Run Baby Run

This post is about a writing from the past.  I've been going through old posts from blogs no longer published and being nostalgic about where I've been as far as my emotions go.  This one is about running away . . . The Captain is trying to teach me not to do this anymore and I see my progress, yet recognize some old traits.

She's searching through the stations,

For an unfamiliar song,

And she pictures all the places,

She knows she still belongs,

And she smiles the secret smile,

Because she knows exactly how,

To carry on


lyrics from the song
Run Baby Run by
Sheryl Crow






ORIGINALLY POSTED OCTOBER 2007


There are three words I use all the time

that really do describe who I am best


♥♥♥ Peace, love & happiness ♥♥♥


That is my balance, my ying/yang thing . . .

when they are not in balance, I run to find it.



I'm lost without it

JR knew how to keep me there

and since he's been gone,

I've been lost.



I began finding it again through my keyboard

in the little box that sits on my desk

and in the words that come from my heart,

expressing myself, finding myself

I love to write about life.

"Past the arms of the familiar,

And their talk of better days,

To the comfort of the strangers"

I'm searching for that unfamiliar song, since I've said goodbye to the old familiar faces in my life, the backstabbers and the phony people who graced my life with smiles and beauty when they have to while they carry the knife behind their back.

I ran from my real life
and I'm still running

My life is not in balance, there is no peace, there is no happiness . . . love? Honestly I don't know. I always run before finding out. First I need to know who I am and that is what I'm trying to do here.

I don't like to get hurt . . . does anyone? My emotions are still raw and wounded from losing the most important person in my world.

He's gone and I'm still lost
still trying to figure out who I am

All that to explain I'm vulnerable and I sometimes let someone get close to me, not often. I write about my life very honestly and candidly, but few get inside my heart and soul. When I do, it is because I feel absolute trust in my heart . . . like a child instinctively trusts their mommy.

When that person uses something they know about me against me . . . it knocks the wind out of me. It momentarily destroys me, blinds me to the core of my being.

I know all those years as a professional in the corporate world should have made me hard and unfeeling, calloused to cruel people. I am to a certain point. All the classes, seminars and rah rah sessions I attended through the years to learn how to deal with people should be enough, huh? It was. I'm an awesome professional. My defense is that I don't let many past the personal walls I have built around my heart and soul. There are few that I allow close enough to hurt me.

I'm fiercely competitive and I hate it when someone takes me on. I'd rather run . . . I'm emotionally tired of fighting these type of people and they know it. It gives them power over me. I want happiness with peace and hopefully lots of love.

So I run and they win
Is anything worth a fight?
Not anymore
Honestly, I think I will be happier just writing and not involving myself with the social networking thing anymore. I've made lots of awesome friendships that I will maintain and forget about having the big page with the big social network of constantly meeting new people and the constant hope of meeting my Prince Charming. I'm over it. For now, I just want to write and be creative.
God will provide me with what I need

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Emotional Boundaries

"Creating emotional boundaries increases our sense of safety and allows us to interact with others from a place of inner strength and calm. Our defensiveness usually results from feelings of powerlessness, fear, or intense vulnerability. 

Rather than striking out at perceived threats in an effort to defend ourselves, we can understand that our sense of safety and protection comes from within. As we learn to build up our confidence and inner strength, we develop the ability to detach from negativity and we no longer feel so vulnerable. We then benefit from a sense of safety and inner balance and the ability to handle any situation with a cool, calm, and contained attitude. 

By setting strong emotional boundaries today, you are affirming your ability to take care of yourself in any situation."

Source:  Daily OM

This concept of emotional boundaries peaked my curiosity.

While the concept makes sense, where are the boundaries formed?  It doesn't mention a vacation to get away from it all, or take a day to just stay in bed and not think about anything distressful.

Where is that place of inner strength and calm when we need that emotional boundaries?  The two words denote anything other than strength and calm.  I know these times take me to feelings of powerlessness and fear and the threat of vulnerability surrounds me.  

To say that it resides in the mind is totally unrealistic to me, although I know we can do anything we choose to do.  However, in those emotional times we are referring to, strength is the last thing I can grasp.

I can say from personal experience that being alone in a comfort zone can provide that safe environment. My retreat can be the sanctity of my back yard, which was soothing and beautiful, filled with the sounds of nature.  The squirrels playfully running up and down the trees, the birds singing their beautiful songs, the winds in the trees creating nature's wind chimes to soothe the soul.  The beach can be the perfect comfort zone as long as you can be alone, as a fishing pier can be that perfect place for a man.

The comfort zone can eventually take my mind to that place of solace where the boundary can exist, but I can assure you that, at least for me, it can not just appear in my mind.  I'm not that strong in those times and I have a feeling it is the same for most of us.

The unhealthy thing is to depend on alcohol or a magic pill to create the boundary for us.  My pill doctors would for sure have quite the opposite answer.  But in order to develop the inner strength that is depicted in the post, it must come naturally from within.

I'm sure that it is safe for me to say that everyone has these times.  I don't believe that anyone is perfectly emotionally balanced.  We all have our ways of coping and I believe it is through these "time outs" in our comfort zones that helps us reach that place where the emotional boundary can exist.

What do you think?

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