Who sets the standards you live by?

“If I get to pick what I want to do, then it's play...

if someone else tells me that I have to do it, then it's work.”

-- Patricia Nourot

Are you continually struggling to accomplish what is expected of you?

If so, stop to think for a moment: who holds those expectations?

Perhaps you’re trying to meet the expectations of a parent or a teacher or other authority figures who may be long gone from your life. But many of us toil under the critical eyes of a vague ‘somebody’ who always judges that we’ve never done enough or done things well enough.

Who is this phantom judge?

And do we need to care about what they think any longer?

We find both our own power and happiness

when we begin to set our own standards around

what has heart and meaning for us.

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see.

Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere.

But if you listen to the sound of your own voice,

you can rise above doubt and judgment.

And you can see forever.”

-- Nancy Lopez

As a child, that judge was my dad who ruled with an iron fist . . . strict and emotionally abusive. He set all the standards which constantly changed, making it impossible to attain the "ideal standard" . . . after constantly feeling the failure of attempting to conform to those standards, I became resentful and increasingly rebellious as I approached the age of becoming a young adult.

In the workplace, I set the standards . . . and often exceeded those standards. I set standards that were high, yet attainable . . . of course I would raise the bar as goals were met, but at least I let myself reach those goals before expecting more from myself. My dad taught me that lesson without realizing it.

My rebellious, resentful nature bought me the ticket of freedom . . . my dad kicked me out . . . his standards were still not being met and I didn't care since I was meeting my personal goals and had become successful enough in the workplace to live on my own.
I've always tried to be true to myself since then . . . and set my own standards, whether they are right or wrong . . . they are my mistakes to make.

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Peace . . . and revenge

Wanting to seek revenge against somebody hurts us as our energy is lowered to a lower form with these thoughts.

There can be times when we get so angry with someone that we find ourselves imagining ways to seek revenge for the hurt they’ve caused us. Remember, however, that the thoughts you’ve just had are energetic creations. In order to keep yourself from having to take part in the rebalancing of energy, it is important to release the person and the thoughts into the care of the universe with forgiveness.

Before we allow ourselves to invest our energy into negative thought or action, we can remind ourselves that everything has a purpose. We can then consider that perhaps the actions of the other person or people may have had nothing to do with us. If we don’t take their actions personally, it may be easier to release them.

Remembering that every interaction is an opportunity to make a better choice, we can take a deep breath before responding, allowing us just enough time to connect to center and make the choice to respond from our higher self. We can never know all the circumstances that may have led anyone to do anything.

By not passing judgment on anyone, and instead sending hope for their healing, we may create something positive out of a difficult situation. We can then release it, since dwelling on it can cause an energetic drain in our system, causing us to really only hurt ourselves. When we can release our hold on negative events and interactions, we leave it in the hands of a wise universe to work out the best solution for all involved.

In every moment we have a chance to make a choice to bring light into the world. When we bless others with the gift of our positive energy, instead of letting circumstances affect us negatively, we bring a little peace to the world every day.

Source: Daily Om

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Irreplaceable hours

Often we allow ourselves to be upset by
small things we should despise and forget.

We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding
 over grievances that, in a year's time, will
be  forgotten by us and by everybody.

No, let us devote our life to worthwhile
 actions and feelings, to great thoughts,
 real affections and enduring undertakings.

(Andre Maurois)

Yes, I have racked up my share of irreplaceable hours worrying about stupid stuff that is completely out of my hands even though I often ask for God's assistance . . .

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr--

For those of us who are spiritual and believe in God . . .
shouldn't we trust God and put our worries and fears in his capable hands? Human nature takes us to that wasteland of unnecessary emotions that never produces positive results . . . at least that is the way it works for me.

Why should I really care about the lady at work who does not like me for whatever reason? Isn't it her problem, not mine? Of course it is her problem! When I stop worrying about why she doesn't like me and focus on being happy despite her nastiness, I end up having an awesome day at the office. At the same time, I pray to God to give this miserable woman peace in her soul.

One of my biggest pet peeves is careless drivers and the fear of traffic . . . way out of my hands . . . but almost torturous at times. I'm often asked why I don't trust God and just enjoy the ride. Little by little, one day at a time . . . the way I think about the experience is changing and becoming more of a pleasant experience rather than a necessary evil.

All those "little stupid things" . . . I could go on and on, but that just wastes irreplaceable time. Instead of dwelling on those things, I am striving to "devote my life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings."

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A time for every purpose

To everything there is a season,

a time for every purpose under the sun,

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to lose and a time to seek,

a time to rend and a time to sew,

a time to keep silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

(Author Unknown)

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Moving through Darkness

I'm living proof of
moving through darkness
described in this article!

Often it takes something major to wake us up,
to shake us loose from our ego’s grip as it
struggles to maintain an illusion of control.

In life, most of us want things to go to the places we have envisioned ourselves going. We have plans and visions, some of them divinely inspired, that we want to see through to completion. We want to be happy, successful, and healthy, all of which are perfectly natural and perfectly human. So when life takes us to places we didn’t consciously want to go, we often feel as if something has gone wrong, or we must have made a mistake somewhere along the line, or any number of other disheartening possibilities. This is just life’s way of taking us to a place we need to go for reasons that go deeper than our own ability to reason. These hard knocks and trials are designed to shed light on our unconscious workings and deepen our experience of reality.

Often it takes something major to wake us up, to shake us loose from our ego’s grip as it struggles to maintain an illusion of control. It is loss of control more than anything else that humbles us and enables us to see the big picture. It reminds us that the key to the universe lies in what we do not know, and what we do know is a small fraction of the great mystery in which we live. This awareness softens and lightens us, as we release our resistance to what is. Another gift gleaned from going to these seemingly undesirable places is that, in our response to difficulty, we can see all the patterns and unresolved emotional baggage that stand in the way of our unconditional joyfulness. Joy exists within us independently of whether things go our way or not. And when we don’t feel it, we can trust that we will find it if we are willing to surrender to the situation, moving through it as we move through our difficult feelings.

We can take our inspiration from any fairy tale that finds its central character lost in a dark wood, frightened and alone. We know that the journey through the wood provides its own kind of beauty and richness. On the other side, we will emerge transformed, lighter and brighter, braver and more confident for having moved through that darkness.

Source: Daily Om

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Choices

"Life is as we have it.
With will power, we can change its course.
Life is a series of choices.
The thoughts that we have any time are own choices.
No one can enter into our mind and
make us think in a particular way.
Similarly, our feelings are our own choice.
Whether a person is depressed or happy is his choice.
After all, life is nothing but our own
thoughts, feelings and actions."


Be true to yourself in your life choices!

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Relationship glue

Demonstrations of affection are the glue that keeps the bonds between individuals who care for one another strong. 

Many people feel uncomfortable giving voice to their feelings or engaging in displays of warmth because they are afraid to risk appearing vulnerable or silly. 

Yet when we aren’t forthright about expressing our emotions, the people we love most may not understand the depth of our adoration and thus distance themselves from us. 

Clearly articulating your feelings for others links you, heart-to-heart, in a very intimate way. You’ll naturally occupy a place in each others’ thoughts when apart and be drawn together when opportunities to meet present themselves. 

When you give your affection freely today, your relationships will flourish.

Source: The Daily Om

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