Sunday, February 18, 2024
Solitude and Being A Hermit
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Support of your loved ones
For most of my young life, I tried so hard to meet his expectations that were never going to be met. The result? As a young adult, I spiralled out of control and was thrust out in a world that I was not ready for, however, deep down inside I knew that I was not that stupid little girl that I was made to believe I was all my life.
As time went on, I did prove to myself that I am a very intelligent person with compassion for others. The compassion came from understanding the emotional hardships we all go through and what they do to our mental health. However, self-esteem has always been a problem for me, no matter what I accomplish.
There have been people in my life who have recognized my problem with self-esteem and used it as a weapon against me. It personally stops me in my tracks when I recognize it is happening and makes me wonder why this person is still in my life and their trait of flawed compassion questions my capacity to make wise choices.
It doesn't have to be loved ones. The support of those we admire means so much . . . think about it. Compassion and support from others is a treasured gift that should be cherished when you find it.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Offering love and comfort
Sometimes it is difficult to see someone we love struggling, in pain, or hurting. When this happens, we might feel like we need to be proactive and do something to ease their troubles.
While others may want our help, it is important to keep in mind that we need to be sensitive to what they truly want in the moment, since it can be all too easy to get carried away and say or do more than is really needed. Allowing ourselves to let go and simply exist in the present with another person may actually provide a greater amount of comfort and support than we could ever imagine.
Perhaps we can think back to a time when we were upset and needed a kind word, hug, or listening ear from someone else. As we remember these times, we might think of the gestures of kindness that were the most healing. It may have been gentle words such as “I care about you,” or the soothing presence of someone holding us and not expecting anything that were the most consoling.
When we are able to go back to these times it becomes easier for us to keep in mind that giving advice or saying more than is really necessary is not always reassuring.
What is truly comforting for another is not having someone try to fix them or their problems, but to just be there for them.
Should we begin to feel the urge arise to offer advice or repair a situation, we can take a few deep breaths, let the impulse pass, and bring our attention back to the present. Even though we may want to do more, we do not have to do anything other than this to be a good friend.
The more we are attuned to what our loved ones are feeling, the more capable we are of truly giving what is best for them in their hour of need. Keeping things simple helps us give the part of ourselves that is capable of the greatest amount of compassion—open ears and an understanding heart.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Compassionate Conduct
You may be highly attentive to the needs of others today and thoughtful in your personal and professional relations. Strong feelings of compassion can lead you to be more considerate of the feelings of everyone you encounter. This empathetic awareness can manifest itself in your attitude and the tone of your voice, causing you to speak more gently and act more kindly. You may find that you have more patience than usual and are comfortable helping people who are in need in the various spheres of your life. As you make decisions pertaining to your future today, you will likely feel compelled to consider how your choices will affect your not only your family and friends but also your colleagues and the individuals you encounter on a day-to-day basis.
The compassion you feel can inspire you to become a kinder and more considerate individual. A harsh manner is often the result of simple thoughtlessness—we may carelessly pursue our own ends when we have not thought about those who will be affected by our decisions. When you are mindful of how the people in your life feel and conscious of how your actions contribute to their well-being, your demeanor will become more gentle. You’ll be more apt to express yourself calmly and considerately and to lend aid to all in need of your assistance. Your willingness to treat others’ concerns with the same seriousness you treat your own will demonstrate your thoughtfulness. When you allow your compassion free expression today, you will be mindful of how your words and deeds help or hinder others.
Source: The Daily OM
A smile could bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
'Cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost it's glory
Let's start a brand new story
Now my love right now there'll be
No other time and I can show you
How my love
Talk in everlasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I'm here if you should call to me
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Little Things
They are what makes life special.
The song took me back to my childhood and wonderful memories of one of the most important people in my life . . . my nana. It made me smile as I remembered some little things from my past that were so special.
Little things that you say make me glad that I feel this way
The way you smile, the way you hold my hand
And when I'm down you always understand
You know I love those
Little things in my ear that you say when there's no one near
Little things that you do let me know that your love is true
When we walk, you like to hold my hand
And when we talk you tell me I'm your man
You know I love those
Little things that I hear, the little things you whisper in my ear
I know there ain't nobody else like you
No one could do the little things you do-oo
Little things that you do make me glad I'm in love with you
Little things that you say make me glad that I feel this way
When we walk, you like to hold my hand
And when we talk you tell me I'm your man
You know I love those
Little things that I hear, the little things you whisper in my ear
I know there ain't nobody else like you
No one could do the little things you do-oo
Monday, April 25, 2011
Happiness Never Forgets You
A new blogging friend's post made me think about those times of grief, depression, anxiety and restlessness from way too many deaths of family and friends in a short period of time. They were awful times when happiness was a distant memory, but something that was craved and prayed for. Life happens . . . we will all have to deal with grief at times in our lives.
The focus of today's post is grief and the happiness and peace of mind it takes, sapping the energy out like the blood has been drained out of your body. We all deal with it differently, but it sure can knock the wind out of even the strongest person.
This year will mark the ninth year of suddenly becoming a widow and I can say that I have finally moved on with my life and have found the happiness I was searching for. I've learned how to be grateful for the beautiful life we shared, but it is not always easy. Even now, so many years later, I experience those sad days when I miss the awesome friendship we shared.
The usual trigger days are rough, like birthdays, anniversaries and holidays . . . the sadness of the loss creeps in, but as time goes on, happiness of my present life has shortened the sad time. However, time does not heal, it merely allows us to cope more effectively. At least that has been my experience.
The depression and anxiety that grief triggers is unlike anything else and so difficult to explain. Unless you have gone through it, there is no way to understand the hell that the survivor feels trapped in. Back in the day, I lost many friends who didn't care enough to understand what I was going through. It felt as though I was a echo in a canyon . . . absolutely lost, not knowing where to turn . . . with a handful of friends and family who really understood.
Depression itself holds a certain societal stigma, with outsiders thinking that the person going through it should "just get over it" . . . making the depressed person feel like even less of a person, like a freak of nature, not worthy of happiness and peace of mind. It is a vicious cycle. If you are one of those people . . . do the depressed person a favor . . . just don't say anything if you can't be a truly supportive, positive influence on them. My grandmother had a saying about these type of people . . . they will kick a dead dog when he's down.
Based on my experience, there are a few things I'd like to add . . . get professional help if you are willing to accept the help. It may sound crude, but rid yourself of those negative people who lack compassion for your situation in life . . . they will only make you feel like a freak . . . and you are not a freak, you are simply a human being going through a rough time in your life, having a difficult time coping.
Love yourself . . . is so important to know that you are worthy of happiness again . . . give yourself permission to understand what is going on deep inside and analyze how to get yourself out of it. Figure out what it is that will make you truly happy. Journaling and writing about it helped me tremendously . . . I learned the questions to ask myself from my therapist, who essentially saved my life.
Having gone through all the stages and phases of grief, depression, anxiety, restlessness, anger and a judgmental society, I can honestly say that you can get through it and find happiness again. It is attainable . . . really it is.
Happiness may elude you for a season of time . . . but never lose hope that it will never return, it does.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
How do you show you care?
the following post I wrote back in 2007.
teetering on the edge of life. Life is short. Sometimes shorter
than we expect it to be. We tend to think that we will be on
this earth forever. We aren't.
I catch myself worrying about this kind of stuff since
tragedy hit my life and it scares me to even think
about going through it again.
beautiful and precious love shared with another is
The most powerful force in our lives is our ability to love.
keen awareness of the other.
The whole purpose of life is to live by love.
He died suddenly on 10/8/02.
We had a great marriage, but the last year was awesome . . . the way it should be every day.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Free Hugs
Wikipedia defines a hug as a form of physical intimacy, not necessarily sexual, that usually involves closing or holding the arms around another person or group of persons. The hug is one of the most common human signs of love and affection.
When asked what they miss the most about having a partner, a single person will no doubt answer "hugs" were sorely missed. Hugs, not words, were the greatest comfort to me in my grief state when my husband passed away. I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry" . . . I just wanted a hug . . . comfort and support without words.
Hugs show many levels of affection, even in the animal kingdom!
What if you encountered a lonely stranger at an airport holding a sign reading "FREE HUGS" . . . would you give that person a hug? To be very honest with you, with as much compassion that I possess, I can honestly answer "NO" . . . I'm not a touchy feely person with strangers. In reality, I am a very private person when it comes to strangers.
Having said that . . . the Free Hugs Campaign has touched and impressed me on many levels.
There once was a lonely guy experiencing a bad phase in his life, a string of personal difficulties brought him to a crossroads in life that found him leaving London to venture back home to Sydney. Left with a world of trouble and a suitcase that held everything he owned, feeling, lonely and depressed as he watched other travelers at the airport terminal being welcomed with open arms with lots laughter, hugs and smiles. He felt a sinking feeling as there was no one to greet him at the airport and desperately needed a hug.
On that day in 2004, the Free Hugs Campaign was born . . . the hugs are meant to be random acts of kindness - selfless acts performed just to make others feel better.
The man who has become known as Juan Mann found some cardboard and a marker and made himself a sign that simply said 'FREE HUGS' . . . he found one of the busiest intersection in the city and held up his sign as people passed him by, just staring at him. I can imagine they probably thought he was a lunatic!
The first person to approach him was a little old lady whose dog had just passed away that morning on the anniversary of her only daughter's death . . . she told Juan that all she wanted at a time of feeling so alone in this world, was a hug. She was smiling when they parted . . .
Years later, the International Free Day of Hugs is celebrated the first Saturday in July, described as a social movement involving individuals who offer hugs to strangers in public places.
The movement has had its moments . . . the police banned the practice of Juan and his fellow huggers from offering the free hugs on the street. They were allowed to continue after filing petitions, jumping through bureaucratic hoops and red tape just to offer free hugs . . .
In this world of influence from the Internet, Juan Mann ended up on the Oprah Show, gave out his real address and offered an open invitation to anyone to come over and chat on-camera as part of his 'open-house project', ultimately hosting 80 guests over 36 days . . . and created problems with his landlord.
Juan has since "retired" . . .
Free Hugs Campaign Website enables those involved in the campaign to better organize themselves and coordinate their efforts. Check it out if you want more information on the movement . . .
Have you hugged someone today?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Nurturing love
When we reach out to nurture and care for others, we use the power of love to transform their lives. Most of us think of love as an emotion that we feel for another person. While this is true, love is also a powerful, transformational energy we can direct toward others. By expressing love to another person, either verbally or physically, we transmit a powerful healing energy that can transform them. If they are willing to accept this loving energy, it can help them to heal and become stronger. You can make a powerful difference in the lives of your loved ones today by generously sharing your loving, nurturing energy.
Source: Daily Om
There is nothing more fulfilling than feeling the satisfaction of helping someone in need . . . you made a difference in their life, no matter how big or small the difference is. Sometimes even a smile can go a long way . . . for another person possibly having a bad day, that moment can be the trigger of bringing on a better day for them.
My new job has brought out my compassionate side and I'm living that satisfaction daily. People in need, those less fortunate than I . . . for whatever reason . . . they touch my life as well, making me so grateful for everything wonderful I have been blessed with.
Keeping a positive attitude and existing in a pleasant mode is a form of love and caring for those who surround us . . . a good mood is contagious and spreading positive vibes can make a difference in our close relationships.
Making a difference in the lives of those we love . . . the beauty of co-existing in this world with someone we love deeply who returns that love . . . it is nurturing that can heal just about anything . . . at least that's my perspective on nurturing love.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Empty words
“Love is not in the word,
but in the proof of action.”
Author unknown
It amazes me that I forgot about one of the most absurd relationships I’ve ever had in my life . . . until I read this entry from back in 2007. The emotions of the situation and the way I handled it have come back to me like a comedy routine that really happened.
The actual facts were never disclosed and I will save the entire story for another time . . . I’m still not ready to tell the whole tale although it is very funny. The downside is that it cured me from wanting to date local guys or even look for someone new in my life.
It was around the time that I felt confident about diving into the dating scene again and posted a profile on some of the dating websites. This endeavor produced one promising candidate named Tommy.
Tommy and I embarked upon the journey of attempting to make a love connection and getting to know each other. We were both seriously ready to find “the one.” However, this is one of those life situations that sent me back to my hermit cave, never returning to the dating scene.
You could say this about anything in life . . . I’ve grown up with the saying “put your money where your mouth is” . . . meaning do what you say and say what you do . . .
Words are just words on a page, on a computer screen or spoken . . . those words don’t really take on meaning until action is taken to prove their validity. Otherwise you are just fooling yourself, someone else or both . . . empty words.
No one is immune to the phenomena of good intentions in the context of empty words. I’ve been guilty of that many times. How many times do I say that I want to do this or that, the serious intentions behind the statements are valid, but for one reason or another, I don’t put action behind my words. Good intentions . . . dreams . . . wishful thinking . . . procrastination.
However, as it relates to love, perhaps in the context of promises, proclamations of love . . . they honestly have no meaning within themselves. They are merely empty words until action is taken to prove those words. Empty words are used to deceive . . . for one reason or another.
A song that I wrote many years ago resides on a very old cassette and the lyrics written in a huge notebook with other song lyrics. “Empty Words” is the title of the song . . . I’d post the lyrics, but they are not copyrighted. Something happened yesterday that reminded me of that song and inspired this blog.
Since I was a young adult with aspirations of being the next rock star singer/songwriter my words have been empty. How many times did I take the stage when given the opportunity only to begin to walk out, see the audience and totally freak out, turn around and go back in retreat. All that talk of wanting to be a successful rock star . . . empty words with good intentions. Maybe one day I will at least publish my songs and be a successful songwriter . . . but it takes actions.
I recently spoke empty words with good intentions that disappointed someone new in my life, but at the same time showed me that this person lacks understanding and compassion for someone they supposedly care for and are much too rigid and uptight of a person to enjoy life and share happiness with someone if such a small, insignificant thing could turn into such a huge deal.
The subject of another blog . . . understanding and compassion . . . one of the most key elements to an awesome relationship. Another subject that goes along with it is harsh and hurtful words . . . another key element needed . . . kindness. Without these things you have nothing.
I’m glad I was able to see these characteristics in him before I could seriously get hurt by this guy and his raging temper that flared up in a restaurant resulting in my calmly getting up, walking out and leaving him stewing in his rage all alone. Funny how he got louder shouting, “where are you going?” as I just about ran out the door.
In retrospect, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see the look on his face as he stood there alone in the crowded restaurant, after figuratively “showing his ass” for all the world to see.
Never in my life would I even think of ending a seemingly perfect relationship because I ordered french fries with my dinner . . . but more bizarre things have happened in my life . . . although this one is up there!
All I can say is that God is always watching out for me and I am so grateful that I ordered those freakin’ french fries that sparked my initial decision to embrace my solitude after realizing that Dr. Jekyll can turn into Mr. Hyde.