Those close to us mean well, but when depression hits, there are certain things not to say to a depressed person . . . it is not helpful!
I found an article on the subject of what not to say . . . click here for the entire article. The following quotation is an excerpt from the article on one of the most irritating things I don't want to hear when I'm really feeling down . . .
Number 3 on the list (and closely follows "just get over it") . . .
Leave Your House and You'll Feel Better
"Being depressed at home is bad. But being depressed in public is worse. It's like taking a job where you're supposed to know how to speak fluent Mandarin, and then starting that job even though you actually don't know a word. Sometimes it's better to let the sadness pass surrounded by the comforts of familiar surroundings."
Imagine the feeling of getting ready to jump off a plane without a parachute!
Apparently, some people (whom I am convinced are not going through depression and possibly never have) feel better when they escape the confines of their home and get out in the midst of other people. I think they just enjoy being "out" and become bored if they stay home for too long. I've heard it referred to as going "stir crazy," but they are NOT experiencing depression.
Bless their hearts, they are just trying to help and being around a loved one going through depression will leave one feeling helpless and hopeless. Instead of making the depressed person feel better, they end up becoming angry since the afflicted one won't comply with their wishes (especially the one about getting out) and end up leaving them feeling like a freak of nature.
It is a bad situation all the way around, the well meaning person ends up angry, helpless and hopeless . . . that is an important fact to remember when trying to "help."
In my case, it is not that I enjoy wallowing in self-pity . . . I don't like to inflict my bad feelings on other people. It makes me so uncomfortable to try to cover up the awful feelings and act normal. In the past, I have found when I do get out when severely depressed, those around me can't help but say one of the ten things not to say.
Most of all I don't want others observing me and judging what they are not fully understanding. All I want is to be left alone and not feel weird about how I'm feeling on top of what I'm already going through.
Especially around the holidays, when I have allowed others to talk me into going to a holiday function, I am beat up by repeatedly hearing "come on . . . tis the season to be jolly!!" And here we go . . . I'm criticized, put in the "depressed" box by others, feel like a freak of nature and further withdraw into the "get me the hell out of here mode". Just get over it . . . sure . . . I wish it was that easy to just wish it away! I want to retreat to the comfort of my home and never hear this stuff again in my life.
Just because the calendar has reached a certain point in time does not mean that I am going to not be depressed. In most cases, the holidays have triggered the depression for one reason or another. The world is filled with those people who have a rough time around the holidays and just need their solitude to deal with it.
Grief triggers the depression for me around the holidays. The holidays were once a time of great joy with friends and family who are now gone and missed when memories of Christmas past arise. I guess it is a natural thing that happens when we lose those we love and cherish. It is an empty feeling that may lessen, but never goes away. Trigger days are not fun!
Feeling more freakish on top of already feeling freaky is the last thing a depressed person needs, it will only compound bad feelings. If you have a loved one who experiences depression, please educate yourself about depression . . . AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT NOT TO SAY!
DON'T DO IT! You could be contributing to keeping them in that state of freakiness longer!
