Too Much Freedom

 

That is me, off in lala land, still thinking about chocolate and became obsessed with the news coverage for the missing lady.  

This is the "too much freedom" of retired life and not really having anything to do that has to be done now.  You can also call it procrastination.  In Italian, we say "domani" . . . I'm not sure about the spelling, but it translates to "tomorrow."  My mom and I have a running joke about the domani mentality.

The grief waves have also been hitting me, giving me the feeling of anything and everything can wait until domani.  I don't care.  It is a blessing that I am retired!

I'm thinking of a new blog about animals, dogs in particular with an emphasis on pet grief since I miss my Kiki so much.  The feeling that I have to be careful when I walk because she is right there by my feet every step of the way.  After 15 years of having to watch my steps is a habit that is a blessing and a curse.

Anyway, I drown my sorrows in internet articles about this and that, getting lost there.  The result is a flood of new blog posts.  It is truly my therapy about stuff that interests me that I hope will take over my attention.  It is not all miserable, trust me.  It is just a real depiction of life after so much loss since I never got over the loss of my first husband over 20 years ago, getting married again and then he passes away, then my sweet little dog who helped me through the first year after The Captain passed away, got sick and I had to put her to sleep.  

Oh yeah, and Hurricane Irma put a tree on my house that has made half of my house still messed up.  I try to find humor in every situation and have faith and trust in God that he will get me through it.  

I'm not looking for sympathy.  This blog is great therapy to let out how I am feeling and hopefully helping someone else going through the same thing.  No matter who you are, you will experience grief and it will come back like waves in the ocean, coming and going in its own time.  The depiction of real life is what is important.  We need to accept it to get through it.  

I hope my life experiences help you get through a struggle.  It helps to know you are not alone. 

Bless you all!

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Long Darkness

 

Nothing has been as it seems, or has it?

Some lines from a movie I recently saw really hit home with me and put the past year into a weird perspective.  

"I was sleeping peacefully in the midst of a long darkness.  It is good to sleep when you can't find the answers so I just slept for what seemed like months.  Then I was pulled by a light, life was pulling me back."

It seems as though the roller coaster of grief has had me going back and forth as though I am having a bad dream, woken up to a momentary desire to get back to normal life, but swiftly pulled back out of the reality that is way too painful to deal with.  Of course I deal with it, I have no choice, but the mind can play tricks on us in those painful dark moments of grief.  I tend to want to just stay in bed and not face another day of the torment of a new reality.  

I think to myself, "it can't be possible that my life has changed this drastically."  But it has.  Nothing makes sense and I feel lost without him.

I'm going though a crazy, difficult phase of grief where the long darkness makes me look at progress I've made skeptically.  This too shall pass.  I know because I have already been here 20 years ago when my first husband passed away, I just forgot how difficult it was.

 

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Emotional Boundaries

 

Inspiration and intuition guides us in the direction we should move toward.

Our true feelings are reality and work hand in hand with intuition.  The tricky thing is setting emotional boundaries along with embracing those true feelings and intuition.

Being true to ourselves is essential and this realization is most important.  

No one is responsible for setting those emotional boundaries except yourself.

Intuition and gut feelings reflect our true reflection of reality.  It is what it is.  Having the strength to face reality is a double edged sword worn like a badge of honor.

Visualize a barrier of positive energy surrounding you and know that negativity will not cross this boundary unless you allow it to.

Inner strength is a gift we can give ourselves to maintain those emotional boundaries.

Detach yourself from negativity!

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Unrealistic Expectations

Most women are guilty of unrealistic expectations when looking for love and forever . . . aren't we?

Although we know for a fact that Prince Charming does not exist, we still search for him. If the expectation is to find a man who has the traits we most look for in a man, good looks, humorous, stable, patient, trusting and loyal (I know I am leaving out many more), we may as well be looking for that magic carpet that will take us off into the sunset.

Men are equally guilty of unrealistic expectations when searching for their perfect woman . . . you know you are guys!

We are human . . . we want it all when it comes to most everything, but especially when looking for love.  None of us want to settle for imperfections in another person, although we are not perfect ourselves.

Any type of relationship takes time and patience.  However, when high expectations of fantasy collide with reality, we are setting ourselves up for a long period of time trying to fit a round peg in a square hole, losing patience that will ultimately result in failure.

No matter where you are in your relationship, the most important thing to learn is how to reasonably compromise.  Equally as important is being realistic about the type of person you want when searching for your forever soulmate . . . he or she is worth it.

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Restrictions of realism

When we allow ourselves to articulate our thoughts and feelings without limitations, we are more apt to stumble upon concepts that enable us to add new richness to our lives. 

Innovation can only happen when we introduce experimentation as a guiding theory in our lives. Because we do not limit our modes of expression, we can utilize our imaginative minds in our day-to-day existence, and thereby approach challenges playfully.

Unbound by convention or the restrictions of realism, we also can conceive of wild and fantastic solutions to the problems we face. These uncultivated notions become the rough foundations of the refined and workable ideas that we develop more fully in those circumstances that require us to be practical. Your free-spirited and innovative approach to both work and play will help you grow into your creativity today.

Source: The Daily Om

I'm going to try to make a long story as short as possible!

After going through a process of experimentation in fixing the water pump ourselves without success, we bit the bullet and arranged for professional help to pinpoint the problem and get an estimate of how much it would cost.

First of all, let me give you a great piece of advice . . . do not buy a house that runs on well water pump system with no chance of hooking up to the city water system!

Through many years, problems have come up with the water pump and they have been relatively inexpensive and a quick fix.  Not this time!

The only time not having water was a real inconvenience was the year one of the hurricanes came too close for comfort, however, the damage in this area was mainly electrical outage for at least a week.  No electricity to run the water pump, so . . . no running water.  It was after JR died and before The Captain came into my life.  I was totally alone and made it through with much innovation.  You don't understand the importance of something as not having water until it is gone!

The shock of what it was going to take to get the water running again took my breath away momentarily . . . I kind of freaked out a bit and retreated from society a couple of days.  Not only did the professional fix involve taking down fences, big trees, reconfiguring raised beds and I can't remember what else, just so their truck could get to the pump.  It was WAY too expensive and way too much work for not even having a guarantee that was going to fix the problem.

If that didn't work, we would need a totally new well drilled . . . 

The Captain asked the professional a lot of questions and set out to do some online research . . . perhaps he could do the work himself and save thousands of dollars?  His research showed so many others who encountered the same problem and they wrote about how they did their own fix.  Thank God for innovative people who do not want others to think they can't do it themselves.  

My sweetie says he will get it working again . . . and I have an abundance of faith and trust in him. 

Needless to say, it has been days of major decision making of how to fix the problem and also of great importance was how to live without running water for who knows how long.  

I could take the dog and escape to my mom's house for a mini-vacation while The Captain slaves away at fixing the well and living without running water . . . but I can't leave him to face the problem alone.  So, we are on a new adventure of creative survival.

Let me tell you . . . realism does not necessarily mean impossible and enough obstacles to not make it happen.  It has to work . . . and that is taking a great deal of innovation and creativity as we enter Day # I don't remember.

We have tackled each problem as it comes up one at a time.  So far, so good! Another one of those experiences that make great stories we can laugh at after all is fixed and working again.

Keep us in your prayers!

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Is your glass half full or half empty?

There is something to be said about living a

 simple life based on the concept of gratefulness.

There is also something to be said about the perception of the glass being half full or half empty . . . the attitude associated with this perception of reality drives attitude.  

Doesn't it?  

When it comes down to it, this traditional philosophical saying divides the optimists from the pessimists, opportunity versus doom and gloom . . . and on and on and on . . .

The concept of simply being grateful that the glass exists and that there is something in it can be interpreted as neither positive or negative.  Simply being grateful can be seen as an alternate way of pondering the timeless question of the glass and life in general.

Here are some of those concepts for your consideration:

   The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by next morning. 

The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn't.  

Whether it is or not is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?

Some will see a dirty glass, dump out the water and put the dried glass away in the cupboard.

Others will see the glass going from full to empty depending on the circumstances, and reminds the drinker that he can always fill the glass when he wishes.

Or can he?

The auditor first checks whether the empty half is material and then designs the audit procedures to obtain sufficient evidence to conclude that the glass is indeed empty.

The physicist says that the glass is not empty at all - it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air ~ hence, fully filled on the whole!

The research scientist says that following initial observation and testing a working hypothesis for further research is: "The glass is both half full and half empty," and that these findings warrant further investigation with a more representative sample of glasses and contents, which may or may not be liquid.

The obsessive compulsive postpones the question until the level is checked, and checked again, and again, and again . . .

He also never comes to a conclusion!

The co-dependent hurries to fill your glass, but not so completely that you would spill it and upset you.

The politician says that under the last government the glass was half-empty, and becoming emptier, but thanks to his own party's new leadership, the glass is definitely now half-full, and becoming fuller; but if the other party were to return to power, the glass would once again undoubtedly empty rapidly.

HUH??? Typical politician!

The opportunist says, "Thanks, folks! While you were debating it, I drank it."

Doesn't this illustrate how different people see the same situation in different ways?

I think the opportunist had the best perception of the glass, although I prefer to be grateful I have the glass and there is something in it!

What do you think?

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The gift of dissappointment

The gift of disappointment is to bring us into reality so we don’t get stuck in the realm of how things might have been.
Sometimes you just have to walk away!

Whenever we do something in life with an expectation of how we’d like it to turn out, we risk experiencing disappointment. When things don’t go the way we had envisioned, we may feel a range of emotions from slightly let down to depressed or even angry. We might direct our feelings inward toward ourselves, or outward toward other people or the universe in general. Whether we feel disappointed by ourselves, a friend, or life in general, disappointment is always a tough feeling to experience. Still, it is a natural part of life, and there are many ways of dealing with it when we find ourselves in its presence.

As with any feeling, disappointment has come to us for a reason, and we don’t need to fear acknowledging it or feeling it. The more we are able to accept how we are feeling and process it, the sooner we will move into new emotional territory. As we sit down to allow ourselves to feel our disappointment, we might want to write about the experience of being disappointed—the situation that preceded it, what we were hoping would happen, and what did happen. The gift of disappointment is its ability to bring us into alignment with reality so that we don’t get stuck for too long in the realm of how things might have been.

As we consider other disappointments in our life and how we have moved past them, we may even see that in some cases what happened was actually better in the long run than what we had wanted to happen. Disappointment often leaves us feeling deflated with its message that things don’t always turn out the way we want. The beauty of disappointment, though, is that it provides us a bridge to its other side where the acceptance of reality, wisdom, and the energy to begin again can be found.

Source:  Daily Om

No one is immune from disappointment.  

The fact is, I disappoint myself routinely.  Don't we all?  

To compound the gift of disappointment I give myself, great expectations from others results in further disappointment.  It can be a vicious cycle.  I end up disappointing myself for expecting too much from others.  Double whammy all the way around!  Great expectations bring on another form of disappointment fixated on someone else.

Disappointment comes in all shapes and sizes in life.

Wasted emotions that suck up energy!!

Acceptance of reality is the natural remedy.  

Easier said than done . . . I know! 

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Simple Contentment

Since taking my mental health days a week or so ago and making the decision to stop procrastinating and get those things done that need to be done, I've been making small changes that are starting to make a difference.

One of the things I've done really good with is doing small tasks at a time and then doing something that I really enjoy . . . constantly alternating.  The result is I'm getting things done and also taking it easy in small increments so I feel the same affects of mental health days in small doses.  It works for me . . . the secret is SMALL INCREMENTS . . . maybe 15 minutes at a time.  Next on the agenda is to buy a kitchen timer so I don't get carried away.

It is still difficult for me to see what I've accomplished versus what hasn't been done, but I am making a conscious effort.  The positive mindset is difficult for me in this area!

The mindset that has really worked for me is that of being grateful for simple things which has provided me with a very content life.  It has to do with finding simple joy in sitting outdoors listening to the wonderful sounds of nature and having Willie the Wonder Cat pass by, brushing against my leg as he goes by, wanting attention and love.  Nothing spectacular, I know, but these are the little things and moments in time that put a smile on my face.  Finding pleasure and awareness of the simple moments in time has been one of the most important revelations of my life.

The need to slow down mindset has also worked for me.  There are times when I try to do more projects than I can possibly do at one time.  I set myself up for failure!  Setting priorities is a much better way to handle those times.  I can be aware of those projects, but also know their priority in the scheme of everything else.  This mindset has also brought me to the point of reality . . . the result was to weed out those low priority things that wasted too much of my time.

Another mindset that changed my life a long time ago is simply embracing where I am in life.  What I mean by that is this . . . I don't care about what anyone else has that I don't have . . . I am happy with what I have been blessed with.  There is such a stigma in today's society to want what someone else has . . . the bigger house, the newer car, blah blah blah.  That mindset is such a waste of emotions!

In my life I have had times of depression, happiness, contentment, successful career, failures, near poverty and an abundance of money and stuff . . . so many life experiences.  All in all, my happiest times have been when I am content with who I am and what I have in life.  Ironically, they came during poor financial times.  

After spending way too much time chasing and achieving wealth and success, I realized those things are superficial and don't bring happiness.  I'd rather be poor with enough to contently survive and achieving happiness . . . with peace of mind and an awesome quality of life.

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Fantasy meets reality

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream

you were having asleep on your shoulder.

It is where fantasy meets reality.

The holidays were awesome, the new year has been blissful.  Seems like I've been walking around in a lazy haze since the holidays.  I'm genuinely happy for the first time in way too many years!

Long distance relationships can become reality :)

Love entered my life and it seems as if nothing else matters.  There is a line in Dido's song Thank You that reminds me of exactly how I feel . . .

"Even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue,
Because you're near me"

Isn't it awesome when
 fantasy turns into reality?

It can also be seen as answered prayer

on a grand scale!

Has there been a time in your life when one

of your fantasies came true?

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