Remembering Good Times

 

In this phase of grief, the recollection of awesome times are helping me honor The Captain's place in my life.  There are moments in time and then there are events that brought us so much fun and happiness.  I will write about them and relive them all over again with a smile on my face.  We had many good times!

We loved Busch Gardens and visited often since we had annual passes.  They provided fabulous entertainment and among our favorites was Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits.

Peter was still doing the concert circuit after all these years.  The Captain and I had the pleasure of attending one of his concerts and had a blast singing along to all those hits whose lyrics were still fresh in our minds.  We weren't the only ones.  Baby boomers surrounded us and we were all singing.  

His voice is awesome as ever, with the same witty personality as Herman the teenage boy with the sweet face we knew back in the day.   It was an excellent concert we never forgot . . . what a treat, we spoke of it often.  Peter is a timeless entertainer who is very entertaining!

photo by Gina Alfani

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Adversity

 

"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

Walt Disney

For as long as I can remember, Walt Disney has been so inspirational to me. He went bankrupt several times and was laughed at (I imagine hysterically) about his cartoon mouse. He had the last laugh. It goes to prove that one should never give up on a dream or aspirations for happiness . . . whatever your heart desires.

There was a time in my life that everything seemed to be perfect. I had a great job in the corporate world, made decent money, had a great marriage and I could go on. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Speaking of Disney, we visited Disney World at least once a month since we were both at our jobs a very long time and had over a month's worth of vacation . . . lots of long weekends are awesome when you put in at least 70 hours a week.

Well, keeping up that work routine and office politics took its toll on me. One day I walked away, it was impulsive, in a sense it was a horrible move, but we finally got the peace and happiness needed and our lives changed drastically.

We became a one income family, I really got into cooking and gardening. At that time, I wanted to be like Martha Stewart. It was a very satisfying time and my marriage to JR was the best ever. We were so happy.

What seemed like a giant setback in my life turned out to be the best thing I ever did. I am so grateful that JR and I got so much closer and happier since his life was cut short at 42 years old. We never would have had that great life. I spoiled him rotten and we were so blissfully happy. If I still worked those 70 hour weeks, there is no way we could have had that degree of happiness.

Everything in life happens for a reason.

After years of agonizing grief, I met The Captain and remarried.

Now that I have become a widow for a second time, I have become stronger, but I wonder about the reasons why God chose for me to be in this survival mode again, it was difficult enough the first time. All I have to say is that I must have huge rewards coming after all this adversity and heartbreak.

But I still believe and have faith that I can be happy again.

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Life's Best Moments

You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going.  What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.

Thomas Merton

The roller coaster ride of emotions can confuse and jumble up the mind to the degree that you could be having one of life's best moments and not even realize it.  

Is it possible that there are those who are so wrapped up in their unhappy emotional state that they are ok with it?  Perhaps it is what makes them feel "normal" . . . therefore, they don't want to be happy?

Personally, I don't think so.  As a person cursed with anxiety and restlessness, I can say that the anxiety-ridden times are like walking on hot coals with no shoes on.  It is not something I enjoy and frankly, in these times, I pray for a bit of contentment to assist me in breaking out of the "bad attitude."

It is so important to surround yourself with positive, happy people.  Those who have the gift of seeing the possibilities in challenges and face them head on, laughing all the way can help you see their perspective, making the light at the end of the tunnel appear within sight by their example.  The challenge becomes a game more than the goal of the desired outcome.

We all have down times, even those positive, happy people.  The trick is to figure out how to break out of the funky mood and see the joy of the present moment.  Study your happy friends . . . something is working for them!

Discover your life's best moments, even when life isn't perfect . . .

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Bottomless pit of wants and desires

If you look at what you have in life,
you'll always have more.
If you look at what you don't have in life,
you'll never have enough.

Oprah Winfrey

The lifestyle theory of Simple Abundance teaches being happy and grateful for the little things in life, no matter how much or how little we actually have. It is a balance of wants and needs . . . wanting what we need and being happy with those things.

Feeling absolute contentment is a beautiful and joyous way to live. Sometimes we are taken through one of life's rocky roads so we can finally be content with merely being able to survive and appreciating everything good that comes our way . . . as opposed to a bottomless pit of wants that will never fill limitless desires.

There have been times in the past couple of years when I'd turn my attention to those unfortunate people whose life situation and circumstances were far more severe than mine . . . in those times of being down, depressed and just wanting for my life to be over, I was brought back to reality when my thoughts turned to their strife.

No matter what your situation in life, someone else is having a life struggle far greater . . . misery doesn't really love company, it is just good to know that we are not alone in our life struggles . . . everyone has them. The key to a fulfilling and happy life is knowing how to handle those times and quickly get back on track.

Don't be a bottomless pit of wants that will never fill limitless desires.

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Do It Anyway

Since I have had a case of the blahs and have been

 writing negative posts, I thought I would post

 something positive from Mother Theresa.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

(Mother Teresa)

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Your true calling

Life ends not when you die, but when you stop believing in your true calling. Your true calling isn't something your friends, parents or lovers want you to become. Your true calling isn't living vicariously through someone else. And most certainly your true calling isn't working just to "make a living" and "get by".

Your true calling is that soft voice within you urging to be creative. Your true calling is your vision of a better life. Your true calling is your Creator whispering to you who you really are.

One day we will all breathe our last breath. The only difference between those of us who will live a fulfilled life in the flow of their true calling and those of us who don't is this: know that you are already dead, die to your fear and give up everything except what whispers to you in the quiet hours.

Follow your vision, do what makes you happy - it is your birthright to live in joy. But it is 100% your choice whether you do or not.

Say no to your fear. Live your true calling. Set sail and don't look back.

Source:  The Daily Love

That soft voice is telling me to get my craft and sewing room cleaned out and organized so I can get on with the next phase of my life!!

The incremental changes I have made since I became a widow so long ago has brought me to where I am today . . . happily remarried and retired with too much time on my hands.  

So much progress!!  Most people would be thrilled to trade places with my life circumstances.

Finding your true calling is what I routinely refer to as following your bliss or finding your authentic self.  

After a lifetime of a fulfilling career and numerous self-employment business ventures, I finally have that chance to sit back and figure out what following my bliss is all about.  

I've pretty much worked all my life to be at this place in life and I honestly don't know what to do with the time, although I am overwhelmed with so much to do.  

Confused?  It really is pretty simple!

What needs to be done will bring me to what I have perceived my true calling is . . . being creative and making money with my imagination.

One little thing gets in the way . . . overwhelm!  Too much time on my hands gives the illusion of having forever to get it done and put it off until "tomorrow" . . . procrastination, another culprit . . . they are partners in crime!

It would be so easy to just get started and do a little bit every day.  But overwhelm and procrastination has taken care of that by stacking boxes in front of the closed door to the room that needs the help.  

Where do the boxes go?  O.M.G., I'll have to clear out another area to make room for them . . . blah, blah, blah and so on and so on!

I need a professional organizer on an extremely frugal budget!!

What amazes me is how an article can attract my attention and inspire me to write about a particular subject, but once I start writing, where it goes is comical!  I've gone from true calling to overwhelm and procrastination!  

This is the way my mind works . . . sometimes a bit too fast, then I get distracted!  I make it so easy for myself to procrastinate . . .

Is it any wonder I have too much time on my hands?

Figuring out the goal . . . my true calling . . . has been the task we have worked on recently.  That was difficult enough since the goal involved both The Captain and I.  Now that is done, we are currently working toward getting there, running into my old buddy procrastination and overwhelm which is like a virtual brick wall.

Which all brings me to a recurring theme of my life and this blog . . . JUST DO IT!  
LOL . . . OK . . . I'll start tomorrow!

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Just wanna be happy

"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge My feet run out of ground I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound Don't care about all the pain in front of me Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah Just wanna be happy, yeah"
Lyrics from the song "Happy" by Leona Lewis

As I was writing a post on my music blog about the song "Happy" by Leona Lewis, the lyrics of the song inspired me to write this post.  
The song reminds me of the scary time in my life as I contemplated moving on with life and starting a meaningful relationship with the awesome guy I met online . . . The Captain.
In particular, the "what if" questions drove me crazy, especially what if he hurts me . . . what if it doesn't work out . . . blah blah blah . . .
The song makes an important point about taking chances in life . . . 

"I can't stand by the side And watch this life pass me by So unhappy But safe as could be"
Unhappy and safe . . . was that truly living life to the fullest?
It wasn't for me . . .
Long distance love worked for The Captain and I . . . it took a huge leap of faith and tons of patience for both of us.  In the posts of this blog, my life after the death of my husband depicts the raw emotions of life, the horrors of grief and the emptiness of a life without love.  I'm so happy and grateful I took a chance . . . it changed my life to all I ever wanted it to be . . . happy.
What if I had not taken the chance . . .

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Home is where the heart is

Home is where the heart is

And my home

Is anywhere you are

Anywhere you are

Is home

Lyrics from the song

"Home Is Where The Heart Is"

Elvis Presley

It is possible to live in the place of your dreams and be deliriously happy being there . . . alone . . . all by yourself.  Many times I have written about embracing your solitude . . . and for a while I did.

If I were given the choice to live anywhere my heart desires, it is exactly where I am, sharing my life with the most important person in my life who is my heart's desire, the one who has enhanced my life.

Home is no longer a place to me . . . home is where we are together.

Now, if someone wanted to give me a vacation home directly on the Gulf with a view of the beach, I would not complain!

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Blue sky day

Finally . . . a weather warm up in Central Florida.

If you read the last post, you will know that I am one happy person today . . . temps in the 70's by this afternoon!!  Now I can get to the mounds of laundry that has been haunting me this week.

It really feels like a blue sky day.  That saying originates from a soap I watched for many years . . . many of you probably still watch it . . . All My Children.  The character Ryan spoke of his now departed mom, who gave him his blue sky days in the midst of a horrific childhood.  He fondly recalled his happy days often on the soap and I never forgot it.  Happy days are like that . . . even if they are not memorable.

Today is my mom's birthday . . . also my cousin Vince's birthday and my friend Rhonda too.  It is also the day my sweet girl dog Betsy passed away 10 years ago.  The date is memorable and bittersweet at the same time.  Any day can be a blue sky day . . . it is what you make of it, despite the life circumstances that surround you.

Rather than think negatively about this day and the passing of the sweetest little baby I've ever encountered in my life . . . she WAS like a baby to me . . . I'm gonna have a blue sky day even though I still haven't gotten over her being gone.  She was my constant companion and gave me years of love and joy.

Betsy was the little girl I never had and I treated her that way . . . look at how I dressed her up . . . I would even paint her toenails.  And she loved it.  When I painted her nails, she would hold her little paw up for me.

She was my prissy girl!

My husband passed away two years after . . . while I was still grieving the loss of my little baby.  These days I celebrate having both in my life and experiencing innocent, unconditional love that I was blessed to feel.  

Thinking back, I realize why I had so many years of being lost and screwed up, wound up tight like a spring, ready to uncoil and crawl out of my skin at any minute.  They were my immediate family . . . here one day and gone the next.  It can be devastating . . . and it was for me.  But I've come back to life again.

In all the years she has been gone, I have not replaced her.  We had another dog, who was my husband's dog, but that little bugger totally hated me, especially after my husband died, but that's another post that I've already written that is buried somewhere in this blog.

My nickname for him was Cujo . . . not a cool dog.

The Captain informed me this weekend that it is time for us to get a dog.  I agree wholeheartedly!!  Now that I am not working away from home, I have all the time in the world to give another baby dog all my love.  So it was decided . . . we will be on a quest to find another baby girl for me to love after the holidays.  I can't wait!!

"Our perfect companions never
have fewer than four feet"

Colette

Animals can be living proof of a simple abundant source of love . . . 
we just have to let them into our lives and allow them
 to be our creature comfort.

Dogs are definitely my creature comfort!

Hope you all have a blue sky day :)

  

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Happy Butterflies

Live, so you do not have to look back and say:

'God, how I have wasted my life.'

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Cherish your dreams for they are gifts

 from your soul and blueprints to your future. 

(Institute For Creative Living) 

My insides have been taken over by butterflies that make dieting easy and little flutters of my heart constantly skipping a beat . . . 

Just wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still around and hope to be back on a regular basis very soon.

I'm finally living my life!

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Moving on

These are the times in which a genius would wish to live. It is not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman. 

(Abigail Adams, 1744-1818, wife of John Adams,

 2nd president of the U.S.,

 and mother of John Quincy Adams,

 6th president.)

My "drifting in the wind" routine has changed and I'm feeling as though something is missing since I have taken a break from blogging.
Writing had become a part of my life that I didn't realize was so important until I started a few articles and it all came to me like a comforting gentle breeze on a hot day. Most of my blogs are now private and I'll have to start shuffling things around again. I will never again write a "write for hire" blog . . . it totally disrupted several of my blogs and now I have to start over again.

It has been a month or so of extreme changes in my life. For one thing, I'm seriously engaged in a weight loss program to rid myself of the extra weight I gained when I quit smoking over two years ago. I can't allow it to be a permanent thing, so I've made up my mind to take it off for me.

Yes, I have also made the decision that it is time to have a man in my life . . . not one who lives in my computer and on my phone, but one who can hold me and wake up next to me in the morning.

It is finally time to truly move on with my life.

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Beyond Words

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt,

it means you never take any chances. 

 (Julia Sorel)

It doesn't happen often, but I'm at a loss of words and taking some down time from blogging . . . need to absorb the changes in my life and not even try to put anything into words. 

Sometimes life is awesome and beyond words . . . yes, I'm scared!

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