Dealing with a toxic relationship?

"If you grew up with a toxic parent, a toxic sibling or other close family member, you are likely more vulnerable to toxic relationships as an adult."

According to an article in Psychology Today, there are ways of dealing with a toxic person.


First of all, how do you know you are in a toxic relationship?  

Here are some signs:

• When you see the person, you come away feeling down on yourself
• You are plagued by guilt in the relationship
• The other person is focused mostly on getting his/her own needs met
• You often feel manipulated or controlled, one-down, or shamed
• The other person repeatedly hurts you, and then expects you to act as if nothing happened

Recipients of the toxicity often don't see themselves as being in a toxic relationship.  As they take the behavior of the toxic person, all they want to do is make it better.  Some may think they deserve it and blame themselves for what is wrong in the relationship.  Perhaps too much compassion for the other person?  That just results in making excuses for what is wrong.  


You can do something about it . . .

Read the article to get the detailed explanations of strategies that may help you:

1. Never let them pull you down to their level. Fighting back at their level will not work and you will end up feeling guilty.
2. Stop caring so much. Protect yourself!
3. Become more self-focused. It’s very likely that caring too little about yourself made you vulnerable to your person in the first place.  Begin to think more about how you feel and what you need.  
4. Stop falling for games and manipulations and stop participating. Take your power back.
5. Be cordial. Being cordial gives you the upper hand in a healthy, non-toxic way.
6. Hold him/her responsible for their actions. Be sure to do this in your own mind, at least.
7. Distancing and set your boundaries.  Emotionally or physically, or preferably both.
8. Live well.  If the toxic person is someone who will always be in your life, then your goal is to thrive in spite of the toxins. Make good choices and protect yourself!
   

Don't ever forget that you deserve to be treated fairly, respectfully and honestly at all times, by all people . . . anything less is unacceptable!

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Keep your goals on track

"You can keep your goals on track by concentrating on the facts of the here and now rather than your reactions to the past or your anxieties regarding the future. By focusing on what you need to do in the present to attain your goals, you can avoid being distracted by the unknown." 

Source:  The Daily Om

The quote is an excerpt of my horoscope for today and it can't be closer to the truth.   Self-defeating behavior distracts from focusing positively on plans for goals and ambitions.   

While it sounds like an excuse, behaviors that have become routine are subconscious and automatic . . . at least that is how I see it.

Change the behavior to remain aware, focused and positive.

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