Awesome connections

The accuracy of my horoscopes have been amazing me . . .

December 17, 2009
Inner Filling
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may have the need to serve others today or want to spend time nurturing or comforting those in need. You might feel frustrated by the suffering you see in the world and want to do something to help, or you could be seeking a deeper sense of fulfillment. While serving others might help you feel more empowered and purposeful, you might also think about turning your attention inward and fostering a sense of fulfillment that comes from who you are and not necessarily what you do. You may want to affirm that you are whole and worthy regardless of what you do today. Service to others is a beautiful act. However, in order to give to others, you must be able to give to yourself.

The more we give ourselves, the more we have to give to the people in our lives. The world reflects our relationship with ourselves. When we have a fulfilling relationship with ourselves, we can serve others more from a place of wholeness and purpose. Instead of feeling that our fulfillment rests on the actions we take each day, we can turn within and concentrate on filling our inner well with peace, fulfillment, and joy. When we feel connected to ourselves and happy, we are better able to serve others with genuine joy and compassion. This allows us to give from the heart, and our sense of fulfillment grows. By developing your own sense of fullness and fulfillment today, you can feel whole and more purposeful while having more to offer others.

Fullness and fulfillment has taken over my life in the form of awesome connections I've made at my new job at a mental health center. For the first time in a very long time, I'm experiencing the joy of Christmas through others.

As I read today's horoscope, I found it very interesting that I was pondering those very things as I relaxed with a cup of hot raspberry tea after an exhausting day of work at the office. The fulfillment has come to me in several forms. It was always my belief that community service and giving of yourself, even when it is seemingly insignificant, could be a humbling and enriching experience.

The clients are very grateful for the kindness of strangers that have become their comfort zone, the special holiday festivities that have begun and the anticipation and appreciation of the little gifts they receive. While some are extremely down and depressed with the coming of the season, many are wearing a festive smile that have replaced a hopeless look. Awesome feeling to see the smiles on those faces!

Anyone who has followed my blogs for any length of time know how I feel about "the holidays" . . . I have dreaded them year after year since my husband passed away. The sullen, depressed faces remind me of looking in the mirror, wanting so much to see a happy face reflecting back at me and longing for a trace of a joyous holiday season.

What I realized today . . . this is the year which is my turning point . . . I have so much to be grateful for . . . I'm finally on the road to a fulfilling and happy life with a purpose and love with the wonderful man I've continued a long distance relationship with.

God has had a purpose for me and has presented it to me in the form of a job that I love so much, working with people who appreciate me, trust me and have given me more than I can ever thank them for . . . the clients and my co-workers. The gift of smiles and wishes for a happy holiday have touched me in so many ways, and are filling those empty spots in my heart.

Reluctantly, I agreed to participate in the "Secret Santa" festivities among my co-workers. The dread filled me this afternoon as I anticipated the break to have a moment exchanging gifts with those co-workers that are fast becoming good friends. Christmas has not been a fun or joyous time for me for the past seven years . . . it has represented the struggle of depression, restlessness and frustration within myself. The dread had nothing to do with my co-workers, it was me.

It is ironic that I am employed in a mental health center . . . psychiatrists, psychotherapists and counselors surround me . . . they have no idea of my "emotional state."

The gift of an awesomely festive moving Santa that rings bells and sings a song of Christmas joy brought out the little girl in me and put a huge smile on my face. I felt a lump in my throat as that little guy put the Christmas spirit in my heart, along with the hug from the woman who picked my name and told me how blessed she felt to have me in the circle of co-workers who truly care for each other like family.

Most of my co-workers have been at their jobs for more than ten years . . . I am the one who is blessed and could never express my happiness at landing a job at this wonderful place where people truly care about others and do it on a daily basis, giving themselves to those unfortunate people who find themselves in a bad place in life and often makes the difference between life and death.

As I make my new awesome connections, my inner self is healing from many years of restless anxiety with life itself, the struggle for survival and fighting my way back to loving the person I am.

The meaning of Christmas is so very different to me this year . . .

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Work in Progress

December 6, 2009
Fluid Work in Progress
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may have a purposeful focus and be determined to continue along the path to your dreams today. This level of dedication can help you make great progress, but it can also cause you to become overwhelmed with frustration if events don’t go the way you planned. If you take a moment to think about the ways your goals have changed during the course of your life, you will realize that goal setting is a fluid, ever-changing process rather than a fixed destination.

With this new flexible outlook, overcoming obstacles today will become a simple matter of increasing the intensity of your efforts or shifting your direction to find a way around them. By choosing to see our goals as a fluid work in progress, we give ourselves the flexibility and stamina to stay motivated over the long-term. While a rigid approach to our goals can result in feelings of frustration in the face of challenges, a flexible approach can help us keep readjusting our efforts in order to achieve the most beneficial progress.

Just as we grow and change during the course of our lives, our goals must also shift to reflect who we are at any given moment. By choosing to see our long-term goals as fluid rather than fixed, we empower ourselves with the ability to stay motivated and excited, even when facing challenges. With a flexible focus on your goals today, you will create a greater level of stamina and develop an optimistic outlook that can help you stay the course.

I must admit that I have recently experienced those feelings of overwhelm and frustration, although I am the happiest I have been in a very long time since I am hitting many of my goals.

Sometimes I expect way too much from myself . . . like starting a new job and having the strong desire to bypass the learning process and effortlessly getting on with the daily routine.

Then there is my frustration with my relationship with The Captain . . . he's there and I'm here . . . and I still don't really understand it, although I do in many respects. It is such a contradiction, but that is what makes me crazy at times. I've found the man I love and want to spend my life with, we were together and in love . . . although it was a bit of a rocky road . . . now we are still in love, but with distance between us. Maybe we both needed it and was too soon to move in together.

Through all of these feelings regarding both my professional and personal life, I remain ever so optimistic that I am on the right track and a wonderful work in progress, no longer hopeless, lost and misguided.

Today I'm feeling so grateful for second chances in life . . . The Captain and I could have very well split up after he left, but our love has remained stubborn and continues to grow by the day. I'm grateful to have found a man who truly loves me and wants forever rather than a brief affair.

I'm overwhelmed and so grateful for being blessed with a job working at that place that gives me a purpose every day of my life, making a difference in the lives of others. I'm grateful for that feeling of satisfaction it gives me and the feeling of being so appreciative of everything that God has blessed me with that I have taken for granted for way too long. I'm grateful my eyes have opened to this reality.

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Moderation and balance

"By approaching our work with moderation and careful planning, we can accomplish more and still retain a sense of mental, emotional, and physical balance. Few things are more exciting and energizing than setting goals and planning for a better future.

However, our excitement can often be detrimental to our well-being if we take on too much, too soon. Rather than trying to run the race in a few giant leaps, we can instead pace ourselves and take smaller, more consistent steps to reach the finish line with less effort and strain. We then conserve our energy and accomplish much more in the long run than we would otherwise.

By being gentle with yourself and proceeding with moderation toward your goals today, you can make great progress without becoming overwhelmed."

Source: The Daily Om

Moderation and balance have become a recurring theme in my life as I've entered a new phase and into the "real world" again.

One step at a time is what it takes to make positive changes . . . being consistent and persistent is what made it happen for me. The result is peace and happiness within myself, not depending on anyone else to get there and the feeling of pride associated with standing on my own two feet after stumbling so many times.

The biggest change is a wonderful new job where I have taken on the equivalent of three positions that have been merged into one job description . . . without being totally overwhelmed at a demanding schedule. Everything is falling into place at a very comfortable pace . . .

My new attitude as a result of finding that balance in my life I have been searching for is what I attribute to hitting the goals I have set for myself. Striking that balance has set into my personal life, making circumstances that were almost unbearable a few months ago very tolerable and pleasant today.

A big life lesson I am learning is being patient with myself and the people who surround me.

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Escape from Paradise

A look back at two different times in recent past where I was transitioning from being a "hermit" to a somewhat "normal" person who was contemplating an escape from Paradise into the real world.  This post was written shortly before returning to the world of a "real job."

Originally posted on April 8, 2008
My goal for 2008 was to turn my life around and find happiness and contentment . . . a purpose. Today the thought occurred to me that while God is throwing signs at me from all directions, I only see the ones that I want to see, not the ones that he intends for me to see. The signs were all there and I even mentioned it in the following post from last year . . . I was being pushed out the door. I needed to ESCAPE FROM PARADISE.

Changes in my lifestyle had to be made since my life circumstances had changed and I had to change with them no matter how much I did not want to. Don't we all hate change? Don't we all have to do things that we don't want to do sometimes in life? I was holding on to a variation of the past that no longer was. God wanted me back out in the real world interacting with real people or else my online business would have continued to thrive as it once did. And I would still drift through time with no schedule, no sleep pattern and no purpose.

I've discovered I have a voice again. For someone functioning "normally" in this world of interacting with people, it is going to sound strange . . . but I would go through periods of total silence not speaking to anyone . . . I spoke through my keyboard, writing in my blogs since I isolated myself from people and became a hermit-like creature living in a cave, never to be seen or heard from in the real world. 
 I remember hearing the story of a man who had died watching television and was not found until a long period of time after he had passed away . . . it scared me that my life would end up like that if I continued in my hermit ways.

Just as 2008 was the year for me to turn my life around, 2007 was the year of realization and discovery for me as I made incremental changes throughout the year, preparing myself for the big change that was to come, not knowing what "it" was.

As I transfer my entries to Blogger, it is another realization to see how far I have progressed in changing my life and knowing that the direction I have taken is the right one for me at this time in my life. It is all so clear to me now, especially after reading the following entry from last year.


Originally posted on January 29, 2007

On occasion I have to do those pesky little things like go to the grocery store and actually leave my house and pry myself away from the computer. And I hate every minute of it!

As I got out in the real world of nice people who turn into demons behind the wheel of a car in traffic and little old ladies who go to the grocery store to socialize and take up the whole aisle, creating a back up for those of us who just want to go in, get what we want and leave, I realized that I actually enjoy and LOVE the solitude of my little world that I call Paradise.

After having a very long, soul searching discussion with my mom, who spent most of the day with me, it was so clear to me. Being home is what makes Gina happy, truly happy . . . making money at home and doing what I want, when I want without depending on anyone for anything. It gave me a new-found determination to make my online business work, even though I have no idea how I will pull that off since it has been dying a torturous death since eBay really started messing with seller fees and making it impossible for anyone to make a profit except for eBay. 

On the other hand, being the type of person I am that sees everything as a "sign", I have seen it as God pushing me out the door to a "real" job so I can get a social life as well as make money. 

The analysis of these signs and

my wants are having a struggle!

In the scope of my world and the things that are tormenting me at the moment, two things loom prominently . . . 1) no one to love and spoil . . . 2) finding a way to make a comfortable living online again . . . otherwise, my life is perfect. Really it is . . . and I live a very simple life where money does not rule my world, so it takes very little for me to be peaceful and content with my life.

The issue of "how am I going to survive" has been the major problem this past year as the online retail market has made drastic changes . . . not for the better. Since my husband died, I made a very comfortable living on eBay selling new and vintage costume jewelry and all of a sudden . . . crash . . . boom! 

Thank God I have many talents and probably would not have a problem finding employment, but I would not be true to myself. I go back and forth on this issue and really hate to make a commitment to a real job feeling this way. My heart has to be in it . . . just like anything in my life. I'm passionate about everything I do . . . nothing is done half way. So . . . committing to a job after being self-employed for over a decade . . . well, not sure if I can handle it to be perfectly honest.

This is another time of rambling and thinking out loud . . . my blog is also the journal my expensive shrink taught me how to keep a long time ago . . . letting everything out, analyze all angles . . . and maybe helping someone else going through the struggle of life changes in the process. It also gives my future soulmate a look into what goes on in my head and will know what he is getting yourself into with me . . . lol. I have nothing to hide! This is the real me with no pretenses or phony baloney stuff. What you see is what you get.

My real life paradise before it became a jungle (a small part of my massive back yard) . . . this is a short term goal . . . tame the jungle a bit so I can regain the sanctuary aspect of my property . . . and I can do it if I don't have to punch a time clock . . .

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Peaceful contentment

My favorite time of the day is dawn, as the sun rises . . . and my favorite place at dawn is my back yard in Florida. It is the magical time nature awakens as night turns into day, the birds sing, the squirrels come out of their nests to greet the day and the dew on the colorful flowers happily sparkle and glisten like glitter in the sun.

My paradise is the place where I can connect with nature, God and myself, bringing me peace to start my day. Peace, as in a contented soul that shines from within.

My approach to life is much different than my working days of long ago. Like so many other people, I tried to do everything I thought I should do, but never got around to doing what I really wanted to do. My life changed when JR and I decided to be a one-income family and I dropped out of the corporate world.

My country boy taught his city girl, previously married to her job, how to enjoy the important things in life. With my paycheck gone, money was tight, but those days were the happiest of my life.

Those were the days I discovered the freedom and contentment that peace of the morning brings. Since he passed away, I still make time to be outdoors and enjoy nature in all its beauty.

Peaceful contentment is a beautiful aspect of peace, love and happiness.

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