Nasty habits and motivation

"Be miserable.

Or motivate yourself.

Whatever has to be done, 

it's always your choice."

Wayne Dyer

OK, fess up . . . I guess we all do it at times . . .

it is ok to want to feel miserable and throw a pity party.

I do it without realizing that I'm doing it.

It is all about changing your thinking and the way surrounding circumstances are perceived.  I'm learning that negative thinking isn't going to make my life much better or happier.  Quite the contrary.

One of my realizations is that negative thinking is a nasty habit.

Nasty habits are so hard for me to break, however, I believe that over time they can be defeated through awareness.

Choosing to motivate happiness should be the goal rather than expecting misery through negative thinking and dwelling on what is not right.  Circumstances are what they are and can't be changed . . . defeat the vicious cycle of negative thinking and make the best of the situation. 

You reap what you sow!

There was a time when I wrote notes to myself and placed them where I could see them in the midst of my daily routine on the refrigerator door, the bathroom mirror and/or my computer monitor . . . the little reminders heighten awareness to break those nasty little habits, leading thoughts in the right direction, whatever they are.

While it is healthy to look back on past experiences, it is not healthy to dwell on them or overthink them to the point of the downward spiral that can get out of control.  Thinking positively about the here and now and living for the moment is a much better practice . . . it is not living through rose-colored glasses . . . rather, it is expecting positive outcomes and breaking the vicious cycle of negative thinking while being realistic.

Peace, love and happiness . . . 

choose to be happy :) 

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The Journey Within

Soul is present behind every manifestation
 and every experience, awaiting our response.

Reflection

It is primarily through our resistances, difficulties, challenges, problems, illnesses, etc. that we eventually begin to discover what they are for and why they exist. 

Delving deeply enough into the energy behind them leads us to sufficiently overcome some ignorance, selfishness and inertia that we get glimpses of the beautiful soul energy causing them. 

Taking this journey to our essence and to our purpose eventually shifts our conscious identity to the soul that we are. 

Look behind the appearance of something in your life that you have not welcomed or understood and discover more deeply who you really are.

Source: The Soul Journey

Although the journey within is never over, I have reached that place in my life where the fork in the road took me on a new adventure when The Captain entered my life several years ago.  By all means, it has not been a smooth ride. Learning to share your life with another person all over again after being alone for so many years is not easy.

As The Captain and I approach the new journey into marriage, there have been many things going through my thoughts this past week.  Needless to say, I am most grateful for having this wonderful man in my life.

The most dominant thoughts have involved my journey since JR died . . . losing a spouse unexpectedly takes you through unknown territory that is mainly terrorizing.  I was forced to take that long and unhappy journey within whether I was ready to or not, but it was survival.  Are we ever ready for life's challenges and sorrows?

There were times I had to reach deep down inside to find a reason to live . . . my life as I knew it was gone and I was not happy about it . . . my life with JR was happy and content.  I was lost without him and had no direction.  

At times I went into severe panic attacks that would disable me mentally as well as physically.  Grief will do that too . . . but I had to worry about surviving alone while battling the severe depression that had taken a firm grip of me.

So began my journey within . . . it took me way too many years to get to know who I am and what I want from life.  The one thing that has effectively brought me through this journey is blogging and journal honestly about it.  It took one day at a time, sometimes moments at a time . . . asking myself a question at a time, just like a therapist would do.

There were times of pity parties and asking God "why me?" . . . but now I know why I needed that treacherous journey . . . it was necessary to find myself. Otherwise, I would have ended up taking bottles of pills to sleep forever and be done with what felt like a tortured life. Believe me, my thoughts of suicide took on a status of a beautiful fantasy . . . but I was strong enough to not do that to my mom. 

I could not find joy until I finally found myself.

The Captain entered my life at a time when I had already experienced picking myself up and doing what had to be done . . . actually starting to find joy in my life . . . only to fall down and start over again more times than I care to mention.  I was not worthy before that time.

Unless you have been through a treacherous journey, there is no way anyone can relate to the elation of seeing that light peaking through the end of the darkest tunnel you can imagine.  The one thing that kept me going is knowing that the light was there, somewhere, I just had to be patient to find it again.  I clung to my faith in God, often praying and begging to see that light again.  It was shown to me at the time I was ready to see it, not a minute before.  It is the way we learn our life lessons . . . the hard way.

Although I am not yet at my peak of strength, I know that I can get through just about anything.  What I found is a strength within me that for a while was hidden, but there throughout the journey.

One important thing that I learned is bad things happen which can lead to greater joy.  Many of the falls I took involved jobs that were not meant for me and ended up making me feel like a failure . . . even though it was not me who was the failure, but the system itself.  It was not meant to be, but I had to go there . . . it was a part of my journey.

One door closes, another opens . . . you just have to have the courage to walk through the open doors of the unknown.

Peace, love and much happiness to all . . .

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Indescribable joy and love

Joy is a return to the deep harmony of body, mind, and spirit that was yours at birth and that can be yours again. That openness to love, that capacity for wholeness with the world around you, is still within you. (Deepak Chopra)

The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. (Henry Miller)

Now that I'm feeling better and finally up and around again after being hit with that awful flu, I can really enjoy every moment of planning our wedding.

We already have the marriage license in our hands. It was at that courthouse moment that it all came rushing to me . . . the deep harmony of body, mind and spirit of becoming one with another person. I'm feeling the wholeness of life again and the emotions are almost indescribable for me to express.

Joy and love are an infectious combination. As my body started healing from the flu, that silly feeling took its place. The crazy little smile on my face and giggles for no reason tells the story.

It is ironic that I found the quote about paying close attention to anything, like a blade of grass . . . I've found that magnificence and mystery in my Captain's sparkly eyes.

How awesome is that?

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The proposal of marriage

“To love and be loved is to

 feel the sun from both sides.” 

~ David Viscott ~

The Captain made it official and asked me to marry him . . . and of course I said yes!

Wikipedia describes marriage as "a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship."  For me, it is a deeply spiritual commitment that binds two people in the most meaningful way with mutual respect and love for each other til death do you part.

Although I was previously married, it feels like the first time . . . needless to say, I'm deliriously happy to share my life with the most perfect person in this world for me who I am madly in love with . . . and he's my best friend.

I'm feeling the sun from both sides :)

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Happiness is . . .

"Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: "A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

What a beautiful quote!

Of course there are many other aspects to happiness, but I agree they are the most important . . . except I would change the ability to love others to the ability to love and be loved.  It is #1 for me.

My #2 . . . Honesty with myself and others . . . in my opinion equates to total freedom.  Not being honest with yourself is not being true to yourself.  The harmony of knowing what it takes to make you happy by being honest with yourself is so important.

As far as NOT being honest with others . . . that is straight up being a fake person trying to be someone they are not.  In my opinion, it is way too much trouble to keep up with untruths.  A lie is a lie . . . 

My #3 . . . do the best you can do in all your endeavors and you will feel awesome about yourself.  Your best should be enough for you and those you love.  

If your best is not good enough for yourself, you need to evaluate your reality perspective.  In the case of relationships . . . who made them judge and jury of your best as not good enough?  Don't allow someone else to rob your happiness with unrealistic expectations!

What are your most important

 requirements for happiness?

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Simple Contentment

Since taking my mental health days a week or so ago and making the decision to stop procrastinating and get those things done that need to be done, I've been making small changes that are starting to make a difference.

One of the things I've done really good with is doing small tasks at a time and then doing something that I really enjoy . . . constantly alternating.  The result is I'm getting things done and also taking it easy in small increments so I feel the same affects of mental health days in small doses.  It works for me . . . the secret is SMALL INCREMENTS . . . maybe 15 minutes at a time.  Next on the agenda is to buy a kitchen timer so I don't get carried away.

It is still difficult for me to see what I've accomplished versus what hasn't been done, but I am making a conscious effort.  The positive mindset is difficult for me in this area!

The mindset that has really worked for me is that of being grateful for simple things which has provided me with a very content life.  It has to do with finding simple joy in sitting outdoors listening to the wonderful sounds of nature and having Willie the Wonder Cat pass by, brushing against my leg as he goes by, wanting attention and love.  Nothing spectacular, I know, but these are the little things and moments in time that put a smile on my face.  Finding pleasure and awareness of the simple moments in time has been one of the most important revelations of my life.

The need to slow down mindset has also worked for me.  There are times when I try to do more projects than I can possibly do at one time.  I set myself up for failure!  Setting priorities is a much better way to handle those times.  I can be aware of those projects, but also know their priority in the scheme of everything else.  This mindset has also brought me to the point of reality . . . the result was to weed out those low priority things that wasted too much of my time.

Another mindset that changed my life a long time ago is simply embracing where I am in life.  What I mean by that is this . . . I don't care about what anyone else has that I don't have . . . I am happy with what I have been blessed with.  There is such a stigma in today's society to want what someone else has . . . the bigger house, the newer car, blah blah blah.  That mindset is such a waste of emotions!

In my life I have had times of depression, happiness, contentment, successful career, failures, near poverty and an abundance of money and stuff . . . so many life experiences.  All in all, my happiest times have been when I am content with who I am and what I have in life.  Ironically, they came during poor financial times.  

After spending way too much time chasing and achieving wealth and success, I realized those things are superficial and don't bring happiness.  I'd rather be poor with enough to contently survive and achieving happiness . . . with peace of mind and an awesome quality of life.

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Just wanna be happy

"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge My feet run out of ground I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound Don't care about all the pain in front of me Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah Just wanna be happy, yeah"
Lyrics from the song "Happy" by Leona Lewis

As I was writing a post on my music blog about the song "Happy" by Leona Lewis, the lyrics of the song inspired me to write this post.  
The song reminds me of the scary time in my life as I contemplated moving on with life and starting a meaningful relationship with the awesome guy I met online . . . The Captain.
In particular, the "what if" questions drove me crazy, especially what if he hurts me . . . what if it doesn't work out . . . blah blah blah . . .
The song makes an important point about taking chances in life . . . 

"I can't stand by the side And watch this life pass me by So unhappy But safe as could be"
Unhappy and safe . . . was that truly living life to the fullest?
It wasn't for me . . .
Long distance love worked for The Captain and I . . . it took a huge leap of faith and tons of patience for both of us.  In the posts of this blog, my life after the death of my husband depicts the raw emotions of life, the horrors of grief and the emptiness of a life without love.  I'm so happy and grateful I took a chance . . . it changed my life to all I ever wanted it to be . . . happy.
What if I had not taken the chance . . .

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Appreciation of the bumpy road

 Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. 

 (Groucho Marx)

Life is precious . . . it is short . . . 

every second counts and ticks down the ones that are left.  

When you realize how important every moment truly is, the quote from Groucho Marx makes so much sense.

Sometimes it takes a bumpy road to get to that place of understanding.  

I'm grateful for all the bumpy roads I have faced in my life, although many of those roads left me feeling scared like things would never be right in my life again.  But they were . . . it is what was meant to be.

Embrace the hardships of life, they can make us appreciate

everything good that follows.

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Who is in control?

"If you're always in a hurry, always trying to get ahead of the other guy, or someone else's performance is what motivates you, then that person is in control of you."

Wayne Dyer

Most of us have role models or those people we admire . . . some of us have even had the awesome experience of having a mentor.  However, there is a fine line between admiration and competition.

True happiness comes from being your authentic self . . . being true to yourself . . . just my opinion.  If you are too busy trying to achieve all that the guy next door has and you can't afford it or attain that level of success, you aren't truly living your life.  It is a set up for failure.  I'm not talking about just settling for whatever comes around . . . go after YOUR dreams, not someone else's dream or reality.

Why can't we just be happy with what we have been blessed with and do the best we can do . . . not worrying about what the other guy has or doesn't have?

Ambition for the right reasons keeps our true dreams and desires alive that will ultimately bring happiness resulting from achievement . . . however, misguided ambitions driven by mere competition can leave us feeling disappointed and empty if it is not a true desire.

One of life's lessons since becoming a widow that absolutely changed the philosophy of my life is to realize that what I do in my life should be done because it is a real desire of my heart, along with the opinion of other people not driving my decisions.  It is my life . . .

We will ultimately be judged by society and our peers no matter what we do . . . don't give them control over your heart's desires.

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Happiness Never Forgets You

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, 

never completely forget about it. 

Jacques Prévert 

A new blogging friend's post made me think about those times of grief, depression, anxiety and restlessness from way too many deaths of family and friends in a short period of time.  They were awful times when happiness was a distant memory, but something that was craved and prayed for. Life happens . . . we will all have to deal with grief at times in our lives. 

The focus of today's post is grief and the happiness and peace of mind it takes, sapping the energy out like the blood has been drained out of your body.  We all deal with it differently, but it sure can knock the wind out of even the strongest person.

This year will mark the ninth year of suddenly becoming a widow and I can say that I have finally moved on with my life and have found the happiness I was searching for.  I've learned how to be grateful for the beautiful life we shared, but it is not always easy.  Even now, so many years later, I experience those sad days when I miss the awesome friendship we shared.  

The usual trigger days are rough, like birthdays, anniversaries and holidays . . . the sadness of the loss creeps in, but as time goes on, happiness of my present life has shortened the sad time.  However, time does not heal, it merely allows us to cope more effectively.  At least that has been my experience.

The depression and anxiety that grief triggers is unlike anything else and so difficult to explain.  Unless you have gone through it, there is no way to understand the hell that the survivor feels trapped in.  Back in the day, I lost many friends who didn't care enough to understand what I was going through.  It felt as though I was a echo in a canyon . . . absolutely lost, not knowing where to turn . . . with a handful of friends and family who really understood.  

Depression itself holds a certain societal stigma, with outsiders thinking that the person going through it should "just get over it" . . . making the depressed person feel like even less of a person, like a freak of nature, not worthy of happiness and peace of mind.  It is a vicious cycle.  If you are one of those people . . . do the depressed person a favor . . . just don't say anything if you can't be a truly supportive, positive influence on them.  My grandmother had a saying about these type of people . . . they will kick a dead dog when he's down.

Based on my experience, there are a few things I'd like to add . . . get professional help if you are willing to accept the help.  It may sound crude, but rid yourself of those negative people who lack compassion for your situation in life . . . they will only make you feel like a freak . . . and you are not a freak, you are simply a human being going through a rough time in your life, having a difficult time coping.  

Love yourself . . . is so important to know that you are worthy of happiness again . . . give yourself permission to understand what is going on deep inside and analyze how to get yourself out of it.  Figure out what it is that will make you truly happy.  Journaling and writing about it helped me tremendously . . . I learned the questions to ask myself from my therapist, who essentially saved my life.

Having gone through all the stages and phases of grief, depression, anxiety, restlessness, anger and a judgmental society, I can honestly say that you can get through it and find happiness again.  It is attainable . . . really it is.  

Happiness may elude you for a season of time . . . but never lose hope that it will never return, it does.

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The Door to Satisfaction

"All the peace and happiness of the whole globe,

the peace and happiness of societies,

the peace and happiness of family,

the peace and happiness in the individual persons' life,

and the peace and happiness of even the animals and so forth,

all depends on having loving kindness toward each other.

When you cherish others, all your wishes are fulfilled

Living your life for others, cherishing them with loving kindness

and compassion is the door to happiness, the door to enlightenment."

~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche ~

The Door to Satisfaction

"The springs of life are all from within."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

One of the keys to happiness and peace is mutual respect. 

Everyone has their belief system which personally belongs to them, just as yours belongs to you.  Mutual respect commands compassion for others, their feelings and the understanding associated with tolerance of beliefs that are not our own.  The world is full of people with varying opinions whether it be religion, politics or how to deal with life in general.

The door to enlightenment leads to peace within through tolerance and understanding . . . along with the practice of mutual respect.

 Peace in the world is elusive as a butterfly . . . I doubt that I will see peace in the world in my lifetime and is beyond any one person's control.

Peace in your soul comes from within and in your power.

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Living in Florida

Living in Florida! 

We have had unusually cold weather for our area, however, it is nothing like the brutal cold and snow the rest of the country is experiencing.  It does not snow and usually doesn't freeze, so we enjoy the outdoor life all year long.  When I start to get cranky about it being too cold, I am trying to be grateful that it isn't snowing.

A cold front that will bring us seasonal temps of 60's during the day was ushered in by a pretty strong storm thunderstorm complete with some lightning last night.  There is nothing like sleeping with the windows open to feel the breeze and hear the awesome sound of rain hitting the window awnings.  Very hypnotic!  I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, it was so pleasant since it was still raining.

After experiencing lots of damage to our plants, I am so grateful that we will be getting things ready this weekend to start our seeds and cuttings for spring.  One of my favorite things is making an awesome pasta sauce that is made entirely from what we grow in our garden.

I'm grateful to be feeling peace, love and happiness today :)


Have a wonderful weekend!

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The Drama Queen Syndrome

Are you a drama queen?

Or perhaps a drama king?

Maybe I'm overgeneralizing . . . as a seasoned drama queen will do . . . but I firmly believe that women don't corner the market on this syndrome.  

Guys . . . you know it . . . you can be just as dramatic as the most seasoned drama queen.

Are you guilty of taking a negative event to the outrageous proportion of a pattern of defeat that you just know will never end?  

Are you convinced that going on and on about it makes it all better?

It reminds me of an old saying that I have heard most of my life . . .

"make a mountain out of a mole hill"

I must admit to the title of Drama Queen . . . and yes, I'm well seasoned!  What can I say?  It is in my genes and ethnicity . . . I'm an italian with a bit of cuban thrown in . . . I was born with it . . . complete with the waving hands!

(The Captain is convinced that I would be unable to talk if my hands were tied . . . sometimes I know he is tempted!  Speaking of him . . . yes, he is a Drama King!)

At times it can be amusing, even comical, but taking it too far releases way too much negativity.  Life is too short for that!  Irritations at life situations should be taken seriously, but we can also laugh at the absurdity of it all rather than sap our energy on negativity.

 Neither may or may not change anything, but can ultimately make the way we handle it more pleasant. The alternative is similar to an irritating pack of little yappy barking dogs.

In my quest to make incremental improvements in my life, I am making a conscious effort to recognize the drama queen traits when the syndrome starts to rear it's ugly head and try to nip it in the bud while in the amusing stage.  

To mask the beginnings of something ugly about to happen, I am learning how to turn it into a comedy routine, quickly getting over the silly thing I was starting to get dramatic about.  It takes making a conscious effort to recognize it starting to happen.

My journey to peace, love and happiness has made me keenly aware of the "Drama Queen Syndrome" dangers . . . and my new-found awareness has made some potentially explosive situations comical, leading to smiles instead of frowns.

I wonder if there will be an "I told you so" type of
statement in the conversation when he wakes up!

So . . . come on, admit it . . . are you a drama queen . . . or king?

Is your partner a drama queen or king?

Both of you?

How do you handle it?

Inquiring minds want to know!

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