Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Know What You Want?




So many days within this race
I need the truth
I need some grace
I need the path
To find my place


lyrics from the song
Breathe Your Name - Sixpence None The Richer


The following post reflects my thoughts on "what I want" from two different phases of my life.  Here I am at a third phase!

I think that our personal history determines our current wants and needs.  Speaking for myself, it can change daily, although my basic wants and needs will always stay the same.

Now that I'm married and currently retired, I just want to be free from money concerns and live our lives in peace, love and happiness.  The drive for security from money no longer fits into my wants and needs at this stage of my life.  This may change tomorrow, although I really feel as though I have reached my destination.


Originally posted on January 26, 2008

What a difference several months make when you have major decisions to make in your life. Since I have been moving older posts from my personal blogs to their permanent home on Blogger, I can see the progress in my thought processes and decision making as time got closer and closer to the deadline I had set for myself.

The major question that needed to be answered was "What do I want?" . . . back in September, "it" was what I had before with JR. After much more realistic thinking about life in general in the times we live in, the emphasis was switched to taking care of myself financially. The more I thought about what I wanted to do to make a living and what would make me happy, for the longest time my thought processes leaned towards having the freedom of my own business as I have done for a very long time.

As the decision making process progressed, I came to the realization that online sales are not what they were at one time . . . and the biggest thing that I kept putting on the back burner, my social life. With no single friends, how do I progress to the next level of my life, the social aspect, without other people to do things with? A real job was starting to look more and more attractive . . . then I started to think that instead of surviving and just being comfortable in the way I live, why not have MORE THAN ENOUGH and the security it brings . . . along with employee benefits like paid vacations, health insurance and tuition reimbursement.

My thoughts started going back to a time in my life before I met JR, when my career came first since that is what brought me happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction and the way to take care of myself financially without having to depend on a man for anything. A broken heart from my long time first love did that to me . . . a disappointment that stung me so bad that I didn't want to get bit again, so I focused on my career and I was extremely happy for the first time in my life.

The disappointments in love have history repeating itself in my life . . . could a happy and satisfying career be the thing to give me the fulfilling feeling that I have been missing in my life since JR died? It is the answer . . . and I'm going for it . . . yeah, I've come a long way since September . . . now I know what I want and I finally have the peace I have been looking for.


Originally posted on September 24, 2007


This song is really speaking to me at this moment in time. It is about leaning on God for direction. If only he would provide us with a map to our destiny, huh?

On the other hand, I've been thinking about this since a friend commented on my personal blog that the fun is getting there . . . the excitement of the journey itself. That thought makes perfect sense to me. What fun would life be if everything was clearly written and decided and the outcome known? Challenges and anticipation are an awesome part of life, so is making choices. We just have to know what we want and work toward achieving or looking for what we want.


A great deal of time went toward chatting with friends this weekend, catching up with old friends and getting to know some new friends. As a result of discussions with various friends, my thoughts have drifted to love relationships and what I really want. Some of us really don't know what we want or are looking for. My generic statement is that I'm looking for what I had before. hmmmm have I ever defined "it"?

It occurs to me that I spend a great deal of time entertaining aimlessly drifting thoughts, which can be a good thing . . . to let your mind go where it wants to go, letting your subconscious take over and take you where it feels your thinking needs to be for the moment.

However, it is like going on a trip without a map if you really don't even know what you want to think about. Those times of feeling fragmented and scattered thoughts and losing control have a definition in my vocabulary . . . I define it as "spinning your wheels" . . . and "going in circles" . . . where nothing is accomplished. Those are the times I sit outside in my jungle paradise and listen to the birds sing and watch the squirrels freely run through the trees.


"Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader." Source: Psychology Today

Long before I was ready to move on to another relationship after becoming a widow, a friend asked me a question that got my "perfect man" wish list started . . . "who is your perfect man if you were to start looking for him tomorrow?" Several years later, I'm still compiling and refining that list as I'm aware of what my heart really desires.

At least I have one aspect of it worked out, his general characteristics. It takes me five minutes of talking to a man to determine if we have a chance of ever getting together. I've been asked if I have a script . . . actually, I do have a mental script.

It may sound arrogant, but this is honest reality . . . why waste your time with someone beating around the bush on the issues that are absolutely important to you . . . unless you are just looking for a friend to pass time with. If you get past "the scripted stuff" you are working toward an awesome friendship that could possibly lead to that someone who will rock your world and ultimately become your life partner.


Now I need to define "what I had before" . . .




read more

Labels

1960's 1970's 9-11 abuse abusive behavior acceptance accomplishment accomplishments acquaintances addiction adoration adversity affair affection afraid agoraphobia alive ambitions anger anticipation anxiety appreciation approval aspirations attitude attraction authenticity awareness bad behavior bad days bad times balance balance of life beginning behavior being alone beliefs believe in yourself Betsy bitterness blahs blame blessing blessings bliss boredom buddy burnout Buster calm challenges challenging times chances change changes cheating cheech and chong chemistry choices christmas cigarettes comfort zone commitment commitments communication companion compassion competitive drive confidence conflict confrontation confusion consequences consideration contemplation contentment control controversy coping coping with grief Corinthians13 courage creativity crossroads cujo cupid curse dad dating dealing with grief death deceit deception decision making defense mode denial depression desire desires destiny determination diet difficulties direction disagreements disappointment discipline dissappointment dogs doubt drama queen dream dreams eBay economy ego emotional abuse emotional baggage emotional boundaries emotional commitment emotional state emotional support emotions employment empowerment encouragement endurance escape expectations facing problems failure failures faith falling down family fantasy fate Fear fears feelings Florida flower children focus forbidden love forgiveness freaky feelings free love free will freedom friends friendship frustration frying pan moments fulfillment fun future gardening glass half full/half empty goals God good times grateful gratitude gried grief grief phases growth guidance guilt habits happiness happy hard headed harmony hate healing health helpless hermit hippie culture hippies holidays home homeless honesty hope hopeless hopes hugs humiliation hurt identity imagination impatience improvement inner strength inner struggle innovation insecurity insensitivity inspiration intense love intentions intimacy intuition irritation isolation job job satisfaction John Lennon joy jr judgment Kiki kindness laughter lessons letting go lies life life balance life challenges life change life changes life circumstances life experiences life lessons life partner life retrospect life situations life struggles lifestyle living alone loneliness lonely long distance relationship loss loss of a pet loss of control lost love lovers luck lust magic managing anxiety Mark Nepo marriage medication Memorial Day memories mental health Mimi miracles mistakes moderation moments money motivation moving on natural disasters needs negative thoughts negativity new year Nolan normal nurturing obstacles office politics online dating online love online romance opinions opportunity optimism options overwhelm pace pain pandemic paranoia passion passionate past path patience peace peace of mind perception perfection perserverance persistence personal growth personal power perspective Petey pets physical abuse pity party planning plans plants pleasure politics positive attitude positive energy positive thinking positivity possibilities prayer pride priorities problems procrastination progress prosperity purpose quality of life quit smoking reaction reactions reality reasons regrets rejection relationship relationships relax relaxation resentment resolutions respect responsibility rest restlessness retirement retreat revenge risk risks Robin Williams romance romantic love routine run away running away sacrifice sadness safe sanctuary satisfaction scared searching self-acceptance self-awareness self-confidence self-control self-defeating behavior self-esteem self-help self-improvement self-loathing self-love self-pity self-sabotage self-talk self-worth separation serendipity serenity setting goals settle sex sexual revolution simple abundance smoking social media society solitude sorrow soul soulmates stability standards state of mind strength stress strict rules strong struggle struggles stubborn subconscious feelings success suffering suicide support suppressed emotions survival surviving grief temper terrorism tests thankful Thanksgiving The Wedding Singer thinking thoughts time time travel tolerance toxic love toxic people toxic relationship tragedy transitions trigger day triggers trouble true calling trust truth unbalanced uncertainty unconditional love understanding unemployment unhappiness unresolved feelings valentines day value values valuing moments veterans day victim mentality victims vision vulnerability wants war Wayne Dyer weakness weather wedding anniversary what if widow Willie wisdom wishes withdrawal work work achievements work standards workaholic worries worry