Passionate and Intense Love

 

Have you ever felt an intense and passionate love for someone that seemed to be a gift from God?

There is nothing like it in the whole world.  Although it feels like a gift, the object of your desire may have no idea how you feel because it is nothing that someone can intentionally give you.  It is what it is and purely natural.  And the person feeling the "love" can't make themselves feel it . . . it just is.  

It may not be love at all, but this feeling for another person is more like magic.  This magic can actually make your heart skip a beat, feel like you are floating in the clouds and you truly believe you are in love.  You could possibly be falling in love and perhaps "the falling" is actually more magical than being in love itself.

All these thoughts came rushing to me as I thought of the first days of meeting The Captain online.  I was so taken by him with his charismatic and charming personality that I did not want to see a photo of him.  We spoke on the phone and his voice was music to my ears.  I felt so strange to feel so strongly about someone I had never seen or touched.  But my senses felt his magic.  

I prayed that this was not an ugly man that had captured my heart so intensely since my heart had previously been taken only by men I was strongly attracted to physically.  Shallow and too picky, I know.  But I was being taught a different way of falling in love and it was blind faith.

It was one of the best times of my life.

When you meet someone online, you really have no idea who they are or what they really look like.  If they have a photo, it could possibly not be the person you are interacting with, but someone else the person wants you to think they are.  

Unfortunately that deception happens often online.  The person resides in your computer or phone, an image in your mind that your heart interprets what it wants, but really is not real until you are eye to eye with the person.

In my case with The Captain, he made my heart skip a beat with his charming personality, but when I finally saw a photo of him and ultimately met him in person, my prayers had been answered and I had been falling in love with a man whose appearance I was strongly attracted to . . . to the point that I didn't know if I was coming or going.  What a feeling!

He gave me a gift I will never forget and he lives in my heart forever.  RIP captblackeagle, I will love you forever.  Miss you so much, my heart is still broken and always will be.

Love your loved ones like there is no tomorrow . . . there may not be.

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All Talk, No Action

Words carry a lot of weight, but it is actions that bring things into being.

The time comes when we must admit to ourselves that what we say and what we do are not in alignment.  Constantly sweeping it under the rug doesn't get it done.

Depression and anxiety seems to steal desire and ultimately destroys motivation.

Does self-sabotage take dreams and ambitions and turn our words of desire around in our head to the point of action paralysis?

It is a vicious cycle that is difficult to manage and turn around.

Perhaps we use our words of desire entirely wrong and end up overwhelming ourselves.  It could be that we should change our words to align with reality.

Is it better to lose motivation and just give up?  NO!

Look at the situation differently?  YES!

Face the truth about the dream.  Maybe it should be broken down in smaller bites that can be easily attained instead of looking at it as a whole and ultimately become closer to bringing those words into reality.

It is all a mind game!

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Head Over Heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

I never find out till I'm head over heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

Ah don't take my heart

Don't break my heart

Don't throw it away

lyrics from the song

Head Over Heels|Tears for Fears

As I was enjoying a relaxing morning sitting outdoors in what I consider to be perfect Florida weather, enjoying nature and feeling so thankful for everything I have been blessed with, thoughts of fairy tale love and fantasies came to my mind.  

The thoughts came out of nowhere!  Then this song started playing in my head and I remembered that I had written a blog post many years ago about the fairy tale love most women dream of.  So I decided to include this beautiful post about this aspect of love . . . fairy tales, fantasies and the dream of a future love yet to happen. 

Or maybe I'm just a romantic fool . . .

This post was originally published 

on November 1, 2007

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without.
If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with?
Fall head over heels.
I say find someone you can love like crazy and
who'll love you the same way back.
And how do you find him?
Forget your head and listen to your heart.
I'm not hearing any heart.
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back.
Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this.
To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -
well, you haven't lived a life at all.
You have to try.
Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived".

[William Parrish] from the movie,
Meet Joe Black (1998)



This kind of love is worth the risk of getting hurt. It is pure and innocent, something uncontrollable to even the most composed and sophisticated person. The way you deal with it may be different than another person, but one thing we have in common as humans is not being able to control love. You can't, no matter how much you try. It just is . . .

My faith in meeting someone online is still strong since I continue to find men who attract me . . . that doesn't happen often in real life. Maybe it is because the internet includes the whole world instead of just a city, no matter how large.  Another variable is the emphases on personality.  After all, it is our first encounter with someone online.   The written word expresses ourselves more than the spoken word since we usually have time to think about what we are saying. 
I can't say finding someone attractive online happens every day or very often . . . in three years I would narrow it down to a few men . . . not many when you consider that I have spent considerable time in chat rooms and must have run into thousands of men online. So I'm not as fickle as you are thinking.

Something that still amazes me is the phenomena of "butterflies in the stomach" . . . have you ever been in love that much? There have been times when I felt physically sick with love . . . can't eat, no appetite. Losing weight is a sign that I'm in love, because the butterflies in my stomach make food very unappealing.

Then there is the heart "skipping a beat" thing . . . it does for me. Does that always mean love? Not for me, I don't think . . . although one person in particular makes me feel like a school girl teenager again . . . when I see that he is online or read something he's written, my heart skips a beat. If he has left a comment on my page . . . at first glance my heart wildly skips a beat. What it means is that I really need to meet this guy because I have some special chemistry for him . . . big time. He so inspires my writing about love and romance . . . guess who my fantasy man looks like. It is he who makes my heart skip a beat. 
He is the sign that everything is going to be ok . . .  I can feel this way about someone again . . . I'm alive again.

This is the feeling that begins the type of love described in the quote.
The happily ever after fairy tale love . . . Prince Charming & the Princess.
It has gone on since I got my first invitation to be his friend a while back. I feel like God throws me these weird little happenings, like a pleasant little joy to get me through the day. Kinda like a chocolate indulgence that you enjoy for the moment. 
I can't say I "love" this guy . . . I don't know him and never will, he lives in another world far away . . . let's call it a strange fascination that has gone on for quite some time that I have tried to ignore and just walk away with a smile on my face. He scares me . . . it is that "strange magic" thing with him.

He could have been put in my path to make the rocky road easier to walk. How could a total stranger so turn my head, capture my thoughts and feed my fantasies?  Diversions . . . God's little treats when life is otherwise not going well and needs us to keep the spirit.

Head over heels in love is what I live for . . . a true romantic who is in love with love feels that way about a love so beautiful that it is uncontrollable, wild and wonderful . . . especially when the feeling is reciprocated for real . . . and living happily ever after.

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What's your weakness?

~ Addicted | Kelly Clarkson ~

Judging by the fact that the majority of the world is overweight, I’m in good company when I say that my number one weakness is good food and enjoying it con mucho gusto. It is more like a passion since it is closely tied in with another passion of mine, cooking. There is nothing I love more than to prepare for a huge party . . . guess I should have been a chef for a living.

Why is it that those things that are so good are bad? Like chocolate and Pepsi . . . I’m totally addicted to both and don’t deny myself of either, however, it is not an indulgence I enjoy often enough and make an attempt at doing it in moderation . . . otherwise the cravings would make me crazy.

As a ex-smoker, I will always be addicted . . . it is a fine line of love and hate with cigarettes. It took me countless times of making the attempt to quit before succeeding. Two years and a couple of months later, I still go out of my way to walk slowly through a smoking area so I can take in that awful smell that still smells good to me. It would be so easy to go back to that expensive and dangerously unhealthy addiction. I’m so grateful for the strength to continue being an ex-smoker.

Then there is the addiction that took over my life, one of the best gifts from my husband that was a Christmas/new millennium gift . . . I literally discovered the internet on New Years Day of the new millennium. 

 Since then, the invisible umbilical cord has been permanently attached to my computer. It opened up a whole new world to me and gave me a world of “friends without faces” that I am so grateful for. 

Although any compulsion is not good, this is one addiction that I will never give up . . . I’m a lifelong “internet junkie.” Fortunate for me, it has been a way for me to make money.

We all have our vices and the ones we gave up for one reason or another. 

 What’s your weakness?

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Love yourself first

My romantic experiences of the past couple of years have taught me the valuable lesson of loving yourself first.  Desire alone can make you crazy and a shell of a person.

Even in my wonderful married relationship . . . I was lost in my status as part of a couple, not an individual whose life was being enhanced by a wonderful partner. The result was devastation and the feeling of being lost and alone in a cold world when he died.

For the first time since JR died, I am feeling empowered and content being alone with no prospect of a future partner to share my life with. Finally, my future is not to be feared, rather eagerly anticipated . . . a new adventure.

All because I love myself now . . . I have accepted myself, even with my many flaws. It has taken me six years to get to this place in life. No longer do I beat myself up because I am alone and have not found the one God chose for me. (I still have my bad moments though.) The chosen one will accept me and love me as I am at any moment when the time is right . . . if there is another one chosen for me.

A loving relationship should not be an exhaustive effort to conform, rather it should be a breathless excitement that feels awesome from both sides just because you are both yourselves and the butterflies in your stomach are for that reason, not because of who either of you will be in the future. If you have to change to make the other person happy, you end up letting yourself down for allowing yourself to do so . . . even if you wanted to make those changes to begin with.

Do it for yourself . . . dump the ones who will never make you happy since you never know when that bar is gonna get raised again. A no-win romantic situation is not healthy. Love yourself enough to recognize the “right one”.

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