Encourage Yourself

Treating yourself with the same gentleness

and respect you afford others can give

you the strength to accomplish what 

you want in life.

Feelings of unworthiness could negatively affect your self-confidence and cause you to judge yourself harshly. 

Giving yourself the same kind of encouragement you would give others can make you feel more confident and give you the strength to keep striving for success. When you treat yourself with respect and encouragement, you will find that all you desire becomes easier to reach.

Source:  Daily Om

The above was part of my horoscope for today.

It has been a rough week and I have beat myself up pretty badly.  My thoughts have been self-defeating and negative.  The taunting of my dad telling me how unworthy I am keeps creeping into my thoughts and won't go away.  I needed this message today!

Encouragement is my word of the day and I am so glad this message popped up for me today.  It is time to respect myself and give myself credit for everything positive and do those things that bring me joy because I deserve it.

Time to lose the negativity!

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Support of your loved ones

The strength that your loved ones give you could inspire you to examine a more challenging life path. 

The aid and support of your loved ones can give you the courage to make the most of the opportunities you have been given. The people who care for you are a resource that you can draw from for support, and the value they can add to your experience is unlimited. Knowing that you are loved can raise your self-esteem, help you feel more comfortable taking risks, and empower you to believe in yourself. Because the people that are important to you will always support you, you’ll be less afraid of failure and more likely to try again should you falter. When you feel bolstered by your loved ones, you will see that anything is possible.

Source:  Daily OM

Growing up, my dad always called me stupid, nothing I did was ever good enough, always raising the bar of expectations as they were close to being reached.  Maybe in his warped way of thinking he was shaping me to be a better and stronger person, not knowing the lifelong damage it would do to me.

For most of my young life, I tried so hard to meet his expectations that were never going to be met.   The result?  As a young adult, I spiralled out of control and was thrust out in a world that I was not ready for, however, deep down inside I knew that I was not that stupid little girl that I was made to believe I was all my life.

Armed with traces of self-confidence from my past accomplishments that I knew were a good thing, I set out to prove to myself that the stupid little girl was never real.  It was a figment of my dad's warped imagination.  Why a person would do that to an innocent little girl is beyond my comprehension.

As time went on, I did prove to myself that I am a very intelligent person with compassion for others.  The compassion came from understanding the emotional hardships we all go through and what they do to our mental health.  However, self-esteem has always been a problem for me, no matter what I accomplish.

There have been people in my life who have recognized my problem with self-esteem and used it as a weapon against me.  It personally stops me in my tracks when I recognize it is happening and makes me wonder why this person is still in my life and their trait of flawed compassion questions my capacity to make wise choices.

It doesn't have to be loved ones.  The support of those we admire means so much . . . think about it.  Compassion and support from others is a treasured gift that should be cherished when you find it.

  

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Positive Self-Affirmation

"When we develop a confident mind-set and release our worries about what others think of us, we build our self-esteem and bring more balance to our relationships. 

Most often our fears about what others think of us are simply projections of how we view ourselves. When we begin to change our own beliefs to more positive, empowering ones, our fears melt away. We become stronger, happier people and begin to see ourselves in a more positive light. This causes others to do the same. 

Our relationships become better because we are connecting from a more authentic, loving place. By devoting attention to enhancing your attitude and confidence level today, you can improve the quality of your interactions with others."

Source:  Daily Om 

I could not have said it better!  

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Relationship with self

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with ourselves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives—from birth onward—this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. 

Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship—the one with our true selves.

Source: The Daily Om

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Finding the key

"So often time it happens,

 we all live our life in chains,

 and we never even know

 we have the key."

The Eagles, lyrics from the song

"Already Gone"

The possibilities are endless when the realization hits that we hold the key to that ball and chain many of us attach ourselves to.  

Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is an example of what could be seen as a ball and chain.  Some people confuse the ball and chain as depression . . . it is a fine line.

Life circumstances can get someone to that point and play tricks on the mind.  The thought process turns negative and everything looks impossible.  

However, nothing is impossible when we know we have that key.

In the darkest days of my life, learning how to be grateful for the simplest of things helped me realize so much and put everything into perspective.  Gratefulness was my key.

Do you know what yours is?

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Authenticity

When I cruise the internet, I get lost and spend hours looking for new and interesting websites and blogs.  On occasion, I run into one that I consider outstanding . . . BlogHer is one of them.  You can reach the website by going to the sidebar of my blog . . . I have included the "Own Your Beauty" link.  Every month they target a different topic . . . this month is "Authenticity."  Check them out!


The following article comes directly from their website . . . No, I'm not "stealing" their content . . . I don't want to lose the content by just placing a link here and losing the content when they change their website pages.  (It has happened way too often, making my blog posts useless . . . just wanted to explain why I do it!)


In the years that I have adopted the lifestyle of "Simple Abundance," other than being grateful for simple little things every day, being authentic is up there on the list of importance as far as quality of life.

The awesome ladies at BlogHer
 have given us 12 tips to authenticity:

1.   Where is the list of fine performing arts that includes “art of listening,” I ask you?

2.   I’m suspicious of anyone who tells me they are an expert. Students teach me more.

3.   Confidence is the heartbeat of beauty. The trick? To get there we have to fail and change. The courage to  fail is irresistible to me.

4.   Are you hurting? Tell people. You will feel so GORGEOUS when you stop isolating yourself and open your heart.

5.   Take three hours a week for self-exploration: Make a regular date with yourself relax and things that will let your mind wander. Don’t expect major breakthroughs each time; it’s total time spent that helps you subconsciously approach the world differently.

6.   Don't compare: There’s a big difference between being inspired by others and emulating them. Your accomplishments may be similar to others’, but your path is unique and equally valid. Your job is not to be better than anyone, but to best meet your own purpose.

7.   Try not talking: Just observe others for a day. You’ll be amazed at how much connection you’ve missed, and how much more comfortable people are around someone who can let conversations unfold.

8.   What are you always telling yourself you'll do “someday?" Consider doing it now. Note I didn’t say do it, but consider doing it. Asking yourself to consider it takes the pressure off acting right away -- but the seeds are subconsciously planted.

9.   Don't be afraid to ask questions. Nothing exudes more confidence than freely admitting you don't know everything. People figure you must be really smart if you're willing to admit when you're dumb.

10. Everything you choose to share should be the truth. But you don't have to share everything. You can be authentic and still have boundaries. In fact you probably should!

11. You have the opportunity to live your values with every dollar you spend. Vote via the ballot box and your wallet.

12. The corollary to living your values is: Do the best that you can, until you can do better. None of us is perfect. But we should never do nothing because we can't do everything. I was a vegetarian for seventeen years before I finally successfully went vegan.

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Self-acceptance and perfection

“We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.” 

Don Miguel Ruiz

 

“The maxim ‘Nothing but perfection’ may be spelled ‘Paralysis.’”

Winston Churchill

“After enough mirror gazing, we all develop our ‘cosmic sense of humor.’ We no longer try to be perfect, or try to get all our work done in time. We become content with whatever life brings. Just to deal with what comes up without crucifying ourselves or others is enough of a challenge.”

Paul Ferrini

Attaining self-acceptance has brought me to the place in life where I no longer beat myself up because I am not perfect. It has taken me a lifetime to realize that no matter how hard anyone tries, they will never be perfect. Having said that, it doesn't mean giving up on striving for perfection . . . it is about accepting that which is imperfect after attempting to be the best person you can be, doing the best job you can do, loving yourself and being proud of what you did accomplish. 

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses no matter who we are. Maximizing our strengths and strengthening our weaknesses through setting realistic goals and doing everything possible to attain them helps to get to the place of self-acceptance. 

What good does almost hitting a goal make if the bar is raised before we are able to get there? All that does is create the illusion of failure when we should be proud of getting close to hitting that goal.

My parents gave me an awesome foundation as a child, teaching me to always do my best . . . but they expected perfection. When it seemed like I was ready to hit a goal they had set for me, that bar would be raised and I always felt not quite "good enough" leading to a life of frustration with myself and making perfection in everything I do as the goal. Little did I know that I would never hit that goal . . . no one can.

Perfection is an awesome thing to strive for, however, when it becomes a life obsession, that is not a good thing. It only leads to self-hatred . . . something I dealt with all of my life. I have wasted so much of my life beating myself up.

Setting realistic goals is the healthy balance.

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The fine line between love and hate

“We loathe ourselves for living and lying every day
in little ways that devalue and dishonor us”

Sarah Ban Breathnach, Something More

All I can say is that I’m very glad to be getting past the phase of hating myself. What a relief it was to give myself permission to stop trying to be perfect or even come close to it and loving myself for who I am.

It originates from being raised by a very strict, domineering father who could never be pleased. Just when I thought I may be getting close to making him happy, he raised the bar a little higher, making it impossible to ever feel “good enough.”

He died over a decade ago and we never made peace with each other. I never heard the words that he was proud of me or that he loved me . . . I only felt resentment from him.

After all this time I finally realize that he hated himself, his life circumstances . . . I was an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born, but paid the price anyway.

As a result, I grew up thinking that I really was that stupid little girl who could never do anything good enough and it has taken most of my life to love myself. I’m getting there . . . and I’ve made so much progress since I wrote this journal entry a little more than a year ago.

Originally published
August 12, 2007

It is not what you have or have not . . . but what you do with it. Not only “things” or possessions . . . but feelings within ourselves.

The thought never occurred to me that I had a self-loathing or hatred of myself. In my reading today, I realized that when we beat ourselves up over little things that we did or can’t do or thoughts . . . whatever it is . . . it is a form of hating ourselves.

When I think of all the times I have beaten myself up over things that I just COULD NOT do at a certain phase of my coming back to life . . . simply being social, walking outside to get fresh air but afraid I may have to talk to someone who sees me outside.

Hating our shortcomings, our human frailties and flaws . . . it is not the thoughts of self-hatred that are bad, it is what we do with it. The realization is a good thing and part of the healing. The healing comes in what we do about the things that bother us about ourselves.

Hate is a strong word, but it is a fine line between love and hate within ourselves.

Tonight I have given myself permission to hate myself for those things that keep me from being who I am, the best person that I can be. See it for what it is, feel it . . . I have to come to terms with those things before I can move past them . . . and love myself for who I am.

What I’ve learned today is that the feelings of hate and punishing myself go hand in hand and needs to stop. How can I move on if I don’t think I am worthy?

More progress, although I know I will have to address this issue over and over again before I come to terms with it . . . whatever it takes to be “normal” again.


Have you ever hated yourself?

Do you realize how wrong that is?

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