~ Stronger | Kelly Clarkson ~
Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens
WOW, that quote speaks volumes to me and reminds me of another quote . . . "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Yes, I am stronger than before I had to deal with the death of my spouse . . . I'm still standing after taking one fall after another. One learns how to get back up, however, I'm not sure if I have been bent and broken into a better shape.
Sometimes I wonder about being "stronger" since I am haunted with worry that it will happen all over again while fiercely trying to fight those feelings and adopt the philosophy of living for today and don't worry about the future.
When I fell in love with The Captain, I thought my heart would be what it used to be, but it had experienced the devastating pain of losing a spouse. He's gone through several surgeries since we have been together and the feelings come flooding back with a vengeance. I've wondered if other widows go through the same feelings after finding love again and this is just a "normal" phase of the grief process.
The fear of another loss . . . I've perfected the act of suffering and live with the hope that I will learn the lesson that life goes on no matter what or how much we worry about whatever the worry is about.
Sometimes I wonder if what doesn't kill you makes you weaker?