Nothing has been as it seems, or has it?
Some lines from a movie I recently saw really hit home with me and put the past year into a weird perspective.
"I was sleeping peacefully in the midst of a long darkness. It is good to sleep when you can't find the answers so I just slept for what seemed like months. Then I was pulled by a light, life was pulling me back."
It seems as though the roller coaster of grief has had me going back and forth as though I am having a bad dream, woken up to a momentary desire to get back to normal life, but swiftly pulled back out of the reality that is way too painful to deal with. Of course I deal with it, I have no choice, but the mind can play tricks on us in those painful dark moments of grief. I tend to want to just stay in bed and not face another day of the torment of a new reality.
I think to myself, "it can't be possible that my life has changed this drastically." But it has. Nothing makes sense and I feel lost without him.
I'm going though a crazy, difficult phase of grief where the long darkness makes me look at progress I've made skeptically. This too shall pass. I know because I have already been here 20 years ago when my first husband passed away, I just forgot how difficult it was.
