Disappointment and Expectations

 

disappointment

sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations

or

a person, event, or thing that causes disappointment

"Disappointment is part of daily life. The only way to avoid it is to have no expectations, desires, or values.

The most common disappointment is about expectations. Whenever expectations go unmet, we experience disappointment. The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment. Many people attempt to manage disappointment by lowering expectations. While expectations should be realistic, lowering them too far sacrifices enthusiasm and capacity for enjoyment.

Disappointment is so unpleasant that when it happens, we’re often unaware of anything other than sadness, irritability, resentment, anger, or aggressive impulse."

Read the rest of the article at Psychology Today, click here.

At this time and place in history, I have come to the conclusion that the whole world is experiencing long term disappointment.  

Politics and the media has us sitting in our opposing corners with family at odds with each other over opinions in general while experiencing long term isolation due to a pandemic that has the general public at each others throats for one reason or another.

This disappointment has turned into resentment, aggressiveness and irritability.  At least that is how I see it.

Personally, I long for the days of Dean Martin and "That's Amore."

On an individual basis, are we experiencing personal disappointment in each other because our expectations are too high?

Or . . .

Have we turned too cold to each other's feelings?  

On the other hand, have we become too sensitive?  

Do people in general even care about others anymore?

Social media has become brutal.  Participation in social media used to be one of my favorite things to do and was something I looked forward to each day.  It seems like overnight it all changed.

I'm sad for the human race and how we have turned on each other instead of being grateful for the love, compassion and kindness of friends and family in our lives.

Or maybe it is just me in the depressed mode I've been in.

I'll end by quoting the Dean Martin song . . . "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore."  I would love to go back to those days.  

We are lost.

As for me, I'm still searching for Peace, Love and Happiness.

read more

Encourage Yourself

Treating yourself with the same gentleness

and respect you afford others can give

you the strength to accomplish what 

you want in life.

Feelings of unworthiness could negatively affect your self-confidence and cause you to judge yourself harshly. 

Giving yourself the same kind of encouragement you would give others can make you feel more confident and give you the strength to keep striving for success. When you treat yourself with respect and encouragement, you will find that all you desire becomes easier to reach.

Source:  Daily Om

The above was part of my horoscope for today.

It has been a rough week and I have beat myself up pretty badly.  My thoughts have been self-defeating and negative.  The taunting of my dad telling me how unworthy I am keeps creeping into my thoughts and won't go away.  I needed this message today!

Encouragement is my word of the day and I am so glad this message popped up for me today.  It is time to respect myself and give myself credit for everything positive and do those things that bring me joy because I deserve it.

Time to lose the negativity!

read more

Unrealistic Expectations

Most women are guilty of unrealistic expectations when looking for love and forever . . . aren't we?

Although we know for a fact that Prince Charming does not exist, we still search for him. If the expectation is to find a man who has the traits we most look for in a man, good looks, humorous, stable, patient, trusting and loyal (I know I am leaving out many more), we may as well be looking for that magic carpet that will take us off into the sunset.

Men are equally guilty of unrealistic expectations when searching for their perfect woman . . . you know you are guys!

We are human . . . we want it all when it comes to most everything, but especially when looking for love.  None of us want to settle for imperfections in another person, although we are not perfect ourselves.

Any type of relationship takes time and patience.  However, when high expectations of fantasy collide with reality, we are setting ourselves up for a long period of time trying to fit a round peg in a square hole, losing patience that will ultimately result in failure.

No matter where you are in your relationship, the most important thing to learn is how to reasonably compromise.  Equally as important is being realistic about the type of person you want when searching for your forever soulmate . . . he or she is worth it.

read more

Stop Me

An old love from the past had come back into my life.  It was an unresolved issue that haunted me most of my adult life.  He had joined the military and never came back . . . well, not until many years after I became a widow.  We had a second chance for a future together when he came back into my life through Classmates.com after all those years.  

To make a long story short . . . 
I walked away after determining that we were never meant to be.  

Although I was heartbroken, my wise decision brought the closure and resolution to one of the biggest heartaches of my youth.  At the time, I didn't see my decision as one of the greatest blessings of my life.

The irony of life and holding on to hope and faith . . .

One door closes and another opens! 

The Captain came into my life shortly after my decision to just walk away from what I determined was not my destiny and I wrote the following post.  There were no expectations, The Captain and I developed an awesome friendship that eventually turned into love and forever.

I'm grateful that no one tried to STOP ME!

This post was originally  published on 2/24/09

I have always held firmly to the thought
that each one of us can do a little to
bring some portion of misery to an end.

(Albert Schweitzer)

Isn't that the truth?
Don't we sometimes perpetuate our own misery?

I've caught myself midstream into a pity party and have finally been able to pick myself up in the midst of getting to that miserable place. It is an example of what we can learn to do in order to stop that vicious cycle of misery and finally bring it to an end.

Slaying the dragon . . .
it has been one of my biggest demons

In light of recent developments in my life that seems to be another vicious cycle . . . circumstances that make me deliriously happy and feeling as though I'm walking on clouds only to make my ascent from the heavenly clouds abrupt and painful. The disappointments keep happening.

Do I turn off that part of me that thoroughly enjoys expectations of happiness after such a long period of grief and misery? Every time I'm disappointed I go back and readdress expectations in my life. Next time I am going on about how happy I am . . . STOP ME . . . it is like the kiss of death.

Must I turn off that part of me that feels joy because romantic history continues to repeat itself and I always end up more unhappy than before the joy happened? Next time I am going on about feeling joy . . . STOP ME . . . it is like the kiss of death.

I'm learning to forget about great expectations . . . and to me, that is so very sad . . . it is part of the beauty and allure of the quest for love and romance . . . and so much a part of who I am.

read more

Anxiety and Tranquility

You may be plagued by anxious feelings today. If you feel overly pressured to succeed in your personal and professional spheres, you could begin retaining tension in your body. The nervous stress affecting your mind could quickly cause your muscles to grow painfully tight and inflexible. You could ease the strain in your mind and body by examining the root cause for your worries. Your expectations may be too high, or you may feel that you must live up to the expectations set forth by a boss or loved one. You may find that a simple breathing meditation, where you focus wholeheartedly on drawing in and expelling air, calms your mind and, as a result, relieves your physical tension. Your muscles will likely feel looser and more flexible today once you have dealt with the anxiety in your mind. 

Often, the simplest way to ease tension that has built up in the body is by letting go of our worries. Because our physical and mental selves are so intimately connected, what affects one often impacts the other. You can encourage well-being in your body by paying close attention to your feelings and reactions in life. When distressing thoughts rear up in your mind, engaging in activities that promote peace will prevent them from interfering with your physical health. Stress won’t have an opportunity to establish itself in your body when you use calming exercises to alleviate your mind. When you ease up on putting pressure on yourself today, your body will relax accordingly.

 Source: Daily Om

Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress, which helps one cope with a tense situation. However, anxiety can become excessive, producing irrational dread of everyday situations, making it a disabling disorder that is often misunderstood in our society.

Loved ones can be very important allies in the successful recovery of a person with an anxiety disorder. In order to ensure a successful recovery, the loved ones should be supportive, but not help perpetuate their loved one’s symptoms, be educated about the condition and not trivialize the disorder or demand improvement without understanding.

Make time for yourself, pamper yourself . . . and find ways to relax.

read more

Great expectations

In an older post, 
I defined great expectations
 as going beyond hope and faith.


Often faith is described as seeing the outcome before it happens.  I felt it, I knew it.  I just didn't know what "it" was.  My hope was to be happy again.  Some people are meant to share their lives with a significant other.  I am one of them . . . definitely miserable living alone and grieving my loss way too long.

The gift in my greatest expectations was to find true love again.  Little did I know . . . be careful what you wish for!  As I experienced the most unusual and entertaining journey of my life, through the good and the bad aspects of it all, I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of falling in love again.  

The one single thing that I remember in that time before I encountered The Captain is that I felt as though something wonderful was about to happen in my life.  I just knew.  God put a peace in my heart that surpassed all understanding and logic.

The following post describes the emotions of anticipation and great expectations as it relates to faith and hope . . . and "it."

My fuzzy dreams became a reality.  

"It" was to love and be loved again.

The Captain has been one of the
 greatest gifts in my life . . . friendship
that turns into love.

I'm still enjoying the moment :)


Never lose faith and hope, even in your darkest days.

Look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is there.

Originally posted March 2009

Out of the darkest despair of blue days came sunshine and rainbows, expectations and plans running through my mind repeatedly like a child on Christmas Eve being so excited anticipating Santa’s visit and what gifts he may bring.

The expectations are more like fuzzy dreams and what I’m feeling is the anticipation of what is to come with the faith that it is everything I need . . . that is all I want.

All of these fabulous emotions have brought me a peace and calmness that has allowed me restful sleep and a definite routine. As a result, the anxiety and restless feelings are under control and what is left goes beyond faith and hope . . . great expectations.

A slight shift in my thinking has made such a difference for me by putting a positive emphasis on enjoying the journey rather than constantly anticipating the destination.

Just as the excitement on Christmas Eve anticipating the gifts, once the gifts are open, where is the excitement of anticipation? The anticipation is what brings the most joy . . . at least it does for me.

The balance of the outcome, what I call the “ying/yang thing” is accepting the gifts, relax and enjoy them . . . experience and love the joy of the moment.

Living in the moment and anticipating unexpected changes in life as a new and exciting journey has been making a big difference in my life.

Has faith and hope ever given you

those kind of great expectations

 that surpasses understanding?

read more

The Bad Date . . . a nightmare from the past!

This was my first attempt at entering a writing contest back in September of 2007 . . . and it was voted first place . . . back in the days of Yahoo 360 blogs.  

It is unfortunately a true story . . . one of my first adventures with online dating after becoming a widow . . . I would say this story took place in 2005.

It was time to move on . . . after all, it had been over two years since my husband passed away. Since I was already online 24/7 as a full time eBay seller and a certifiable computer geek, my friends encouraged me to try computer dating.

Huh? How do you "date" on the computer? lol 
 Then the thought occurred to me that I make my living online, do my banking online, pay my bills online, order pizza for delivery online, learned out how to fix my toilet online . . . hmmmm why not make a love connection online? 
John and I made our connection through an "online dating service" and then corresponded through chat and phone. Since I'm so picky and don't want to waste my time on someone I know I would not like, I asked a lot of questions, wanted to see lots of photos and am very up front about what I am looking for. In turn, I do the same and accentuate my flaws as I don't want to disappoint anyone or waste their time either. 
After corresponding for roughly three months, we decided to meet . . . I know it was a long time, but I wanted to be sure and I was scared to death to jump into the dating scene. Keep in mind I was married 22 years and had not been on a "date" in a very very long time . . . thrown out in the jungle to fend for myself and find a new love to share my life with. 
John seemed to be everything I was looking for in a new love . . . he wasn't into playing games, was ready to settle down, no children, no nagging ex-wife, didn't hate women . . . NO BAGGAGE . . . from his photos, I was very attracted to him, he had an awesome personality that blended well with mine . . . we could talk for hours on the phone and time would just fly by, we liked doing the same things . . . . awwww seemed like a match made in heaven . . . 
The meeting place was a coffee shop at the mall. So far everything is cool and awesome, I was so anticipating meeting the man of my dreams . . . John seemed to fit all the criteria. As I walked into the coffee shop, I took a quick glance around and thought to myself that I must be early . . . no John . . . another thought, he changed his mind about me and I've been stood up. 
 I walk all around the place and as I was deciding where to sit and order a cup of coffee, I hear a familiar voice calling my name. When I turned around I could not believe my eyes. 
 This was not the man I had been corresponding with . . . well . . . it was, but he was using photos that were at least 20 years old. The beautiful hair was barely there and the sparkling blue eyes were lined with crows feet that were not apparent in the photos. 
 hmmmmm my italian blood started boiling immediately . . . I was deceived and all of a sudden I felt like the most stupid and gullible woman in the world. I wanted to run . . . very fast. 
He led me to his table and I ordered a cup of coffee, trying to be polite to this man that otherwise had become a friend, but definitely NOT a love connection . . . even if age was not a factor . . . HE LIED TO ME. 
 Yeah, he saw the disappointment on my face, I wear my emotions on my face, always have, even though I was trying to be polite and not hurt his feelings. But damn it . . . didn't he deserve for his feelings to be hurt? He wasted three months of my life, making me think he was someone he is not, deceiving me. 
 He finally asked me if I was disappointed . . . in my sarcastic witty way, I answered his question with questions, "Didn't you think I would be? Didn't you hear a word that I said about myself and what I expect out of a relationship? FIRST THING IS HONESTY . . ." 
When he said "I thought that if we spent enough time without you seeing me that you would fall in love with me, the person that I am before meeting me." hmmmmm it occurred to me that he was calling me a shallow person, but hey, I know what I want and I'm honest about it. Needless to say, with that statement, I had enough . . . the man was actually just as gorgeous as those photos, it was him, only 20 years older. 
 Maybe I would have given him a chance since we did hit it off, but the lie disappointed me so badly that I had a difficult time making eye contact with him and could not remain friends with him. 
Rule #1 . . . if you plan on meeting someone online, don't lie if you don't want to see the look of disappointment when you meet the person who is anticipating someone else entirely. 
Rule #2 . . . insist on seeing someone on webcam . . . at least that was one lesson learned . . . Three years later and more than a few disappointing experiences . . . I'm embracing my solitude . . . and enjoying it more every day.

Jumping back to present day . . . I have found that person I was searching for.  It took many years, but good things come to those who wait.  Not everyone you meet online is a bad person . . . I met the most wonderful person in the whole world on Twitter.  It is not all bad . . . you just have to be careful when dealing with people online.
This story is one of the many nightmares I experienced in those days following becoming a widow, but in the end, I am so grateful I never gave up on trust and faith.

EXCERPTS OF COMMENTS FROM THE ORIGINAL BLOG POST ON YAHOO 360

 

read more

Get out of your own way!

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There have been way too many times in my life I've been my own worst enemy.

Negative thinking shadows me even though I make a conscious effort to think more positively.  Maybe it is in my genes or a learned thing from childhood.

Why do I expect to be disappointed all the time?  

So I won't be disappointed?

That doesn't make sense!!

Past experience contributes to the expectation of disappointment.

Unrealistic expectations are also a culprit, resulting in disappointment.

A childhood learned thing?

My dad never allowed me to feel achievement.  It happened all the time . . . before I'd reach a goal that he'd set, the bar would be raised.  It made me a perfectionist of sorts, expecting way too much from myself and others.

Seems like I've spent way too much of my life getting out of the shadows and into the sunshine.  Realizing it all is making it easier.  

Get to know yourself to realize why you react to life the way you do . . . it is the first step to getting out of your own way.

read more

Positive energy vs negative realities

We have all subconsciously been programmed throughout a lifetime by our parents, friends, siblings, ourselves, and lasting emotions from past experience, whether we know it or not. Our belief system is within the inner self, guiding and controlling our thoughts and actions. Actions create the reality whether it is positive or negative.


Understanding what we have been programmed to believe is the key to striking the balance between positive energy and negative realities. A person can have all the positive energy necessary to create a positive reality, however, when the little voice within has been programmed to expect a negative reality, the little voice will usually win. Positive programming results in positive realities.


Our belief system is an important factor of success, therefore, the person with the negative belief system must learn how to rewrite the program . . . get rid of the negative, self-limiting beliefs in order to guide future actions positively.


Unless we change what needs to be changed within ourselves, we can indulge in rationalizations and illusions that do nothing but feed a vicious cycle of negativity . . . “what if . . .”.


Those afflicted with a negative belief system tend to use negative affirmations without realizing it. The phrase “I can’t” spoken out loud or thought about is the best example of a negative affirmation. Say it enough times and the negative affirmation becomes a negative reality.


Striking the balance between positive and negative is in the thought process. Dwelling on negative realities keeps the negative programming alive. Consciously rejecting negative thoughts is the beginning of rewriting the program.


Of course a certain amount of worry in a given situation is healthy. Living life looking through rose colored glasses, throwing caution to the wind is irresponsible.


Realize that you are always a work in progress, be patient with yourself, knowing that you were born to do great things in your life. Give yourself the gift of the highest of expectations expecting more progress on some days than others.


Allow every positive or negative experience to be a learning experience . . . focus on the positive lesson learned. Embrace the philosophy that everything happens for a reason . . . accept whatever it is and move on.

“The biggest enemies we have to overcome on the road to success are not a lack of ability and a lack of opportunity, but fears of failure and rejection and the doubts that they trigger.”

(Brian Tracy, from the book, Eat That Frog!)

read more

Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

Acknowledging Your Growth

Foundations of Evolution

Since personal evolution is most often a slow and gradual process, it can be difficult to recognize the scope of the changes taking place in our lives. Yet it is important that we regularly acknowledge our ongoing growth and reward ourselves for the many wonderful feats of self-improvement we have accomplished. When we intentionally contemplate our progress, we need never feel that we are languishing between past achievements and the realization of future goals. If we look closely at our lives, we may see that much of what brings us pleasure in the present is representative of the ambitions of our past that we worked so hard to attain. At one time, the abundance we enjoy currently likely seemed like a far-off dream. Now it is simply reality—a reality we created through our diligence, passion, and unflagging determination. Whether our progress is fast or slow, we deserve to congratulate ourselves for our successes.

To remind yourself of the insights you have gained with time, temporarily adopt an outsider’s perspective and carefully consider how your life in the present differs from the range of experiences you lived through in the past. Creating a written list, in a journal or otherwise, of those strengths, aptitudes, and inner qualities you now attribute to yourself can help you accept that you are not the same person you were one year ago, five years ago, or 10 years ago. Your attitudes, opinions, and values were likely markedly different, and these differences can be ascribed to your willingness to accept that you still have much to learn. If you have difficulty giving yourself credit for these changes, think about the goals you realized, the lives you touched, the wisdom you acquired, and the level of enlightenment you attained over the past years.

Recognizing growth is neither boastful nor immodest. Evolution is a natural fact of life and becomes a potent motivational force when celebrated. Knowing that you are brighter, stronger, and more grounded than you once were, you can look forward to the changes to come. In acknowledging your growth, you build a sturdy foundation upon which you can continue to blossom well into the future.

Source: The Daily OM

The reality you experience
is a mirror image of your expectations.

(Deepak Chopra)

What if your expectations are unrealistic and
the reality of your experience is disappointing as a result?

Hazy Shade of Winter | The Bangles
Lyrics

Time, time, time
See what's become of me

Time, time, time
See what's become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

Hear the salvation army band
Down by the riverside
It's bound to be a better ride
Than what you've got planned
Carry a cup in your hand

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

Hang on to your hopes my friend
That's an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again

Look around
Grass is high
Fields are ripe
It's the springtime of my life

Seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry
Won't you stop and remember me

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
It's a hazy shade of winter

Look around
Leaves are brown
There's a patch of snow on the ground

read more

Shine Sweet Freedom

"No more runnin' down the wrong road

Dancin' to a diff'rent drum

Can't you see what's goin' on

Deep inside your heart

Always searchin' for the real thing

Livin' like it's far away

Just leave all the madness in yesterday

You're holdin' the key

When you believe it"

lyrics from the song

Sweet Freedom - Michael McDonald

The psychology of life is all a mind game and illusions
of believing in yourself and having a positive attitude.

This is an older post I am transferring from another blog that was written around a year ago. It was a time of finally understanding who I am as a person . . . and the release of warped thinking, replaced with a positive attitude at a time when everything in my life was falling apart at the seams after struggling a very long time with so many issues after JR died. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A year later, all the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fit into place.

There is no sweet freedom like peace of mind . . .

Originally posted April 15, 2009

In past couple of years I've taken time to ask myself the questions about life, happiness, desires and write about it. In going back and studying what I wrote, the feelings and emotions vs. what was going on in my life . . . how I felt was directly affected by my perception of whatever the situation was.

At different times, the same situation affected me a different way making the difference between peace and torment.

Unrealistic expectations set yourself up to fail.

This message in this song and in what I have learned through my writing and pondering life in general . . . we all hold the key to our life. Attitude is half the battle . . . believing in yourself and thinking positively makes things happen. Or gives the illusion of things happening, if only in your mind, which is the trigger to usually make things happen.

There is a saying in one of the books I am reading "Something More" . . . "some women wait for something to change, nothing changes, so they change themselves" . . . in other words, don't sit around waiting for things to get better or for something to happen that you want to happen . . . MAKE IT HAPPEN . . . believe in yourself because you hold the key . . . keep the expectations realistic . . . no one else can do it for you.

"Reachin' out to meet the changes

Touchin' every shining star

The light of tomorrow is right where we are"

We create our own magic as we create our own hell. Of course we are driven by circumstance, but it is what we do with them that make the difference in our lives.

Michael McDonald is one of my favorite singers, one of the most soothing voices ever . . . I've seen him in concert several times at different stages of his career. Sweet Freedom has always been one of my favorite of his songs. As I was listening to my playlist of his music, the words of this song grabbed a hold of me . . . like someone grabbed me by the hair and sat me down for a serious talk.

It is believing in yourself, knowing that you possess what you need to do whatever you want to do as long as you believe you can.

No more running down the wrong road for me . . . the wrong road is negative thinking.

read more