An analysis of "the little white lie"

There may be times when our interests conflict with the interests of the individuals in our environment.

We may not at first recognize these instances, but our tendency to give others due consideration will help us identify potentially hurtful choices. 

We need only give a moment's thought to the consequences of our chosen path before proceeding with our plans to know whether we are on the right track. 

Should we discover that the choices we are primed to make are likely to impact others badly, we can take our efforts in a less damaging direction. 

Your thoughtfulness will ensure you do not hurt the people around you today as you will negate conflict before it escalates.

Source: Daily OM

Where does intuition and history fall into the mix?

What if the fork in the road was the wrong one as of the result of a little white lie?

What if the facts in the matter are not what you believed them to be?

What if it was mystification to propagate beliefs that are not true, or not the whole truth as in half-truths or omission.  

Sometimes the "little white lies" are not intended to be deceitful or malicious and in fact, the intentions are actually the best of intentions.

A tiny "white lie" may not be of much significance to one person, while to the other person, it is everything.  It all depends on each of the individual's perspective.

Just some wandering thoughts of a pondering mind . . .

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The Bad Date . . . a nightmare from the past!

This was my first attempt at entering a writing contest back in September of 2007 . . . and it was voted first place . . . back in the days of Yahoo 360 blogs.  

It is unfortunately a true story . . . one of my first adventures with online dating after becoming a widow . . . I would say this story took place in 2005.

It was time to move on . . . after all, it had been over two years since my husband passed away. Since I was already online 24/7 as a full time eBay seller and a certifiable computer geek, my friends encouraged me to try computer dating.

Huh? How do you "date" on the computer? lol 
 Then the thought occurred to me that I make my living online, do my banking online, pay my bills online, order pizza for delivery online, learned out how to fix my toilet online . . . hmmmm why not make a love connection online? 
John and I made our connection through an "online dating service" and then corresponded through chat and phone. Since I'm so picky and don't want to waste my time on someone I know I would not like, I asked a lot of questions, wanted to see lots of photos and am very up front about what I am looking for. In turn, I do the same and accentuate my flaws as I don't want to disappoint anyone or waste their time either. 
After corresponding for roughly three months, we decided to meet . . . I know it was a long time, but I wanted to be sure and I was scared to death to jump into the dating scene. Keep in mind I was married 22 years and had not been on a "date" in a very very long time . . . thrown out in the jungle to fend for myself and find a new love to share my life with. 
John seemed to be everything I was looking for in a new love . . . he wasn't into playing games, was ready to settle down, no children, no nagging ex-wife, didn't hate women . . . NO BAGGAGE . . . from his photos, I was very attracted to him, he had an awesome personality that blended well with mine . . . we could talk for hours on the phone and time would just fly by, we liked doing the same things . . . . awwww seemed like a match made in heaven . . . 
The meeting place was a coffee shop at the mall. So far everything is cool and awesome, I was so anticipating meeting the man of my dreams . . . John seemed to fit all the criteria. As I walked into the coffee shop, I took a quick glance around and thought to myself that I must be early . . . no John . . . another thought, he changed his mind about me and I've been stood up. 
 I walk all around the place and as I was deciding where to sit and order a cup of coffee, I hear a familiar voice calling my name. When I turned around I could not believe my eyes. 
 This was not the man I had been corresponding with . . . well . . . it was, but he was using photos that were at least 20 years old. The beautiful hair was barely there and the sparkling blue eyes were lined with crows feet that were not apparent in the photos. 
 hmmmmm my italian blood started boiling immediately . . . I was deceived and all of a sudden I felt like the most stupid and gullible woman in the world. I wanted to run . . . very fast. 
He led me to his table and I ordered a cup of coffee, trying to be polite to this man that otherwise had become a friend, but definitely NOT a love connection . . . even if age was not a factor . . . HE LIED TO ME. 
 Yeah, he saw the disappointment on my face, I wear my emotions on my face, always have, even though I was trying to be polite and not hurt his feelings. But damn it . . . didn't he deserve for his feelings to be hurt? He wasted three months of my life, making me think he was someone he is not, deceiving me. 
 He finally asked me if I was disappointed . . . in my sarcastic witty way, I answered his question with questions, "Didn't you think I would be? Didn't you hear a word that I said about myself and what I expect out of a relationship? FIRST THING IS HONESTY . . ." 
When he said "I thought that if we spent enough time without you seeing me that you would fall in love with me, the person that I am before meeting me." hmmmmm it occurred to me that he was calling me a shallow person, but hey, I know what I want and I'm honest about it. Needless to say, with that statement, I had enough . . . the man was actually just as gorgeous as those photos, it was him, only 20 years older. 
 Maybe I would have given him a chance since we did hit it off, but the lie disappointed me so badly that I had a difficult time making eye contact with him and could not remain friends with him. 
Rule #1 . . . if you plan on meeting someone online, don't lie if you don't want to see the look of disappointment when you meet the person who is anticipating someone else entirely. 
Rule #2 . . . insist on seeing someone on webcam . . . at least that was one lesson learned . . . Three years later and more than a few disappointing experiences . . . I'm embracing my solitude . . . and enjoying it more every day.

Jumping back to present day . . . I have found that person I was searching for.  It took many years, but good things come to those who wait.  Not everyone you meet online is a bad person . . . I met the most wonderful person in the whole world on Twitter.  It is not all bad . . . you just have to be careful when dealing with people online.
This story is one of the many nightmares I experienced in those days following becoming a widow, but in the end, I am so grateful I never gave up on trust and faith.

EXCERPTS OF COMMENTS FROM THE ORIGINAL BLOG POST ON YAHOO 360

 

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Emotional distance

It doesn’t matter how far apart we are;
what matters is how close we stay

There is distance that is measured in miles,
then there is emotional distance

I’ve experienced closeness from across the world that was stronger than that which was in my face . . . I’ve also experienced the loss of that closeness that turns into emotional distance. With a long distance relationship, emotional distance is the one thing that will surely kill the romance . . . especially when it is unexplained, a mystery.

Through my blogs I have heard from many women who have enjoyed online long distance relationships . . . most read like horror stories, but on the other hand, I’ve heard beautiful love stores that remind me of my favorite romantic fairy tales.

Some would say that distrust and paranoid thinking creates the emotional distance some of us experience. However, isn’t it intuition that drives that same distrust and paranoia?

Although childhood experiences have often made me doubt my sense of intuition, surprisingly, my intuition is usually correct. Perhaps those experiences as a child gave me a greater sense of intuition that grew out of paranoia.

Distrust is a strong word, however, in an online long distance relationship isn’t it smart to be safe than sorry? Can you truly believe anyone you really don’t know and have never met?

In my experiences as a single woman, I’ve always had a certain level of “distrust” for anyone new that I meet. In this world of lies and deceit, it is a good practice to be conservatively skeptical until your intuition is reassured that all is on the level.

Even after your intuition is reassured, it takes two to make a relationship work, whether it is long distance or living together. Emotional distance is not measured by miles, but by nurturing those romantic feelings of closeness and mutual respect for each other.

How does your relationship measure up in emotional distance?

Can true love survive in a long distance relationship?

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