~ I'm Fine | Heart ~
It has occurred to me today that life is just a cycle of phases, some good, some bad, all contributing to the person we are today. Of course each time we tend to feel as though we are losing it, like in my featured song by Heart.
Since we are entering Week #4 of no running water, I needed to read old posts and remind myself of where I have been and the anxiety associated with it. I always tell myself "this too shall pass" . . . and it does!
Anxiety comes in different phases, usually dependent on what the current life circumstances are.
I have selected two phases of my life to write about.
The first post found me entering an exciting new chapter in my life after successfully completing training for the job I knew was made for me. I remember being so happy, although the disappointment of the job as it really was and the attitude of "corporate America" toward its employees ultimately took me through another time of anxiety and the feeling of failure.
The positive aspects of this experience was the feeling of accomplishment for finally getting out of the house, going after that job I wanted so badly and successfully completing some emotionally draining training. Even though the job didn't work out, no one would have ever suspected I had previously been so apprehensive about leaving my comfort zone and shutting myself out of society for so many years.
Today I am so very grateful that I don't have to face "corporate America" again . . . I can say with certainty that those days are over.
Notice a theme here?
The last post found me at a time of high anxiety as I had quit smoking and thought I had a grip on it . . . at the same time I decided I no longer needed my anxiety medication and was weaning myself off. Big mistake! The attempt of quitting smoking is a high anxiety endeavor anyway . . . not a time to get off of anxiety medication. My doctor was very angry with me and convinced me to start taking them again.
The lesson I learned is taking medication for a legitimate problem is nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is to not do anything about a problem that exists.
Many of us are afflicted with high anxiety for whatever reason. Don't be afraid of medication . . . it is necessary when problems arise so you can deal with them with a clear head and attitude. Mine has never gone away, I can just deal with it more effectively now. Life challenges happen and you must be prepared for them.
This post was originally published on March 8, 2008
A new chapter in my life has begun. A time that I thought would never come, although I just took one day at a time and tried to deal with each one as best as I could. Every time I take out my certification for successfully completing training for a job that I set in my mind over two years ago, I am so grateful for the strength that God gave me to make it through those bad times and gave me enough faith in myself to go for it and make it through the training that I almost walked out of several times.
Positive attitude and faith in ourselves and our creator goes a long way and through times we think we can't get through. We can go through life in a bad mood and an awful attitude, resulting in a miserable existence. I've been through all the phases.
It was especially rough when I made the decision that I needed to quit smoking if I was going to join the real world and get a real job since the realization hit me that selling "whatever" on eBay was no longer going to provide the comfortable life that I had grown accustomed to. In retrospect I think it was divine intervention to finally get me out of my house. God works in mysterious ways to teach us lessons and make us stronger.
The following post was written as I was well into my endeavor of quitting smoking . . . the "no smoking weight gain" was starting to creep up on me . . . it was just a bad time that gives me so much appreciation for the changes I have made in my life.
There was always hope for me even though I didn't always think so . . . there is also hope for anyone going through a bad time, no matter what the circumstance . . . with faith and a positive attitude.
This post was originally published on December 11, 2006
Not asking for much . . . not even happiness at the moment since that seems like an impossible dream, just CONTENTMENT and peace of mind would be great.
The past couple of days have been awful . . . I am convinced it is withdrawals from quitting smoking and/or getting off my medication. Feelings of restlessness and anxiety have consumed me and just about everything is making me irritable. The cravings to smoke a cigarette are virtually gone, although they do hit me when I least expect it, but pass quickly.
I had done some research on withdrawal from my medication and the good news is that my withdrawal symptoms are not as bad as I expected them to be based on my research. I always took way less than prescribed because I hate being dependent on anything and was so scared of becoming addicted to them. Today I am thankful that my withdrawal symptoms are not as bad as they could be even though I am ready to climb the walls from this anxiety.
My state of anxiety is all about my life's general frustrations and irritations.
I'm still dealing with no hot water and having to boil water for everything. The repair people will finally be here tomorrow and hopefully it will be fixed.
The one thing that is really irritating me is the weight that I have gained as a result of not smoking anymore. I am not doing anything different, although I am hungry all the time. The weight gain came fast and has really made me sad since I have worked so hard to take it off. Now I have to work doubly hard to get that under control. I just spent 1/2 hour on the exercise bike to get rid of anxiety and hopefully keep the weight gain from continuing.
This is the story of my life . . . something positive always brings the negative to bring me down. I can't win!
I'm off to experience the one thing that always makes me happy and content . . . my first cup of coffee for the day. I'll also have to check out my music collection and find some happy music. Those two things will instantly put me in a better state of mind.
This is going to be an awesome week in spite of all of this . . . I'm determined!
