Friday, April 27, 2012

Days with tears

Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold
I can't just carry on this way

Lyrics from the song
Faith . . . The Cure

Today was supposed to be my day of rest since I've been going like the energizer bunny.  As it turns out, it is anything but restful, instead I've got the worst case of anxiety I've had in a long time.

There are those out there in this world who are squealing with delight, I know.  Woohoo Gina is feeling miserable today . . . enjoy it while it lasts because I have faith that can move mountains.  This too shall pass.

It seems to me that as humans, we can only tolerate a certain amount of stress . . . emotional and physical . . . then we just want to shut down.  So, I'm allowing myself to shut down today and wallow in self-pity even though I know that I have everything to be happy about and there is so much suffering in this world that I almost feel guilty for feeling this way.

But I do feel this way today and I won't apologize for it.  I just need to write about it . . . it is ok to have a bad day or a bad phase.  After all, life is full of bad days and every day there are probably more people feeling like I do than bouncing off the walls with happiness.

For many reasons, I find myself questioning so many different things.  One thing for sure, life as it has been has got to change.  I've lost my focus and concentration . . . everything seems to be in chaos . . . no schedule, no routine.  I'm feeling terribly lost.

This too shall pass . . .

A hauntingly depressing song for those having a bad day and want to wallow in it . . . go ahead . . . it is normal. 

Get on with life as usual tomorrow.

Faith | The Cure

Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold
I can't just carry on this way
And every time
I turn away
Lose another blind game
The idea of perfection holds me
Suddenly I see you change
Everything at once
The same
But the mountain never moves

Rape me like a child
Christened in blood
Painted like an unknown saint
There's nothing left but hope
Your voice is dead
And old
And always empty
Trust in me through closing years
Perfect moments wait
If only we could stay
Say the right words
Or cry like the stone white clown
And stand forever
Lost forever in a happy crowd

No one lifts their hands
No one lifts their eyes
Justified with empty words
The party just gets better and better

I went away alone
With nothing left
But faith


Janet Gardner said...

I so hear you, and good for you for being open about it, not apologizing for it, I had one of those days myself the other day as well, then I allowed myself to feel guilty about it, because maybe I don't have it as bad as someone else, blah, blah, blah, what was I thinking! It was ok for me to have my feelings, so thank you this post, it is just what I needed to read, hope you feel better soon,
Hang in there,
Janet :)

Gina Alfani said...

Thanks Janet :) The one thing I need to learn is to not feel guilty for having normal feelings! But I guess it is also normal to feel guilty!!

You hang in there too!

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