"It is our journey, and it will travel with us like a shadow that has taken us by the hand and is not following, but leading us everywhere we go. It is our new staycation that we alone can experience."
An excerpt from "Why Dealing with Grief is Different For Everyone" by Yvonne Broady, from the blog Sixty and Me.
As I approach another trigger day, what would have been the 37th wedding anniversary for JR and I, my thoughts go back to our wedding day and the promise of happily ever after.
The phases of grief as the years go by drastically change from one trigger day to another. There are days of feeling extreme loneliness the loss of my best friends left me with. I have often written about being lonely in a room full of people. That feeling takes on different meaning from one day to another.
As described in the article "feeling frozen in place," the shock of losing a very close person never goes away. The freezing numbness changes from time to time, but it never goes away. For me, the loss has intensified as the years go by.
I feel very fortunate and grateful that The Captain allows me to talk about JR and we discuss places in time that are special to me. Those discussions take me back in time as I replay them when the places in time collide with my present life. It really does feel like an unbearable bad dream at times.
Another excerpt from the article in particular hits me like a ton of bricks . . . "To grieve the loss of a spouse or anyone we love so dear is to face the fact that we will never see them again on earth. There are no more last words, no more direct contact, no more activities to be shared ever. When that reality sinks in, the emotional distress that ensues can be more than one can handle."
Since JR passed away, I have experienced the loss of close friends and family which compounds the grief emotions that haunt me at times. Relief is found with life itself as present day happiness finds me.
One thing remains . . . for me the saying "this too shall pass" contributes to surviving grief moments.
Yvonne Broady lost her husband to pancreatic cancer in 2009. She faced the task of rebuilding her life as she dealt with the pain and grief of loss. Brave in a New World was written as a guide for those who are navigating a grief journey. The book explains the variety and complexity of feelings one has when they are mourning. She shares her journey through the grieving process and how she gradually rebuilt her life. Please visit Yvonne’s blog and follow her on Twitter.
