A Love That Lives

My sweet Kiki and the cherished memories of her presence in my life is a treasured and precious gift.  This month I celebrate her birth month.  She would have been 16 years old.I miss her so much.  My heart is broken . . .A Love That LivesWhen you’ve loved a dog until the end,You’ve...

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Life, dreams and gratitude

 The tragic fires in California this past week have given me so much to think about life, hopes and dreams and gratitude.  In the course of life, going after our hopes and dreams or experiencing difficult life circumstances, we sometimes get overwhelmed and forget to be grateful.  It...

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Dark Silence

 As a person who has gone to sleep watching television forever  because I hate silence and am especially fearful of darkness, I was not in the best frame of mind with Hurricane Milton taking out my electricity before the storm even started and didn't come back on for three or four days later. ...

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What is wrong with people?

 I'm waiting for sunrise to get in my car and go on a new adventure.  After two months of being off my medication for depression, I'm finally leveling off and feeling so much better.  I hope I never have to go through another nightmare to get the medication I desperately need, especially...

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Just need a hug

&nb...

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My New Normal

 It happens to me every day . . . the memories, the tears and the sadness that doesn't want to go away.  I try to dwell on happy memories, but the sadness still sneaks in.  Profound sadness.  I never wear makeup anymore, it is too messy with the tears.My doctor asked me if I want...

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Long Darkness

 Nothing has been as it seems, or has it?Some lines from a movie I recently saw really hit home with me and put the past year into a weird perspective.  "I was sleeping peacefully in the midst of a long darkness.  It is good to sleep when you can't find the answers so I just...

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Faith, Love and Time

 The Memorial Day weekend was bittersweet and difficult.Military holidays were so special for The Captain, they were a part of who he was.  I had never experienced a person who was so patriotic and so proud of his military service.  I often thought that when he retired from the military,...

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Sit with the pain

 This is what grief is.A hole ripped through the very fabric of your being.The hole eventually heals along the jagged edges that remain. It may even shrink in size.But that hole will always be there.A piece of you always missing.For where there is deep grief, there was great love.Don’t be ashamed...

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Lessening Grief

 In the course of dealing with grief phases, I have found myself relying on memories as a comfort for the painful feelings of grief.  I'm always grateful for having had my loved ones share their life with me.  Even remembering not so great memories leads to being grateful.  Life...

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Holiday Blues

Another trigger day, actually a double trigger day, JR's birthday.  This is the end of trigger days for a while thank God and I am already feeling better.  It is all a mindset.In the past, I loved holidays, they were so special.  Now they are memories of special days.  In my...

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Loud Silence

 It has been a weird time.  Yes, the silence is loud.  Sometimes it is hard to breathe.  I need to write and let this out, but I really don't know what to say.  I'm enjoying being alone in my silence, but it would be great if he was here with me.  Only him.  God knows...

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Worth It

 I HAVE NOTHING TO ...

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Don't give up now

 But really, do I have a choice?I guess it was his birthday, a trigger day that started me on the roller coaster again.  Just when I was starting to feel better.I'm so tired of feeling better only to slip back into this funky phase of grief.  The good thing is I have writing about it...

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Love With No Place To Go

All that talk about positivity has gone out the window.  I find myself overthinking everything.  My happy, carefree attitude of taking one moment at a time has disappeared.  It is what grief is all about.  One must be ready for it to get through it quickly.  I'm trying!The trick...

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Grief Angel

 This past week has been all over the place.As much as I try to stay positive, there are times that I just lose control.  It is simple, I miss him terribly.  This must be the "miss you" phase.My family to coming to town just in time.  I have been missing them too and it complicates...

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Heart Silently Screams

 My heart is silently screaming tod...

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Trigger Days

 Trigger days . . . holidays, birthdays, anniversaries of all kinds, etc. always add an extra sense of grief.  You never know how they are going to affect you until it does . . . they are sneaky like that.  They can also change from year to year.  Just like any other grief phase,...

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Joyful Melody of Life

 I've started listening to music regularly as I did in "normal times."  Music has been a part of life since I was a little girl enjoying the radio being on day and night by my family.  Songs have meaning to me as far as lyrics and bringing back memories.  It is strange how a song...

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Riding the Roller Coaster

 I've been accepting the negative emotions today, facing them head on.  I'm not trying to ignore the bad feelings, I acknowledge them and ask myself why.  My responses go on a list so I can deal with them later.It has been one of the best two weeks since The Captain went into the hospital...

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