New year philosophies

Isn't it funny how everyone looks forward to this day so we can say goodbye to the old year that is soon to pass on and give way to the new hope of tomorrow?

Maybe it is just human nature to hope what is ahead is better than what was. The grass is always greener on the other side thing . . .

It got me to thinking about a good year.  Do you want the good year to never end?  Will the new year and the new hope for tomorrow jinx what has been awesome?

For me, the new year has always been symbolic of a new beginning, a change . . . we make resolutions to make ourselves a better person.  By the way, I gave up on making resolutions a long time ago.  However, for a deep thinker like me, this day has been making me more aware of positive things that will help me be a better person in different ways.

The end of this year has been awesome.  I won't beat a dead horse with the details of the year's beginning. I can only repeat what I always say, "this too shall pass" . . . and it did.

All it really is . . . the normal passage of time that spans from one year to another, one day into another, one minute to the next, one second at a time.

As I become older and wiser, my philosophy has slowly changed.  The Captain has had so much to do with these changes and I'm so grateful to have him in my life.

The new philosophy involves having faith that everything will be ok, for real and accepting whatever comes along as quickly as possible.  It is a deepening of my favorite saying, "this too shall pass."  We don't have control over what happens from day to day.  We do have control over how to react to it.

Happy New Year's Eve . . .

read more

Just One More Day

There are times my thoughts go to having one more day with the loved ones who have left my life.  It never gets to the point of pondering the question "what would I say" and how would I feel in the end.  

Would I go through grief of this person leaving my life again?

Would it bring up more regrets or questions?

One more hug would be awesome, but would it be enough?  

Would it make me want more and more, making the grief intensified?

I didn't get to say goodbye to JR, my nana or nano.  What would I have said? How do you say goodbye to someone who has been such a big part of your life?


Death and resulting grief has to be the most difficult thing to deal with in life. Everyone has a different way of dealing with it.  I write and let my feelings out, it helps me.  Some people hold it all inside, like in denial of any hurtful emotions.

The Grief Toolbox, the website, has really been helpful for me.  The graphic comes from there and is just an example of how they post those articles, poems and so much more that make me think about something I had not thought about before.

read more

The Power of Awareness

"Ask how you'd live your life differently if you knew you were going to die soon, then ask yourself who those people you admire are and why you admire them, and then ask yourself what was the most fun time in your life. 

The answers to these questions, when seen, heard, and felt, provide us with an open doorway into our mission, our destiny, our purpose."

- David Hawkins, from his book Power Vs. Force. Hawkins is an American psychiatrist, mystic, author and spiritual teacher in Sedona, Arizona.

Asking yourself questions are the stepping stones along your journey, one stepping stone at a time, providing assistance for guidance on your path.


When I tell people that I ask myself questions to learn more about myself, I can almost see them scratching their head in disbelief at what they just heard me say. My technique is to ask the question when I'm behind my computer so I can start writing and take my mind where it wants to go.


In times of high anxiety and I don't know why, I'll ask myself what am I bothered about. It usually brings out those little things that have been bothering me, then I can move toward more questions and working on the problem. The unconscious mind holds so much that we often don't think about, but it is in there . . . festering. Better to get it out in the light!


In some cases, it is like venting to another person and letting things out rather than staying inside and festering. It is much better to keep some thoughts to yourself unless you are looking for feedback from the other person. I just want it out of my thoughts, the writing is like a little box I can put it in and place at the top of the closet until I'm ready to take it down and deal with it.


Back in the day, I would write letters to people I was upset with, but didn't want to confront. I always went through with sending the letter, many times regretting it later. Sometimes just writing the letter is enough . . . it gets thoughts and bad feelings out of your system. Bad idea and a cowardly way to deal with people! I'm happy to say that I have moved past this practice by asking myself the questions and writing about it. Write the letter . . . don't send it!


I can really relate to the quote from David Hawkins and love the questions. It got me to thinking about asking more questions along his theme.


Give yourself the power of awareness, knowing and understanding your feelings and emotions as well as those close to you.

read more

Nature's Peace

"But much of what we truly need can only be found under the naked sky, alongside tall trees, on open plains, or in the sound of running water.

When you step out of your door each morning, pause for a minute and close your eyes long enough to let your senses absorb your surroundings. Listen and breathe deeply, until you hear the wind rustling through branches, smell rain on damp grass, and see the reflection of leaves brushing up against windowpanes.  

Taking a walk under the stars or feeling the wind on your face may be all it takes for you to reconnect with nature. Remember, you are as much a part of nature as are the leaves on a tree or water bubbling in a brook." 

Source: DailyOM

Through the years I have learned to appreciate nature's peace as time has passed.  

Job stress drove me to retire unusually early from a career that I truly loved, but the stress of office politics got the best of me in the end.

As I gained an appreciation for nature's peace, I built up an intolerance for office politics. I'm the type of person who would rather walk away over having to deal with unpleasantness.  It is something that I'd rather not deal with.  Life is way too short!

However, there were times when it was necessary to just bite my tongue, turn the other cheek and ignore what was happening around me, no matter how unpleasant it was.  It was also in those days when I still had patience with faith and hope in people.

The utilization of breaks and lunch hours outdoors kept me going in many jobs that were unpleasant since the place of employment happened to be situated in a very peaceful outdoor setting where I could escape for just a little while.  It made it tolerable.

One of my last jobs left me so burned out that it affected me emotionally.  That is when I turned to a psychologist for help.  After a while, it occurred to me that I could heal myself in my way.  

I turned to nature.  My back yard became my paradise, a sanctuary where I could escape, established my goal to make it a beautiful place of serenity and enjoy the gifts that God gave us in nature.  

Those changes made all the difference in my life.  They were the happiest years of my first marriage, which was a blessing since he passed away at such a young age.  But I had the peace of mind that I made the last years of his life so happy.

Simple things in life became priceless and for the most part, I wanted no part of those things that cost money and cluttered my house. Money took a back seat in my life as the lifestyle of Simple Abundance took over.  

And it all started with nature's peace . . . God's gift to all of us!

read more

Bring out the positive vibes!

My goal has been to learn how to bring out the positive vibes, changing the attitude of negative thinking I learned as a child.  

Growing up, it was assumed the day was going to be a bad one.  My dad was a miserable person and it was his goal in life to make everyone around him miserable as well.  

The mood was negative most of the time, except for my nana, who really tried to make up for my dad's awful attitude.  She gave me the spark of goodness and hope.

In my case, it has been natural for me to assume the negative possibilities before it happened.  My sweetie is slowly but surely changing my negative thinking to positive.  There are days I wake up automatically possessing the positive vibes and having a wonderful day.

When I think of The Captain's lifelong attitude of positive thinking, I am envious.  Why?  The power of positive thinking actually makes one a happier individual, making for an awesome quality of life.  

Unfortunately, I can only imagine how my quality of life would have been different and how it would have changed the course of my life. 

I wish my dad would have died having experienced at least some truly happy times. 

read more

What do you really need?

Powerful words from Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I've finally reached that place in life where I have realized what I need.  To love, to be loved, good health and enough money to live comfortably.

The money part can be subjective.  Some people need more than others.  I'm happy to have a roof over my head, electricity and utilities, computer and internet, good food, a reliable vehicle and going out to eat on occasion.

Since I'm retired, I don't need to be buying clothes and shoes all the time. hmmmm I don't remember the last time I bought a new outfit.  It doesn't matter.  I have enough clothes in my closet!

We stick to a strict budget and plan for special purchases, which includes those things we really don't need, but want.  I can't explain how special those "want" purchases are now . . . I appreciate them.  

In my working days everything I wanted was a need and I didn't do without. What that got me is a house full of stuff I really don't need.  I didn't appreciate the emotional value of anything.

It made a huge difference in my life.  

Do you know what you really need?

"You have succeeded in life when all you 

really want is only what you really need." 

Vernon Howard

read more

Never Apart

A part of you has grown in me
and so you see, it's you and me, 
together forever and never apart, 
maybe in distance but never in heart


I've been thinking back to the beginning of my relationship with The Captain.  We met unexpectedly online, started off with endless emails and moved on to having a bluetooth stuck in our ears 24/7.

We were both experiencing not so pleasant life transitions and clung to those phone conversations as if they were a lifeline.  At least for me they were.  Both of us worked at home and had all the time in the world to get to know each other.  We even spent holiday gatherings together on the phone as we celebrated with our respective families.  They thought we were crazy!

Long distance love is truly a strange phenomena.

The bond that I had with The Captain was unlike any I ever had in real life . . . it was so much stronger and it didn't seem possible since our eyes had yet not met.  Seriously!!

The bond with a very special person I had never met in person, had never touched, yet felt as if I had been touched as I had never been before seemed
like a beautiful dream that kept getting better.

It is as if we were never apart, even though we had never been together, and felt we had been together forever.

The constant fear was that I am not the person that he imagined me to be. I tried not to think along those lines, however, it was a strong reality. 

Isn't that normal with an online romance?

read more

Defeating the Doubt

Life is a journey.  We will encounter winding roads, rocky roads and forks in the road.  They are all phases we need to push through to another stepping stone on our journey.  Along the journey, one of the biggest challenges we will encounter is doubt.

Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt ~ William Shakespeare

When doubt creeps in, it is important to realize whether the doubt is a good thing and your intuition is stopping you from making the wrong choice or the traitor who brings on the fear to keep us from progressing.

Fear of failure is a strong fear that will keep you stuck in place for fear of moving on to the unknown.  Fear of success will also keep you stuck in place for fear of what that success means and how it will change your life.

Isn't it sometimes easier to deal with the known misery like an trusted old friend rather than move on with the unknown change that is like dealing with a stranger you must learn to trust?

That is when it is necessary to take a look back and access the journey, making note of those times you met the challenge, moved on to the next stage and the next and the next.  They were probably little steps. 

Remember how awesome it felt to reach the next stage?

Imagine how the next victory phase of success will change your life in positive ways.  Think of the little steps it will take to get there, not the whole phase of your journey.

Overwhelm can take over, put a stop to forward progress and possibly set you back a step or two.  It usually happens when we try to absorb the whole phase instead of a tiny part of it.

It is so important to continually access your progress and be proud of it, know that you can do it, rather than let doubt creep in and stop you in your tracks.

read more

Perfect Peace

In God we have . . .

A love that can never be fathomed,
A life that can never die,
A righteousness that can never be tarnished,
A peace that can never be understood,
A rest that can never be disturbed,
A joy that can never be diminished,
A hope that can never be disappointed,
A glory that can never be clouded,
A light that can never be darkened,
A purity that can never be defiled,
A beauty that can never be marred,
A wisdom that can never be baffled,
Resources that can never be exhausted.
God is our all in all!


Perfect peace is a beautiful thought that can certainly become a reality.
I'm so happy and grateful to say that I'm so close!
This summer has been spent relaxing and chilling out, making the attempt to find out where my place is in this world.  It has been a phase of looking at my life as it was, pondering the thought of where my past experiences have led me and what are the lessons learned.
The lessons learned are the easiest part to identify and so profound as it relates to the past as well as the rest of my life.  The most important lesson is that life is short and we must make the best of our time here on earth in perfect peace and happiness.  Equally important is to the cherish every moment with those we love since we never know if that moment is the last with that precious person.
God granted my greatest wish . . . the gift of love from and to the most perfect person in the world for me.  The doors easily open for those things that are God's will, which is why so many doors were closed to me in the past.  That was another lesson learned.  Yes, it seemed to take forever to find that love and happiness, but it taught me to trust faith in God and have the patience it takes for those doors to open as they were destined.  Good things come to those who wait . . . just know they will arrive at the right time!
Our relationship has grown from an online romance that went through many phases of happiness and frustration that goes along with any new relationship and getting to know each other . . . a long distance relationship takes us through many unique twists. Through the six years that I have known The Captain, we went from those silly beginnings of online love to a strong relationship that has weathered many storms which actually made us stronger as a couple.
What lacks in my life is direction.  Honestly, I have always thought that retirement was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  In many ways it is.  The freedom is awesome.  The anticipation of a future that can become anything I want it to be is so exciting.  However, the "anything I want" part is the problem, although I have decided to go back to internet retailing and being creative.
I've been deep in the midst of total overwhelm about so many things.  I know I must take one thing at a time, but it is so much easier said than done. 
What I do know is that I think too much!
After much consideration, I have decided to continue enjoying my retirement, but take things slowly, enjoy every step of the journey instead of taking the "what if" approach of way too much thinking that has brought me down instead of being happy as I should be since I am so close to perfect peace.
Today I am feeling so lucky for this second chance in life and so grateful to have the most wonderful partner ever to love, adore and share a beautiful life with.
It has been a long seven years since I wrote the following post and I am eternally grateful that God took me by the hand and took me on a journey that led me down the path to a happy future.
Let my life experience be a lesson for your life!

This post was originally published on  March 8, 2008

Some advice from a good friend
with a multitude of wisdom . . .
"you need a journey"

My friend is so right, I've needed a journey for a long time, even before I started working. The last time I took time away from home and away from thinking . . . FUN TIME . . . was last July when I went to the beach with family and came back feeling like a new person.

All the emotions I have been experiencing lately is simply restlessness. I'm in between jobs, taking time to put lots of things in order before making another commitment and hopefully not disappointing myself again . . . back to being in limbo. Most of my problem is not making moves for fear of another disappointment.

Sometimes I forget the lesson I learned from JR's death . . . life is short and we must ENJOY every moment. My positive attitude has allowed me to enjoy moments, but I want more than moments. I spend more time planning life than living life. At least my attitude is no longer negative . . . so I must give myself credit for that progress.

I'm also realizing I have not trusted my faith in God. My tendency is to question God about everything bad in my life . . . JR's death, failed relationships, my indecision about the future and general "bad luck".

I have my moments when I realize that everything happens for a reason and that as humans, God grants us free will. Sometimes I get caught up in the middle of that theory, life circumstances twist my thoughts around . . . I end up not knowing what I believe and not getting past my core belief in God.

I'm referring to that peace that surpasses understanding . . . I do have that spiritual peace as far as feeling that no matter what, everything is going to be ok. What I seek is that peace that brings joy and I wonder if what I am experiencing is a perpetual grieving for JR that leaves me in this state and afraid that I am destined to live the rest of my days with this feeling.

Maybe it is like my friend says . . . needing a journey . . . needing fun in my life. It could be and I have been working toward wrapping things up around here so I can take off for at least a couple of days. No definite plans have been made on purpose so I can experience the awesome feeling of being a spontaneous free spirit like JR and I lived our lives. If only I can capture the magic of those days and I'm going to try.

One thing for sure, the journey will bring me closer to God and the journey to perfect peace. It is something that has been a part of my life before, so I know how it feels, I just need to remember how to get there.

read more

Who Am I?

"Please . . . tell me who you are and
what you want. And if you think those are
simple questions, keep in mind that most
people live their entire lives without
 arriving at an answer."

Gary Zukav

These are questions I constantly ask myself.  The answer varies every day.

In our lifetime, the perspective of identity and what we want out of life change and go through many phases.

Since retiring, I understand some of what I've heard about retirees.  They are lost, they lose their identity and don't know what to do with all that time on their hands.  On the extreme side of what I've heard . . . many people die shortly after retiring.

When my first husband died, I lost my identity in the world of being part of a married couple since the status of my world had entirely changed.  Having said that, I was somewhat prepared for the world of retirement and not having things that had to be done, sometimes at a certain time and place.

Since The Captain has also retired, I am not alone in the quest of our place in the world.  It is a very exciting journey to start all over again with all the awesome possibilities.  At this time, we are still pondering the questions, but enjoying the down time.

All I can say is that I am thoroughly enjoying the freedom of not having to do whatever or having to be at a certain place at a certain time.  

Time to go after another dream!

read more

Escape to your garden sanctuary

"In the refuge of brilliant color, sweet scents, and stillness you create in your garden, the burdens imposed upon you by a sometimes hectic world will melt away. The splendor and tranquility of what you have brought into being will entrance you, allowing you to forget the constraints of time and space. No matter how large or small your garden sanctuary, the time you spend reveling in its pleasures will refresh your spirit and provide you with innumerable opportunities to celebrate life."

Source:  Daily OM

There is nothing like the visual beauty of a colorful garden, the soothing sounds of nature and the aromatic scent of a garden to provide the perfect escape for unwinding, relaxing and recharging your batteries.

I have a saying that perfectly describes how my garden has made me feel . . . 

It is my little piece of paradise, the only thing in the world that is truly mine, where I can touch the earth and make it bloom.  On a bad day I can hide and tell the world, "excuse me . . . while I kiss the sky."

Although strong thunderstorms trashed our back yard with huge fallen limbs compounded with our health issues which resulted in a badly neglected garden, I have lost my huge back yard sanctuary that provided a beautiful comfort zone, The Captain and I are slowly creating our carport jungle that is already feeling like a much needed retreat on a smaller scale.

read more

Relationship Red Flags

We all have our "frying pan moments" . . . some more than others.  No two people get along so perfectly as to never have them.

In my opinion, a great open and honest discussion over issues we don't agree on is healthy.  After all, how else would you really know how that person you are sharing your life with is feeling about issues important to you?  

When the great discussion turns into a full blown frying pan moment, a lack of communication can make the difference and result in not so pleasant consequences, the silent treatment or a routine happy day.  

That brings me to the purpose of this post, which was inspired by an article in Psychology Today on the topic of relationship red flags.  The following list is from that article with some excerpts.

1. Lack of communication . . . be open and honest!
2. Irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable. Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills and may still be working on growing up. In other words, it may be hard to rely on them for almost anything.
3. Lack of trust. 
4. Significant family and friends don’t like your partner. 
5. Controlling behavior. 
6. Feeling insecure in the relationship. You may often feel that you don’t know where you stand in a relationship.  Follow your gut instinct with this one!  A good relationship should not make you have these feelings.
7. A dark or secretive past.
8. Non-resolution of past relationships. 
9. The relationship is built on the need to feel needed. If this dynamic is the focal point of a relationship, however, there may be little room for real growth, individually or as a couple.
10. Abusive behavior. Verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical—is not just a red flag but a huge banner telling you to get out immediately and never look back.

A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling. At the end of a difficult relationship, people often say, “He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very beginning, but I just didn’t listen.”

Learn to trust what you feel. Your hunch is probably right.

Click here to read the complete article.

read more

The Waves of Grief

It hasn't been a good time.  Sometimes life will throw some unpleasant stuff our way.  At times we go through it with flying colors, unscathed emotionally. Other times it stops us in our tracks and just doing normal, routine things are a big chore.

The other night everything got to me in a big way and I had a bit of a melt down.

A conversation with my mom started the whole thing.  She was feeling a little depressed, missing my dad, the way things were, not wanting to even sit in her back yard because it brought back good memories of times that were gone.  She cried and cried.  And it got to me.  She talked about living on borrowed time since she is getting older.  

Don't we all go through that scenario whether we want to admit it or not?

That conversation brought me to thoughts of my past and those who have passed away and left such a void in my life.  There are times I think of those special people individually, but this time, it was all of them at one time.  It was too much to handle, along with the thought of my mom's mortality . . . and mine.

I don't have many true friends.  My nature is to not trust anyone enough to let them close.  Friends have hurt me deeply in my life, so there are only a few that I trust.  Two of them have passed away since JR died.

Rose was my best friend going all the way back to junior high school.  We were silly pre-teens when we met.  She and I went through all those silly things we go through in our teen years going into our adult years. We remained best friends until she passed away a few years ago.  She was the sister I never had and my only best friend to not hurt me through all those years.  That is special.  You would not believe how many times I want to pick up the phone to share something with her . . . and I realized she has vanished from my life like a puff of smoke.  It tears me up . . .

Nolan was my neighbor of like 20 something years or so.  He had always been there to lend JR a helping hand with projects around the house, was a frequent visitor and became my angel from God after JR passed away.  His death was sudden and extra painful.  When he bought his motorcycle, I got a bad feeling. He assured me not to worry since he was the most careful driver with a respect for the motorcycle.  Well, to avoid hitting a dog on the highway, he went out of control and hit a tree.  He died instantly.  He was here one moment and the next he's gone.  I remember hearing him leave on the motorcycle that morning and his sense of adventure put a smile on my face . . . only to break my heart at the end of the day.

I started thinking about them . . . and my godfather, my aunt's mother, my biological father, my brother's mother-in-law and brother-in-law,  my nano and especially my nana who was like my mother.  All those thoughts at one time was way too much for me to handle.  

Always on my mind is JR . . . the person I committed my life to until death do we part, but I still can't get over him being gone.  I miss him and the life we shared.

Those of us who have experienced the death of someone special will go through these times.  The good and bad feelings come and go, leaving us to go on with life as usual.  Some waves of grief are rougher than others . . .

read more

When joy is gone

Joy is gone from our hearts; 
our dancing has turned to mourning.

Lamentations 5:15

I will banish from them the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, the sound of millstones and the light of the lamp.

Jeremiah 25:10

"When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, 

peace of mind is waiting there."

  

George Harrison

Joy lies dormant deep within me . . . it is there, I know it is.  A mysterious stranger did not creep in and steal it.  Life is delicate and confusing at times. 

When did the joy leave me?  Was there a moment in time that was particularly bothersome?  I don't know . . .

The stress of life itself can sometimes sap the joy of life out of us.  It can pile up so high that it buries you, making it seem impossible to get out and suffocates you to the point of giving up.  It is not always depression.  Sometimes it is just life!

Do you just ignore it and hope it will go away?   

NO!!!!!

Everyone has a method of finding joy in their lives . . . if you don't, you should. I start with surrounding myself with those things that make me happy . . . or have the potential of bringing a smile to my face.  The sparkle in my dog Kiki's eyes, her wagging tale and her sweet little smile can make a horrendous day tolerable and momentarily puts a smile on my face.  A favorite song can work miracles!

There are some days I just want to run away and hide from the world.  In many ways, I do.  The last thing I want to do is talk to someone on the phone or answer a knock on the door.  Being social is the very last thing on my mind.  For me, there is a great deal of peace in becoming a hermit until I crawl my way out of it.

I haven't written much in a while.  In a sense I have become a blogging hermit! What I forget is that blogging about these feelings and emotions are key to the solution and hopefully a blessing for someone else going through the same thing.  My journey is a quest for peace, love and happiness, however, the journey is never a smooth one.  

God gives us free will to choose the wrong fork in the road, but he also provides the strength and courage to get ourselves back into the world of peace, love and happiness.

The stress of life has bombarded me and my sensitive nature makes it difficult to deal with it effectively, although I keep trying!

This too shall pass and tomorrow may find me laughing out loud again . . . something I love to do.  I've heard that laughter provides a longer life.

read more

Opportunity

Sometimes opportunity doesn't knock,
it just taps lightly — listen.

An opportunity is defined as a situation in which it is possible for you to do something that you want to do.

Opportunity doesn't always knock, it all depends on luck, fate, and destiny.

read more