Attitude and adjustments

Attitude is a complex mental state.

Definitely an understatement!

It can be a mix of feelings, beliefs and values
. . . a combination of infinite variables.

Sometimes attitude is a result of a simple feeling.

Attitude can make the difference between
a positive or negative result.

Attitude builds perception in someone else's
mind whether it is true or false.

"You cannot control what happens to you,

but you can control your attitude toward

what happens to you, and in that, you will

be mastering change rather than allowing

it to master you."

(Brian Tracy)

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances,

but are unwilling to improve themselves; they

therefore remain bound."

(James Allen)

"When you can live with all your opposite qualities,

you will be living your total self."

(Deepak Chopra)

Attitude adjustments don't mean changing who you are . . .

it is changing how you choose to react to a situation.

Always be true to yourself!

read more

Little steps

Those who would climb to a lofty height

 must go by steps, not leaps.

St. Gregory the Great

from a letter to Augustine of Canterbury




Baby steps is what is needed when a change in life circumstances reverts back to what is considered "normal" . . . normal being the perception of what it should be by the person making the changes.

The date of the following post was in October of 2007 and I still don't consider my life as "normal" even though I have moved on and have remarried.  Having said that, many of my goals have been met and I have moved closer to what I have considered normal even though I'm not there yet.

It has taken little changes . . . I call them incremental changes.  Changes so small that you barely feel them happening.  Sometimes that is all we can handle.  As stated in the quote, change cannot happen with leaps.  Leaps lead to overwhelm, feeling like a failure and giving up.

As I look back to the time the post was written, so many changes have taken place, however, the changes were so little at a time that it almost seems impossible that so much progress has been made on my journey to a "normal" life.  

I did try doing the leaps, but they led to me falling down and failing, making the progress move a step backward.

To recap some changes . . . I'm no longer agoraphobic (not able to leave the house),  I'M NOT A HERMIT ANYMORE!, I can drive again, I entered the workplace, I trusted another person to love again . . . enough to marry him.  I can be in a vehicle again as a passenger and not have panic attacks as I did in the beginning, although I still have a problem with it (and still working on it).

This post originally published on 10-5-07

It is turning out to be one of those days that aren't quite so positive.  Memories of when my life was happy and I had someone to share happy times with are haunting me. Now I'm alone in miserable times. Sometimes I wonder why bad things happen to good people. I'm fighting a pity party this morning and I can't go there, so I thought I would write about how I'm feeling.

What is bothering me can't be fixed over night . . . I want what I had before. I miss my husband, I want my life as it was before he died. Why did he have to die? Having to deal with this was the last thing on my list of worries, which is always a very long list since I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and worry about everything.

It isn't the loneliness since I keep myself busy. It is being alone . . . this is the first time in my life that I am alone and I hate it with a passion. Sometimes like this morning, it just gets to me. My mom is on her way over and we are gonna go shopping to keep my mind occupied. It helps momentarily.

I'm not always positive about life, sometimes life just sucks, but I try to deal with it optimistically.

read more

Compassionate Conduct

You may be highly attentive to the needs of others today and thoughtful in your personal and professional relations. Strong feelings of compassion can lead you to be more considerate of the feelings of everyone you encounter. This empathetic awareness can manifest itself in your attitude and the tone of your voice, causing you to speak more gently and act more kindly. You may find that you have more patience than usual and are comfortable helping people who are in need in the various spheres of your life. As you make decisions pertaining to your future today, you will likely feel compelled to consider how your choices will affect your not only your family and friends but also your colleagues and the individuals you encounter on a day-to-day basis.

The compassion you feel can inspire you to become a kinder and more considerate individual. A harsh manner is often the result of simple thoughtlessness—we may carelessly pursue our own ends when we have not thought about those who will be affected by our decisions. When you are mindful of how the people in your life feel and conscious of how your actions contribute to their well-being, your demeanor will become more gentle. You’ll be more apt to express yourself calmly and considerately and to lend aid to all in need of your assistance. Your willingness to treat others’ concerns with the same seriousness you treat your own will demonstrate your thoughtfulness. When you allow your compassion free expression today, you will be mindful of how your words and deeds help or hinder others.

Source: The Daily OM

The above excerpt is an old horoscope

from Daily Om that can be for anyone

on any day.

Patience (or impatience) and compassion work hand in hand in the way we come across to someone else.  The choice of words used can either cut like a knife, especially if thrown around with harsh thoughtlessness or demonstrate loving concern if presented with compassion and patience.  Sometimes the same words used with a different tone or inflection make the difference between night and day as far as how we are perceived.

They are only words, as portrayed in the song, Words | The Bee Gees, but how we present them can bring everlasting smiles that will steal someone's heart or words you can't take back which leave an impression that makes another want to run away and never come back.

Love is caring about the feelings of the other person.

Choosing the behavior of compassionate

 conduct is always the best practice!

Lyrics

Words | The Bee Gees

Smile an everlasting smile
A smile could bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
'Cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost it's glory
Let's start a brand new story
Now my love right now there'll be
No other time and I can show you
How my love
Talk in everlasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I'm here if you should call to me
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away

read more

Thinking outside of the box

Thinking outside the box has become somewhat of a cliché, hasn’t it? I’ve heard it used often and have wondered where the term originated from and what the true meaning is. 

For as long as I remember, it has been a saying that I am rather fond of since I perceive myself as a creative thinker and can definitely relate to the saying. 

What does it mean?

It isn’t known who was actually the first person to use the term, but after some research, I’ve found an early example of the phrase:  Aviation Week & Space Technology, July 1975: "We must step back and see if the solutions to our problems lie outside the box."

According to Wikipedia, “The term is thought to derive from management consultants in the 1970's and 1980's challenging their clients to solve the "nine dots" puzzle, whose solution requires some lateral thinking.”

No wonder I think and analyze everything to death the way I do . . . I worked for a business management professor who was also a management consultant for over 20 years . . . and raised by a family who asked the question “what if” about everything.

It occurs to me that “the box” signifies traditional ways of thinking. However, like the term “normal” . . . who is the judge of what the definition is or how either is measured?

What is “outside of the box” for me, may be “normal” for another person . . . or the other way around. It all has to do with the perception of what conceptual constraints of creative thinking are . . . thinking “inside the box” and accepting the status quo.

To me, thinking outside the box is all about creative thinking and pondering a situation in a different way, like through a different set of eyes.  Since knowing The Captain, I realize he has influenced and is changing the way I think . . . the difference being positive vs. negative thinking whether it is creative thinking or not.  The major change being perception.

Seems to me that the way we think is a learned thing whether it is inside or outside of the box, which is why there are different perspectives for different people. Throwing emotions into the situation can make it a complicated mess!

read more

Is your glass half full or half empty?

There is something to be said about living a

 simple life based on the concept of gratefulness.

There is also something to be said about the perception of the glass being half full or half empty . . . the attitude associated with this perception of reality drives attitude.  

Doesn't it?  

When it comes down to it, this traditional philosophical saying divides the optimists from the pessimists, opportunity versus doom and gloom . . . and on and on and on . . .

The concept of simply being grateful that the glass exists and that there is something in it can be interpreted as neither positive or negative.  Simply being grateful can be seen as an alternate way of pondering the timeless question of the glass and life in general.

Here are some of those concepts for your consideration:

   The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by next morning. 

The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn't.  

Whether it is or not is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?

Some will see a dirty glass, dump out the water and put the dried glass away in the cupboard.

Others will see the glass going from full to empty depending on the circumstances, and reminds the drinker that he can always fill the glass when he wishes.

Or can he?

The auditor first checks whether the empty half is material and then designs the audit procedures to obtain sufficient evidence to conclude that the glass is indeed empty.

The physicist says that the glass is not empty at all - it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air ~ hence, fully filled on the whole!

The research scientist says that following initial observation and testing a working hypothesis for further research is: "The glass is both half full and half empty," and that these findings warrant further investigation with a more representative sample of glasses and contents, which may or may not be liquid.

The obsessive compulsive postpones the question until the level is checked, and checked again, and again, and again . . .

He also never comes to a conclusion!

The co-dependent hurries to fill your glass, but not so completely that you would spill it and upset you.

The politician says that under the last government the glass was half-empty, and becoming emptier, but thanks to his own party's new leadership, the glass is definitely now half-full, and becoming fuller; but if the other party were to return to power, the glass would once again undoubtedly empty rapidly.

HUH??? Typical politician!

The opportunist says, "Thanks, folks! While you were debating it, I drank it."

Doesn't this illustrate how different people see the same situation in different ways?

I think the opportunist had the best perception of the glass, although I prefer to be grateful I have the glass and there is something in it!

What do you think?

read more