Howl at the moon!

There are lazy days like today, when I like to go back through my old blogs and journal entries to get a feel for a moment in time when life was not so great.  It makes me feel so grateful for the life changes I have made and so appreciative of my new little family.  

When I recollect a place in time, like the time in June of 2008 when Buddy the dog bit me and ran away, the darkness momentarily creeps up on me like a bad dream.  He was JR's beloved dog, who resented me no matter how much love I gave him.  It is like he blamed me for JR's death . . . even though I know that a dog does not have that capacity . . . or do they? 

As if she knew that darkness was creeping up on me, my sweet little furbaby Kiki came to where I am sitting at the computer and put her little paw on my arm, and I could feel her telling me "it is OK mommy, the nightmare is over" . . . animals know!  The love in those big brown eyes made me realize that I am so lucky that The Captain convinced me it was time to adopt our sweet furbabies last year.

I still have times of momentary darkness when it feels like full moon madness and wanting to howl at the moon as loudly as I can.  The sadness and grief of missing my "previous family" trips me up and takes me back.  On the other hand, I never want to forget them . . . they were a huge part of my life.  The difference is that I have my new family and the loneliness has disappeared.

Today I am so blessed that I found that man to love, be loved by and spend the rest of my life with and sweet Kiki and Mimi to share our lives with.  I thought of that this morning when we were all sitting on the bed, the fur babies wanting love and attention from us . . . we share so much love.

My love of dogs overshadowed the fear of my previous experience in June of 2008 that brought on a fear of dogs that I thought would never go away.  And The Captain introduced me to the world of cats that I had never explored before we adopted Mimi.

Time does heal . . .



This entry was originally published on June 8, 2008 Is there a full moon out? This week has been non-stop full moon madness . . . not just this week, it started around Mother's Day. Things felt better, I picked myself up and the past couple of days have knocked me down again big time . . . but no, I'm not defeated . . . this time I feel strong and determined to shed this phase of full moon madness.

Buddy is gone . . . he ran away after biting my foot . . . it took me at least an hour to stop the bleeding. Did I mention that it hurts like hell and I want to scream every time I put my weight on my foot?

My heart is broken . . . when I opened the door to put my foot under the outside hose so I would not get blood all over my floors, he ran out and would not come back during a fierce thunder and lightning storm.

Something bizarre has been going on with the little guy lately. Every time there was a storm, he would cry like a baby and want in the house. I kept him in my back room that was secured with a doggie gate . . . he wasn't allowed in the main part of the house since he is so destructive. He learned how to knock the gate down and pretty much broke the gate, making it easy for him to escape.

I thought he would be back by now . . . and really, I'm having mixed feelings. I love him, he has been my baby for something like 12 years. I've made jokes about him being Cujo, but he DID turn on me at a time of high anxiety without me putting a hand on him. I'm too scared of him, which is part of the problem, he is a spoiled dog who gets no discipline because I didn't want him to bite me.

Hopefully, he has already found another home where he doesn't feel such resentment towards his master. It just seems like since JR died, he was never the same . . . neither one of us has been . . .

This has broken my heart and now I'm so scared of dogs. Dogs have always been such a huge part of my life . . . but I was never so fiercely bitten before.

I've been thinking of what my life is gonna be like without my little Buddy.

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Peace, love, happiness . . . and success . . . some guidelines

One of my favorite bloggers, Marelisa, calls the following list "58 Habits That Will Help You Succeed." In my opinion, the outcome of putting these new habits into action is peace, love and happiness, along with the success.

In the years since suddenly becoming a widow, I have pondered quality of life in the short time we have on earth, what it means to me and what it takes to get there. I've adopted many of the "habits" that Marelisa suggests, along with being grateful for all the little things that bring me simple pleasures.

The theme of my blog is peace, love and happiness, which means so much to me. This weekend, death has crept into my life again . . . another beloved and cherished family member is gone. As my partner and I gathered with other family members this weekend, I was once again reminded of those things truly important in life. It had been years since seeing some of those family members that I love so much, but too busy with living life to take time out to spend time with them.

Quality of life is balancing all those things that mean the most to you . . . above all is loving and respecting those significant people in your life.

Thank you Marelisa for the awesome list and for the continued inspiration (the link to her fabulous blog is at the end of this post ) . . . I will be making the attempt to add some of these new habits to my life.

Hopefully there is something in the following list that will motivate you to make some changes in your life and make your quality of life the best that it can be.

1. Constantly ask yourself: “What do I want?”

2. Set goals.

3. Plan how you’re going to accomplish your goals.

4. Set clear deadlines for your goals.

5. Establish how you’re going to measure the progress you’re making toward achieving your goals.

6. Track the progress you’re making toward hitting your objectives.

7. Feed your mind with the thoughts, words, and images that are most consistent with who you want to be, what you want to have, and what you want to achieve.

8. Constantly ask yourself “how” you can achieve your goals.

9. Plan your day the night before.

10. Every morning as soon as you wake up, and every night before you go to sleep, look at your goals and visualize yourself achieving them.

11. Invest the first hour of every day on yourself.

12. Each day do the most important thing on your To-Do List first.

13. Do one thing at a time without distractions.

14. Each week review how the week went and what you accomplished.

15. Take the time to replenish your energy:  get enough sleep; take frequent, short breaks while you work; and keep a Secular Sabbath each week.

16. Take regular vacations.

17. Drink lots of water.

18. Eat three meals a day and have two healthy snacks each day.

19. Get at least twenty minutes of daily exercise.

20. Be a lifelong learner.

21. Seek to continually perfect your craft.

22. Constantly ask yourself:  “How can this be improved?” and “Is there a better way to do this?”

23. Organize your space in a way that makes sense to you; everything should have its place.

24. When you’re done using something, put it back where it belongs.

25. Schedule regular decluttering sessions.

26. Associate with people you admire, respect and want to be like.

27. Move quickly when you have an idea or notice an opportunity.

28. Think before you act; consider the consequences of several different courses of action prior to making a decision on what steps to take.

29. Be frugal.

30. Save at least 10% of your income, off the top, before any other expenditure.

31. Tithe 10% of your income.

32. Do your homework and think hard before making any decision on where to invest your money.

33. Don’t invest in anything that you don’t understand.

34. Think in terms of the satisfaction that you feel from saving, investing, and growing your money.

35. Insure properly against any risk that you can’t write a check to cover.

36. Protect your estate from unnecessary taxes and frivolous lawsuits.

37. Consider carefully before making any expenditure.

38. Focus on those activities which you most enjoy, are good at, and make a valuable contribution to others.

39. Always be on the look-out for new opportunities.

40. Dress like a person who’s going somewhere in life.

41. Look for ways to make others be more successful in fulfilling their responsibilities.

42. Be persistent; stick to a task until it’s completed.

43. Think flexibly: consider alternative points of view, use lateral thinking, and be willing to change your mind based on additional information or reasoning.

44. Look for ways to put in more than you get out; sow more than you reap.

45. Maintain a positive attitude.

46. Delegate tasks that you don’t enjoy and which are not core activities.

47. Practice prevention: take the car in for regular tune-ups; get regular physical and dental checkups; and so on.

48. Be punctual.

49. Question your assumptions on a regular basis.

50. Make others feel important.

51. Spend time with the most important people in your life every day.

52. Give praise and approval to those who deserve it.

53. Pay attention to people when they talk and be a good listener.

54. When it comes to your significant other, make trust and forgiveness your default mode.

55. Focus more on what your partner does right than on what he or she does wrong.

56. Hug your significant other as soon as you see each other after work.

57. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” to your significant other every morning.

58. Give thanks each day for everything you received.

Marelisa's blog

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Sign of the times

“Our lives improve only when we take chances . . .
and the first and most difficult risk we can take
is to be honest with ourselves.”

Walter Anderson

Seems like there is a trend in our society where difficult economic times are bringing friends and family together, helping each other out and binding us closer together.

Trying to decide how to cope and live without a steady stream of money from my eBay store and finally coming to terms with the fact that getting another job isn’t going to be as easy as it once was has been a harsh reality to face. The decision to move back in with mom is, in many ways, a step backward in the progress of moving on with my life as an independent individual . . . but it is called survival . . . and a sign of the time.

I’ve heard of many people making this type of change in their lifestyle and since making the decision to change mine, through endless hours, days and weeks of pondering my situation, I realized that our society could possibly be changing to one where we are moving closer to family and friends and slowing down to help one another.

Closer to becoming a less selfish society?

In this awful time of life circumstances so many of us find ourselves in, there is a silver lining and something positive to be gained from this “crisis” that has almost changed our world overnight.

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