Love yourself first

My romantic experiences of the past couple of years have taught me the valuable lesson of loving yourself first.  Desire alone can make you crazy and a shell of a person.

Even in my wonderful married relationship . . . I was lost in my status as part of a couple, not an individual whose life was being enhanced by a wonderful partner. The result was devastation and the feeling of being lost and alone in a cold world when he died.

For the first time since JR died, I am feeling empowered and content being alone with no prospect of a future partner to share my life with. Finally, my future is not to be feared, rather eagerly anticipated . . . a new adventure.

All because I love myself now . . . I have accepted myself, even with my many flaws. It has taken me six years to get to this place in life. No longer do I beat myself up because I am alone and have not found the one God chose for me. (I still have my bad moments though.) The chosen one will accept me and love me as I am at any moment when the time is right . . . if there is another one chosen for me.

A loving relationship should not be an exhaustive effort to conform, rather it should be a breathless excitement that feels awesome from both sides just because you are both yourselves and the butterflies in your stomach are for that reason, not because of who either of you will be in the future. If you have to change to make the other person happy, you end up letting yourself down for allowing yourself to do so . . . even if you wanted to make those changes to begin with.

Do it for yourself . . . dump the ones who will never make you happy since you never know when that bar is gonna get raised again. A no-win romantic situation is not healthy. Love yourself enough to recognize the “right one”.

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Express love

When I finally found that man who loved me unconditionally and realized that we could share a lifetime together in peace, love and happiness, I had no problem telling him how much I loved him.

My heart had been broken waiting and waiting for the one who never came back from the military and I always blamed myself for having too much pride and not letting him know how I really felt about him . . . how madly in love I was. When I fell in love with my husband, I was not about to lose him for the lack of him knowing how I felt because of so many regrets I was feeling about the other guy.

There are differing degrees of love . . . and they are all important . . . all of them must be expressed often and appreciated for the jewels that they are. 

Love is the one thing the human spirit and money can’t control, but it can be nurtured for the beauty that it is.

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Keep love alive

Consider these words from the song “Love Alive” by Heart . . . “You need a whole lot more than money, You need more than to survive, You need to keep your love, Keep your love alive”.

I’m not talking about keeping tainted love alive . . . good riddance to a love that is not meant to be . . . that is sometimes what the word toxic is made of.

Real love . . . true love is what I am talking about. Even real love needs to be nourished and kept alive in order to thrive and ensure continued happiness. It works two ways . . . one partner giving 100% usually does not work.

Two simple words explain what is primarily necessary . . . mutual respect.

If you have true love, cherish it, nourish it, keep it alive . . . contrary to what the lyrics of the song says, you can survive without love, but surviving this life with love sure does enhance the quality of life. Doesn’t it?

Sometimes you don’t realize it until you don’t have it . . .

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What is love?

Love is patient, Love is kind,

It does not envy, it does not boast,

It is not proud, It is not rude,

It is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,

but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

L o v e N e v e r E n d s

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s

Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

It is my favorite interpretation of perfect love and my favorite passage from the Bible . . . in my opinion, the most beautiful words ever written.

Love is a many splendored thing with a range of meanings as deep as the ocean . . . all beautiful since love is the most important emotion there is.

There is romantic love which transforms an otherwise normal woman into feeling like the queen of the world. Romantic love manifests itself into passionate ”forever love” . . . being a part of another person, facing life together as partners, experiencing good times and bad supporting each other . . . the end of loneliness, the end of fear of being alone, security, the sense of belonging and the awesome feeling of the caring and nurturing of another person. Finding true, forever love with another human being is the most beautiful thing that can happen in anyone’s life. That just touches on the romantic side of love.

Then there is the nurturing part of love as in the love of a child or the love . . . the love of a favorite thing, as in the love of music.

All types of love change with intensity and the passing of time takes love through differing stages. The exploration of love is my favorite journey through peace, love and happiness . . . to be continued.

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The gift of today

There is a saying I’ve heard that yesterday is in the past, tomorrow is the future, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.

Having to deal with the sudden death of my spouse has resulted in my belief that although we must be responsible in this life, we also must live for the moment. It isn’t the quantity of years that we live, but the quality of those years we live that truly matter.

Quality of life issues became so important to me when I left the corporate world. When I experienced the difference, all of a sudden money did not matter. What mattered was the joy that freedom brought me. I didn’t realize how crazy chasing more money was making me.

The peace of simple abundance is what mattered, raising the quality of our lives. It was one of the first things that I thought of when JR died, how much it made him happy to have me be a housewife and spoil him. I would never trade those years for all the money in the world . . . those last years of his life were truly quality years for both of us.

Celebrate the gift of today and live for the moment.

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The road to happiness

Happiness is a state of mind. When I wake up every morning I have a choice to either think positively or negatively. Life circumstances don’t matter if I have decided to think positively about my situation.

Long ago I realized that we are very spoiled as a society. I was tired of wanting more and more like a bottomless pit when my life philosophy started to change. It has been my experience that when you live simply, give more and expect less, the result is a happier and more fulfilling life.

When you free your mind, heart and soul from worry and hatred, there is more room for happiness and love. It isn’t easy, it is something to be aware of and figure out how to change the behaviors. 

Ultimately, we are the ones in control of the way we think and feel about anything and everything that affects our life.

The lyrics of the featured song, Simple Things by Amy Grant reflects my road to happiness . . . the lyrics follow . . . it is the simple things in life that matter.

Lyrics

Simple Things | Amy Grant

Wake up baby look around 

Birds sing, ooooh that sound 

Reminds me of a line 

From Unchained Melody 

Feel like I'm a little girl 

Best thing in the whole wide world 

Is I can see the makings of a memory 

I remember how it used to be 

Well I'm still dreaming...

Cuz I dream of simple things 

I can believe in 

Like the feeling this day brings 

True love and the miracle of forgiving 

I believe in simple things 

Ain't nothing like a sunny day 

Chit-chat at a street cafe 

Just paint the picture, baby 

Where you wanna be

Take a walk, take a ride 

So far, you and I 

Don't need a plan 

But we can share 

This revelry 

I remember how I used to want it all 

Funny now the big things seem so small 

I dream of simple things 

I can believe in 

Like the feeling this day brings 

True love and the miracle of forgiving 

I believe in simple things 

Through all the days 

The blues, the greys 

A ray of light keeps shining...

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No regrets

Regrets should not be present in our lives if we have paid close attention to our wants and needs and have been true to ourselves. One of the most freeing experiences in life is to not have regrets, even if we didn’t experience the desired outcome.

Realizing that everything in life happens for a reason has helped me trust my intuition which guides my path.

Life experience has also taught me that the little voice in my head somehow “knows” and as time goes on, I find myself instinctively letting it take over. Having said that, there are times where a fine line exists between my intuition and what my heart desires, in which case I usually follow my heart with great caution, ready to quickly switch gears.

My life philosophy of finding true peace within my soul means having no regrets.

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