Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts

Sunday, December 22, 2019

Capture moments



Although it gets easier from one year to the next, Christmas holidays after experiencing a terrible loss in your life is not easy.

For me, the memories that once caused me a great deal of grief have turned into wonderful memories of a part of my life that I am so grateful for.  I do admit it will never be the same, but not as bad as the year before.

The older we become, the more grief we experience with those close to us passing away one by one.  It adds to complicated emotions, especially around the holidays.

The holidays are "the dreaded season" for me with so many emotions that tug on my heart for so many reasons.

I know I am not alone though.  There are others whose experiences have kept them from moving on with their lives.  At least I have moved on . . .

One of my Facebook friends posted the following thoughts that really hit home.  I shared it on Facebook and it prompted me to write a blog post about it.

Feel free to share it on one of your social media pages . . . it could let someone else going through a rough holiday season know they are not alone.  They may also realize that capturing those moments will be a treasure one day.

A blessed and wonderful holiday season to all . . .






"Sadly, I know too many people to whom this applies. My family included. Many will attempt to decorate . . . to cook . . . buy (or make) and wrap gifts . . . to be festive. 

But the holidays bring sadness, loneliness and heartache. Many will cry for hours with memories of what this time used to be and how it was filled with such love and anticipation - and now it brings back memories of the reality of emptiness and sadness.

So I would like to remind you that there are people for whatever reason are not looking forward to Christmas. Some people are not surrounded by large wonderful families.


Some of us have problems during the holidays and are overcome with great sadness when we remember the loved ones who are not with us any longer.


For many it is their first Christmas without a particular loved one and many others lost loved ones at Christmas. And, many people have no one to spend these times with and are besieged by loneliness. We all need caring, loving thoughts right now." 






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Monday, December 4, 2017

Holidays and Difficult Times




The holidays alone can bring on difficult times for so many in this world for many reasons.  I found an excellent article entitled "Difficult Times" that describes it perfectly.  It is posted further on this post, along with a link to the awesome website it comes from.

Holiday difficult times have struck me for more than just one year.  I wrote about one period of time following the death of my first husband JR.  He passed on in October, when it seems like the holiday can't wait to descend upon us.  The first year was almost unbearable . . . I just wanted to die myself.  Click here for that post, Sentimental Lady.

This year finds me with new life circumstances . . . a tree that is still crushing my house thanks to Hurricane Irma. 

Although I have tried to maintain a positive attitude as time creeps by with FEMA taking their sweet time looking over our appeal since they denied us financial help back in October, it becomes more difficult by the day.  

Not being able to go back home since September and not knowing if FEMA is going to accept our appeal for assistance is taking its emotional toll on me no matter how strong I try to be. 

My crushing house and the resulting life circumstances, along with memories of my old life and the grief associated with loved ones who are gone and missed have ushered in another dreaded holiday.  

Of course I am truly grateful for everything I have been blessed with, but there are those difficult holiday times where I am just downright depressed and have a difficult time pulling myself out of it.

This too shall pass . . . thank you for your prayers!



  



I am sharing this quote from a Facebook friend's wall . . .
"This is a difficult time of year for many who struggle with depression. The toughest time of the year for depression tends to be around the Holidays. Please be aware of those around you. Say an extra prayer, touch an extra hand, smile an extra smile. You are the difference! Please take the time to put this on your wall to help raise awareness of, and for those who have mental health difficulties." 


The following is an awesome post I found that fits perfectly with my post . . .



Difficult Times


BY MADISYN TAYLOR

We can also benefit from times of constriction and difficult to help us grow and learn.
It can be very challenging to maintain a positive attitude and a measure of faith when you are in the midst of difficult times. This is partly because we tend to think that if the universe loves us we will experience that love in the form of positive circumstances. However, we are like children, and the universe is our wise mother who knows what our souls need to thrive better than we do. Just as a young child does not benefit from getting everything she wants, we also benefit from times of constriction and difficulty to help us grow and learn. If we keep this in mind, and continue to trust that we are loved even when things are hard, it helps us bear the difficult time with grace.

This period of time in history is full of difficulty for a lot of human beings, and you may feel less alone knowing you are not being singled out. There are extreme energy changes pulsing through the universe at every level and, of course, we are all part of the growing process and the growing pains. It helps if we remember that life is one phase after another and that this difficult time will inevitably give way to something new and different. When we feel overwhelmed we can comfort ourselves with the wise saying: This too shall pass.

At the same time, if you truly feel that nothing is going right for you, it's never a bad idea to examine your life and see if there are some changes you can make to alleviate some of the difficulty. Gently and compassionately exploring the areas giving you the most trouble may reveal things you are holding onto and need to release: unprocessed emotions, unresolved transitions, or negative ways of looking at yourself or reality. As you take responsibility for the things you can change, you can more easily surrender to the things you can't, remembering all the while that this phase will, without doubt, give way to another.





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Thursday, December 11, 2014

Sentimental Lady . . . my favorite post from the past











As another holiday season approaches, this will be my second "normal" holiday since I became a widow.

As with last year, I'm giving thanks  and being grateful for what we have individually been blessed with . . . good and bad.

I continue to be grateful and thankful for finding my path . . . and the one to love and be loved by that I was searching for.  The awful feeling of dreading the approaching holidays of the past decade or so has been replaced with child-like anticipation, like it used to be before my world was turned upside down with the death of  my first husband.

While I don't have a problem with the festivities of the holiday and actually looked forward to them this year, I still can't handle decorating the house for Christmas.  I just can't do it and don't want to.

I will never EVER forget those awful tortured feelings of completely dreading the holiday and have a special place in my heart for those less fortunate . . . those who are dealing with those emotions this holiday season.

The following entry is from the nightmare phase of my life and it is like I have always said . . . this too shall pass . . . and it did.  Thank God!




The following entry was originally posted
on December 4, 2007 and
remains my favorite post ever.



December . . . the magical time of year is upon us . . . yet in contrast, brings us the longest and darkest nights of the year . . . perhaps delivering the mystical powers of the moon.



Isn't it all an illusion anyway,
how we perceive our lives?



Where we are in life . . . happy time,
 sad time, time of transition?




The magical season is believed by many to hold miracles . . . Santa Claus and fairy tales. Miracles don't always come in pretty boxes wrapped up with beautiful bows . . . sometimes they don't come at all. What deems one person worthy of a miracle and the other not? Was it the degree of naughty or nice? I don't know and I'm trying to figure it out . . . who holds that magic wand?


As I weave my tapestry of contentment for this magical season, joy comes in the form of memories of Christmas past filled with love and laughter in my heart. I miss JR so much that I STILL scream into a pillow to let the sadness out. It does help . . . but the withdrawals for a person that you loved and lost can't be compared to anything else in life.


Every year as the pumpkins are decorated and set out in the night with candlelight to illuminate the darkness, the dread creeps up on me . . . the witching hour has arrived and it is time to be reminded that I should be joyous and happy. But I'm not . . . my fairy tale ended. The one who holds the magic wand is nowhere to be found . . . the only pumpkins I see light the night . . . at least it is not total darkness.


I'm blessed and grateful for contentment of survival during my life's transitions . . . I have everything I need, even if not what I want. What I want lives in my memories and this season reminds me of what I lost . . . yet in this magical time I know miracles happen at their appropriate time when least expected.


My real life fairy tale began on a Christmas night long ago when I thought the one holding the magic wand had forgotten about me another year. I met JR on Christmas night in a club that played country music, where a pop music princess and a rock & roll music freak would normally never be found . . . but there we were, both in an unlikely place on an unlikely night . . . the miracle of destiny awaited us and lasted a lifetime. Yes, I still believe in miracles and never lose hope that I will find that joy and happiness again when destiny calls me again.


While this is a sad time of year for me, I have my family and it is getting easier as the years go by. Although I struggle with it, I am fairly well adjusted and can handle it. However, there are people in this world who have no one . . . this is the time of year suicides are on the rise . . . the joyous season is also the lonely season to many who have experienced some type of loss or hardship in their life. Reach out to someone you know who is not as fortunate as yourself this time of year . . . it could make such a difference in their life . . .



I hope rather than bringing you down, I made you think about how fragile life is and to be so grateful for and appreciate those you love. Love like there is no tomorrow . . .



Happy holidays my friends . . . peace, love and happiness . . .








Sentimental Lady | Bob Welch
Lyrics


You are here and warm

But I could look away and you'd be gone

Cause we live in a time

When meaning falls in splinters from our lives

And that's why I've travelled far

Cause I come so together where you are



And all of the things that I said that I wanted

Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you

14 joys and a will to be merry

And all of the things that we say are very

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one



Now you are here today

But easily you might just go away

Cause we live in a time

When paintings have no color, words don't rhyme

And that's why I've travelled far

Cause I come so together where you are



And all of the things that I said that I wanted

Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you

14 joys and a will to be merry

And all of the things that we say are very

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one



You are here and warm

But I could look away and you'd be gone

Cause we live in a time

When meaning falls in splinters from our lives



And that's why I've travelled far

Cause I come so together where you are

Yes and all of the things that I said that I wanted

Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you

14 joys and a will to be merry

And all of the things that we say are very

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one

Well sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one
















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Monday, November 18, 2013

The Dreaded Holidays



Can you relate to Grumpy Cat when it comes to the holidays?

I've been enjoying the Christmas movie marathon on the Hallmark Channel that started last week.  Major progress for me and the holidays in general.  My holiday Grumpy Cat days are over . . . thank God!

Since JR died, even though I have moved on with my life and remarried, I still don't have the festive urge to put up a Christmas tree.  The Captain and I have gone through the boxes of stuff so he could experience my past Christmas memories through the massive amount of ornaments that would fill the Christmas trees . . . that is all I have been able to handle.

Those times reminiscing and sharing memories with The Captain are very special for me.  In past years, we have celebrated the holidays . . . watched the holiday specials and movies . . . gone to dinners and parties, but the most special are the times we make our favorite holiday meals and share memories.  However, no evidence seen in the home decor that the holidays have arrived.

I've noticed a popular theme in Christmas movies is the dread of the holidays for those who have experienced some type of loss in their lives that can make the holidays unbearable.  I tend to really like those movies since they don't make me feel like such a freak of nature.  Most of the stories have happy endings and as a viewer, I can quickly experience how they progress through their healing to being "normal" again.

At least I can now watch those Christmas movies without cringing at the approaching holidays . . . I'm slowly getting back to enjoying the holidays and the festivities associated with them.  Will I ever consider myself "normal" again as far as the holidays are concerned?  Honestly . . . I don't know!

It is no reflection on how I feel about The Captain.  In fact, his past holiday seasons were none too festive either and I really believe he has no festive attachment to them as well.  At least he doesn't make me feel like a freak!  One day, I'm sure we will develop our own holiday traditions when the time is right, but for now we have a good time when we join in the holiday festivities with friends and family.

When I think back on holidays past shortly after JR died, this is definite progress!  I really wanted the holidays to go away and absolutely hated joining in family holiday festivities.  Not because I don't love my family . . . I just didn't want to feel like a freak in the midst of normalcy.

Don't feel like a freak if you don't enjoy or even dread the holidays . . . not everyone enjoys them for "whatever" reason . . . especially for those who are still healing from the open wounds of "whatever."

Everything happens in its own time!

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Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas



From our family to yours

Merry Christmas!

Hope your day is happy, festive
and full of love :)





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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I'm back, but not really?



My routine has been compromised by the Christmas holiday and The Captain on a different work schedule for the next week or so.  Although I'm a creature of habit, I can be moved in a different direction but need time to adjust.

Our Christmas was awesome . . . not only because it was the first Christmas together for The Captain and I, but for the first time since I became a widow, I actually enjoyed being in a room full of people and felt like part of the real world again.  It was great to get together with family and enjoy some quality time that has been a long time coming.

We were presented with a gift from God . . . a sweet kitty showed up out of nowhere and decided to make our yard its home.  Little by little, we have introduced him to living indoors and the wild thing is now in the house permanently.  He has adjusted nicely after a day of standing by the door so he could chase the poor squirrels.

The one thing I haven't liked is when he proudly appeared with a baby squirrel in his mouth and proceeded to make it a snack while The Captain and I were enjoying a cup of coffee and relaxing in our outdoor dining area.  ugggghhhhh it totally grossed me out!  

It's nature's way . . . and hastened our decision to make him an inside cat.  We both love feeding the squirrels and watching them run around outside.  They are as pets too!

As a loyal dog lover, I never had a cat as a pet . . . another adjustment I am getting used to.  When he first showed up, I had no idea of how to care for a cat.  I'm learning fast!  At the moment, we have no idea if Willie the Wonder Cat is male or female . . . we just started calling him Willie and it stuck.

Activities on the domestic front have kept me busy and away from blogging.  The time I have spent on the computer has been entering giveaways . . . I've developed a new obsession.  The winnings are slowly arriving and I'm thrilled at the concept of receiving these items for free!  The more I win, the more time I spend on giveaways.

The Christmas stuff is coming down today . . . we are anxious to get Willie settled into his area and also assemble the exercise bike that is doing neither one of us any good in the box.  Lots of changes!  We still plan on adopting a dog, but first need to get Willie comfortable in his surroundings.

How was your Christmas holiday?

Having a difficult time getting
 back into the routine too?







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Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas from the Captain and me


It is Christmas Eve day and as usual,
I have procrastinated until the last minute.

We should already be at my cousin's house in the midst of roasting a pig that started early this morning . . . or maybe last night.  I haven't even made the fudge yet!!  Why do I do this?  Me very bad with the procrastination thing.  It drives The Captain crazy!

Well, as tradition goes in my family . . . my cousin Chris and his wife Tina host a fabulous Christmas Eve Party that starts early in the morning and continues well into Christmas morning.  It is not unusual for them to throw down the blankets in the living room and have a slumber party for those who partied way too much and have no business driving home.  Although I have been tamed through the years, I come from a family of drinkers.  We are an ethnic mix of Italian and Cuban, a wild combination!  The Captain will experience his first holiday gathering with that part of my family . . . his wildness will fit right in.

Christmas Day will be spent at my brother's house with his family, my sister-in-law's family, my mom and her boyfriend.  It is a much smaller crowd!  My mom is making her famous lasagna and flan cake . . . yummy!!

This Christmas is very special for me since it is the first one that The Captain and I are spending together.  Last year we spent the holiday with a bluetooth stuck to our ears.  I'm so grateful that we found each other through the miracle of technology and Twitter.  

Imagine a chance meeting and conversations of 120 characters or less turning into a lifetime relationship.  It still amazes me how God works his miracles . . . I prayed for a partner although I never did the things that normal single people do to meet other singles.  Although I was using Twitter as a jumping off point to start my social life locally, searching for local political affiliations and groups to join, I ended up finding a crazy pirate from North Carolina living in Montana on a political related Friday Follow.

I ended up not joining any local political groups
 and did not participate in local socializing.

It was a long and ponderous process from there to here
. . . but we are here now and we couldn't be happier.





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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Awesome connections



The accuracy of my horoscopes have been amazing me . . .

December 17, 2009
Inner Filling
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may have the need to serve others today or want to spend time nurturing or comforting those in need. You might feel frustrated by the suffering you see in the world and want to do something to help, or you could be seeking a deeper sense of fulfillment. While serving others might help you feel more empowered and purposeful, you might also think about turning your attention inward and fostering a sense of fulfillment that comes from who you are and not necessarily what you do. You may want to affirm that you are whole and worthy regardless of what you do today. Service to others is a beautiful act. However, in order to give to others, you must be able to give to yourself.

The more we give ourselves, the more we have to give to the people in our lives. The world reflects our relationship with ourselves. When we have a fulfilling relationship with ourselves, we can serve others more from a place of wholeness and purpose. Instead of feeling that our fulfillment rests on the actions we take each day, we can turn within and concentrate on filling our inner well with peace, fulfillment, and joy. When we feel connected to ourselves and happy, we are better able to serve others with genuine joy and compassion. This allows us to give from the heart, and our sense of fulfillment grows. By developing your own sense of fullness and fulfillment today, you can feel whole and more purposeful while having more to offer others.



Fullness and fulfillment has taken over my life in the form of awesome connections I've made at my new job at a mental health center. For the first time in a very long time, I'm experiencing the joy of Christmas through others.

As I read today's horoscope, I found it very interesting that I was pondering those very things as I relaxed with a cup of hot raspberry tea after an exhausting day of work at the office. The fulfillment has come to me in several forms. It was always my belief that community service and giving of yourself, even when it is seemingly insignificant, could be a humbling and enriching experience.

The clients are very grateful for the kindness of strangers that have become their comfort zone, the special holiday festivities that have begun and the anticipation and appreciation of the little gifts they receive. While some are extremely down and depressed with the coming of the season, many are wearing a festive smile that have replaced a hopeless look. Awesome feeling to see the smiles on those faces!

Anyone who has followed my blogs for any length of time know how I feel about "the holidays" . . . I have dreaded them year after year since my husband passed away. The sullen, depressed faces remind me of looking in the mirror, wanting so much to see a happy face reflecting back at me and longing for a trace of a joyous holiday season.

What I realized today . . . this is the year which is my turning point . . . I have so much to be grateful for . . . I'm finally on the road to a fulfilling and happy life with a purpose and love with the wonderful man I've continued a long distance relationship with.

God has had a purpose for me and has presented it to me in the form of a job that I love so much, working with people who appreciate me, trust me and have given me more than I can ever thank them for . . . the clients and my co-workers. The gift of smiles and wishes for a happy holiday have touched me in so many ways, and are filling those empty spots in my heart.

Reluctantly, I agreed to participate in the "Secret Santa" festivities among my co-workers. The dread filled me this afternoon as I anticipated the break to have a moment exchanging gifts with those co-workers that are fast becoming good friends. Christmas has not been a fun or joyous time for me for the past seven years . . . it has represented the struggle of depression, restlessness and frustration within myself. The dread had nothing to do with my co-workers, it was me.

It is ironic that I am employed in a mental health center . . . psychiatrists, psychotherapists and counselors surround me . . . they have no idea of my "emotional state."

The gift of an awesomely festive moving Santa that rings bells and sings a song of Christmas joy brought out the little girl in me and put a huge smile on my face. I felt a lump in my throat as that little guy put the Christmas spirit in my heart, along with the hug from the woman who picked my name and told me how blessed she felt to have me in the circle of co-workers who truly care for each other like family.

Most of my co-workers have been at their jobs for more than ten years . . . I am the one who is blessed and could never express my happiness at landing a job at this wonderful place where people truly care about others and do it on a daily basis, giving themselves to those unfortunate people who find themselves in a bad place in life and often makes the difference between life and death.

As I make my new awesome connections, my inner self is healing from many years of restless anxiety with life itself, the struggle for survival and fighting my way back to loving the person I am.

The meaning of Christmas is so very different to me this year . . .




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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sentimental Lady







The following entry was originally 
posted on December 4, 2007. 
It remains my favorite post ever.



December . . . the magical time of year is
 upon us . . . yet in contrast, brings us the
 longest and darkest nights of the year
. . . perhaps delivering the
 mystical powers of the moon.


Isn't it all an illusion anyway . . . 
how we perceive our lives?


Where we are in life . . . 
happy time, sad time, time of transition?



The magical season is believed by many to hold miracles . . . Santa Claus and fairy tales. Miracles don't always come in pretty boxes wrapped up with beautiful bows . . . sometimes they don't come at all. What deems one person worthy of a miracle and the other not? Was it the degree of naughty or nice? I don't know and I'm trying to figure it out . . . who holds that magic wand?

As I weave my tapestry of contentment for this magical season, joy comes in the form of memories of Christmas past filled with love and laughter in my heart. I miss JR so much that I STILL scream into a pillow to let the sadness out. It does help . . . but the withdrawals for a person that you loved and lost can't be compared to anything else in life.

Every year as the pumpkins are decorated and set out in the night with candlelight to illuminate the darkness, the dread creeps up on me . . . the witching hour has arrived and it is time to be reminded that I should be joyous and happy. But I'm not . . . my fairy tale ended. The one who holds the magic wand is nowhere to be found . . . the only pumpkins I see light the night . . . at least it is not total darkness.

I'm blessed and grateful for contentment of survival during my life's transitions . . . I have everything I need, even if not what I want. What I want lives in my memories and this season reminds me of what I lost . . . yet in this magical time I know miracles happen at their appropriate time when least expected.

My real life fairy tale began on a Christmas night long ago when I thought the one holding the magic wand had forgotten about me another year. I met JR on Christmas night in a club that played country music, where a pop music princess and a rock & roll music freak would normally never be found . . . but there we were, both in an unlikely place on an unlikely night . . . the miracle of destiny awaited us and lasted a lifetime. Yes, I still believe in miracles and never lose hope that I will find that joy and happiness again when destiny calls me again.

While this is a sad time of year for me, I have my family and it is getting easier as the years go by. Although I struggle with it, I am fairly well adjusted and can handle it. However, there are people in this world who have no one . . . this is the time of year suicides are on the rise . . . the joyous season is also the lonely season to many who have experienced some type of loss or hardship in their life. Reach out to someone you know who is not as fortunate as yourself this time of year . . . it could make such a difference in their life . . .

I hope rather than bringing you down, I made you think about how fragile life is and to be so grateful for and appreciate those you love. Love like there is no tomorrow . . .

Happy holidays my friends . . . peace, love and happiness . . .








Sentimental Lady | Bob Welch
Lyrics

You are here and warm

But I could look away and you'd be gone

Cause we live in a time

When meaning falls in splinters from our lives

And that's why I've travelled far

Cause I come so together where you are



And all of the things that I said that I wanted

Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you

14 joys and a will to be merry

And all of the things that we say are very

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one



Now you are here today

But easily you might just go away

Cause we live in a time

When paintings have no color, words don't rhyme

And that's why I've travelled far

Cause I come so together where you are



And all of the things that I said that I wanted

Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you

14 joys and a will to be merry

And all of the things that we say are very

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one



You are here and warm

But I could look away and you'd be gone

Cause we live in a time

When meaning falls in splinters from our lives



And that's why I've travelled far

Cause I come so together where you are

Yes and all of the things that I said that I wanted

Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you

14 joys and a will to be merry

And all of the things that we say are very

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one

Sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one

Well sentimental gentle wind

Blowing through my life again

Sentimental Lady

Gentle one




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