Quality of life is subjective depending on how you perceive it. I'm not sure that even made sense. It did to me. Other than the emotional stress I put on myself, my quality of life is pretty good.
I have always been the type of person who could be alone in life and still have a good quality of life and experience happiness. At an early age, people let me down and hurt me, making it easy to depend on myself since I have always felt there were few in my life I could trust not to hurt me. And really, for that I am grateful since I am a stronger person for it. Stronger does not mean happier though.
Not trusting others is one of those things that does not make my life happier. It just makes me so aware of others and ready to deal with disappointment. In my whole life, there are very few people I have allowed close to me. And with those few, many of them were a mistake to let close. We live and learn, don't we?
Since The Captain was ill before he passed away and since then, I allowed those who hurt me get the best of me and as a result, I have isolated myself, determined to be happy on my own and protect myself from further hurt. It is so foolish to allow others to determine your happiness. Even those we truly love.
I have learned that all I need is to believe in myself, be grateful for all that God has blessed me with and KNOW and acknowledge exactly how blessed I really am. There is not much that I really need to worry about, so I have decided that it is time to shed the extreme sadness from grief and the anger of those who hurt me, find joy in the little things in life and make the quality of my life the best it has ever been.
