It is important for me and necessary for my healing to write honestly about these past months without going into major details. I also hope it will help just one person out there going through something. That is what my blog is about.
My heart has been broken. I am grieving the loss of another husband and I've been judged by people who can neither understand nor validate my deepest thoughts, feelings, and concerns during one of the worse times of my life. My body and soul has been numb and lost.
Lacking compassion for my feelings, they could not be gentle enough when I finally developed trust and honestly open up about everything, breaking something in me over and over again.
My heart is tired and craves my alone time, the solitude that is my comfort zone from those who deem themselves "normal" and feel so compelled to judge me unfairly, not even trying to understand where I am in life and where I have come from emotionally, what I have been through. I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling of being accused of having a "victim mentality" when they have no idea of who I am.
All this has been life changing.
Yes, I now love my solitude and being a hermit. There are a few people I allow myself to be close with. These months have given me the time to contemplate what The Captain went through, where I have been and where I am going for the rest of my life. I'm slowly healing, I can talk about it now and am confronting everything head on, getting stronger every day. One day at a time, one second at a time.
Believe it or not, the solitude is beginning to make it possible to heal without the judging opinions of insensitive people. The toxicity is no longer a part of my life, they are not a part of my life, and that makes me happy.
It will affect the way I perceive those I think about letting into my life in the future. This is the world we live in. Insensitivity is no longer a rare thing.
