Learn from your mistakes

The following article comes from an awesome website "Unleash Your Success" . . . an excellent resource for self-help improvement (link follows article).  

It is my philosophy that mistakes are not failures, they are life lessons to learn from . . . unless the lesson is not learned time after time.

After not learning my lesson time and time again, I asked myself the question "how can I learn from my mistakes"?  When I could not come up with the answer, I did a search on my question and found the website and this awesome article . . .


Do you sometimes get annoyed with yourself when you find that you do the same mistakes (small or big ones) over and over again?

These can be simple and easy things such as helping out an acquaintance who seems always taking advantage of you? Or it can be something like giving money to a not so reliable friend.

And afterwards, you find yourself saying: “Why did I make the mistake again? I KNOW he/she would do this! He/she is doing this every time!” And you start getting mad on yourself.

Ever happened to you?

Well, you are not alone! Many people experience that in specific occasions the heart beats the mind.

So the important question here is: How can you learn from your mistakes?

Here are some quick and easy tips:

Firstly ask yourself WHY it happened again. Almost always emerges a certain pattern like: “It is difficult for me to say ‘no’ to friends.”

Secondly: once you found out the reason, do not stay there but try to find out why it is difficult for you to say no to friends. Don’t stay with the symptoms but dig a little deeper to shed a little light on the true cause.

One might be that you don’t want to lose your friend. Another could be attached to a certain believe system: “I’m not a good person when I’m not helping out others.”

Thirdly: analyse those true causes and the needs that hide behind them. Put them to the test: Do those needs prevent you from making the right decisions? Do they lead you straight to the same mistakes, over and over again?

Finally, make a decision with a strong statement: No money for this friend anymore! Or something like that. Write the statement on a piece of paper and put it where you can see it every time you pass by (mirror, fridge, you name it). This will remind you every time of your decision.

And then – the most important thing EVER: put it into action!




ACTION STEPS:

1) Ask yourself: Why did I make the same mistake?

2) Once you found the reason, dig out the true cause that hides behind it.

3) Analyse the true cause: Does this lead you to the same mistake?

4) Make a decision with a strong statement NOT to do it again.

5) Write the statement down and put it where you see it.

6) TAKE ACTION.

Source:  Unleash Your Success

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Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

Acknowledging Your Growth

Foundations of Evolution

Since personal evolution is most often a slow and gradual process, it can be difficult to recognize the scope of the changes taking place in our lives. Yet it is important that we regularly acknowledge our ongoing growth and reward ourselves for the many wonderful feats of self-improvement we have accomplished. When we intentionally contemplate our progress, we need never feel that we are languishing between past achievements and the realization of future goals. If we look closely at our lives, we may see that much of what brings us pleasure in the present is representative of the ambitions of our past that we worked so hard to attain. At one time, the abundance we enjoy currently likely seemed like a far-off dream. Now it is simply reality—a reality we created through our diligence, passion, and unflagging determination. Whether our progress is fast or slow, we deserve to congratulate ourselves for our successes.

To remind yourself of the insights you have gained with time, temporarily adopt an outsider’s perspective and carefully consider how your life in the present differs from the range of experiences you lived through in the past. Creating a written list, in a journal or otherwise, of those strengths, aptitudes, and inner qualities you now attribute to yourself can help you accept that you are not the same person you were one year ago, five years ago, or 10 years ago. Your attitudes, opinions, and values were likely markedly different, and these differences can be ascribed to your willingness to accept that you still have much to learn. If you have difficulty giving yourself credit for these changes, think about the goals you realized, the lives you touched, the wisdom you acquired, and the level of enlightenment you attained over the past years.

Recognizing growth is neither boastful nor immodest. Evolution is a natural fact of life and becomes a potent motivational force when celebrated. Knowing that you are brighter, stronger, and more grounded than you once were, you can look forward to the changes to come. In acknowledging your growth, you build a sturdy foundation upon which you can continue to blossom well into the future.

Source: The Daily OM

The reality you experience
is a mirror image of your expectations.

(Deepak Chopra)

What if your expectations are unrealistic and
the reality of your experience is disappointing as a result?

Hazy Shade of Winter | The Bangles
Lyrics

Time, time, time
See what's become of me

Time, time, time
See what's become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

Hear the salvation army band
Down by the riverside
It's bound to be a better ride
Than what you've got planned
Carry a cup in your hand

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

Hang on to your hopes my friend
That's an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again

Look around
Grass is high
Fields are ripe
It's the springtime of my life

Seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry
Won't you stop and remember me

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
It's a hazy shade of winter

Look around
Leaves are brown
There's a patch of snow on the ground

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The fine line between love and hate

“We loathe ourselves for living and lying every day
in little ways that devalue and dishonor us”

Sarah Ban Breathnach, Something More

All I can say is that I’m very glad to be getting past the phase of hating myself. What a relief it was to give myself permission to stop trying to be perfect or even come close to it and loving myself for who I am.

It originates from being raised by a very strict, domineering father who could never be pleased. Just when I thought I may be getting close to making him happy, he raised the bar a little higher, making it impossible to ever feel “good enough.”

He died over a decade ago and we never made peace with each other. I never heard the words that he was proud of me or that he loved me . . . I only felt resentment from him.

After all this time I finally realize that he hated himself, his life circumstances . . . I was an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born, but paid the price anyway.

As a result, I grew up thinking that I really was that stupid little girl who could never do anything good enough and it has taken most of my life to love myself. I’m getting there . . . and I’ve made so much progress since I wrote this journal entry a little more than a year ago.

Originally published
August 12, 2007

It is not what you have or have not . . . but what you do with it. Not only “things” or possessions . . . but feelings within ourselves.

The thought never occurred to me that I had a self-loathing or hatred of myself. In my reading today, I realized that when we beat ourselves up over little things that we did or can’t do or thoughts . . . whatever it is . . . it is a form of hating ourselves.

When I think of all the times I have beaten myself up over things that I just COULD NOT do at a certain phase of my coming back to life . . . simply being social, walking outside to get fresh air but afraid I may have to talk to someone who sees me outside.

Hating our shortcomings, our human frailties and flaws . . . it is not the thoughts of self-hatred that are bad, it is what we do with it. The realization is a good thing and part of the healing. The healing comes in what we do about the things that bother us about ourselves.

Hate is a strong word, but it is a fine line between love and hate within ourselves.

Tonight I have given myself permission to hate myself for those things that keep me from being who I am, the best person that I can be. See it for what it is, feel it . . . I have to come to terms with those things before I can move past them . . . and love myself for who I am.

What I’ve learned today is that the feelings of hate and punishing myself go hand in hand and needs to stop. How can I move on if I don’t think I am worthy?

More progress, although I know I will have to address this issue over and over again before I come to terms with it . . . whatever it takes to be “normal” again.


Have you ever hated yourself?

Do you realize how wrong that is?

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