Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Give Me A Break!

Another Rainy Day | Chicago

Sometimes finding the answer is as easy as taking a break and stepping back from the situation.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much.
There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us.
It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal. 
Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.
 Source:  Daily Om

Crawling out of my latest emotional darkness resulting from unexpected feelings brought out by the terrorist attack in Orlando has not been easy.  It has been a matter of shutting my thoughts down and finally getting the rest I need.

You don't know how important quality sleep is until your body tells you it is time to catch up.  So, not feeling so well this morning, I decided to watch television in bed and try to relax.  After getting constant sleep through the afternoon, I woke up to an awesome energized feeling.  Not totally energized, but getting there.

The hardest thing for me to do has been turn off the news.  I'm a news junkie!  Seems like I thrive on it. After a good start, I am back to watching the news channel again.  What can I say?  I'm a geek!

My latest endeavor is watching the news with a new perspective . . . don't fret what you can't change, things that are happening are happening and I just have to change the way I react to it.  The Captain picked up the remote control as if to change the channel when he caught me yelling at the television.  They can't hear me!! I must remember this and react accordingly.  It isn't worth getting all upset over things that stupid people do.

That is when I thought I would try to change my "rainy day in New York City" . . . so far so good.  I've even made it through this ridiculous discussion about the release of the 911 calls and how it was done.  

Everything will be fine until I hear about the non-Trump people's latest idea of dumping Trump.  Perhaps they need to catch up on some sleep and just chill out.  Give me a break and just accept who "the people" voted to be our nominee.

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Thursday, June 16, 2016

Coping with death and grief amid a senseless tragedy

"Each of us is more than capable of helping the world, despite our fears and limitations and the uncertainty that holds us back. It is commonly accepted that it is impossible to make a difference without unlimited funding or free time, yet most healing, cleansing, and spreading of joy is accomplished in a matter of minutes." 

Almost a week has passed since the terrorist attack on the nightclub in Orlando.  It has taken me all this time to make an attempt to write about how I am feeling aside from the politics of it all.

Being the compassionate person that I am, it has hit me to the pit of my soul with tremendous grief that I can't explain.  I don't know any of those affected by one man's anger and rage, but I can stand in their shoes in my thoughts and prayers for them.  News reports that featured the loved ones and victims brought me to tears that didn't go away after the report.  It was the same for me after 9/11.  

Senseless tragedy . . . these young people were here one moment enjoying a night out on the town, the next moment groveling on the blood filled floor next to dead bodies fighting to survive or huddled in a bathroom with countless others also fearing their impending death.  And then there are the victims who were left on the floor for days in a pool of blood.  The visions are haunting me.

One survivor's story really hit me hard for some reason.  His legs were shot and he could not walk.  When police came in to rescue those who had survived, he had to be drugged on the floor through dead bodies, glass and blood to get him outside in order to be transported to the hospital.  You could see the pain in his eyes as he told his story.  A nightmare none of them will soon forget.  I know I will not soon forget.

In addition to feeling the pain of these people, those who had to wait way too long to learn of their loved one's fate . . . days of agony . . . the survivors who feel guilty for living after witnessing hell on earth (I could go on and on) . . . I am feeling extreme helplessness and a sinking feeling for our world society.

Those of us who have experienced the sudden death of a loved one, the shock of a nightmare that will live with us forever and the acceptance of "life as it is now" can somehow relate to the pain of losing those young people whose potential in this world had not yet been found.  Their lives had just begun.  Senseless tragedy and the long road of surviving grief that has just begun.

It made me sick to my stomach as our president visited those same people going through so much pain and grief who had to endure the rants of a politician playing politics.  Not the time and place!  He should be ashamed of himself . . . but it is exactly what I thought he would do.  Adding insult to injury . . . isn't that special?

All this talk of the realization of the world we live in has made me extra apprehensive about leaving the house and the return of agonizing anxiety.  I have been fighting this problem for years and in many ways have proven that I can conquer it, only to remind me of one of the reasons I am fearful to leave my comfort zone. All I know is that in the midst of weaning myself off of anti-depressant and anxiety medication, I'm confused on how to proceed with my struggle to become normal again.

I feel better after letting my feelings out into words . . . writing has always been my best therapy.  I hope you do the same if you are experiencing the same feelings.  Let it out . . . start a private blog if don't want the world to know how you feel.  I hope by making my feelings known, it helps even one person going through the same anxiety and . . . I wonder how many people out there are feeling the same.  

Amid the hopeless feelings for this precious world and those affected by the tragedy, all I can do is pray and have faith we can all learn to cope with our ever changing world.

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