Live For The Moment

 

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. Omar Khayyam The Captain lived for the moment and lived it to the fullest.  I can say with confidence he had no regrets.  He did what he wanted to do, what made him happy. It allowed him to live a very happy life, finding humor in just about everything and always tried to make everyone around him laugh. You would never know that he also lived with PTSD from his military life that brought him nightmares that never left him.  He saw lots of death around him yet he survived and it could be why he chose to live for the moment. Living for the moment is not how I lived my life before I met him.  His attitude was that God was leading his way, so he should not worry about anything.  I worried about everything even though I have strong faith in God.  But I worry anyway, although not as much and I am getting so much better as time goes on, getting stronger by the day. For that, I am so grateful he was a part of my life for the time he was with me.  He taught me many lessons.  Grief hit me hard and I didn't realize a lot of things until recently. When you think about it, the moment is all we have since the future is not promised.  So you must live it with gusto and be grateful for the moments you experience. That quote really made me think and I will continue to ponder the concept of living for the moment in honor of The Captain.  May he rest in peace.

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Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart

 

It seems like yesterday that I watched the ball come down in Times Square.  Time has flown by as I prayed it would to better days that weren't so emotionally painful.  I can now feel joy in simple things again, a smile appears on my face for some of those simple things and it occurs to me I've reached the place in time I had asked God to stay close to me and surround me with his angels as I get there.  Another dreaded holiday has crept up on me and I'm fine.  The trigger days aren't as painful as they once were.  Thank God, I'm so grateful.

While I have no desire to put up a tree or decorate for Christmas since JR passed away over two decades ago, I don't hate the festivities anymore.  I can feel the joy of Christmas again and that makes me happy.

Today I'm realizing the beautiful world I remember is still here, it is within me even though the real world seems to be falling apart.  The strength within me will continue to take me to those better days I have prayed would come.

Proverbs 3:5-6:  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

 and do not lean on your own understanding.

  In all your ways acknowledge him,

 and he will make straight your paths."

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We all have choices

 

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. 

Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
 

WAYNE DYER

American author and motivational speaker

As I approach another Thanksgiving holiday alone without my little family, The Captain and Miss Kiki, the challenge has been to be happy with my awesome memories.  I miss them like crazy, but I can't bring them back, so I have chosen to go on with my life and not be so miserable.

When I think of all the people who were close to me in my lifetime that are now gone, it is sad to acknowledge they are gone, never to return, and I have made it through without them . . . every one of them, one by one.

That is life.  The fact that I grieve so hard for those who have left my life means that I seriously loved and cherished them.   It makes me so grateful to realize I have had so much love in my life that many don't experience.

The thought of no one having to die in this world sounds ideal, but in the scope of the existence of everyone ever in the whole world, doesn't it seem a little strange?

It is with extreme gratefulness that I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

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Find The Happy Life

 

"You do not find the happy life.

You make it."

Thomas S. Monson

Determined to find contentment in the midst of grief and sadness, I asked myself the simple question . . . "what would make me happy?" . . . the graphic depicts what would make me happy at this time in my life.  

An outdoor sanctuary, a pleasant place to escape that is pleasing to my senses, to enjoy a beautiful Florida day and watch the birds and squirrels.  A place to be grateful for all that I have been blessed with.  Surround myself with the happiness that being in the middle of colorful flowers brings me.

While I realize that getting to that place will take lots of hard work, I think the work distraction alone is just what I need.  So, as the hot days of summer unwind, I shall embark on this new journey that I know will bring me peace and contentment.  I've done this before.  This time it could be the thing that works wonders for my physical health as well as the positive mental aspect of it all.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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Believe in yourself

 

 

Love yourself first.

Believe in yourself.

Positive thinking.

There is power in all of the above.

Could be some of the secrets to happiness?

I'll admit that those times in my life when I felt negatively about myself were times of depression and unhappiness.  We can't blame ourselves for all that happens in our lives.  Learning how to move on quickly is so important.  You can get stuck in the rut of depression which is not good at all.  That is where I have been.  

It can't be confused with feeling sorry for yourself.

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Life is good

 

Although I am still healing and experiencing way too much emotional pain that I pretty much inflict on myself, life in general is good.  

Quality of life is subjective depending on how you perceive it.  I'm not sure that even made sense.  It did to me.  Other than the emotional stress I put on myself, my quality of life is pretty good.  

I have always been the type of person who could be alone in life and still have a good quality of life and experience happiness.  At an early age, people let me down and hurt me, making it easy to depend on myself since I have always felt there were few in my life I could trust not to hurt me.  And really, for that I am grateful since I am a stronger person for it.  Stronger does not mean happier though.

Not trusting others is one of those things that does not make my life happier.  It just makes me so aware of others and ready to deal with disappointment.  In my whole life, there are very few people I have allowed close to me.  And with those few, many of them were a mistake to let close.  We live and learn, don't we?

Since The Captain was ill before he passed away and since then, I allowed those who hurt me get the best of me and as a result, I have isolated myself, determined to be happy on my own and protect myself from further hurt.  It is so foolish to allow others to determine your happiness.  Even those we truly love.

I have learned that all I need is to believe in myself, be grateful for all that God has blessed me with and KNOW and acknowledge exactly how blessed I really am.  There is not much that I really need to worry about, so I have decided that it is time to shed the extreme sadness from grief and the anger of those who hurt me, find joy in the little things in life and make the quality of my life the best it has ever been.

That is the goal for the rest of my life!

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Hopes, peace and contentment

That little voice in my head has been speaking to me and through feeling grateful again, I have regained hope for the future.  It isn't hope for anything in particular, just peace and contentment.  

In my younger days, when I aspired to one thing or another, I didn't have time to be grateful or feel contentment.  It was the "thing" that was all important.

As time goes on and life throws challenges at me, peace and contentment is what is all important.  It is less complicated and leads to a happier life.  

The book "Simple Abundance" changed my life so many decades ago when I started reevaluating what was important in my life.  The change to a simpler life that made me so grateful for the nature and beauty in my back yard.  My yard was beautiful with so much color and alive with the birds and squirrels that I fed.  But after JR died, working in the yard was no longer satisfying.  Nothing was.  Grief does that to me.

The biggest lesson in my life has been dealing with grief and death.  I've been through so many phases in my life that has made peace and contentment the most important. Knowing that no matter what, everything will be ok is the best feeling in the world at this point in my life.

I've wiped the dust off of my book "Simple Abundance" and hope to find more peace and contentment.  It is about time that I remember hope is a good thing.

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Remembering Good Times

 

In this phase of grief, the recollection of awesome times are helping me honor The Captain's place in my life.  There are moments in time and then there are events that brought us so much fun and happiness.  I will write about them and relive them all over again with a smile on my face.  We had many good times!

We loved Busch Gardens and visited often since we had annual passes.  They provided fabulous entertainment and among our favorites was Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits.

Peter was still doing the concert circuit after all these years.  The Captain and I had the pleasure of attending one of his concerts and had a blast singing along to all those hits whose lyrics were still fresh in our minds.  We weren't the only ones.  Baby boomers surrounded us and we were all singing.  

His voice is awesome as ever, with the same witty personality as Herman the teenage boy with the sweet face we knew back in the day.   It was an excellent concert we never forgot . . . what a treat, we spoke of it often.  Peter is a timeless entertainer who is very entertaining!

photo by Gina Alfani

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Living Alone and Being Lonely . . . Or Not?

There have been several times in my life that I've lived alone.  

Twice more than 10 years each time.

On the subject of living alone or being lonely, living alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely.  Of course there will be times when loneliness will get to anyone, but most of us have a choice to get out and be around people when loneliness hits.  However, I do know from experience that you can be lonely in a room full of people, but that is another discussion.

Living alone also means having to take care of everything around the house or pay someone to do it for you.  That is the problem that faces me.  The older I get, the greater the difficulty, especially for someone like me that does not like to ask for help.

These days I specifically miss The Captain himself, the companionship and our discussions.  Sometimes I forget and start to shout out a thought not remembering that he is not in the other room and he never will be again.  With him passing away not that long ago, the grief has been fresh and I have wanted to be alone, not even wanting to talk to someone on the phone.    

On the lighter side . . . living alone means not having to deal with another person's moods or them dealing with yours . . . you only have to pick up after yourself . . . you can have control of the remote control and watch whatever you like . . . you can do whatever you want to do without considering what the other person thinks.

On a normal day, I think any of us will go back and forth on the subject.  Just because we all have that time where it is "all about me."  Right?  You know it is true!

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Adversity

 

"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

Walt Disney

For as long as I can remember, Walt Disney has been so inspirational to me. He went bankrupt several times and was laughed at (I imagine hysterically) about his cartoon mouse. He had the last laugh. It goes to prove that one should never give up on a dream or aspirations for happiness . . . whatever your heart desires.

There was a time in my life when everything seemed to be perfect. I had a great job in the corporate world, made decent money, had a great marriage and I could go on. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Speaking of Disney, we visited Disney World at least once a month since we were both at our jobs a very long time and had over a month's worth of vacation . . . lots of long weekends are awesome when you put in at least 70 hours a week.

Well, keeping up that work routine and office politics took its toll on me. One day I walked away, it was impulsive, in a sense it was a horrible move, but we finally got the peace and happiness needed and our lives changed drastically.

We became a one income family, I really got into cooking and gardening. At that time, I wanted to be like Martha Stewart. It was a very satisfying time and my marriage to JR was the best ever. We were so happy.

What seemed like a giant setback in my life turned out to be the best thing I ever did. I am so grateful that JR and I got so much closer and happier since his life was cut short at 42 years old. We never would have had that great life. I spoiled him rotten and we were so blissfully happy. If I still worked those 70 hour weeks, there is no way we could have had that degree of happiness.

Everything in life happens for a reason.

After years of agonizing grief, I met The Captain and remarried.

Now that I have become a widow for a second time, I have become stronger, but I wonder about the reasons why God chose for me to be in this survival mode again, it was difficult enough the first time. All I have to say is that I must have huge rewards coming after all this adversity and heartbreak.

But I still believe and have faith that I can be happy again.

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Don't Give Up

 

Today has been one of the worse days in a while for many reasons that I don't need to get into for the purpose of this post.

I was blessed with a healthy dose of self-confidence and one thing I know for sure, I am a strong person and I know I'm going to get through this.  My motto . . . this too shall pass.

Glad to be alive?  Not necessarily.  My future is up in the air, I've retired, don't have a definitive purpose and I feel somewhat lost.  I often ask myself  . . . what am I living for?   But I know I am still healing from The Captain's death and my purpose will be revealed at the right time.  

Thank God I'm not lonely, enjoy being alone and don't have aspirations of finding love again (or do I?) . . . I really don't want to deal with disappointment any more than I have to, but I will never say never from this moment on.  The main moving on is improving my life and being happy with my choices.

The good news is my depression is under control and I know I am on the correct path for me.

As a Christian, I have always prayed for God's will.  When I found this graphic on Facebook, I saw it as an answer to recent prayers and part of the answer is to not give up.  

I won't . . . and I am taking one day at a time.

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Pets . . . the story of Buster

One of the joys in life . . . our pets

This is an old Yahoo 360 post that was an entry in "Picture Perfect" . . . comments follow the post 

Today I was thinking about how much I miss having a pet after having so many in my life that have run away or passed away.

This week's Picture Perfect theme is

"ANTICIPATION"

My pets are like my kids and once again, one of my babies is the subject of my Picture Perfect entry.

This is Buster, he was a terrier mutt that my dad found and brought home for me since at the time, I didn't have a pet and he thought I needed one. His nickname was Red . . . he had reddish-brown hair and had lips like a human . . . for real . . . he even knew how to use those lips correctly to pout. This dog was too funny!!

Buster was the most piggish dog I have ever owned.

When given the chance, he would skillfully

steal food in a heartbeat.

The photo is Christmas morning opening presents . . . Buster is anticipating a treat from his Christmas present of a box of doggie treats. The photo is a little blurry because he was moving and I was trying to keep him under control so we could get a decent photo of him with his Christmas present. lol Do you see him licking his lips? He always did that around food . . . and act like a crazy dog until he got his little morsel of happiness. I never saw a dog enjoy food with so much gusto.

The next photo is much clearer of him licking his lips in anticipation of stealing food this time. There was food on the coffee table and he wanted at it really bad. Check out the look in his eyes . . . what a character he was!! Food drove him nuts!! It was difficult to have a party with him around . . . we had to be very careful where the food was placed or put him outside.

He was also very funny when I was cooking . . . I didn't have to worry about dropping anything on the floor and having to clean up . . . he was my live vacuum cleaner. The only thing he would not eat was garlic. You know that if you feed dogs raw garlic they won't get fleas . . . well, he would not eat it unless I disguised it wrapped up in ham and cheese or something similar.

Buster is another one of my babies who has passed and now resides at Rainbow Bridge . . . I miss his silly little personality, gluttonous and very sweet ways. He was a charmer . . . we could take him anywhere, he was the perfect little well behaved gentleman unless food was involved.

Comments (48 total)


Gagan…
FTC, me Ginaaaaaaaaaaaa ... wow you look soooo beautiful ... nice take on theme. Nice day there and nite. Mine is not yet prepared. I am sorting my folders for that. Let's see on Friday then.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 10:36pm (CEST)


Natur…
So funny! He probably never got over having to be hungry when he was on the streets as a stray. I had a dog once that stole food. He was huge and could eat food right off the dinner table. I remember once he ate a whole lunch meat tray off the table at Christmas while I was not paying attention. (except for the swiss cheese, hehe). Great photo for the ANTICIPATION theme.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 04:42pm (EDT)


Reymu…
What cute pictures. You look so happy with your baby.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 03:50pm (CDT)


Le-La
Hi Gina, my Mum has had dogs, cats, birds since I can remember and they all had their own little quirky characteristics.
We would name them accordingly and it would be bizzare how well their names suited them. Some were mischievious, some sly and yes some gluttinous. I so understand when you related the food put somewhere high or they were outside. We had some great laughs with our pets and they still bring Mum such joy.
Love your post.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 08:10am (EST)


Mare
Hi Gina!!! I love the pictures of the poochies they are sooo cute oh yeah and you are beautiful too !!!! hehehe love ya Gina

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 07:06pm (EDT)



xxxxx…
OMG, he's sooo cute.. I bet he loved Christmas time. lol

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 05:14pm (PDT)


Cathe…
Hi Gina, Buster sounds like a real sweetie. I didn't know if you gave dogs garlic, they wouldn't get fleas. You're so pretty-look at that hair! Thanks for sharing this.:)

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 06:36pm (PDT)


Scalo…
You look great together both appear to be very happy I guess you do love your baby and your buster baby loves you too it seems. Have a great weekend.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 10:12pm (EDT)


Take …
That is too cute..Yes he is excited and the look of anticipation is priceless. :)

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 10:17pm (EDT)



…
This is cute. It reminded of my son's dog, Boomer. He used to sit under the table when we ate, just waiting for someone to drop something. We couldn't leave anything edible within his reach.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 07:45pm (PDT)




great job.......I think that i might post mine tomorrow....oh the anticipation!!!!

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 07:49pm (PDT)


shirley
Nice job! he is sooo adorable.I can see his anticipation

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:02pm (SGT)


elly s
sooooo sweet
you both look so happy n love each other...
I have cat as a pet

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:07pm (SGT)


Emmm
Those eyes are just burning holes in whatever he had his sights set on. I had a dog like that - dedicated to the pursuit of the smallest morsel. Your story has brought back some fond memories. Thank you for sharing this.
Mines up too.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:09am (EDT)


devil…
Your little guy is too adorable. I love such adorable dogs and isnt it wild how we get so attached to our pets. They really are something special. A great job on these weeks theme.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:22am (EDT)


Cherie
Yes I can see in Buster's eye the look of anticipation and michief no wonder he stole your heart.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 11:00pm (PDT)


Natty
Thank you for sharing, he's cute! Anticipation all around. :) Mine will be up tomorrow.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:28am (CEST)



::Rii::
Hei Gina

Heheh!! Lol
He sure is anticipating all right.
Good take.
HUGZ from Rii xx

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:09pm (CEST)


Luxy
Another happy baby! Feed him geez!!! lol

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 07:27am (EDT)




Man's best friend also womens i reckon they give out so much love and affection. I miss a dog in our house for cleaning up the mess our kids drop on the carpet oh well..... at least the vaccuum works lol. Nice photo of you both!, enjoy the weekend.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 06:12am (PDT)


Harma…
Doggies!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:39pm (JST)


ஐ♥ღDe…
OMG....too cute....dogs are soooo much fun....what a cutie he was and it sounds like his personality was awesome!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:56am (EDT)


*MaRi…
So sweet!!! :D

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 05:44pm (CEST)


ღ♥Lis…
Aww, great pic, I bet you do miss him!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 12:22pm (EDT)


Suzy Q
That is so cute! We know who is spoiled now~ great pic thanks for sharing

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:30am (PDT)


Umman C

Good memories keep us happy. You two look very nice. Have a good day.
Thursday October 4, 2007 - 02:20pm (CDT) Remove Comment



John O
LOL A whole new perspective on the phrase "Chow Hound"

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 09:02am (GMT+12)


360 o…
i have a puppy...only 45 days old...he is very bitey..OOPS

Friday October 5, 2007 - 02:40am (IST)


True …
Offline
Anticipation & Excitement!! He wants that treat - He is cute G

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 04:27pm (CDT)


Buch
it's amazing how much joy a dog can bring... i've seen that anticipation look so many times on pets, especially when it comes to food, lol... great pics!!!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 05:36pm (EDT)


GG:NF
Very cute Gina. I hve two vacuum cleaners here too so i know exactly what you mean....LOL.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 02:50pm (PDT)


'chel…
I like this one! I ALMOST did this with Rocky. He's the same way around food! I knew just what you were talking about when you mentioned that gleam in his eyes!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 05:53pm (CDT)



♥Fran…
Hey Gina Great minds think alike... love your blog and your dog is precious.. I have such a heart for animals... Mine is alot like yours.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 08:43pm (EDT)


Nick
Why is it that all pets no matter how much you feed them they always want what you have on your plate.. great post I to love all my pets..

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:01pm (EDT)


Sienn…
He's a sweety pie! I loved seeing the photos of you, too!!! The Rainbow Bridge poem is the best.

Your dad gave you a wonderful gift giving him to you and you gave Buster a loving home. xo

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 09:13pm (CDT) Remove Comment


Kim K
what a great present from your dad.. doggies and daddies are just gifts.. wonderful pictures too....

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:58pm (EDT)



Scatt…
Anaimals are too funny.... There is always anticipation around food. When I cook the dogs will not leave the kitchen no matter what game the children are offering them. The anticipation of scraps coming there way is too much......

Friday October 5, 2007 - 08:39am (GST)



A Fac…
Buster's anticipation is just sooo apparent!!! Great pics. Are dogs ever out of the state of anticipating food????? Great blog as always!!!!!!

Friday October 5, 2007 - 12:50am (EDT)




ahhhh I love Dogsss

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:42pm (PDT)



ღஜLov…
What a sweet post! Mine is up have a great weekend!

Friday October 5, 2007 - 12:27pm (CDT)




Love that pic of him lickin' his chops. Too funny.

Friday October 5, 2007 - 10:43am (PDT)


♥♀♂Ŵħ…
Awww Gina what awesome photo's of you and your precious pups!! You can feel the love with just a single glance... they are so lucky to have you to care for them!! I'm sure they anticipate being spoiled by mama eh?! Have a great weekend girl ~ Hugs and Love

~Bren~

Friday October 5, 2007 - 02:30pm (EDT)




Awww how sweet! I have two dogs that are my babies also! Have a great weekend!

Friday October 5, 2007 - 06:32pm (EDT)



Marie
what a mischievous look he has on his face! I'll bet Thanksgiving was his favorite day of the year :D

Friday October 5, 2007 - 10:13pm (EDT)


Linda O
Buster shows us real anticipation!
Can sure tell he is loved and sure loves you!

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 12:29am (CDT)



not h…
Just now making rounds. How precious. Love furr-baby and real baby shots so much. He looked like a very loved ad happy furr-baby. Maybe he's met a couple of my furr babies at Rainbow Bridge and they are frolicking together.

Lovely shots Gina...and such wonderful memories. thanks for sharing both

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 01:41pm (CDT)


Annette
...great photos and story.... enjoyed reading your posting... thanks so much for sharing...

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 03:57pm (CDT)

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Run Baby Run

This post is about a writing from the past.  I've been going through old posts from blogs no longer published and being nostalgic about where I've been as far as my emotions go.  This one is about running away . . . The Captain is trying to teach me not to do this anymore and I see my progress, yet recognize some old traits.

She's searching through the stations,

For an unfamiliar song,

And she pictures all the places,

She knows she still belongs,

And she smiles the secret smile,

Because she knows exactly how,

To carry on


lyrics from the song
Run Baby Run by
Sheryl Crow






ORIGINALLY POSTED OCTOBER 2007


There are three words I use all the time

that really do describe who I am best


♥♥♥ Peace, love & happiness ♥♥♥


That is my balance, my ying/yang thing . . .

when they are not in balance, I run to find it.



I'm lost without it

JR knew how to keep me there

and since he's been gone,

I've been lost.



I began finding it again through my keyboard

in the little box that sits on my desk

and in the words that come from my heart,

expressing myself, finding myself

I love to write about life.

"Past the arms of the familiar,

And their talk of better days,

To the comfort of the strangers"

I'm searching for that unfamiliar song, since I've said goodbye to the old familiar faces in my life, the backstabbers and the phony people who graced my life with smiles and beauty when they have to while they carry the knife behind their back.

I ran from my real life
and I'm still running

My life is not in balance, there is no peace, there is no happiness . . . love? Honestly I don't know. I always run before finding out. First I need to know who I am and that is what I'm trying to do here.

I don't like to get hurt . . . does anyone? My emotions are still raw and wounded from losing the most important person in my world.

He's gone and I'm still lost
still trying to figure out who I am

All that to explain I'm vulnerable and I sometimes let someone get close to me, not often. I write about my life very honestly and candidly, but few get inside my heart and soul. When I do, it is because I feel absolute trust in my heart . . . like a child instinctively trusts their mommy.

When that person uses something they know about me against me . . . it knocks the wind out of me. It momentarily destroys me, blinds me to the core of my being.

I know all those years as a professional in the corporate world should have made me hard and unfeeling, calloused to cruel people. I am to a certain point. All the classes, seminars and rah rah sessions I attended through the years to learn how to deal with people should be enough, huh? It was. I'm an awesome professional. My defense is that I don't let many past the personal walls I have built around my heart and soul. There are few that I allow close enough to hurt me.

I'm fiercely competitive and I hate it when someone takes me on. I'd rather run . . . I'm emotionally tired of fighting these type of people and they know it. It gives them power over me. I want happiness with peace and hopefully lots of love.

So I run and they win
Is anything worth a fight?
Not anymore
Honestly, I think I will be happier just writing and not involving myself with the social networking thing anymore. I've made lots of awesome friendships that I will maintain and forget about having the big page with the big social network of constantly meeting new people and the constant hope of meeting my Prince Charming. I'm over it. For now, I just want to write and be creative.
God will provide me with what I need

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Perfect Peace

In God we have . . .

A love that can never be fathomed,
A life that can never die,
A righteousness that can never be tarnished,
A peace that can never be understood,
A rest that can never be disturbed,
A joy that can never be diminished,
A hope that can never be disappointed,
A glory that can never be clouded,
A light that can never be darkened,
A purity that can never be defiled,
A beauty that can never be marred,
A wisdom that can never be baffled,
Resources that can never be exhausted.
God is our all in all!


Perfect peace is a beautiful thought that can certainly become a reality.
I'm so happy and grateful to say that I'm so close!
This summer has been spent relaxing and chilling out, making the attempt to find out where my place is in this world.  It has been a phase of looking at my life as it was, pondering the thought of where my past experiences have led me and what are the lessons learned.
The lessons learned are the easiest part to identify and so profound as it relates to the past as well as the rest of my life.  The most important lesson is that life is short and we must make the best of our time here on earth in perfect peace and happiness.  Equally important is to the cherish every moment with those we love since we never know if that moment is the last with that precious person.
God granted my greatest wish . . . the gift of love from and to the most perfect person in the world for me.  The doors easily open for those things that are God's will, which is why so many doors were closed to me in the past.  That was another lesson learned.  Yes, it seemed to take forever to find that love and happiness, but it taught me to trust faith in God and have the patience it takes for those doors to open as they were destined.  Good things come to those who wait . . . just know they will arrive at the right time!
Our relationship has grown from an online romance that went through many phases of happiness and frustration that goes along with any new relationship and getting to know each other . . . a long distance relationship takes us through many unique twists. Through the six years that I have known The Captain, we went from those silly beginnings of online love to a strong relationship that has weathered many storms which actually made us stronger as a couple.
What lacks in my life is direction.  Honestly, I have always thought that retirement was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  In many ways it is.  The freedom is awesome.  The anticipation of a future that can become anything I want it to be is so exciting.  However, the "anything I want" part is the problem, although I have decided to go back to internet retailing and being creative.
I've been deep in the midst of total overwhelm about so many things.  I know I must take one thing at a time, but it is so much easier said than done. 
What I do know is that I think too much!
After much consideration, I have decided to continue enjoying my retirement, but take things slowly, enjoy every step of the journey instead of taking the "what if" approach of way too much thinking that has brought me down instead of being happy as I should be since I am so close to perfect peace.
Today I am feeling so lucky for this second chance in life and so grateful to have the most wonderful partner ever to love, adore and share a beautiful life with.
It has been a long seven years since I wrote the following post and I am eternally grateful that God took me by the hand and took me on a journey that led me down the path to a happy future.
Let my life experience be a lesson for your life!

This post was originally published on  March 8, 2008

Some advice from a good friend
with a multitude of wisdom . . .
"you need a journey"

My friend is so right, I've needed a journey for a long time, even before I started working. The last time I took time away from home and away from thinking . . . FUN TIME . . . was last July when I went to the beach with family and came back feeling like a new person.

All the emotions I have been experiencing lately is simply restlessness. I'm in between jobs, taking time to put lots of things in order before making another commitment and hopefully not disappointing myself again . . . back to being in limbo. Most of my problem is not making moves for fear of another disappointment.

Sometimes I forget the lesson I learned from JR's death . . . life is short and we must ENJOY every moment. My positive attitude has allowed me to enjoy moments, but I want more than moments. I spend more time planning life than living life. At least my attitude is no longer negative . . . so I must give myself credit for that progress.

I'm also realizing I have not trusted my faith in God. My tendency is to question God about everything bad in my life . . . JR's death, failed relationships, my indecision about the future and general "bad luck".

I have my moments when I realize that everything happens for a reason and that as humans, God grants us free will. Sometimes I get caught up in the middle of that theory, life circumstances twist my thoughts around . . . I end up not knowing what I believe and not getting past my core belief in God.

I'm referring to that peace that surpasses understanding . . . I do have that spiritual peace as far as feeling that no matter what, everything is going to be ok. What I seek is that peace that brings joy and I wonder if what I am experiencing is a perpetual grieving for JR that leaves me in this state and afraid that I am destined to live the rest of my days with this feeling.

Maybe it is like my friend says . . . needing a journey . . . needing fun in my life. It could be and I have been working toward wrapping things up around here so I can take off for at least a couple of days. No definite plans have been made on purpose so I can experience the awesome feeling of being a spontaneous free spirit like JR and I lived our lives. If only I can capture the magic of those days and I'm going to try.

One thing for sure, the journey will bring me closer to God and the journey to perfect peace. It is something that has been a part of my life before, so I know how it feels, I just need to remember how to get there.

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Finding Your Joy

Some wise words from Daily Om about happiness and joy . . .

Being happy doesn’t come naturally to everybody. It is your birthright to be happy, choose happiness everyday. Our lives are rich with potential sources of happiness, but sometimes we become victims of negative thinking because we believe that focusing on all that has gone wrong will provide us with the motivation we need to face the challenges of survival.

When we choose to focus on what makes us happy, however, a shift occurs in the fabric of our existence. Finding something to be happy about every single day can help this shift take place. The vantage points from which we view the world are brought into balance, and we can see that being alive truly is a gift to be savored. There is always something we can be happy about—it is simply up to us to identify it. On one day, we may find happiness in a momentous, life-changing event such as a marriage or the birth of a child. On another day, the happiness we experience may be a product of our appreciation of a particularly well-brewed cup of a tea or the way the sun shines on a leaf. If we discover that we literally cannot call to mind a single joyful element of existence, we should examine the cause of the blockage standing between us and experiencing happiness.

Keeping a happiness journal is a wonderful way to catalog the happiness unfolding all around us so that joy has myriad opportunities to manifest itself in our lives. Writing about the emotions we experience while contemplating joy may give us insight into the factors compelling us to resist it. Happiness may not always come easily into your life. You have likely been conditioned to believe that the proper response to unmet expectations is one of sadness, anger, guilt, or fear.

To make joy a fixture in your existence, you must first accept that it is within your power to choose happiness over unhappiness every single day. Then, each time you discover some new source of happiness, the notion that the world is a happy place will find its way more deeply into your heart. On this day, find one thing to be happy about and let it fill your heart.


Source: The Daily Om

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