Loss of a Pet

A house is certainly not a home without a dog.  I know this from a very painful experience.

After my sweet Betsy passed away, it took me years to adopt another dog.  It was the biggest mistake I ever made, but I only realized it when we adopted Kiki after the Captain and I got married.   

He recognized my love for dogs and convinced me to just visit the Humane Society in our area and at least get the feel for another dog.  It was love at first sight when I spotted Kiki in her cage being all sassy and spunky.  We adopted her immediately and it was one of the best things I have done for myself ever.

Although I will never forget my sweet Betsy and hold her in my heart forever, I feel so blessed to have found this sweet little bundle of joy I now have in my life.  Losing Betsy makes me cherish every minute I have with Kiki even more than I would have before.

I found this awesome poem and it brought on all these thoughts about losing a pet and it touched me so much.  Maybe it will be a comfort to anyone else who has lost a precious pet and feels that big hole in their heart.

Loss of a Pet

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd  not want me to suffer so,
The time has come - please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end,
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you did for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,
from pain and suffering I've been saved,
Please do not grieve - it must be you,
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

-- Anonymous--

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Pet Grief

When I lost my sweet Betsy, the grief was as overwhelming as losing a member of the family.  To make matters worse, it was during the Christmas season.

That was back in 1999, the end of a decade and the end of one of the most treasured relationships in my life. The loss of a pet can be devastating and most people don't understand the pain involved.  I still think of her often, especially when I look into the loving eyes of my sweet Kiki, whose little personality reminds me so much of Betsy.

Click here for an article about pet grief . . . hope it helps someone who is hurting about the loss of a beloved pet.

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Pets are so cool

Lately I've been thinking about how important having a pet is.  I recently wrote about the day that Buddy the dog ran away and how heartbroken I was on many levels.  The part that really made me sad was the resulting fear of dogs after he bit me.  

It wasn't until I read the following post from 2007 today that I realized how much loss and grief I had experienced since Betsy, my beloved baby girl beagle, died a year before JR died.  Buster the dog died a year or two before Betsy.  Both of them were a part of our family for well over 10 years.  Buddy appeared in our yard shortly after Buster died.  

Our cockatiel family, Petey Goober and Miss Loolie, started sometime in the early 90's.  My proudest endeavor was raising their baby bird, Miss Doobie, from the moment she kicked out of the egg . . . but that is another story.  

JR and I always had more than one pet and that so enriched our lives since we were both huge animal lovers.

Since The Captain and I adopted Mimi and Kiki last year, I realize how much more pleasant my life would have been if I would have immediately adopted another dog after Buddy ran away.  But I didn't . . . it took me four years.  Those four years were the first that I didn't have a pet in my life.  I was completely alone and so lonely until The Captain came into my life.

Although it has been over a year since we adopted Mimi and Kiki, they are still not "friends" . . . and my latest quest has been to find a way to make them love each other like all my other pets have in the past.  It is so much better than in the beginning when there was constant barking and hissing.  Such is life with a dog and a cat . . . a life that I have not experienced before now.   They finally tolerate each other and can be in the same room at the same time.

Those four years without a pet were the loneliest days of my life and I never want a time in my life where I don't have a pet again.



This entry was originally published on June 25, 2007

Buddy was talking to me today in that sweet little voice that dogs have that only their owners understand and recognize. Poor little guy is so bored . . . if I am bored with my life I can imagine how he feels and I believe pets pick up our vibes too. Anyway, I was hearing that bizarre little sound, so I went to his room and asked him what was the problem . . . LOL, I know . . . don't laugh, but he DOES answer . . . I may not not know his exact words, but I get the gist of what he is saying.

The understanding was . . . wait a minute and I'll show you . . . and ran back to his cage, meticulously went through his collection of toys and came back with his tennis ball, dropped it to the ground and looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes.

It almost made me want to cry! Although Petey, my bird who passed away last week, couldn't play ball with him, I believe they had some kind of communication thing. Petey was a talker and I could hear him sometimes and I would think . . . he's talking to Buddy.

Buddy is going through grief again. We have been through it together. First Miss Betsy, my beagle girl . . . JR, my husband who spoiled and loved Buddy so much, the mama and baby cockatiels who also talked to him, now Petey last week. All this loss, one per year . . . it takes its toll. And I wonder how much a dog remembers and for how long . . .

All I know is that he is having a rough time since Petey died and I've been hearing that little voice more and more every day. So I've made a point of spending more time with him . . . we have been having fun playing ball, pull the rope and that all stuff we do with our dogs to show them our love and affection. Poor little guy is hurting . . . and it breaks my heart . . . because our pets are so cool, they give us so much and ask so little in return.

Dogs have always enriched my life and given me so much joy and love . . . the following came through one of my groups and I thought I would share it today. It brought me up as I was feeling down . . . it is so cool how dogs can do that for me.


When I am Old . . .
I shall wear Turquoise and soft gray sweatshirts...
and a bandana over my silver hair...
and I shall spend my Social Security Checks
on Sweet Wine and My Dogs...
and sit in my house on my well-worn chair,
and listen to my dog's breathing.

I will sneak out in the middle of a warm Summer night
and take my dogs for a run, if my old bones will allow...
and when people come to call,
I will smile and nod as I show them my dogs...
and talk of them and about them...
The Ones so Beloved of the Past
and the Ones so Beloved of Today....

I still will work hard cleaning after them
and mopping and feeding them
and whispering their names in a soft, loving way.
I will wear their gleaming drool on my throat like a jewel,
and I will be an embarrassment to all, and my family...
who have not yet found the peace in being free
to have dogs as your Best Friends....

These friends who always wait,
at any hour, for your footfall...
and eagerly jump to their feet out of a sound sleep,
to greet you as if you are a God.
With warm eyes full of adoring love
and hope that you will stay and hug their big, strong necks...
and kiss their dear sweet heads...
and whisper to them of your love and the
beautiful pleasure of their very special company....

I look in the Mirror...
and see I am getting old....
this is the kind of woman I am...
and have always been.
Loving dogs is easy, they are part of me,
accept me for who I am,
My dogs appreciate my presence in their lives...
When I am old this will be important to me...
you will understand when you are old....
and if you have dogs to love too.

Author Unknown

Your dog is the one thing on earth
that loves you more than himself

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Howl at the moon!

There are lazy days like today, when I like to go back through my old blogs and journal entries to get a feel for a moment in time when life was not so great.  It makes me feel so grateful for the life changes I have made and so appreciative of my new little family.  

When I recollect a place in time, like the time in June of 2008 when Buddy the dog bit me and ran away, the darkness momentarily creeps up on me like a bad dream.  He was JR's beloved dog, who resented me no matter how much love I gave him.  It is like he blamed me for JR's death . . . even though I know that a dog does not have that capacity . . . or do they? 

As if she knew that darkness was creeping up on me, my sweet little furbaby Kiki came to where I am sitting at the computer and put her little paw on my arm, and I could feel her telling me "it is OK mommy, the nightmare is over" . . . animals know!  The love in those big brown eyes made me realize that I am so lucky that The Captain convinced me it was time to adopt our sweet furbabies last year.

I still have times of momentary darkness when it feels like full moon madness and wanting to howl at the moon as loudly as I can.  The sadness and grief of missing my "previous family" trips me up and takes me back.  On the other hand, I never want to forget them . . . they were a huge part of my life.  The difference is that I have my new family and the loneliness has disappeared.

Today I am so blessed that I found that man to love, be loved by and spend the rest of my life with and sweet Kiki and Mimi to share our lives with.  I thought of that this morning when we were all sitting on the bed, the fur babies wanting love and attention from us . . . we share so much love.

My love of dogs overshadowed the fear of my previous experience in June of 2008 that brought on a fear of dogs that I thought would never go away.  And The Captain introduced me to the world of cats that I had never explored before we adopted Mimi.

Time does heal . . .



This entry was originally published on June 8, 2008 Is there a full moon out? This week has been non-stop full moon madness . . . not just this week, it started around Mother's Day. Things felt better, I picked myself up and the past couple of days have knocked me down again big time . . . but no, I'm not defeated . . . this time I feel strong and determined to shed this phase of full moon madness.

Buddy is gone . . . he ran away after biting my foot . . . it took me at least an hour to stop the bleeding. Did I mention that it hurts like hell and I want to scream every time I put my weight on my foot?

My heart is broken . . . when I opened the door to put my foot under the outside hose so I would not get blood all over my floors, he ran out and would not come back during a fierce thunder and lightning storm.

Something bizarre has been going on with the little guy lately. Every time there was a storm, he would cry like a baby and want in the house. I kept him in my back room that was secured with a doggie gate . . . he wasn't allowed in the main part of the house since he is so destructive. He learned how to knock the gate down and pretty much broke the gate, making it easy for him to escape.

I thought he would be back by now . . . and really, I'm having mixed feelings. I love him, he has been my baby for something like 12 years. I've made jokes about him being Cujo, but he DID turn on me at a time of high anxiety without me putting a hand on him. I'm too scared of him, which is part of the problem, he is a spoiled dog who gets no discipline because I didn't want him to bite me.

Hopefully, he has already found another home where he doesn't feel such resentment towards his master. It just seems like since JR died, he was never the same . . . neither one of us has been . . .

This has broken my heart and now I'm so scared of dogs. Dogs have always been such a huge part of my life . . . but I was never so fiercely bitten before.

I've been thinking of what my life is gonna be like without my little Buddy.

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Blue sky day

Finally . . . a weather warm up in Central Florida.

If you read the last post, you will know that I am one happy person today . . . temps in the 70's by this afternoon!!  Now I can get to the mounds of laundry that has been haunting me this week.

It really feels like a blue sky day.  That saying originates from a soap I watched for many years . . . many of you probably still watch it . . . All My Children.  The character Ryan spoke of his now departed mom, who gave him his blue sky days in the midst of a horrific childhood.  He fondly recalled his happy days often on the soap and I never forgot it.  Happy days are like that . . . even if they are not memorable.

Today is my mom's birthday . . . also my cousin Vince's birthday and my friend Rhonda too.  It is also the day my sweet girl dog Betsy passed away 10 years ago.  The date is memorable and bittersweet at the same time.  Any day can be a blue sky day . . . it is what you make of it, despite the life circumstances that surround you.

Rather than think negatively about this day and the passing of the sweetest little baby I've ever encountered in my life . . . she WAS like a baby to me . . . I'm gonna have a blue sky day even though I still haven't gotten over her being gone.  She was my constant companion and gave me years of love and joy.

Betsy was the little girl I never had and I treated her that way . . . look at how I dressed her up . . . I would even paint her toenails.  And she loved it.  When I painted her nails, she would hold her little paw up for me.

She was my prissy girl!

My husband passed away two years after . . . while I was still grieving the loss of my little baby.  These days I celebrate having both in my life and experiencing innocent, unconditional love that I was blessed to feel.  

Thinking back, I realize why I had so many years of being lost and screwed up, wound up tight like a spring, ready to uncoil and crawl out of my skin at any minute.  They were my immediate family . . . here one day and gone the next.  It can be devastating . . . and it was for me.  But I've come back to life again.

In all the years she has been gone, I have not replaced her.  We had another dog, who was my husband's dog, but that little bugger totally hated me, especially after my husband died, but that's another post that I've already written that is buried somewhere in this blog.

My nickname for him was Cujo . . . not a cool dog.

The Captain informed me this weekend that it is time for us to get a dog.  I agree wholeheartedly!!  Now that I am not working away from home, I have all the time in the world to give another baby dog all my love.  So it was decided . . . we will be on a quest to find another baby girl for me to love after the holidays.  I can't wait!!

"Our perfect companions never
have fewer than four feet"

Colette

Animals can be living proof of a simple abundant source of love . . . 
we just have to let them into our lives and allow them
 to be our creature comfort.

Dogs are definitely my creature comfort!

Hope you all have a blue sky day :)

  

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