Just like any other grief phase, it is not a good idea to try to ignore the trigger day or the affects of it. One must go through and feel the grief stages in order to get through the healing process. The difficulty is not knowing where the next grief hit is going to come from . . . a song, a place, a passing thought, a smell, food . . . anything really. One thing is for sure, there are times that everything is a reminder and know that it may throw you into survival mode, even if it is an old loss as well as a fresh one.
There is one thing I do to cope with trigger days . . . write your loved one a letter. Just as with journaling, the spontaneity of the writing will conjure up thoughts and feelings you never addressed. Those thoughts and feelings get me through trigger days, as well as good memories that I make an attempt to dwell on instead of how awful I am feeling at the moment. The great memories on trigger days for me are treasured gifts and I look at it as a pleasant way to honor the loved one. That is so important.
It is not easy, but I have learned coping mechanisms through over 20 years of grief phases from losing my first husband. It never goes away, but as time goes on it becomes easier to manage and tolerate the emotions.
Today I am experiencing The Captain's birthday, the first since he passed away. This trigger day is fresh and so very painful, but I'm making the attempt to use the coping mechanisms I have learned to get through this awful day.
The clock continues to tick and the trigger days hit with regularity bringing with them the emotional minefield. What is important is to know that you control how you react to the thoughts associated with the day.
The trigger days and grief itself became my new normal when my first husband died. Now my new normal is double the trigger days, grief associated with it and learning to emotionally deal with more positivity as time goes on. I'm learning how to celebrate the loved one's life and be grateful they were in my life at all.
"Endings became beginnings without my expressed permission. ‘Take that’, it said."
Leave Your House and You'll Feel Better
"Being depressed at home is bad. But being depressed in public is worse. It's like taking a job where you're supposed to know how to speak fluent Mandarin, and then starting that job even though you actually don't know a word. Sometimes it's better to let the sadness pass surrounded by the comforts of familiar surroundings."
"It is our journey, and it will travel with us like a shadow that has taken us by the hand and is not following, but leading us everywhere we go. It is our new staycation that we alone can experience."
An excerpt from "Why Dealing with Grief is Different For Everyone" by Yvonne Broady, from the blog Sixty and Me.
A mood of melancholy can overtake you today, blinding you to pleasures you usually value so highly. You may not know how to respond to this mind-set and may unwittingly prevent yourself from taking those actions that will bring you relief. If you allow yourself to withdraw from the world, you may find that a great weight is lifted from your shoulders. But you can further soothe yourself by reflecting upon the feelings plaguing you. The introspective activities you engage in can become the cornerstone of your efforts to regain your good spirits, and you will likely enjoy a renewed peace of mind before the day is through.
The effect sadness has upon us is modulated by our perception of the feelings coursing through our hearts and minds. When we treat sorrow as little more than a crushing weight over which we have no power, it has the power to negatively impact our experience as a whole. If, however, we envision our low spirits as both a signal and an opportunity, we can take control of our feelings and use them to enrich ourselves through self-examination. Frequently, our sadness is an indication that we are denying some lingering issues that are capable of influencing our moods. In investigating our disposition using introspection as a tool, we can discover why we feel as we do. When you withdraw in your melancholy, you will soon come upon the cure that allows you to restore your good nature.
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