep, so I was a big mess already.  A week or so before, Kiki and I went through Hurricane Helene alone with her on my lap on the couch . . . having her with me was a comfort and I felt better.  I went through the latest hurricane sitting alone on the couch without the emotional comfort of my precious girl.  I miss her so much.

The dark silence of those days haunted me, making the feelings of grief and the hole in my heart from losing Kiki and The Captain even more intense, making me lonelier than I have ever felt in my life.  But I remained as calm as I could possibly be and made it through a very stressful time.  Honestly, I did have a few times of freaking out.  I'm not a brave person, but have become stronger as I get older and experience more life.

The storm was brutal.  News reports state that Tampa received winds of up to 100 mph.  They were not all gusts . . . at times the winds were sustained for what seemed like forever.  I thought the roof was going to fly off my house, but it didn't.  God was there to protect me.  The only damage was a knocked over mailbox.  Surprising and grateful!

Going through the process of hearing the news that Kiki was sick and ultimately having her put to sleep was one of the worse times I have ever experienced in my life.  She was my baby and constant companion for 12 years, but she had an awesome life with so much love after the Captain and I rescued her from the shelter.  They found her roaming the streets, lost and alone.  That is another story.  

I guess God doesn't think I need peace yet.  He has more for me to learn.

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When joy is gone

Joy is gone from our hearts; 
our dancing has turned to mourning.

Lamentations 5:15

I will banish from them the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, the sound of millstones and the light of the lamp.

Jeremiah 25:10

"When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, 

peace of mind is waiting there."

  

George Harrison

Joy lies dormant deep within me . . . it is there, I know it is.  A mysterious stranger did not creep in and steal it.  Life is delicate and confusing at times. 

When did the joy leave me?  Was there a moment in time that was particularly bothersome?  I don't know . . .

The stress of life itself can sometimes sap the joy of life out of us.  It can pile up so high that it buries you, making it seem impossible to get out and suffocates you to the point of giving up.  It is not always depression.  Sometimes it is just life!

Do you just ignore it and hope it will go away?   

NO!!!!!

Everyone has a method of finding joy in their lives . . . if you don't, you should. I start with surrounding myself with those things that make me happy . . . or have the potential of bringing a smile to my face.  The sparkle in my dog Kiki's eyes, her wagging tale and her sweet little smile can make a horrendous day tolerable and momentarily puts a smile on my face.  A favorite song can work miracles!

There are some days I just want to run away and hide from the world.  In many ways, I do.  The last thing I want to do is talk to someone on the phone or answer a knock on the door.  Being social is the very last thing on my mind.  For me, there is a great deal of peace in becoming a hermit until I crawl my way out of it.

I haven't written much in a while.  In a sense I have become a blogging hermit! What I forget is that blogging about these feelings and emotions are key to the solution and hopefully a blessing for someone else going through the same thing.  My journey is a quest for peace, love and happiness, however, the journey is never a smooth one.  

God gives us free will to choose the wrong fork in the road, but he also provides the strength and courage to get ourselves back into the world of peace, love and happiness.

The stress of life has bombarded me and my sensitive nature makes it difficult to deal with it effectively, although I keep trying!

This too shall pass and tomorrow may find me laughing out loud again . . . something I love to do.  I've heard that laughter provides a longer life.

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Free your mind

Free your mind

and the rest will follow,

be colorblind,

don't be so shallow

(before you read me you

gotta learn how to see me)

Lyrics from the song
Free Your Mind | En Vogue



Well, we are into week #2 of our water well system being out of commission which has meant no running water all this time.  Talk about missing something that is a normal part of everyone's day.

To compound the situation, The Captain is sick!

As I was going through one of my old blogs this morning, I found this post so ironic as I am struggling to keep from going over the edge with the major inconvenience of having to deal with all these bottles of water.  The way things are done on a routine basis is all turned around.  I tried to enter this latest life challenge as a new adventure, but I am getting to the point where I can't fool my mind into thinking this is an adventure.  In reality it is a major hassle that is getting on my last nerve.

So . . . maybe I should prepare a bowl of popcorn to combat the blues!

Seriously, the following post includes some awesome methods for handling those stressful times in life.  Wish I would have run into this post before I started teetering on the edge!

Originally published on January 18, 2008
On the path to my quest for happiness, the best thing I did for myself was take the time to figure out what I was doing WRONG in my life since it seemed like I continued to spiral out of control time and time again. Yes, I have also had to deal with the death of my spouse, but I was not handling life well at all . . . and I know I will continue to stumble here and there because it is human nature. The difference is that I understand myself better and the way I handle difficulties.

I ran across an article that touches on a lot of what I have discovered in this year of self-awareness and I thought it was worth sharing with others having a difficult time with stress, depression or even a mild case of the blues . . .

Feeling good physically works on the mind too . . . exercise does help combat depression or a case of "the blues" . . . and here are some other psychological strategies that help us attain that peace within.

Feed your "brain" with low calorie foods with lots of crunch, like apples, carrots and celery . . . I eat a bowl of popcorn every day just because it is one of my addictions. Through the years, I have learned how to make a healthy version with a microwave popcorn popper . . . I never used the bagged microwave popcorn since I want to control what goes into it. It fools the brain and works as a release that helps deflect the binge of "stress-eating".

It is important to not use food to bring comfort, remember that it's mainly a source of fuel. An extra slice of cake won't solve anything . . . it will just make you feel guilty later. This is the one that I was really guilty of since I quit smoking last year and had to deal with that too . . . and the desire to eat everything in sight. Finally . . . I can say I have a handle on this too.

Avoid excessive stimulants like caffeine or guarana . . . I prefer not to practice what I preach with this one . . . although I have started substituing hot tea instead of drinking coffee every day, all day . . . and I have cut down the amount I take in each day . . . but I must have my caffeine!

Breathe right . . . Slow it down . . . allow your diaphragm to fully contract, feel the breath through your entire lungs, breathe out and exhale the air completely. When I feel stress starting to creep in, I take a time out, clear my mind and breathe . . . I close my eyes and envision the waves crashing onto the ocean and the sound it makes. When I have serious time . . . I have a CD of ocean sounds that is supposed to help with sleep, and it helps on those days I need to free my mind since I am such an intensive thinker that lets the stress creep in.

Everyone has their way of letting off steam . . . discover yours and recognize when you need to take a time out before the stress gets too out of control. My greatest stress reliever is energetic music and dancing . . . for others it is a hot steamy shower or a soak in a hot bubble bath in candlelight . . . discover the way that works for you and change the quality of your life. No sense running around stressed out if you can find a way to free your mind from it.

Do you feel yourself making the same mistakes over and over again? The most important thing I did for myself last year was invest time in myself . . . self-knowledge . . . recognizing patterns and understanding why. To break the mold, step out of the story to review it from an outsider's perspective . . . I've done that by blogging about the journey into my new life. Give yourself a reality-check to find the root of the problem and re-evaluating the situation. Although I know it didn't seem like it, I have really listened to the feedback and comments I received from my friends and have slowly made incremental changes.

Whatever you do, be true to yourself . . . take the HONEST approach with an open mind, finding negative characteristics about yourself is just part of the journey to finding your authentic self and making those changes that are necessary to stop the vicious cycle. Listen to what others have to say with an open mind . . . someone may say the one thing that clicks for you and makes a huge difference in your perspective.

Free your mind . . . and the rest will follow!

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The Gift of Serenity

Serenity can be described as the state of calmness and the sensation of peacefulness.  

Day to day life experience brings disruptions to peace of mind, taking many forms that can sometimes pile up, turning composure into overwhelm.

There are ways of coping with these moments in time.  

The one that always comes to my mind is the catchphrase "Take Me Away" generated by a marketing campaign for Calgon bath and beauty products.  One of their famous commercials, as described by Wikipedia . . . 

"A woman wearing a fluffy pink robe is seen in a chaotic home scenario. As tension rises, she utters the slogan "Calgon, take me away!" The next scene shows her relaxing in a bath in a quiet room."

Take a moment to see if you can relate to this commercial from the 80's . . .

For those who have never taken the advise of the commercial . . . try it sometime, it actually works.  There was a time in my life when a hectic day at work would lead me straight to the bathroom to prepare a bubble bath, light up the incense and many candles to set an aromatic, calm mood in the dark bathroom to soothe my stressed out soul the minute I got home.  It was a nice transition from the irritations of life to the serenity of a hot bubble bath.

Lunch break diversions from a hectic day you know is going to run into overtime . . . a quick trip to a park to enjoy nature and quiet time can work wonders, making the rest of the day much more tolerable.

Then there is my favorite prayer . . . The Serenity Prayer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept 

the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference."

Know when you need to give yourself the gift of serenity . . . 

even if just closing your eyes and momentarily

taking yourself away.

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Sad season!

Being a news junkie with all the bad news of the world made for a very depressing holiday season.

Each year that passes holds the promise that "this will be the year" that I enjoy the holidays again.  However, the blue funk starts right around Halloween to coincide with Christmas being pushed down our throats earlier every year by the retail trade.  

You can't blame them, they are just trying to survive these weak economic times.

This year's news has been unusually disturbing to me.  Ugly politics, fiscal cliffs, a violent hurricane leaving unimaginable devastation and another sad school shooting has done me in.  But, as I sit at my computer writing this post, the news is on the television!

I was going to write a series of posts about the school shooting, gun control and the sad state of mental health . . . but I've seen too much ugliness at other blogs that I just don't want to deal with, so I have decided against it.  I'm not here to be controversial.  There is enough of that on the news!

Needless to say, I've taken a backward turn to the dark side and further away from peace, love and happiness than I care to be.  

I know I'm not alone with these feelings . . . the holiday season is not a happy one for many in this world . . . and I can't imagine anyone going through the season who have been affected by the tragedies we have heard about on the news!

Having said all that, the emphasis for the new year will once again be on optimism and attitude adjustment. I'm so happy the Christmas holiday is over and the symbolic new beginning of a year is upon us!

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Stress in high gear

Racing through life is very stressful. If we stay in high gear too long, we lose our ability to shift down. And when we're stressed, we can't access happiness, appreciation, fun, compassion, generosity, awareness of beauty and other wonderful qualities. High stress also triggers negative emotions like frustration, impatience, anger and fear. Life has so much to offer if we will slow down and truly experience it. We must always remember that we are the ones in control of the accelerator. We CAN choose to brake. (John & Patrice Robson) - 

Source: Higher Awareness

A racing mind with thoughts and fears running swiftly through one emotion after another can be just as exhausting as physical demands and activities.

Times of change and transition take me through the myriad of emotions, resulting in high anxiety and restlessness.  Sleep will escape me and then capture me, begging to catch up.

At the same time, it is a period of appreciation for everything I have been blessed with in my life.  Our approaching one-year wedding anniversary brings so much joy, but at the same time, the frustration of this self-imposed stressful time counteracts the good vs bad thoughts racing through my mind.

The result is that dreaded ride on the roller coaster that doesn't stop.

The above quote hit home for me today as I try to shut down those racing thoughts that have recently consumed me.  Although I know that I am ultimately in control of my thoughts and reactions to those thoughts, sometimes it is difficult to "shift down."

Can you relate to the quote?

How do you "shift down" back to "normal"?

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Comfort Zones

A soft place to land is the term used by The Daily Om, describing the comfort zone as the place to "provide us with a safe and comforting refuge in which we can decompress and recover from the day’s stresses."

My little piece of paradise in Florida is my comfort zone . . . outdoor spaces for me are therapeutic.  Our outdoor dining area provides that comfy, cozy spot to unwind, de-stress, take a timeout . . . or just relax.

I've always found that gazing at the sky provides that comforting feeling. There is something about watching the clouds pass by, observing the sun dissolve into the horizon, admiring a full moon with all its magic and twinkling stars on a clear night or experiencing night transforming into day.

My "Happy Place" is in the arms of The Captain, where I feel loved and safe from everything.  It reminds me of the saying "home is where the heart is."

Comfort zones change as our life circumstances change . . .

When I first became a widow, my comfy bedroom recliner in the candlelit room with music playing in the background was my comfort zone, where I could grieve, come to terms with the swift manner in which my life had changed and figure out how to deal with it.

In my working days, the outdoors was my "escape" . . . away from the job stresses and office politics.  As time went on, that comfort zone made it tolerable to stay at the job and not go completely insane.

A bad habit I'm happy to say I've conquered is finding the comfort zone in a rum and coke or a bottle of wine . . . not a happy place!

It is important to know when to retreat to the comfort zone to momentarily shift from the outside world back to the needs of our inner self.

What are some of your comfort zones?

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Race of life

It is too much to do in too little time . . . and the biggest culprit in stealing our peace of mind which triggers stress. Been there and done that . . . over and over again in my life.

The race of life, often referred as “the rat race,” is a vicious cycle until you learn to slow down. The longer you stay in the fast lane of the race, the more difficult it becomes to enjoy the pleasures of life. Stress and anxiety breeds frustration, impatience, anger and fear.


What are your priorities? Shouldn’t peace of mind and less stress have a higher priority than some of those less important commitments? Assess your commitments and slow down!


Imagine your last moments of life . . . will you remember awesome memories spending quality time with loved ones or a time where you were so stressed out you didn’t have time to see anyone around you?


As the countdown to Christmas day becomes shorter . . . enjoy every minute of it.  Don't stress yourself out . . . make a plan and stick to it . . . one priority at a time.


Life is so short . . . such a beautiful gift . . . don’t waste it!

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A New Approach

Taking a Break from What You Are Doing

Sometimes we need to step back from what occupies our
minds and take a break much like touching the reset button.

We can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much. There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us. It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal.

At first it may seem that by taking a break we may not be as productive as we would initially like. In reality, a healthy period of rest is something that gives us a real sense of the unlimited nature of our true potential. Spending a couple of minutes walking outside, doing a few yoga poses, meditating, or simply becoming attuned to the rising and falling of our breath enables us to let go of our worries. This act brings our focus back to the things that are truly essential for us, such as our sense of oneness with the universe and our inner peace and well-being. As we begin to get in touch with this part of ourselves, we will find that our usual everyday troubles and worries become less critical and that we not only have much more room in our lives to really reflect on the issues that mean the most to us, but we are also able bring to all the situations we encounter a much more positive and healthy outlook.

Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.

Source: Daily Om

One of the most difficult things for me is getting rid of emotional baggage. Sometimes I think my mind has played tricks on me and convinced me that this baggage is some kind of award to hold on to with great pride.

This article took me back to an episode of Seinfeld, which finds George disgusted at his life choices and he decides to take a different approach and do the opposite of what his intuition tells him to do.

Clearing the mind of worries and anxieties works for me at times since meditating on them just compounds the stress, making it impossible to think rationally from all the thoughts and "what if" scenarios. Ponderous thinking has to be shut down before it becomes a big ugly monster.

Music and nature hold healing properties for me in the context of chasing away the monster, but there is nothing like serious prayer and trusting God to get me back on track.

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Life's reflection

Our life is often a reflection of what lies within.

When we feel stressed by something outside of us, our reactions
are usually a mirror of what is happening in our minds.

It is no different with our relationships—
whatever we do, say, or even think is a reaction
based on our own inner dialogue.

Integrating our worlds through meditation, however,
allows us to connect these seemingly disparate realities,
which will calm our minds and make it easier to see just
how our meditations can influence our actions.

Using the peace of mind you find during your contemplations
to help you with your interactions today will make
every aspect of your life more serene.

Source: Daily OM

Since I had one of the most awesome weekends ever and really dreaded going back to work this morning, I thought I would put this theory into action. My morning started as many other Monday mornings do . . . instant bad mood at the sound of the annoying alarm clock and knowing I had to get up and face yet another manic Monday to begin a new week.

The Captain mentioned not having the wonderful feeling of the weekend end, but rather take it into the week . . . and I remembered the above article and decided to put the "Magnificent Monday Mentality" into action.

Today was no different than any other Monday . . . but my attitude adjustment made all the difference between a good day and an annoying, stressful day.

I ended up having an awesome day, lifting up the rest of the usual "Manic Monday" crowd at work. Perhaps at first they were thinking that I should be perceived as a client rather than an employee, but in the end, my mantra of "today is a magnificent Monday" made them smile and resulted in a very pleasant day at the looney bin.

Meditations do influence our actions and

the way we perceive the world around us.

Tonight I am enjoying a very peaceful and serene Monday night, free of the usual dread of the work week ahead of me, and the stress carried over from the "Manic Monday".

Peace, love and happiness
can be found on a Monday :)

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A Time for Everything

The following article is actually my horoscope for today, but I'm posting it since it applies to every one of us in everyday life. It is all about balance.

There have been times in my life where I let my job take over my life, leaving little time for my personal life and responsibilities. Rather than find the right balance, the result was total burn out and leaving the world of employment.

We can all relate to feeling stressed out about one thing or another. Stress is a natural reaction that can be a good thing if used correctly, however, allowing it to consume you will result in complete overwhelm . . . at least that is how it happens for me.

If you’re preoccupied with your obligations, you may feel stressed today. Your chores, professional duties, and domestic responsibilities may vie for your attention and leave you feeling anxious and tense. Though you may have a lot to do, you’ll likely feel more relaxed and focused if you allow time in your schedule for recreation and the activities you enjoy. If your schedule is quite full or your duties are pressing, you may have only a limited amount of time to put aside thoughts of work and focus on having fun. A game of cards with a coworker or a chat with a friend could restore your equilibrium and help you complete your tasks more efficiently. Including fun in your future agendas could help you commit today to the concept of balance. 

Achieving a life balance that includes both work and play in amounts you find rewarding can help you feel more relaxed. It can be as difficult to concentrate on your obligations while you dream of fun as it is to enjoy yourself when you are fixated on projects and deadlines. 

Taking breaks when you are engrossed in an important task affords you an opportunity to clear your mind of clutter so you can return to your duty with a clear mind. Likewise, giving yourself permission to put aside all thoughts of work allows you to immerse yourself in recreational activities. Finding time for both fun and work today will ensure that you get the most out of both.

Source: The Daily Om

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Humorous absurdities

All those little humorous absurdities that give us a laugh are a very important ingredient in maintaining peace and happiness.

Not only is laughter an excellent stress reliever in times of high anxiety, it also helps to strengthen the immune system which is so vital to general good health and well being.

It isn’t merely being humorous, as in telling, listening and laughing at jokes . . . it is the ability to see the humor in little things that occur on a daily basis, even if those little things are frustrating and get on our nerves. Laugh about the absurdity of it and attempt to change your perspective of the thing, especially if it is a necessary part of your life . . . like someone at work who really gets on your nerves or a problem that keeps reoccurring.

Rather than get all worked up and stressed out over my present life circumstances, I’ve come up with the plan and now find the humor of it all. One of my favorite sayings is so appropriate for what I’ve been going through lately . . . “I’m up to my a$$ in alligators and they are snapping!”

I’ve done my share of crying and it is better to laugh . . . the outcome is the same and I truly believe that God has it under control. If you are having a rough time of life circumstances, maybe I have inspired you to laugh . . . there is a little humor in everything if you look for it.

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Walk away . . . be true to yourself

I’ve “walked away” many times in my life for the sake of being true to myself. As I contemplate choices for my future, I have been thinking of those many times I’ve thrown caution to the wind in order find true happiness and my ideal quality of life. Since my husband died, quality of life issues have become much more important to me in the scope of a lifetime that can be gone in the blink of an eye.

The last occurrence of walking away was a couple of months ago when I just walked out of a high paying position with a corporation who is still operating profitably in desperate economic times, offering unlimited overtime and all kinds of perks.

After more than a decade of leaving the corporate environment for my sanity, a poor financial state made it necessary for me to attempt another return while vowing to remain true to myself and do those things that don’t make me stressed out.

It didn’t take long before I found myself driving home in tears, feeling overwhelmed and unhappy with the knowledge that jobs are not easy to find these days and thinking about the money.

Two months later, I’m still unemployed and struggling as a once successful internet entrepreneur hanging in there waiting for the economy to bring back buyers to my internet stores. Fear is in control of buyers, including myself. So far I’ve had enough to make it.

Despite the financial obstacles . . . I’M HAPPY because I am doing what I truly love and being true to myself. Hopefully the masquerade of a “real job” is finally over and I can put down the roles that I’ve played unsuccessfully so many times . . . my final curtain call.

The decision has been made to undertake yet another entrepreneurial internet endeavor with a friend. I’m having faith that I can be financially secure and true to myself forever . . . such is the life of a free spirit in search of peace, love and happiness.

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The experience of survival

In the midst of a time of turmoil, stress, uncertainty all you want to do is be able to make it through . . . survive it . . . although it usually feels like the bad vibes will never go away and nothing will ever feel “normal” again.

I am still not feeling “normal” every day and it could also be that my heart keeps getting broken and disappointed on top of a heart that still grieves for JR, even after six years that he passed away.

Logic and reason has nothing to do with what the heart experiences, feels so deeply and it goes from day to day in the survival mode. Seems like looking at the past years in retrospect, my heart has been surviving one thing after another when the greatest promise for my life to finally come together presented itself last year after going through my first online heartbreak. Maybe the lesson that should be learned is to not jump from the frying pan to the fire.

Although my heart longs to be loved again with the intensity of my happy marriage to JR that was the real thing in my life that continues to give me hope . . . the real and true love that we had for each other, the respect and honesty we shared that is so necessary for a long term relationship . . . I’ve put love on the back burner. It scares me now, but not forever, just now.

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