Sunday, January 31, 2010

Fear of moving on

Either you decide to stay in the shallow end
of the pool or you go out in the ocean.
Christopher Reeve

~ Afraid | Nelly Furtado ~

If you listen to your fears, you will die
never knowing what a great person
you might have been
Robert H. Schuller

It is close to a year since I originally wrote this post,
although it seems like a lifetime ago.

My life has come full circle and I am finally where I truly want to be.

The moral of my life experience is to NEVER give up on your dreams, aspirations and desires . . . when you least expect it, destiny will call you and everything that was foggy will be as clear as a bright sunny day.


What would you do if you weren't at all afraid?

For someone who has way too many fears, I often ask myself that question. Most of my life I've been fearless in pursuit of what strikes my fancy, however, in past years my fearless nature has been tamed to the extreme.

There seems to be an inordinate need to be "safe" . . . staying in my comfort zone prevents me from living a truly satisfying life as I once experienced with such a zest for life.

Perhaps this is all a result of the grief process . . . the extreme life changes . . . and hopefully my "normal" zest for life will return. Fear of failure has gripped my heart and soul where I once followed every dream after making the plan, I now analyze everything to death before making any significant move . . . fearful of the outcome rather than approaching the situation in my usual carefree but cautious manner.

Moments of attaining my ying/yang life balance are coming back with regularity, but leave me with that "fear of failing mentality" with as much regularity. Time heals all wounds and I see this as one of the most important areas of my life to gain control over.

The fear is like a security blanket that I have found difficult to let go of . . . why? It doesn't really keep me safe and keeps me from moving on with my life. Did I just hit on the answer? Is it a fear of moving on and letting go of life as it was? Still feeling the guilt of moving on?

Fate and destiny brings people into our lives at different times for various reasons. Someone from my past has come back into my life who I have always loved, respected, have an extreme comfort with, passion for and would trust with my life. TRUST AND LOVE . . . isn't that what my major relationship problems have been in recent past?

Why am I still not ready?

My thoughts of moving on are becoming more realistic. There is no doubt in my mind why he is back in my life . . . to cross that huge bridge in my path with me . . . it scares me.

There are times when people drift out of my life and at the time I wonder why, yet always find the answer with the passage of time. The reasons are always for my benefit whether I consciously agree or not. One door closes and another opens . . . the biggest obstacle is walking through that door. Perhaps there is a reason why . . .

Is there anything you would change about your life?

Has fear kept you from doing something you want to do?

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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Relationships and being a "complete person"

Everything you need you already have.
You are complete right now,
you are a whole,
total person,
not an apprentice person

on the way to someplace else.

Wayne Dyer

Complicated Girl ~ The Bangles

Close your eyes and imagine that everything you have and everything you are is enough. You don’t need to be better or different -- you’re great just as you are. Can you experience the peace and contentment that owning that perspective brings?

Moving into such total acceptance does not mean that we stop growing. When we can accept who we are now, we open the doors to our own inspiration to do and be even more!

Source: Higher Awareness

We all have difference perceptions of being a complete person. For some, it is achieving the independence of being self-sufficient, while others do not feel "complete" without a life partner.

In my opinion, self-acceptance (what I call being "true to yourself") is the only path to achieving true contentment. Relying on another person for that contentment with yourself defeats the purpose. How can you be truly happy and content with that special person in your life without being happy with yourself first?

My journey toward finding my life partner has taken me down the rocky road where demands for changing who I am as a person became totally unacceptable, making me more determined to be who I am. Just like relying on another person to achieving "completeness" is going down the wrong path, so I changing your "authentic" self.

My philosophy has become "my authentic self will make the right person crazy good" . . . it just takes time to find the right person with the right chemistry and what was meant to be.

Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole never works . . .
making the futile attempt just ends in constant frustration for everyone involved.

Life should be about peace, love and happiness!

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Monday, January 18, 2010

Tu Amor

Mi amor I’m not sure of the right words to say
Maybe these simple words will do best to explain
What I feel in my heart
What I feel more each day
How to make you see
How to let you know
How to say how to say how I love you so
With words you understand
Words that get right through to your heart
Here’s the place to start

Tu Amor, I will always be
Tu Amor, means the world to me
Estaras siempre en mi corazon
You’re the one in my soul
And I live for tu amor, tu amor

Mi amor love you more with each look in your eyes
Maybe these simple words will do best to best describe
What I feel in my heart
What I’ll feel for all time
How to make you see
How to let you know
How to say how to say how
I need you

With words you understand
Words that get through to your soul
Words that will let you know

Tu Amor, I will always be
Tu Amor, means the world to me
Estaras siempre en mi corazon
You’re the one in my soul
And I live for tu amor, tu amor

You’re the one that
I need in my arms
Believe me these words
I say are words that come straight from my heart
How do I make you believe
Nothing else means as much as what you mean to me

Tu eres el unico en mi alma,
Yo te quiero, te adoro,
Tus labios, tus ojos
Mi Amor!!

Tu Amor, I will always be
Tu Amor, means the world to me
Estaras siempre en mi corazon
You’re the one in my soul
And I live for tu amor, tu amor

What beautiful words for a beautiful feeling of pure and innocent love, one that captures you and takes you over from your heart and soul. The way your heart skips a beat when you look deep into the eyes of your lover and your heart and soul is reflected back at you.

One view of love
from a hopeless romantic
in love with love.

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Sunday, January 17, 2010

Emotional affairs

~ Stairway To Heaven | Ann Wilson ~

This post was originally written
October 3, 2007

Once upon a time, affairs involved physical intimacy . . . but in a world of 24/7 access to the internet comes the emotional affair . . . an affair that is strictly emotional, an innocent escape and doesn't hurt anyone. Or does it?

I can relate to how it hurts the single woman since I've been there . . . the emotional affair, the long distance relationship . . . whatever you want to call the romantic entanglements I have found myself in online . . . most don't have the opportunity to "go anywhere". The emotional affair/relationship that is strictly an escape . . . if you can perceive it as "an escape."

In my case of finding love online with someone on the other side of midnight was very painful, just like an offline relationship you have in real life, maybe even more painful since I was in a self-imposed prison. They were emotional affairs that prevented me from pursuing other interests as I made myself believe that it could work out and we had a real chance at a future together. Many couples do make long distance relationships work . . . but you have to be realistic. Those relationships should have been treated strictly as escapes and that is it.

In the early days of my exploring the outside world through cyberspace, I would keep my profile "on", making it possible for anyone to do a search and find that I was available to chat online. That was a practice that didn't last long. Most of the knocks on the door were from local married men, bored at work, wanting to find a local woman to chat with and ultimately have a "real" affair with. And the most bizarre were the couples seeking a third party since they were probably sexually bored. I live in Florida . . . you would not believe the number of couples who were lining up a "girl toy" for their Florida vacation. No. thank you . . . .

Back to the single person having an emotional affair . . . a person who is already in a romantic relationship having an emotional affair enjoys the best of both worlds . . . the "single" person gets cheated. Why? They are probably emotionally invested in the relationship and probably don't have the time, energy or interest in seeking out a healthy and whole relationship of their own.

While the comfort and amazing feelings of genuine love from an emotional affair may last for years, that emotional connection will probably lead to the lack of real and lasting love resulting in unhappiness and wasted time.

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Eternal Flame

Eternal Flame ~ The Bangles

Love is like an eternal flame,

Once it is lit,
it will continue to burn for all time.

Love isn't blind,
it just sees what matters.

The Bangles|Eternal Flame 


Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?
I believe it’s meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?
Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don’t want to lose this feeling
Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don’t want to lose this feeling
Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?
Is this burning an eternal flame?
An eternal flame?
(Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?)

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Saturday, January 16, 2010

Intimate attractions and the love vibe

~ You're My Desire | Sarah Connor ~

You know the feeling -- sometimes eyes meet from across a room and you feel that shiver up your spine, those tingling butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

Those intimate attractions can be attributed to something called a love vibe -- distinctive energies that collide, making romantic chemistry. I've felt it, lived it . . . much more than just having a soul mate, it is the most complete feeling ever. 

There is nothing like the "love vibe" . . . romantic chemistry that takes over like a wildfire. Sometimes the unspoken love vibe takes over . . . a communication like a silent embracing of the souls . . . so strong and beautiful . . . in that moment, complete peace takes over and an inner joy consumes me, momentarily taking my breath away. 

Love is worth taking risks. In this life that can be so sad and hateful, love is the only thing worth anything. It is what is pure and innocent, out of control, never to be controlled except from the heart and soul, driven by fate and destiny. Love with no expectations . . . the open hand for the bird to fly away and come back willingly . . . learning to live for the moment and not worry about what the future holds. 

The future has been written anyway . . . no one has anything to say about it . . . it just happens!

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Frequency of abundance

When one feels love and trust that surrounds them one moves
into a frequency of abundance where the knowing that all
their basic needs and more are met. One knows they shall have
whatever they wish for in this life and one truly creates that.

~He's UnBelievable (Radio Version) - Sarah Connor~

Few things in life are perfect . . . and neither are romantic relationships. But even in turbulent times, love enriches my life in so many other ways than not. It is that abundance that really matters . . . it drives me to many positive places.

There is a trust that envelops me when the presence of love is felt . . . a very powerful, all consuming presence that is dynamic and arrogant which sometimes relinquishes my control and wants to take me over . . . "it" surrounds me, leaving me with a peaceful, safe aura where nothing can hurt me.

His voice has the most dynamic rhythmic force I've ever heard . . . like a beautiful song that I want to hear over and over again. The voice that can calm a violent storm or add fuel to a raging fire . . . a contradiction of everything good and evil.

He is the lover I have waited for all these years, the one who has always been there in spirit all this time and will be the lover who consumes my body, soul and spirit . . . a mirror I can look into and see myself . . . never to leave again . . . with a frequency of abundance.

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Friday, January 15, 2010

Hello mirror . . . I love you

~ Why Should I Care | Toni Braxton ~

Do you want to meet the love of your life?
Look in the mirror!

(Byron Katie)

Originally written September 21, 2008

I may sometimes let myself down, but I have control over it. Me, myself and I  will always be here, it is the most important relationship I can have and nurture. Embracing your solitude to the next level . . . truly being happy alone and loving yourself.

If there is one thing I have learned in life, you really can't depend on another person to fulfill you and one should never let it happen. You set yourself up for disappointment every time if you allow that other person to be anything more than an enhancement in your life. No one can be your "everything" . . . that is the role of an individual. We all need to embrace our solitude even if we have someone to share life with.

Even if you have that person to share your life with that loves you more than life, like JR loved me . . . he never would have left me, he made me feel secure in his love . . . God had other plans and took him and his life from me. Heaven needed another angel, so even though JR didn't disappoint me or let me down, the outcome is the same . . . I am alone and disappointed with my life as it is. Still, after six years of becoming a widow. Had I embraced my solitude while being part of a couple, I could have handled this part of my life much better.

Loving and depending on yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you are the love of your life. Then be grateful for all of your positive attributes and know the beautiful person that you are.

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Monday, January 11, 2010

Intuition and red flags

~ Coming Around Again | Simon Webbe ~

Another new year has come and gone.

My intuition was correct about last year . . .
it was my year to finally get connected
with the real world!

Last year brought many changes to my life with

the biggest change being the ability to let go of my

fear of the unknown as it relates to my personal and

professional life as well.

Learning how to read the red flags and listen to that

inner voice called intuition has been instrumental in

guiding me to where I should be . . .

and having the faith in God to know that intuition

is the spiritual guidance that can be trusted.

It was a matter of putting one foot in front of the other,

taking baby steps rather than rushing into

anything . . . but nevertheless moving forward

without fear.

This post was originally written
December 8, 2008

Just as the universe wants to provide for our needs, it also seeks to protect us from dangerous situations, destructive relationships, and even minor inconveniences. Frequently in our lives, perhaps everyday, we encounter psychic red flags warning us of potential problems or accidents. We may not always recognize the signs. However, more often than not, we may choose to ignore our intuition when it tells us that "something just isn’t right."

Red flags often come in the form of feelings urging us to pause for a moment, listen to our intuition, and reconsider. We may even experience a "bad" feeling in our bellies. This is a red flag letting us know that there may be a problem. We may not even know what the red flag is about. All we know is that the universe is trying to wave us in a different direction. We just have to pay attention and go another way. We may even wonder whether we are paranoid or imagining things. However, when we look back at a situation or relationship where there were red flags, it becomes easy to understand exactly what those warning signs meant. More often than not, a red flag is not a false warning. Rather, it is the universe’s way of informing us, through our own innate guidance system, that our path best lies elsewhere.

We may try to ignore the red flags waving our way, dismissing our unease as illogical. Yet it is always in our best interest to pay attention to them. For example, we may meet someone who outwardly seems perfect. They are intelligent, attractive, and charming. Yet, for some reason, being around them makes us feel uneasy. Any interactions we have with them are awkward and leave us feeling like there is something "off" about the situation. This is not necessarily a bad person. But, for some reason, the universe is directing us away from them. Red flags are intended with our best interests at heart. No harm can ever come from stopping long enough to heed a red flag. Pay attention to any red flags that pop up. The universe is always looking out for you.

Source: DailyOM

There are times in my life that I only had a feeling that something was wrong, but had no proof. In every one of those instances, there WAS something wrong, very wrong. My intuition has never been wrong and I am learning to listen to it over and above anything else.

Lately I've been teetering on the edge of getting out into the real world and going to those places where you can meet someone special, but so fearful since we live in a very strange world and I've heard so many horror stories . . . including my very limited experience in recent past. But a friend reminded me that I need to rely on my intuition and instincts to weed out the bad and enjoy the company of the good people that still roam this earth. Not everyone is "out to get me" . . . and I could possibly gain some valued friendships.

This was my year of awakening and venturing out in the real world a bit . . . as this year comes to an end and the new year is around the corner, I need to think of the next year as my year of connecting with the real world . . . while on the lookout for those red flags . . .

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Friday, January 8, 2010

The gift of love and adoration

~ The One Thing | INXS ~

Making every day special is important. Being unpredictable is a good thing and expressing affection in different ways is what kept the love alive in my long and happy marriage that tragically ended way too suddenly and took a beautiful life from this earth. Of course every day was not perfect, but my memories are beautiful, loving and happy because we had an amorous and adoring give and take that so blessed my life.

You may find yourself feeling a strong sense of adoration for that special person in your life. This amorous feeling probably brings on the urge of wanting to express your affection as often as possible.

Even though we may not be able to be together every moment of every day, we can find creative ways to express our feelings of love and adoration. Finding ways to surprise those we love and put a smile on their faces can be an awesome experience.

The best gifts are those that represent those awesome emotions . . . they show that we are cared for and that the thoughts we have shared have been heard and understood. It can be as simple as a look of understanding or a squeeze of the hand. When we take the time and thought to give these kinds of gifts, we express our appreciation for all that this person has shared with us. The acknowledgment of those we love is one of the greatest gifts we can give. Another wonderful gift is the gift of ourselves.

When we love, trust and adore another, the reward is the sharing of our beauty within . . . a gift that doesn't cost a thing, but means so much. Give that special person you love the gift of yourself today . . .

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Friday, January 1, 2010

New Beginnings

Times Like These ~ Foo Fighters

"Behold, I make all things new."
Rev 21:5

"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."
Henry Miller

"The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail."
Napoleon Hill

"Success comes from taking the initiative and following up... persisting... eloquently expressing the depth of your love. What simple action could you take today to produce a new momentum toward success in your life?"
Tony Robbins

In a previous post I mentioned that the start of a new year is much like a new chapter in a book . . . it could also be the start of a new book, depending on the life path and circumstances. Attitude has everything to do with it.

Since starting my new job in the mental health industry, I've been exposed to various ways of thinking . . . from that of the clients as well as my co-workers.

One of the clients has obviously had a miserable holiday season . . . I can relate since I dread them every year since becoming a widow. However, the new year has since marked the end of the dreaded season and my usual optimistic attitude dwells on the hope and positive vibes of that new beginning.

When I mentioned that to the client, he stated that "every day is the same . . . the same ole crap, day after day." He has no hope for change and doesn't see it as a new beginning . . . classic negative thinking that keeps him down and depressed.

I remember thinking how much more sad I would have been all these years if I didn't at least have faith and hope, even though I was disappointed year after year and so tired of falling back into depression and picking myself back up.

New Years Day is just a symbolic day for a new beginning . . . positive thinking, a healthy optimistic attitude and determination to make life a pleasant experience can change from one day to another, no matter what day it is. New beginnings are like that . . . they are a state of mind.

May your day be filled with peace, love and happiness!

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Resolutions and the new year

If we make our goal to live a life of
compassion and unconditional love,
then the world will indeed become a garden
where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow.
Dr. Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

My year ended with one of the most chaotic days I've had in recent past. As the ball dropped last night, it amazed me that I had made it without crashing asleep by midnight . . . I had to, it is tradition to see the ball come down.

Many thoughts came to mind in the last minutes of the old year, in particular, last year was the year that finally turned my life around in so many ways. Guess you could say it was my year to return to "normal" life and stop waiting to die after becoming a widow.

God has richly blessed me!

At the moment the new year was born, my thoughts flashed to the future . . . one that has so much hope, promise and finally, the opportunity for everything I have dreamed about. Symbolically, the new year is a new chapter in one's book of life, a new beginning that emerges from one second to another.

This season crept up on me and flew by, leaving me with no time to think about resolutions. For the first time in a very long time, my mind was occupied with so much more than "what if" and hope. The things I had hoped for had already arrived . . . I'm living the life I so desired.

Resolutions are typically broken before February rolls around . . . at least mine have been in the past. The decision was made last night to not make any resolutions.

The quote at the beginning of this post is how I decided to live my life last year . . . it is an ongoing goal . . . as are the three little words I have strived for my entire adult life . . . peace, love and happiness . . . it is all that really matters in the scope of a lifetime.

Happy New Year my friends!

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